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View Full Version : Giving up on impossible dreams - Yay!



Gardenarian
10-24-15, 4:39pm
For all of my adult life I have tried to be a writer. I have written three bad novels. I wanted to write because I love to read. I love the idea of having that conversation with the reader.
But the truth is, I have no gift for fiction. I don't like writing; I like the idea of writing. The process itself is painful.
So I have decided to give up on this dream and it feels great!

I have a lot of other talents. I'm quite a good artist (pen & ink, pencil, charcoal.) I love designing landscaping and gardening. I enjoy writing song lyrics and melodies. I enjoy playing the piano, and am a passable player. And, I'm a good librarian and I actually get paid for it.

I feel like I have just freed up my life to do nothing but have fun! What a great thing :)

nswef
10-24-15, 4:46pm
It's hard to decide to not pursue something you felt was important. I'm glad you feel good about your decision. I'm thinking song lyrics are poetry...which is writing! So, you've decided to change your genre. Enjoy the time freed up. Have fun.

Zoe Girl
10-24-15, 4:49pm
can I ask what age you are? I am turning 49 next year and going through a similar process. I have half a novel and writing it was part of the end of my marriage so it always seemed important to go finish it. However I am better at sewing and crochet, and awesome in the kitchen. My biggest activity is meditation and groups related to that. So I thought about using writing to connect with that. However I am with you, maybe I am just more fascinated with the idea I wrote than the actual process of writing.

Hey I am a great after-school coordinator, we have a blast and my program is growing. I get paid for that and an opportunity to volunteer and teach mindfulness to kids.

I like the idea that you freed up energy in your life and are focusing on things that are both fun and a talent. (hope I didn't hijack)

Gardenarian
10-24-15, 5:05pm
I'm 57. Yeah, you would think I would have learned by now! I've always been a late bloomer.

Moving, having a lot more free time, and trying new things has really helped to sort myself out.

Some things worked out great: my art class made me realize how much I enjoy drawing (and that I'm good at it!); I find myself sitting down at the piano most days; I'm having fun exploring all the gardens here and learning about plants.
Other things didn't take - church turned out to be not so enjoyable. I thought I would really get into yoga but I've actually been doing less. I'm doing yoga just as exercise a few times per week, but I thought I would become a teacher and more spiritual about it. Nope!

I have so much to learn - always will, I guess.

Kestra
10-24-15, 5:07pm
Yep, I've struggled with this too. The idea of being a writer is alluring, but the reality isn't a perfect fit for me. I also gave up on the idea of "being a writer" and it felt very freeing. I still do write quite a lot, but it's always as part of something else. Writing is the method, not the destination, if that makes sense.

iris lilies
10-24-15, 7:29pm
OP, the world needs readers. I've never had the juice to write, I just want to read good books. I dislike most of the books
I read, or rather
I should say most of them do not resonate with me.

I can see how jettisoning that dream is a relief for you and besides the world does NOT need more mediocre novels.

JaneV2.0
10-24-15, 7:36pm
Very good. I can write, but I dislike (most) fiction and have nothing to say in the way of non-fiction (I'm expert at nothing). Technical writing was an obvious match, but I found I enjoyed technical editing much more. Congratulations on finding out what works for you!

Gardenarian
10-24-15, 8:27pm
OP, the world needs readers... the world does NOT need more mediocre novels.

Yep ;)

Ultralight
10-24-15, 8:31pm
This idea of giving up impossible or ill-fitting dreams is an intriguing one. Thanks, OP! Much food for thought here.

cdttmm
10-25-15, 9:41am
Hmmm...I find this really interesting. Maybe it's just me, but I never really define any of my choices in life as giving something up. Perhaps it is just my hope-filled, zest for life that has me describe those changes as a refinement of the life goal. :D I figure that every single day I'm gathering more and more data about what I truly love in life and at certain points the data tells me that I should be making modifications to my path. Life, after all, is a journey, not a destination.

I like what nswef said -- you're still a writer and you haven't given up that dream, you've just refined the goal and opted for another genre! :cool:

awakenedsoul
10-25-15, 12:47pm
I think you're a great writer. Even if you're not writing novels, you are contributing on this forum and wherever else you post. It's a good feeling to follow what energized you, and release what deadens you. The soul knows what it wants...
Children do that naturally.

ctg492
10-25-15, 1:41pm
I have done similar with hobbies I really wanted. Sewing becoming a Seamstress, I finally realized and packed everything up last spring. I am not, will never be good at sewing. After close to 10 years it hit me. I wonder why it took so long?

miradoblackwarrior
10-25-15, 3:21pm
I guess being a writer is something everyone dreams of! I, too, went through the trial by novel. I have three--one that just didn't quite work, one I wasn't ready to tackle yet, and the current one in revision. I'm not much of a reader, though I used to be. Once upon a time, I realized I was living my mother's dreams, not necessarily my own. My mother was a difficult narcissist, and I was pretty desperate to find any kind of common ground I could with her (didn't work). Now I'm turning 60 next month, and I keep returning to the writing dreams, wondering if I should drop it or not. Truth be told, I would rather work on my own novels than read someone else's. So, I guess I'm going to continue, even though my mother has passed and I have gone through the grief, and euphoria, of true freedom.

I love that some of you have found your joy elsewhere. But I still have a story or two to tell, and I still love the process. Maybe, on reflection, the dream to write was my own, not my mother's. Maybe she had to exit from my life before I could learn that!

Anyways, I love that each of you is reflecting on happiness, and shedding old plans and dreams. I retire in four years, and I love that I'm just getting started!

iris lily
10-25-15, 3:29pm
I guess being a writer is something everyone dreams of! I, too, went through the trial by novel. I have three--one that just didn't quite work, one I wasn't ready to tackle yet, and the current one in revision. I'm not much of a reader, though I used to be. Once upon a time, I realized I was living my mother's dreams, not necessarily my own. My mother was a difficult narcissist, and I was pretty desperate to find any kind of common ground I could with her (didn't work). Now I'm turning 60 next month, and I keep returning to the writing dreams, wondering if I should drop it or not. Truth be told, I would rather work on my own novels than read someone else's. So, I guess I'm going to continue, even though my mother has passed and I have gone through the grief, and euphoria, of true freedom.

I love that some of you have found your joy elsewhere. But I still have a story or two to tell, and I still love the process. Maybe, on reflection, the dream to write was my own, not my mother's. Maybe she had to exit from my life before I could learn that!

Anyways, I love that each of you is reflecting on happiness, and shedding old plans and dreams. I retire in four years, and I love that I'm just getting started!

I think some of the best books are autobiographies by regular people who can write. For the summer one of my themes was "Mommy Dearest" type books. Narcissists are awful to have as parents, but fascinating to read about. The best of the genre of books about awful parents is Jeanette Walls' Glass Castle. But I read a very interesting one this year and will go find the titles. I skimmed a few others, not so good.