Making a big decision, how to?

[ctg492]

When faced with a decision in life that you personally feel is big in your life, how do you do it? Are you quick, long time planner, debate the issues till they can't be debated any longer in your mind? Do you ask for outside thoughts?
I ask as I feel I have reached a point that a major issue I face has to be resolved. I am an over thinker on every thing. Anything can look good on paper. After over anilizing an issue it sometimes gets bigger then what it started out as. I even researched how to make a decision, geeze I am 54! My fav advice was to pretend you were being asked advice from someone on the issue, how would you respond and that's your answer to the issue.

[iris lilies]

I am very big on taking lots of time to make a life decision. Fortunately, our lives are so stable that we seldom need to rush into anything. I tell DH that if we wrote a Christmas card each year for the past 20yeqrs, it would always say the same thing: Bulldogs gardens, iris' job, work and play in the neighborhood. Anyway, getting off topic...

OP, if you have the luxury of time in making a big decision, that is a huge advantage, you can carefully consider all options.

no, I don,t consult others unless they are directly involved.. I consult DH when it is a life issue with him such as home, gardens, money, pets. At work, when I want to start or end a project, stakeholders must be consulted.

but I don,t ask opinions of others, although I often talk about decisions I am considering and my friends may or may not comment, depending on the topic or their interest in it.

but I really depend a lot on gut feeling to guide me. Sometimes my gut says "it,s time to make a change" and I work from there to examine options.

[razz]

I use the practice that I used all my career as a dental hygienist. Assess, plan, implement and evaluate.

Do a full assessment of all that the situation involves and write it down. I would ask a good contact - family or friend to be objective and see if you have missed anything in the basic understanding of the situation.
Examine all the possible options including doing nothing and write them down. Exclude nothing as some off-the-wall ideas can trigger some good innovative alternatives. Give yourself time to get comfortable with the options and make sure that you fully understand what is involved.
Plan on your best three choices and start to implement the most appropriate. You can stop anytime and choose another in the early stages if too many 'wrinkles' arise.
Evaluate as you go along and if possible have projected outcomes to compare the reality.

Expect to flounder at times as you are going in new territory and will need some time to get comfortable in your new developing scenario.
Best of success!

Then start to discard

[herbgeek]

I do a combination left brain/right brain exercise for big decisions. The left brain part is to make a list of all the criteria involved in a decision (such as difficulty to implement, cost, likelihood of success) and rank all the choices I can think of against these criteria. Usually 2 or 3 alternatives will look the best. Then I just sit with each one and feel it, think about what a future with that choice might look like. Often something pops out as the obvious choice, or an obvious first step appears. Sometimes that first step is doing something to ascertain which of the choices would be best, sometimes the first step is actually having made a decision and starting to implement it. Sometimes I can only come up with a least-bad choice instead of a good choice, and that's ok too.

[iris lilies]

I do a combination left brain/right brain exercise for big decisions. The left brain part is to make a list of all the criteria involved in a decision (such as difficulty to implement, cost, likelihood of success) and rank all the choices I can think of against these criteria. Usually 2 or 3 alternatives will look the best. Then I just sit with each one and feel it, think about what a future with that choice might look like. Often something pops out as the obvious choice, or an obvious first step appears. Sometimes that first step is doing something to ascertain which of the choices would be best, sometimes the first step is actually having made a decision and starting to implement it. Sometimes I can only come up with a least-bad choice instead of a good choice, and that's ok too.This

is a very good explanation of what I pretty much do. I like the way you say "sit with each [option] and feel it." That's what I mean by using my gut. It is really more like how you describe it, visualizing that option thoroughly, in all aspects.

[Miss Cellane]

I research and plan as much as possible. Then overthink things to the point where every possible decision seems great, or equally horrible.

When I finally make a decision, no matter how much planning and research has gone into it, it still feels like jumping out of a plane without a parachute.

I try to comfort myself with the thought that even if it turns out in the future to be not the best decision, it was the best decision I could make at the time with the information I had. I came to that conclusion after a very bad year where no matter what I did, all my choices seemed, after a few months, to be bad choices. But when I made those decisions, I really thought they were the way to go.

Research, plan, make the decision, deal with the consequences, don't blame yourself if things go sideways. You aren't deliberately going to make a bad decision--unless that's what you are aiming for.

[Kestra]

I analyze a situation thoroughly, but usually quickly, as I think super-fast. But I also rely on my gut a lot. Also, sometimes you just need to make a decision, knowing that (for most things) you're not necessarily stuck with it forever. There are ways out of almost everything. At a certain point you just have to do what you think is best and be prepared to deal with the consequences.

I agree with Oddball about courage. That is a big part of decision making.

Even though I'm a rational person I often get the sense that the world is telling me what to do, and if I'm moving in the right direction, the world makes it easier. Just last week I quit my job in order to work on my own business full time. And this is what that decision making process of about a year's length felt like: the world starts with giving you a gentle tap, then a nudge, then a shove, and then eventually it's kicking the back of your chair. I was at the chair-kicking stage. Why should I fight the world anymore? And I'm ever so relieved to have made that decision. It's just the right time.

[ctg492]

Everyone understands how they respond to a thought or plan it seems, we know our strengths and weaknesses. My weakness seems to be in power currently, I must summon my strength and do what I know I have to do. Gosh that sounds great, then why am I up at 3am still over thinking!

[razz]

Regardless of what you decide, it will work out somehow. Are you looking for a guarantee of success as you have outlined it? OR are you accepting of the fact that you have tremendous resilience to adapting to what life hands you with the best that you can plan? Have a little more faith in yourself maybe?

[SteveinMN]

Research, plan, make the decision, deal with the consequences, don't blame yourself if things go sideways. You aren't deliberately going to make a bad decision--unless that's what you are aiming for.
This is pretty much me. I research the jeebus out of whatever it is. Quantitative values are helpful, but so are opinions because, if nothing else, they pose questions I have to answer for myself. I would never feel comfortable having someone else tell me how to approach the issue. So I think about the elements of the decision that matter the most to me, how I can mitigate risk (if possible), and I do a lot of contingency planning in my head. It takes me a looooooooong time to make a major decision. But once I do make it, I'm all in -- unless later data/changing situations prompt a re-evaluation.

[kib]

The big problem with overthinking is that you can get so bogged down with detail that in the end it's a really peculiar thing that tips the scales in a not-so-good-way. "I could have an apple, which would give me fiber. Or I could have an ounce of cheese, which would give me protein. ... I don't know, I don't know, I need both ... " and so half an hour later, you wind up feeling good about a softball sized bran muffin slathered with cream cheese, having somehow forgotten in your nutritional angst that the original desire was for a small natural snack that wouldn't make you fat.

So ... no advice from me beyond remembering the original impetus to make a decision in the first place.

[iris lilies]

The big problem with overthinking is that you can get so bogged down with detail that in the end it's a really peculiar thing that tips the scales in a not-so-good-way. "I could have an apple, which would give me fiber. Or I could have an ounce of cheese, which would give me protein. ... I don't know, I don't know, I need both ... " and so half an hour later, you wind up feeling good about a softball sized bran muffin slathered with cream cheese, having somehow forgotten in your nutritional angst that the original desire was for a small natural snack that wouldn't make you fat.

So ... no advice from me beyond remembering the original impetus to make a decision in the first place.

Bolding mine.

Not to pick on you, but false dichotomy thinking is a common problem in decision making.

Clearly, you should have had the cheese AND the apple! I've got home grown Granny Smith apples sitting in my 'fridge right now, and that would have been my choice, some bland cheese and those tart apple slices.

[ctg492]

I knew my answer to my choice inside, I had to implement it. Today I firmly told myself this was my answer. Now after along time back and forth it feels non stressful.

[kib]

:cool: Decision well made.


And good point, IL. In my scenario it was my 100 calorie afternoon snack dilemma, where the "100 calorie" part somehow gets lost in the shuffle of contemplating ALL my options, most of which would be eliminated off the bat if I remembered that particular criteria. But you're absolutely right, many decisions are better customized than black and white.

[gimmethesimplelife]

I tend to make decision very slowly and agonize over all the details until finally I've had enough and I have been known to flip a coin at times when making major life decisions. Not as flaky as it sounds as I often get perspective on the better choice if I don't like choice A which was heads. Rob

[ToomuchStuff]

It would certainly depend on the situation. Some decissions have to be made quick, that affect ones life (things like medical), and you don't get to agonize over the details. Others get the rocking chair approach. When I am getting near death bed time, am I going to regret doing/not doing something, and which is the worse regret. This has affected a lot of my relationship decissions, with as much messed up as I see around. (would rather regret being single, then following in so many footsteps I have seen)
Others, when I know they are coming up, get debated by choosing to find another option. I figure if I am debating between choice A and B, that I am having issues because both of them contain bad choices and I need to look for another option, that feels right.

[ctg492]

I am at peace with my decision. I m happy and relived and ready to start a new. Told everyone who needed to know. Then the weather in the south turned to worst in 20 years! I am trapped, car packed and gassed up. Now after ice snow melt, it is now at 3am sleeting. So one more day.

[JaneV2.0]

Trust your inner voice; that's all I have to say. All the cogitating and logic you can muster doesn't stack up to that.