Weird drama between two people I work with, sort of - LONG

[kitten]

I'm writing a sort of hybrid book, a personal memoir slash biography of a fairly famous musician who's based in the town where I live. I work at a radio station, and he has a show on our air, so I've gotten to know him. I conceived of this idea of getting him to talk to me over a period of months on tape, and then doing something with those interviews - either making them available on cd or a web site, or using them as a basis for a book, or both.

So my subject - let's call him Alex - was excited by this idea, and he agreed to it right away. Since October he's give me tons of material on tape, and he's let me scan a whole bunch of photos and other documents. So far so good.

During the process of researching my book, I've been working a lot with a librarian who is a close associate of Alex. His name is Dan, and Alex thinks he walks on water. Alex says I can ask this guy for help with simply ANYTHING relating to my project, and that he'll be delighted to help. So far, Dan really has been wonderful. But suddenly there's some weirdness, so I wanted to get your take on it.

I get an urgent call from Dan, that somebody at a local magazine wants to publish a story about Alex. Dan knows I'm writing a book, so he thought of me. I thought: Great! Dan says they "have a space set aside" for the piece about Alex, and I should begin writing a 2,000 word piece immediately. I tend to thrive on deadlines, and I'm happy and excited. So I get to work.

A week or so later, Dan is pressuring me to show him the piece. I said I didn't want to put it out there yet, before communicating with the editor at the magazine who asked for it. "Who do I get in touch with?" I asked. Dan said he didn't know. I should call his co-worker Sarah, and I should try Angie. They might have a contact at the magazine.

Dan also puts me in touch with his friend Trisha, a copy editor and a freelance writer who does technical writing. (Technical? I'm thinking.) "You really need to meet Trisha," he says. "She's my friend and she's really good with this stuff. Send her your article. It doesn't have to be finished. Send her whatever you've got, but you need to do it now. Meet her for tea and get to know her. You'll like her!"

My mind is all question marks. I'm busy, I have a full time job, and I'm breaking my butt to finish this article. I had no idea I'd be doing all the footwork to find the publisher, too, but hey, I'll do that. What I DON'T get is why this Trisha person has just parachuted onto the scene.

I need Rob, because he's a close associate of the subject of my biography, Alex. I can't alienate him, so I sort of go along with this. He gives me Trisha's email. We correspond a few times, and she's weirdly urgent. She wants to see me RIGHT AWAY. She wants me to send her my first draft RIGHT AWAY.

I'm baffled by the urgency, but I keep corresponding with Trisha, thinking that if I do and get more information, the logic of all of this will sort of come clear. But it doesn't. I tell her I'm a college grad, I'm actually a good writer, and I don't need remedial writing help or massive structural changes. I'm happy to use her for an hour or so if she wants to look over my five-page double-spaced article, but I don't need her services until I actually have a publishing prospect.

She comes back with, "Let's get together. Have you heard anything from the magazine? We need to have coffee."

And then Dan is emailing and calling me with the same kind of thing. "Just give her your article. No one's going to steal it. Just let her see what you've got. And talk to Sarah and Angie, they have contacts at the magazine."

I spend a couple of completely fruitless weeks tracking down Sarah and Angie, both of whom have "don't-answer-email" syndrome, and I'm ready to scream. My brain is in a whirl because every few days, Dan is asking me if he can see the piece. I'm utterly confused. I don't want to email him my piece, because I want to submit it to the editor of the magazine. Dan has looked at my writing before (in regard to a section of the book about Alex), and he made some corrections to my text that made the writing sound awful - pompous, stiff, formal, terrible. I don't want him mucking around with my prose, but he seems to be my only link to the magazine.

I give up on the one local magazine Dan told me about, and start pitching wildly to other publications, local and national. I figure it's a good idea, this musician is famous and he's at a watershed moment in his career. He's newsworthy, and somebody will want the piece. So I email Dan that I've had no success in getting a hold of anyone at the first magazine he suggested - the one phone number on their web site leads nowhere, and I've emailed two editors and gotten no response. But I'm sending my idea to a whole bunch of other publications, and I have high hopes someone will want it.

He comes back with, "No! They've set a space aside in (blank) magazine for your piece!" And I'm like, "So who the hell am I supposed to contact at the bleeping magazine? Give me something here!" And he says, "Didn't Sarah or Angie get back to you?" And I said, "Look Dan, just tell me who approached you. Who was it? Just give me a name. Whose idea was this? If I have a name, I can follow it up."

And he tells me it was Alex's wife's idea that someone should write an article. Dan claims he sat there next to Alex while Alex made a call to Sarah, and that he distinctly heard him say the words: "Get Kitten the contact at (blank) magazine, and hurry!"

Sarah finally emailed me back, but she didn't have a name or number of anyone at the magazine.

This morning I get another just FRANTIC email from the weird copy editor, Trisha, demanding that we go to coffee.

So - a few minutes ago I finished a draft of an email response in which I tell her that I'm confused and feeling very pushed, and I would like her to back off.

I haven't sent it yet, because she's Dan's good friend (maybe girlfriend? Is he just trying to get her some freelance work through me? How far is $22.00 for an hour's work going to go anyway? Can she possibly be that desperate?). And Dan is Alex's right-hand guy, and since Alex is the subject of my biography, I really can't afford to alienate anyone he's close to.

I'm a first-time writer. I had an opinion piece published in a newspaper a few years ago, but that's it. I know I can write my own article, though. I don't need an army of people to help me, but the ONE THING I do need I can't get - a response from the local magazine that is supposedly raring to go and waiting for my piece! And I'm getting nothing back from them, and nothing but pressure from Dan!

Is everyone nuts? Am I just not getting something here? I would love your input...And sorry this was so long! http://www.simplelivingforum.net/images/smilies/sEm_blush3%5B1%5D.gif

[razz]

Set boundaries!

You can say: "I know that we both want to help promote Alex and I need the contact at the magazine in order for this to happen. Trisha is not the contact, is she? Who is?" Then back of and let them sort it out. You will have numerous opportunities to compete with others in writing articles. Make sure that you are the best source of info about Alex.
That is my 2 cents worth.

[kitten]

Thanks Razz!

I like the part about being the best source of info for my subject. Others can research him just like I can (and do), but I'm the only one who has had these extensive conversations. And it's a unique spin - fangirl gets to meet idol. Others could write about him more objectively, but I think there's room for a personal essay-type thing.

I'm still being bombarded with emails by these two. They're both demanding to see my work, and I don't know why. The next step has to happen between me and the publisher. My husband thinks they're just massively stupid - I think they're stupid and hostile. I'm really ready to say something I'll regret - I've got to somehow resist that impulse.

Thanks for your input!


Set boundaries!

You can say: "I know that we both want to help promote Alex and I need the contact at the magazine in order for this to happen. Trisha is not the contact, is she? Who is?" Then back of and let them sort it out. You will have numerous opportunities to compete with others in writing articles. Make sure that you are the best source of info about Alex.
That is my 2 cents worth.

[KayLR]

It sounds to me like they need you far worse than you need them. THEY approached YOU about this magazine deal, then hold back crucial information like contacts. That would be a HUGE red flag for me. I think they've jacked you around long enough. If it were me, I'd tell them I am simply going to expend my energy on continued work on my original project.

"Working" with them is a drain. If they were more forthcoming, it would be a different story. Sounds like they're planning something not so on the up and up, esp. seeing how you are a greenhorn. They do not sound professional at all. But I'm suspicious by nature.

[kitten]

Yes KayLRZ, this was exactly my feeling - and I have so much uneasiness about being treated poorly, having my time wasted, and being jacked around (great expression). It's just bizarre.

My best-case version of this is that Dan, who is also a big Alex fan like me, promised him that he could get an article published. Maybe in his enthusiasm, he misrepresented himself to Alex, said he had publishing contacts (which is also what he told me). Maybe he's just being puppylike, and over-promised what he could deliver. So now Alex is on him: okay, so where's the article? And Dan is now pressuring me, like it's MY fault!

Or, it could be something weirder, like they want copies of my article so they can submit it themselves and use someone else's byline. I told Dan I'm not going to forward my article to anyone before I contact a publisher, but he's still pushing me.

Thanks for your input, I think I should do what both you guys said - have better boundaries, and be suspicious :))) It's just tough, because I have to play nice with everyone, both because I want to be classy about this, and I can't alienate anyone. Really hard to know how to push back. My style has always been to just take and take and take people's crap, up until the moment when I just can't take it anymore. And then I unleash holy hell on the unsuspecting folks who've been causing my misery. I have to find a more grown-up way of handling this :)))


It sounds to me like they need you far worse than you need them. THEY approached YOU about this magazine deal, then hold back crucial information like contacts. That would be a HUGE red flag for me. I think they've jacked you around long enough. If it were me, I'd tell them I am simply going to expend my energy on continued work on my original project.

"Working" with them is a drain. If they were more forthcoming, it would be a different story. Sounds like they're planning something not so on the up and up, esp. seeing how you are a greenhorn. They do not sound professional at all. But I'm suspicious by nature.

[iris lily]

hey OP, I read over this thread twice so I don't think I'm missing anything. You don't have a charge from a publisher to write an article and I'm not sure why you thought that you did. Dan the librarian isn't the publisher and he has no standing in representing the publisher.

Were it me I would not have gone beyond one phone call in communicating with these bozos (The Dan 'n Trish Company.) When Dan told you to call Sarah and then Angie, that was a signal that his information was worthless.

The lesson here, among others, is that librarians are sometimes weird and even devious. :0!:D

But the more important lesson is the one you've mentioned--boundaries, my dear. Just because some random person who happens to be a librarian says that a publisher wants your article doesn't mean that a publisher wants your article. Your "boundary" is to value your time and work and to not waste it in mickey mouse negotiations with non-entities in the publishing world.

Good luck!

[kitten]

Yeah, weird - you ain't kiddin'!

I never figure on other people's egos, but once I factor that in, things make so much more sense. Dan is probably overworked and underappreciated at his job, and he's behaved like a frustrated control freak. I'm a "nice" person, so he zeroed in on me and started trying to use me to look good to Alex, who is essentially his boss, meanwhile having no actual clout or connections or ANYTHING like what he was representing to me. I mean he's got those things within his own music-related orchestra-librarian world, but his cachet doesn't extend to publishing apparently. (Which is fine, I just wish he hadn't fibbed about it.)

I hope Dan is just a dork who was trying to look good, and doesn't have any plans to try to mess with me in a serious way. I realized the other day that I'm afraid of him - but I'm pretty much afraid of everyone, so you can't go by me.

Mickey-mouse negotiations is exactly right! God I hate being sent on wild goose chases and treated like crap... http://www.simplelivingforum.net/images/smilies/sAng_angry%5B1%5D.gif

Thanks for your input, Iris Lily!



hey OP, I read over this thread twice so I don't think I'm missing anything. You don't have a charge from a publisher to write an article and I'm not sure why you thought that you did. Dan the librarian isn't the publisher and he has no standing in representing the publisher.

Were it me I would not have gone beyond one phone call in communicating with these bozos (The Dan 'n Trish Company.) When Dan told you to call Sarah and then Angie, that was a signal that his information was worthless.

The lesson here, among others, is that librarians are sometimes weird and even devious. :0!:D

But the more important lesson is the one you've mentioned--boundaries, my dear. Just because some random person who happens to be a librarian says that a publisher wants your article doesn't mean that a publisher wants your article. Your "boundary" is to value your time and work and to not waste it in mickey mouse negotiations with non-entities in the publishing world.

Good luck!

[redfox]

Kitten, perhaps you could say this: "My agent has instructed me to release my material to publishers only. It's a legal thing. I'm so sorry." And drop it.

PS - do you have an agent? Perhaps you should find one, especially if you have a book deal. They can coach you through this kind of thing.

[kitten]

Oh yes, that is JUST SO PERFECT! I'll use it! Thanks Redfox!

Yeah, I really really really need an agent. I'm submitting my manuscript to both agents and publishers, because I read somewhere that it makes sense to do that. But most advice I've seen is that I'm basically screwed until I get that agent - so many publishers don't look at unsolicited manuscripts.

Thanks for your input!


Kitten, perhaps you could say this: "My agent has instructed me to release my material to publishers only. It's a legal thing. I'm so sorry." And drop it.

PS - do you have an agent? Perhaps you should find one, especially if you have a book deal. They can coach you through this kind of thing.