Can we really chase our dreams?

[TxZen]

Posed to me the other day- can one really chase their dreams? What separates the dream chaser "winners" from those who are just muddling along? (Not talking a financial win either) What kind of attitude does it take? Traits? Can you truly change from one lifestyle to another, talking total 180? Length of time? Are you a dive right in or very planned?

Just asking-opening a discussion.

For me, I find I dive right in and worry about the details after the initial shock. I do find I am very creative, so I have to write it down or I will forget it.

I do believe you can make great strides in your lifestyle changes, but you have to be ready for backlash from family, friends, life itself. For instance, in 5 months I have gone from the perfect picture of a corporate worker, complete with pinstriped pants and buttoned up vibe to a self made innovator, dreamer, business owner/creator, sports loving, picture capturer, boho- loving, animal care taker with a splash of beach bum entrepreneur mixed in.

I have lost friends. Many came from pure jealousy and some came by me having enough of their condescending ways. Nothing brings out someone's true colors like jealousy. Found many people to be putting me down or saying "oh you are a stay at home mom, how busy/creative/stressed/insert whatever can you be?" >8)

As far as traits- I think true desire for me has bubbled to the surface. Years of doing what was expected of me and being the "good" girl. I also wanted to do something more in line with my own beliefs and morals and frankly, be my own boss. I always watch people run businesses into the ground over some basic things like having no integrity. I don't want to be a sell out.

Please chime in....

[ToomuchStuff]

One can chase their dreams without ever catching them. No different then we are guaranteed the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Doesn't mean we will be happy (can pursue and be are not the same), or we can't surrender our liberty (by being in debt/indentured servant).
Right to life is a too long discussion that should be in the political forum, with abortion and suicide issues.
It takes things like determination, setting and then achieving goals (striving is the process, that can fail), ability to handle both rejection, and realize when you need to redirect. (is this a barrier I can knock down, overcome, or must go around)
Also the need to realize there are some things one can't do, and some things one needs help to do. (can't biologically fly, but with mechanical assistance, we can)
Foremost it involves the want and need to change for one to be happy with it. (we could make someone loose weight for instance, if we treated them like the Japanese did captured soldiers in WWII, but thinner would not be happier then)

[Gardenarian]

I guess my dreams are more about *doing* than getting or becoming something. I write, therefor I am a writer. Not a financially successful one, but that's up to the gods and luck. Same with gardening, yoga, parenting, and all sorts of creating. It's the doing that's important, and most of us have the ability to at least give it a shot.

I think the hard part is pulling yourself up out of other people's expectations and figuring out exactly what it is you want.

[flowerseverywhere]

just last night I was talking about this to a girlfriend. Her son is a stay at home dad. He is devoted to his kids, prepares gourmet meals on a regular basis, loves to flower and vegetable garden. although he has a masters degree, he makes no income. He is constantly getting pressure from people to start bringing in a paycheck. Including family members. Not only is he and his wife happy with this arrangement, the kids are thriving. They are always reading, playing outdoors, doing experiments, cooking together, swimming. They have a blast and are among the nicest, most polite and smartest kids I know. Some of these same family members think it is ok for a woman to be a stay at home mom which makes quite the double standard.

We have gotten flak for retiring so young. First we were criticized for being so cheap. We actually are very generous, we just don't like to waste money. We moved to a warmer climate and have a life of full social, hobbies, travel and volunteer activities. It drives people nuts.

If if people want to be miserable, let them. Live your life to the fullest and the people you love will benefit too.

[Gardenarian]

If if people want to be miserable, let them. Live your life to the fullest and the people you love will benefit too.

Amen!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Posed to me the other day- can one really chase their dreams? What separates the dream chaser "winners" from those who are just muddling along?

It kinds of presumes having a clear idea of what they'd want, but how many people do? And why divide the world into winners and losers?


What kind of attitude does it take? Traits?

attitude and traits may be overemphasized, certainty their modifiability is, and traits are seldom unalloyed good - any traits that is!

It's possible that it's all just Maslow, all depends on where you are in terms of needs, and if you are still struggling with many lower level needs then it may not be self-actualization all the time. Or it's possibly it's not! I do think it was his belief that you get glimpses of full self-actualization even if you aren't there - with occasional peak experience etc.. .


Can you truly change from one lifestyle to another, talking total 180? Length of time? Are you a dive right in or very planned?

I have a high need for economic security, for security in general, so maybe I have to work with - not against- that. It would be planned. I feel economically secure enough when I have a job that pays ok, so it's not some un-satiable thing. If my family and friends backlashed against me, I guess I'd be alone.

[frugal-one]

What separates the dream chaser "winners" from those who are just muddling along?

I believe the main thing is desire. If you desire to do something you WILL find a way to do it. That said, it takes planning. I think most people are happy just to cruise along. If they see someone who has has something they want/or want to do... they say the person/people are "lucky". Not realizing that the people/person thought things through and made their dreams come true. Preparation meets opportunity.

[kib]

duplicate

[kib]

Something i wished i'd learned when i was 10: you can have (or be, or do) anything. But you can't have (be, do) everything.

In other words, every choice has consequences, and it's both necessary to identify what you're willing to give up to get what you want, and ok to take pride in the choice, even if it means you reject putting effort into things that don't fit your dream.

[awakenedsoul]

I've always been a "dream chaser". For myself, there was no alternative. I knew at a very young age that my destiny was to become a dancer. I focused all of my energy, time, and a good portion of my money on making that happen. A friend of mine who had a very successful career dancing for George Balanchine taught me to follow my heart. It was great advice.

One thing people don't realize is that most successful people have had a lot of doors slammed in their faces. They see the successes but aren't aware of the failures and heartbreaks. I am back pounding the pavement again. It's part of the deal. It takes discipline and focus not to get sidetracked. I had to do a lot of "survival jobs" to stay in show business, but they were temporary. They paid the bills, and kept me out of debt.

The traits that my ballet teacher drummed into us were practice, patience, and persistence. I think she was right. Another ballet teacher taught me, "Practice doesn't make perfect. Perfect practice makes perfect. She was one of the most successful teachers in Los Angeles. I really believe in quality and dedication.

Also, there are trade-offs. I didn't think it would be wise to marry and have babies since I wanted to travel and dance. I think a lot of it is making conscious choices. We have more than one path that we can take in life...

[Dhiana]

Can we really chase our dreams? I sure hope so, that's what I've been doing since 2010 through steady focus.

I've been pursuing the dream of being a successful artist since then despite having no formal art education, 3 moves, language barrier and the desire/need to make completely new friends in Japan.
Flexibility and Focus have been key for me. I make plans but I have to make contingency plans as well because life happens. A lot! Just as often as the hurdles are thrown up, an opportunity is thrown my way. That opportunity are only there because I have worked hard to make it happen.

True friends accept you as you are, as you become and will choose to be supportive. All others do not deserve the privilege of your time.
Family is tougher, I live so far away from mine it isn't a concern, thankfully.

You have to follow your dreams as best as possible. It's one of those things that one will so painfully regret at the end of their life if they do not.

[Teacher Terry]

I have always had a fairly high need for security & I also always wanted to work for myself. So I spent 15 years with the state & so did my hubby. We then retired early on our small pensions & both of us are self-employed p.t. We did lose some friends over this. Some people were jealous. We also downsized into a smaller, older but now paid for home so we would not have a mortgage. Some people did not like that either although our home is really nice. We kept many of our friends, some dropped us & some we dropped. But we have also picked up new ones along the way. I personally could care less what other decisions people make in this area of their lives.

[lhamo]

Real friends love you for who you are. In my book, anyone who would mistreat you or have issues because of the choices you make (as long as they are not illegal or immoral) is not a real friend. If my friends succeed at their goals and are living a life they love, why on earth would I be jealous of them -- I'd be pleased as punch! Who the hell has the right to judge the size or style of house I live in?

Surround yourself with people who care about you, not about what you own.

[awakenedsoul]

Bravo lhamo!

[TxZen]

I am loving all the responses!!!! Thank y'all so much.

I think this is all part of the major transformation in my life right now. It's the season I am in. It sometimes hurts a little to grow and out grow useless things, people, ideas, ways of life, etc.

Next question -do you just do and let people find out as you go or are you an announcer? I tend to keep things to myself until someone asks. I just move along and do my thing, I don't have to FB every little step or issue I might encounter, like so many people I know that do.

Another question? If you made these changes and are now living your dream, are you glad? What advice would you give that version of yourself that was hesitant, scared, worried? Thanks so much. I love "conversations" like these.

[ToomuchStuff]

question -do you just do and let people find out as you go or are you an announcer? I tend to keep things to myself until someone asks. I just move along and do my thing, I don't have to FB every little step or issue I might encounter, like so many people I know that do.


I think since this seems to be the place for more introverts, unless your needing help or an opinion, etc. from someone else, I bet this group keeps it to themselves, as it wouldn't be any of their business.

[Teacher Terry]

I tend to talk about my dreams/plans with close friends. I guess some of them never thought I would do it. I never announce personal stuff on FB. I am really glad that I made the changes I did. I am so happy not to be tied to the 8-5 thing any longer.

[awakenedsoul]

I'm not an announcer, either. I don't go on Facebook. If I'm up for a show, I wait until after signing the contract to tell anyone I got it. I'm more of a private person. The advice I'd give to that person would be to trust your gut. I also believe in having a safety net. For me, that's an emergency fund and a back up plan. Especially now that I'm older, I don't take as many risks as I did in my twenties.

[razz]

Love the responses! Once DH passed away, I had to give up my dream of the farm that was requiring more effort than one person could do but we had so enjoyed and I made the move to town. I dreamed about what I wanted in a house for the next 20 years and selected a small new home that would let that happen. It is unfolding slowly and very independently from anyone else. My dearest friends are very supportive and considering something similar. Follow what is important to your heart.

[Spartana]

I think I'm a dream chaser for the most part - have definitely followed my passions for most of my life regardless of what was expected of me (often times because of what was expected of me - rebel against it all just for the heck of it :-)!). I take risks and sometimes I succeed, and sometimes not. But the "not succeeding" isn't a bad thing IMO, it just leaves more free time for the next passion I may want to follow. Like the poster above said, there are trade offs to following your passions and dreams, often times big trade offs depending on what it is you want to do in your life. If you're willing to make the trade offs if you can't find another way to live you dreams, then I think it can be done by most people.