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View Full Version : looky loo is over whelmed



chas&rod
3-24-11, 2:27pm
I have been lurking for little while and have seen alot of interesting things. But I am feeling completely overwhelmed. My 'other-half' is extreme live off the land, go without tv, raise everything we eat, and I agree this is a great thing but sometimes I just want to :doh:!!! Just needed a second to vent...thanks lol!

Spartana
3-24-11, 3:03pm
Well "simple Living" is different for everyone. You told us what the "other-half's" version is but what's yours? It's different for everyone and not a one-size-fits-all thing. To me living off the land is a very complicated lifestyle. Lots of work! My version of the simple life is a tiny apt in the center a small city or, better yet, a cool ski town. City amenities within walking or biking distance of everything but with lots of wilderness and open space just a short distance away. No need for a car. Buy my food from a the local farmers market - i.e. grow by someone else. Need to use very few natural resources in my small place so living on the grid can be inexpensive and environmentally viable. No yard work. No home maintenance and repairs (and the costs in both time and money associated with all that). Minimal house work. Minimal stuff. Just lock the door and go with no worries! Maybe you and the other-half can find a compromise if yours is different from his/hers.

chas&rod
3-24-11, 3:20pm
I see things alot like he does but I guess I am just EXHAUSTED! I just cant seem to do it all and keep up without just about wanting to scream sometimes. He is disabled and does not work while I work 50+ hours a week, which is fixing to be more b/c I work in the agriculture business and this time of year is crazy. I was asked the other day where I wanted to go for my vacation and all I could think of was at home alone with a good book and no chores :D. Like I said, I am just feeling overwhelmed and need to vent a little I guess. I just feel like I am not doing enough around here and feel guilty when I sit for even 10 minutes. I am 33 but lately I feel like I am 90...lol!

chas&rod
3-24-11, 3:29pm
ok I am going to ramble on a bit more, touching base with a few other topics

2 children who are in the middle of volleyball and basketball, cheerleading tryouts and softball tryouts coming up.
Animals (alot). We have, for food purposes, chickens, pigs, ducks, goats, rabbits, and our pets on top of that.
We have been planting numerous fruit trees and bushes. Building numerous raised beds for strawberries and onions.
Tilling and plowing getting ready for the garden. Driving posts for our new electric fence. All while trying to do some renovations on the house. AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I will quit complaining now b/c to some of you this probably seems like childs play :) I am just not in that group and again, I was just needing to vent.

sweetana3
3-24-11, 3:35pm
It is not child's play and you have bitten off too much for this time in your family's life.

People who work 50+ hours a week and have kids to both drive to and attend outside activities along with just cooking food, basic cleaning, etc. is enough for one person who may not get enough sleep.

I think a big family conference is called for and some things will have to be dropped or deferred. Everyone in the family has to carry their weight. Communication and compromise is needed.

razz
3-24-11, 3:59pm
It is not child's play and you have bitten off too much for this time in your family's life.

People who work 50+ hours a week and have kids to both drive to and attend outside activities along with just cooking food, basic cleaning, etc. is enough for one person who may not get enough sleep.

I think a big family conference is called for and some things will have to be dropped or deferred. Everyone in the family has to carry their weight. Communication and compromise is needed.

:+1:

Kat
3-24-11, 4:24pm
Wow. I am exhausted just reading all that! LOL I agree with sweetana and razz. It sounds as if you have too much on your plate. You might consider letting some things go, whether that be fewer hours at work, fewer activities for the kids, etc. And yes...other family members should be helping you! It is not reasonable to expect that you can just handle everything by yourself.

In terms of "living off the land," how much of the work associated with that is your husband able to do? I truly admire his mindset (it sounds lovely in theory), but "living off the land" is a family lifestyle. It's a "many hands make light work" type of things. It shouldn't be for you to do on your own (especially with such a demanding job outside of the home).

Tweety
3-24-11, 4:25pm
I'm with sweetana3!
A 50+ hour work week and managing 2 busy kids and a household are more than enough for one person! Handling a bunch of animals, big garden and house renovations as well is a recipe for burnout. You need all the help you can get! Living simply is a fine ideal but when your life is anything BUT simple some of those ideals have to go by the wayside for a while.
And please! Sit for a while without guilt! You've more than earned every bit of R&R you can get.
If your health, physical or mental, breaks down from stress and overwork, everybody in the family will suffer but mostly you.

chas&rod
3-24-11, 4:51pm
DH does alot more than I would like him to do b/c he definately pays for it later. He has a bad back and doesnt stop until it stops him. We are for sure going to have a little pow wow and see if we can negotiate some down time every now and then at least.
At least at work, I am not up running around. Most of my time is spent at my desk on the phone and computer. :)

Gardenarian
3-24-11, 7:16pm
:welcome: No wonder you are overwhelmed! What you are doing would overwhelm me, even if I wasn't working 50 hours per week! I'm glad you're going to have a talk about these issues.

"We need to find the courage to say NO to the things and people that are not serving us if we want to rediscover ourselves and live our lives with authenticity." Barbara De Angelis,

ApatheticNoMore
3-24-11, 7:38pm
Wow, you seem to think simple living is a workaholic lifestyle. But it seems to me that's actually a legacy of mainstream culture (work more hours, kids must be involved in dozens of activities etc.). Now I know that is how some people approach *everything*in life, and if that makes them happy who am I to argue.

But if you aren't happy, I just want to scream: "you need to get your mind off the treadmill!" Now you may have to do some things (the job perhaps), but you don't have to do *everything*. Even many who chose the self-sufficient lifestyle aren't playing both games to the limit of their ability (both working long hours and doing self-sufficiency). They pick a side in other words. I mean yea I know some think they need to hedge all bets: well to be optimally successful in the capitalist society and amass the most money possible for retirement AND to be optimally prepared in case it all collapses also .... but talk about burnout.

CathyA
3-25-11, 11:15am
I agree with what everyone else has said. I can't believe how much you're doing now! Something has to give. Do you think your DH is trying to fulfill all his dreams through you, since he can't do them? This is unfair of him. I understand his wanting to still have everything the way he wanted it, if he didn't have a bad back, but he needs to realize that you're going to break yours in the process!
You need to get some oxygen yourself. Hopefully your husband can realize what a negative effect this is having on your and probably your kids. Hopefully he is open to some compromise. And hopefully you can speak up to him about your feelings without feeling afraid.
Good luck to you, and feel free to come here for support any time!

Float On
3-25-11, 11:23am
Welcome neighbor and vent away. I always feel better after a good scream and sometimes tears.

KayLR
3-25-11, 2:31pm
I'm glad you're having a talk, too. What you all are doing is very admirable, but I'm concerned about how long you could keep it up! Setting up some reasonable, achievable goals would be good, I'd think. Especially, if the kids are really involved in extracurricular activities, their help is limited. This leaves SO much responsibility to you.

chas&rod
3-25-11, 3:44pm
Well we are going west this weekend to purchases a couple of milk goats so I am going to take this time to relax a little bit. I have already told DH that I am doing none of the driving lol. So, between the ride and the overnight motel stay I am going to take a little breather and relax.

Kat
3-25-11, 5:10pm
So glad you are taking time for a little R & R this weekend. Take it easy--you deserve the break! ;-)

domestic goddess
3-30-11, 10:07am
I'm not surprised you're overwhelmed! And I'm glad you're getting a little rest. Maybe if you can find a way to build the occasional weekend off into your schedule it would help. Can your kids find some friends to ride to some of the practices with? Can you spend some of that "waiting" time at practice or wherever you are with them doing something you enjoy? Do you enjoy some craft that is portable, or a bit of time spent reading? Or are you driving others from place to place, without having any down time?
I spent what sometimes seemed like a lifetime chauffering dd around, waiting for her to get out of some activity or other, driving dh around and trying to help him do some things he enjoyed (he was disabled, and needed a lot of help), and working full time + to support us all. It was exhausting, and some days I didn't even get to sleep. Well, those days are over now and, surprisingly, I sometimes miss them...a little. I think I miss what all that meant, rather than all the activity. One day things will be a little calmer, but for now you may need to moderate your lifestyle a bit. While I think it sounds great to live a self-sufficient lifestyle, it is not something to be added on top of full time + work outside the home, and all the responsibilities of carting children around. Maybe their activities can be cut back a bit or someone else can do some of the driving. Can you cut back hours at work? Or can you and dh make the decision to purchase some food items? Are your children old enough to help? Can they cook, care for animals, help with the housework, etc?
You certainly have my permission to cut back a bit! Not that it really matters. Go ahead and vent if you need to! Just don't let yourself get sick from all of this.

chas&rod
3-30-11, 10:53am
Starting next week things will slow down just a bit and every little bit helps. Basketball and volleyball are over for now. DD#1 doesnt start cheer for a couple of more weeks. But I guess the timing is just right because time at work is starting to add up (farming season yayy!! lol) Summer is drawing near and DD#2 says she doesnt want to go to summer school to stay home and "play" with the animals and pick veggies lol. Even though she is 7 this will be a tremendous help. DD#1 (who is 13 going on 40) thinks she is wayyyy too sophisticated to dig in manure and such, or so she thinks. We are fixing to have a little heart to heart where I am going to lay some ground rules. :D

I, myself, am fixing to get everyone involved in the spring cleaning I am starting. The house is in definate need for some cleaning.

Thanks for the ok to take a break everyone, although I still feel guilty when I do. Maybe in time, probably about the time I burn completely out :0!

Spartana
3-31-11, 2:09pm
Getting two new milk goats seems to me to add alot of work to your already very busy and stressful life. Maybe you should consider giving up some of the gardening and animals, and all the chores associated with caring for them, for awhile and just buy your veggies, milk, eggs, etc... at the store. I know it's not the lifestyle you want but it could be just a temporary thing until you have more free time or DH is better. Your life seems so hectic and stressful that it can't be very healthy for you.

domestic goddess
4-1-11, 12:26am
Glad you're getting a little rest. Being self-sufficient is an admirable goal, but it is anything but simple! Enlisting the rest of your family in the various activities that must be done is a good start. If your kids are old enough, give them chores to keep them busy during the summer, and they can surely manage one or two after school during the school year. If they are too over-booked to help out at home, then maybe their schedules need to be lightened a bit. It sounds good if they are in several activities, but it isn't always realistic when you have to transport them to and from activities. Spending hours in the car, shuffling them around, is time that might benefit you all if spent in another way. It also might be time to back up a bit, and not try to provide ALL your own food. Sometimes in our lives, we just have to make compromises, and if you have to work full time plus, in addition to so many other chores, you have to think of yourself. I can tell you from experience, that if you do try to do it all, your family will just expect you to do more and more. You need to be the one to set some limits, and expect to receive help from other family members. I can pretty well assure you that no one will volunteer to take on some of what you are doing. If you can't cut back your work hours now, then something has to give somewhere else. Be as kind to yourself as you are to other family members, and maybe you won't have to burn completely out before you get some relief.

debi
4-1-11, 3:35pm
I agree with everyone else in regards to getting some R & R time. You have too much on your plate. Can your husband or even your 13 y/o turn a crockpot on so meals are ready? Do either of the children help out with food prep (i.e., peeling or cutting up veggies; making simple desserts such as pudding or gelatin)? For the 13 y/o since you will need to drive her to extracurricular activities, I'd say that she needs to reciprocate with helping with the chores. Do the children have given daily chores? Some parents pay their children for this - we were not. Our daily chores were to make our beds and either wash or dry/put away the dishes with no money attached (we started at the age of 4). When we were a bit older, we still did our daily unpaid chores, but then there was a list with chores that we could earn money for doing. This way we had our own spending money. This might entice them to help out more. But like I also mentioned if you have to drive to an extracurricular activity, a chore needs to be handled by her. These are just some ideas, especially so that you children do not assume that it is your job to do carpooling or whatever for them (you are doing them the favor, not the opposite way around).