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Zoe Girl
12-23-15, 10:31am
I think my holiday prep is going really well, Thanksgiving went well. I have been at work with no one there which is fine. But there is this angst huh. Like I have too many things to decide on what to do. Last night I had time, worked on a baby gift for a baby due in January, tried to make a decision about New Year's Eve, and then just didn't have a clue what to do next. I have 3 separate lists of priorities, things for my retreat committee work, lists for work stuff over the break, some personal stuff. Now I have the holiday list and I am just kinda struggling to set my schedule even though with some serious planning I can get it all done. Hmm,

And without a regular schedule so much I think I am confusing medications and vitamins.

So not all bad, not a crisis at all, but I realize when I hear people talk about holiday stress I have assumed that being more simple or for whatever reason that is everyone else and not me. That that I am superior in anything just that I should be better at all of it. Funny,..

rodeosweetheart
12-23-15, 10:53am
I think a lot of the angst depends on expectations of oneself. I have decided to have no expectations for this period and restart my life in January. Getting lots of little stuff done (have been on vacation from main job since the 5th and subjob since the 15th. All of my activity has been organizational, sorting and finishing things.

Low expectations, that is the key, and treating myself very gingerly. My aunt died a couple of days ago so I have been in grief mode, complicated by worrying about helping my parents through it at a distance.

Only decorating has been my new artificial tree, my IKEA candle, and my Danish candleholder--will probably stop by and spring for some new bayberry candles, my New England heritage. The tree went up really early this year and functions as a light source, and has brought us much delight.

Am actually putting off as many decisions as I can as seem to be sleepwalking through the season, and the death has not helped at all with that.

I always do my shopping very early--try to finish by mid November, which helps a whole lot. I remember when I had my respiratory failure and was in a coma--remember very clearly thinking, while in the coma, thank God I got my Christmas shopping done (it happened around the 10th of December.)

I learned a lot from that experience, including that you are conscious and aware in a coma, which is really a scary thing to know, and that Christmas shopping seemed to matter at some level, which struck me as weird, given how being I an altered state with contact with the divine would make it seem that it was unimportant, but it wasn't. Lots of other awarenesses including out of body experiences, but I remember hearing Christmas carolers in the hospital and thinking, boy, they are really off key, and then inwardly laughing about it, and thinking, it was really nice of them to come, stop being so critical.

Anyway, Zoe, maybe you can just say, hey, I'm putting off all decisions for a bit, sort of go into a take it as it comes state. That seems to be helping me.

Zoe Girl
12-23-15, 11:05am
Nice thoughts Rodeo, and it is interesting that you thought of gifts in a coma? I am starting to think that there is some place between crazy over the top gifts and no spending low key that is right for me. The gifts do matter, they actually mean something when I give them, so it is okay to have a moderate amount of stress over this. I just saw on facebook that my daughter got the same gift from her secret work elf as I got her (a coloring book of tattoos) so I think it is great they know her well at work and I am going to return mine. Not a huge stress, but there is something surreal about it all.

I know that part of my stress is that we run full day camps during the break so I have a large list of camp and catch up to do that will be very stressful if I wait until we come back. So it is taking care of myself to do it now, however setting my schedule to pace this out nicely is one more task. I think my motto is going to be something like 'there is not one perfect way'. There are so many ways of scheduling and adjusting all this that my mind is boggled! Do I pay that retreat bill first or send the letter to the IRS or vaccumm or wrap presents, there is no one really best answer! What do I feel like doing, well sitting and crocheting but I really have to do these things ya know. Lots of stress from not handling life :)

So starting with paying the bills,

ZanaHart
12-23-15, 11:14am
This reminds me of a time years ago when I taught a class in voluntary simplicity. The main point I made was that simple living isn't that simple!

Ultralight
12-23-15, 11:16am
This reminds me of a time years ago when I taught a class in voluntary simplicity. The main point I made was that simple living isn't that simple!

Do tell about this class...

rodeosweetheart
12-23-15, 11:18am
Yes, I had forgotten that you are still working over the holiday, which makes it a non-holiday, really! That is tough--you need some time off!!

Zoe Girl
12-23-15, 11:39am
Yes, I had forgotten that you are still working over the holiday, which makes it a non-holiday, really! That is tough--you need some time off!!

I am meeting with my job coach about how to advertise the jobs I have. One of the things that was added to our job with the raises (not complaining about the raise thank you) is to be our own hiring manager. So the district does advertise the jobs but I am trying to add it to craigslist. Of course most of the helpful people are taking this time off, argh. I was doing data most of the last 2 days and I could have easily given half of that to my assistant. I also need an aide to clear the wait list for my childcare program and just bring down the stress of being staffed so strictly. Last time I asked for a sub I got no response.

Zoe Girl
12-23-15, 11:50am
I looked at my 'take care of me' list and set up all my IRA cd's that mature in January to renew at the new lengths so I am laddered every 6 months through 2019. That feels super good, the other 'take care of me' is actually turning in mileage! Especially shopping and delivering for camp across town multiple times.

Tammy
12-23-15, 12:39pm
Rodeo sweetheart -

I'd love to hear a little more!

How long was your coma?
Were you aware of all of it or just parts of it?
Did you "sleep" at times!
Did you feel your body - pain, movement when the nurses turned you, etc?

Bring a nurse, this is very interesting to me.

freshstart
12-23-15, 1:52pm
Rodeo sweetheart -

I'd love to hear a little more!

How long was your coma?
Were you aware of all of it or just parts of it?
Did you "sleep" at times!
Did you feel your body - pain, movement when the nurses turned you, etc?

Bring a nurse, this is very interesting to me.

me, too! I never thought a coma patient would be thinking how glad she was she had her shopping done! So basically if I went into a coma, I'd have actual stress about all I'd left undone. Sheesh, you'd like to think you'd have peace at least in a coma, lol.

I am sorry that you were in a coma at all and I'm sorry about your aunt. Hard time of year for a passing.

iris lilies
12-23-15, 2:00pm
Well, my attempt to dodge the annual 3 hour gift opening extravaganza didn't work. The hostess just moved the date so that Dh and I could attend.

So once again I will be forced to sit in a group of 5 childless adults, opening each gift one by one, touching and fussing and passing the opened gift with exclamations of surprise and pleasure part of the performance.

i do not exaggerate when I say that last year it took 2 hours and many minutes, maybe it was 2.5 hours, maybe it was 2.8'hours, but it was WELL over 2 hours.

Heres hoping I can find my head in this and figure out a way to stay sane. I am thinking of simply declaring it "time to go" after two hours, or falling asleep naturally, or the opposite of these : making a game of how long I can keep the unwrapping extravaganza going.

Ultralight
12-23-15, 2:08pm
the annual 3 hour gift opening extravaganza

Tell me this is not reality!

iris lilies
12-23-15, 2:23pm
Tell me this is not reality!

Yes, it's true. And not unusual. Over there on that Mr. Money Mustache site a guy talked about how he and his wife (no children) were forced into the same performance via Skype for a mother in law who thinks the Highlight of The Holidays is sloooooooooowwwww savoring of the unwrapping experience. His group was nearly same size as mine, all adults, no small children, and they sat for 3 hours in front of Skype app.

see, I keep mentioning small children because watching them open presents can be fun. But no fun for us! At least we can drink.

nswef
12-23-15, 2:27pm
IrisLilies I think I'd have something to stop me from going. Stomach trouble because you just can't stomach it....Are they relatives?

iris lilies
12-23-15, 2:28pm
Oh and UL, notice I'm not even bringing up the giant pile O'crap that results from this-- talking about it would make your head explode.

iris lilies
12-23-15, 2:32pm
IrisLilies I think I'd have something to stop me from going. Stomach trouble because you just can't stomach it....Are they relatives?

No, our close friend. I dread it more and more each year, but I keep telling myself that it's the biggest night of the year for her, she will not change, and it doesn't kill me to do this. She is very generous to us and this shouldn't be that big of a deal.


Like I said, at least we can drink.

Ultralight
12-23-15, 2:38pm
It just sounds so wacky.

nswef
12-23-15, 2:40pm
Maybe you can look at it as an alien custom....pay attention to the bows, paper and think of all the time someone took to make it pretty. You're nicer than I am. I would just not go!

ApatheticNoMore
12-23-15, 2:48pm
Get with the modern world, spend the entire time fiddling with your smart phone! Truthfully, if I absolutely couldn't get out of it, I would find a distraction, even if it was just food and drink :)

Ultralight
12-23-15, 2:52pm
Maybe you can look at it as an alien custom...

This works well often times. I do it many times throughout the day for all sorts of alien (human?) customs!

Ultralight
12-23-15, 2:52pm
Get with the modern world, spend the entire time fiddling with your smart phone!

Phub them all!

Tammy
12-23-15, 2:55pm
I deal with these things by putting on my psych nurse hat and treating it like a group process for people who need therapy :D

Ultralight
12-23-15, 2:58pm
I deal with these things by putting on my psych nurse hat and treating it like a group process for people who need therapy :D

Haha! Perfect.

kib
12-23-15, 3:08pm
Tear through your pile of gifts as fast as possible and then appear disappointed and sad that you apparently got less than everyone else because you're done and they're not. It becomes so unpleasant for the other participants that everyone winds up miserable. Worked for my Dad. >8)

iris lilies
12-23-15, 3:22pm
Tear through your pile of gifts as fast as possible and then appear disappointed and sad that you apparently got less than everyone else because you're done and they're not. It becomes so unpleasant for the other participants that everyone winds up miserable. Worked for my Dad. >8)

haha,nooooo.

One of many maddening things about this unwrapping extravaganza is that we are unable to carry on adult conversation as adults normally do. Attending the event is a couple we really like and seldom see, and just when we get to talking about something interesting, we have to stop and unwrap another damned present.

I keep feeling like I'm a child being directed to pay attention to the "pretty presents" when really what I want to do is go play with my friends. Maybe I'll just lie down in the middle of the room and throw a toddler temper tantrum.

JaneV2.0
12-23-15, 3:23pm
Well, my attempt to dodge the annual 3 hour gift opening extravaganza didn't work. The hostess just moved the date so that Dh and I could attend.

So once again I will be forced to sit in a group of 5 childless adults, opening each gift one by one, touching and fussing and passing the opened gift with exclamations of surprise and pleasure part of the performance.

i do not exaggerate when I say that last year it took 2 hours and many minutes, maybe it was 2.5 hours, maybe it was 2.8'hours, but it was WELL over 2 hours.

Heres hoping I can find my head in this and figure out a way to stay sane. I am thinking of simply declaring it "time to go" after two hours, or falling asleep naturally, or the opposite of these : making a game of how long I can keep the unwrapping extravaganza going.

Too bad I don't live closer; I could go in your stead. There's nothing I enjoy more than the present-opening ritual. I have many fond memories of hours spent just that way. A few Christmas edibles, an eggnog or two, suspense and camaraderie, ribbons and paper strewn about...Bliss.

ETA: And preferably no kids under about twelve...Sayeth the outlier.

iris lilies
12-23-15, 3:35pm
Too bad I don't live closer; I could go in your stead. There's nothing I enjoy more than the present-opening ritual. I have many fond memories of hours spent just that way. A few Christmas edibles, an eggnog or two, suspense and camaraderie, ribbons and paper strewn about...Bliss.

ETA: And preferably no kids under about twelve...Sayeth the outlier.
oh
jane, I just wish you could go.

JaneV2.0
12-23-15, 3:46pm
oh
jane, I just wish you could go.

We'd have to suspend the "no conversation" rule--but I'd be there in a heartbeat.

rodeosweetheart
12-23-15, 4:26pm
Thank you, Freshstart!


Rodeo sweetheart -

I'd love to hear a little more!

How long was your coma?
Were you aware of all of it or just parts of it?
Did you "sleep" at times!
Did you feel your body - pain, movement when the nurses turned you, etc?

Bring a nurse, this is very interesting to me.

Hi Tammy,
It was about seven days.

I felt the sensation of sleeping and waking- of being asleep at times and then "waking up."


I was very confused and terrified, partly at the confusion. I could tell me my kids were visiting or touching me, that was very good, but I was upset because they seemed to upset, and I wouldn't to comfort them and could not I could hear everything when I was not sleeping. I felt that I was talking to them (I was in mind mind) but obviously I wasn't and I felt frustrated that they could not hear me talking to them. After I came out, I told the nurses things they had said, which freaked them out. I was very aware of the nurses who did not want to be there (it was Christmas time) and who were rough or neglectful. I was very frightened of them, although I did not know who they were, if that makes sense.

It is hard to describe what transpired, but I had visual hallucinations-- of bad fabric patterns, of all things--like cheap Walmart knock offs of Pendleton, and then kind of swirling Peter Maxx-ish visual hallucinations, which is what made me reason that I was probably not in hell, which is what I first thought, but rather having drug hallucinations, which meant I was drugged and "tied down somehow". the feeling of being unable to move was really scary. I was also trying hard to please-I remember one nurse saying that I had to move my legs or I would get blood clots and trying to do that to be a good patient and having her get angry and state to the doctor that I was trying to kick her.

At one point, I hallucinated that one nurse was a concentration camp guard, that she was angry because she could not get off work (she was talking about that on the phone, being pissed that she had to stay ad take care of me) and I remember thinking she was mad at me because I was Jewish. (I'm not, so that was weird.).

I got very very thirsty and felt they were deliberately letting me die of lack of water (hydration, not food.) I just remember pain wise being extremely thirsty, but nothing else, and they did surgery on my lungs and put a central iv pic line (spelling?) so there were things that should have hurt, but I just remember feeling afraid and that I was being tortured, if that makes sense. I blacked out in the ambulance when went into resp. failure but vaguely remember being intubated and then "came to" in the ICU but did not know where I was and my eyes weren't open, but I could make out patterns and colors, I don't know how.

But I thought I was at the hospital in the town where I worked, not where I lived, which was odd.

Time seemed to be very altered--kind of an endless present, so that I had no idea how much time had elapsed.

I was very frightened, but when I prayed, I received an answer and comfort from a voice that I "felt" rather than heard. The voice spoke words and told me things. I realized then I was not in hell.

I had two experiences that felt like out of body experiences--one was when they were trying to wean me off ventilator and I experienced being up at the ceiling looking down at my body and being surprised and feeling distant from it. My husband said later things had gone badly when they had tried to get me off ventilator but that was all he knew.

The nice experience was that one night I very strongly felt that I was home in my own bed, could even feel my terrier curled up against me, with the Christmas presents under the bed-- that was when I was glad to have done the shopping--and could feel my husband and the two dogs sleeping there with me.

I do think nurses would do well to know that patients can often hear what is going on and are quite frightened, and maybe speaking to them and explaining things might be a good idea? When I tried to discuss this with the doctor, he did not want to talk about it (or hear it!)

I have also told one doctor I never want to do that again and I would prefer to die. And told my kids if it comes to that, 2 weeks is my outside limit.

Sorry to derail the thread~!

freshstart
12-23-15, 5:02pm
I deal with these things by putting on my psych nurse hat and treating it like a group process for people who need therapy :D

lmao. I use the actual Nursing Process to solve my own problems, a walking, breathing SOAPE note, lol. I do play the game of "treat them like patients, treat them like patients, treat them like patients" when family gets too off the chain.

freshstart
12-23-15, 5:14pm
I keep feeling like I'm a child being directed to pay attention to the "pretty presents" when really what I want to do is go play with my friends. Maybe I'll just lie down in the middle of the room and throw a toddler temper tantrum.

you just reminded me of my ex. He was very skinny years ago, his pants could only be found in the Boys dept of Macy's, he hates to shop and finding something to fit could take 2 hrs. So he would throw a tantrum and lie down on the floor of Macy's and refuse to move. The first two times, I angrily cajoled him to stand up, we would leave but he was grounded and no lollipop. The third time, we had a saleswoman trying really hard to help him. He throws fit after a while, lies down on floor. I explain to saleswoman that he is my mentally unstable brother, I dropped all the pants in my arms on him, walked out and went home. To this day I have no idea how he got home.

Have the tantrum; go big or go home! or in your case, go big and GET to go home, lol.

I cannot believe you can't converse. Was one of the couple a neglected child who never got presents so now "has" to do this?

freshstart
12-23-15, 5:28pm
I do think nurses would do well to know that patients can often hear what is going on and are quite frightened, and maybe speaking to them and explaining things might be a good idea? When I tried to discuss this with the doctor, he did not want to talk about it (or hear it!)

I have also told one doctor I never want to do that again and I would prefer to die. And told my kids if it comes to that, 2 weeks is my outside limit.

Sorry to derail the thread~!

I am sorry for every caregiver who did not treat you with the utmost care. We learn that coma patients and dying people can hear. So why you would purposely do anything to add to their fear makes me very angry at my profession.

It gives me peace and answers some of my questions that you were not in physical pain and that you felt like someone answered your prayers, that you thought about or hallucinated being home. IDK, you just got me thinking. Yours is the most descriptive experience I've read and I'm sorry you went through it

rodeosweetheart
12-23-15, 5:40pm
Thank you, Freshstart.

iris lilies
12-23-15, 5:44pm
you just reminded me of my ex. He was very skinny years ago, his pants could only be found in the Boys dept of Macy's, he hates to shop and finding something to fit could take 2 hrs. So he would throw a tantrum and lie down on the floor of Macy's and refuse to move. The first two times, I angrily cajoled him to stand up, we would leave but he was grounded and no lollipop. The third time, we had a saleswoman trying really hard to help him. He throws fit after a while, lies down on floor. I explain to saleswoman that he is my mentally unstable brother, I dropped all the pants in my arms on him, walked out and went home. To this day I have no idea how he got home.

Have the tantrum; go big or go home! or in your case, go big and GET to go home, lol.

I cannot believe you can't converse. Was one of the couple a neglected child who never got presents so now "has" to do this?

On this I'm exaggerating a bit. Our hostess turns our attention (gently) to the thing that is obviously the Main Event, presents, and if we can keep up a conversation while unwrapping, exclaiming! admiring! And passing them around its fine, but we can't. And to be real, if we didn't interrupt our interesting adult conversations in order to get back to the unwrapping, we'd be there for 8 friggin hours. It's really in my best interest to keep the gift train moving. Each person gets 12 to 20 gifts.

The hostess is single and is a huge consumer where this is the peak of spending. She's generous,it's not as though she expects us to spend much on her. And we don't. We have learned after many years that quantity is what counts. So I buy for her consumables, and many of those are for her dogs.

Teacher Terry
12-23-15, 5:54pm
Rodeo: what a terrifying experience. I had a friend that woke up during surgery but couldn't tell anyone so she was experiencing the pain, etc. I guess it is rare but does happen. It is kind of the same thing where you can't communicate.

ZanaHart
12-23-15, 8:01pm
Do tell about this class...

Uhh... let's see... that was about the time Bill Clinton was elected president... it was pretty basic compared to awareness now. I remember talking about how cooking healthfully tended to take more time and the payoff wasn't obvious...

freshstart
12-23-15, 8:15pm
Each person gets 12 to 20 gifts.



this right here would force me to say something, that number of gifts boggles my mind. I get that it feels good to her to treat her friends and it's her money to do what she wants to with, but come on, people are starving for God's sake. I would next year start with, "you know, I'd like my gift to help someone else, can you purchase something for me from here?" and hand her one of the reputable charitable companies' catalog that will give a family a goat or a cow. I used to hate doing this for my mom but watching her open the card and seeing how genuinely happy she is is totally worth it.

Williamsmith
12-23-15, 9:06pm
Rodeo-sweetheart

Thank You for a wonderful Christmas gift. Your description of your coma experience has given me peace of mind. The peace that comes from believing. I have had several bedside experiences where I was never sure at what level my presence was being felt. The one of most importance was my own father.

He checked into a well respected medical center for a surgical procedure on an aneurism. The surgery by all reports went well and he was recuperating in a regular hospital room preparing to come home when he suffered cardiac arrest and was resuscitated. Unfortunately he was in a coma but alive and returned to the ICU. I regularly visited him and talked to him even though he couldn't respond. I could see in his eyes as he looked at me that he understood me. But I had no conformation of that.

He did not do well and I believe developed a septic infection although no one in the nursing staff would confirm that. There was one nurse who would take me aside and encourage me to spend as much time with him as possible. We were finally presented with a choice to allow a permanent feeding tube as well as constant dialysis to keep him alive. We chose to release him from his suffering. I remember near the end talking to my dad about how much I loved him, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead. And then there were tears rolling out of his eyes onto his shoulder.

I never knew what he understood but now I believe my hopes and prayers were answered. I wanted to believe I was able to comfort him. I know now that I certainly did.

Tammy
12-23-15, 11:48pm
Rodeo sweetheart -

That's quite the experience.

I wonder how common your experience is. Most nurses believe that patients have no memory of a coma.

Interesting that the doc wouldn't discuss it with you.

Some people have awareness during surgery, which is often terrifying and also rare. But medical people don't want to talk about that much either. I'm wondering if you are resistant to one of the meds used during your coma and you had a type of coma awareness.

Were you in a medically induced coma?

freshstart
12-24-15, 7:03am
I'm sorry about your dad but it sounds pretty conclusive that he heard you and you brought him comfort. Rodeosweetheart's coma has had a ripple effect on complete strangers, that's very powerful and I am thankful to her for sharing her story at a perfect time of year.

iris lilies
12-24-15, 6:29pm
this right here would force me to say something, that number of gifts boggles my mind. I get that it feels good to her to treat her friends and it's her money to do what she wants to with, but come on, people are starving for God's sake. I would next year start with, "you know, I'd like my gift to help someone else, can you purchase something for me from here?" and hand her one of the reputable charitable companies' catalog that will give a family a goat or a cow. I used to hate doing this for my mom but watching her open the card and seeing how genuinely happy she is is totally worth it.

nope. We've had many of those conversations, the most pointed one being last year where I said: this year I don't want a lot, many presents are too much stuff for me, I don't like them, I don't like finding a place for them in my house. Please just get me a bottle of wine or one thing that's consumable."

She responded that she like presents, she likes lots of presents, lots of presents is what she likes and she'll do what she wants which is: lots of presents. Quantity is key and physical presents under the tree is what trips her trigger. If I throw them in the garbage after opening them, that's fine with her.

and do you know what, each year several DO go in the garbage. Its just the way it is.

freshstart
12-24-15, 8:38pm
She responded that she like presents, she likes lots of presents, lots of presents is what she likes and she'll do what she wants which is: lots of presents. Quantity is key and physical presents under the tree is what trips her trigger. If I throw them in the garbage after opening them, that's fine with her.

and do you know what, each year several DO go in the garbage. Its just the way it is.

I feel sad for her but if she is happy and it's her thing, whatcha gonna do? you tried

iris lilies
12-28-15, 2:30am
Ok, my holiday evening is over and it wasn't bad.

The Opening of Gifts event took 1 hour, 50 minutes.

I got 12 gifts and will keep 4.

DH got 12 gifts and will keep 3.

Gifting seemed simpler this year, with smaller numbers and more inexpensive things, yay! Oh, and a few were actual consumables, yay yay!

My conversation was interrupted twice, having to turn everyone's attention to the person of the moment who was unwrapping. Must watch, so fascinating. (insert eye roll.)

The food and drink were good. There was wine and an Egg Nog bar which was pretty damned spectacular.

rosarugosa
12-28-15, 6:15am
Hey IL: Please do tell more about the Egg Nog bar!

iris lilies
12-28-15, 9:26am
Hey IL: Please do tell more about the Egg Nog bar!

Oh you bet! It was a good idea.

The hostess purchased two kinds of commercial egg nog, one made with milk and one made with a Silk product. So, there was choice for the base nog.

You could spice it up with nutmeg, cinnamon, or salt.

You could add liquor or liqueur such as light rum, dark rum, Buttershots, Old Bailey's, bourbon, and some others.

You could add whipped cream or chocolate shavings to top it off.

rosarugosa
12-28-15, 9:42am
IL: I know I've posted before about the 5-gallon pail of eggnog DH made for years and years from scratch, with eggs, milk, cream, sugar - and booze, lots of it (whiskey, rum & brandy)! The past two years we've both been on the same page about not wanting to bother with the mess and expense, and not really wanting all that booze and calories. What you posted about seems like something we could have fun with, in a more modest quantity. Thanks for the idea.

iris lilies
12-28-15, 9:53am
IL: I know I've posted before about the 5-gallon pail of eggnog DH made for years and years from scratch, with eggs, milk, cream, sugar - and booze, lots of it (whiskey, rum & brandy)! The past two years we've both been on the same page about not wanting to bother with the mess and expense, and not really wanting all that booze and calories. What you posted about seems like something we could have fun with, in a more modest quantity. Thanks for the idea.

And she had cute little fat glasses! The serving glasses were part of the fun.

rodeosweetheart
12-28-15, 5:02pm
Wow, next Christmas, I am definitely introducing the egg nog bar if we have the family in. A super idea.