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Geila
4-12-11, 3:43pm
cow-hi What are your favorite ways of expressing and receiving love and affection that do NOT involve food or spending money?

This would include ways you use to express love and affection for yourself as well as for loved ones. And what things do others do that make you feel especially loved and cared for? (or what you wish they would do!)

>8)

herbgeek
4-12-11, 4:35pm
Not involving food? I got nuthin' then. ;)

KayLR
4-12-11, 5:10pm
Maybe go ahead and do something for my spouse which I know he has been procrastinating on, like organizing his man-cave space or the utility room. Clean out the car (usually his job). He doesn't like massages, but I do---any time.

catherine
4-12-11, 6:01pm
Letting them be themselves.

Stella
4-12-11, 6:46pm
DH and I send each other little love messages pretty much everyday, usually through facebook or skype while he's at school.

He brings me flowers quite frequently. I suppose that costs money, though. Backrubs are nice too. We trade those a lot. Mostly we just spend a lot of time together enjoying each other's company. Tonight we're planning to go on a walk. We compliment and thank each other a lot too. When I am struggling with something he always bends over backwards to help me, and when it's something he can't fix, like my sister's cancer or my uncle's impending death, he holds me a lot and prays for me.

But really, the vast majority of the ways I show him love do involve food. :)

For my kids, I do a lot of fun projects with them, spend a lot of time doing things with them and taking them to interesting places. I try to spend a little time with each of the older ones talking each day. I snuggle all of them and tickle the toddler. He likes that. He also likes snuggling in my lap when he's tired and having me play with his hair. I tell them I love them about a million times a day.

For my friends, I'm a very good listener. I seem to be the one people like to spill their guts to. I don't mind. Whenever I can help, I do. I'm kind of mother-ish even with my friends. People like to sit in my kitchen while I cook (I know! Sort of food related, but that's tangential) and share stories with me. Sad stories, funny stories. Anything like that. My friends show me love by being there for me when I need them too.

redfox
4-12-11, 6:56pm
The Five Languages of Love, by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a great book. We each used it to figure out our own "love languages", and now we 'speak' to each other in our primary love language.

My husband's is physical touch, so I make a point to hug him, hold his hand, massage his shoulders, etc. My LL is gifts of service, so he makes a point of doing favors for me... like fixing something that's been broken & bugs me, taking on my chores when I'm tired, etc.

One of the LL is actual gifts, so some people appreciate having their lover buy or make them things.

Mrs-M
4-12-11, 7:07pm
In our family it's about always having/making time for each other along with physical affection. Additionally, lots of compliments and encouragement, unlimited support and commitment, and just being there when someone needs you.

DarkStar
4-12-11, 10:43pm
Letting them be themselves.

+10,000

kally
4-12-11, 11:59pm
A while back my dh told me he was no longer charmed with an old friend. Instead of trying to talk him out of it, or saying that the guy was still a good guy or whatever, I asked him what I should do? How could I help.

He told me that meant so much to him; like I listened, I heard what he said, I deemed it important and I didn't talk him out of it.

I think that showed him love.

iris lily
4-13-11, 12:33am
This mornign I gave DH a big hug because he bought two garden supply items I'd mentioned that I needed. Full body hug it was. No kissing though, pre-toohbrushing breath.

Kat
4-13-11, 8:12am
The Five Languages of Love, by Dr. Gary Chapman, is a great book. We each used it to figure out our own "love languages", and now we 'speak' to each other in our primary love language.

I love this book, too. The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts. After reading this book, we found out that DH's love language is gifts and mine is acts of service. What is funny is that before we read the book, we tried to show love to each other in our own love language--DH would buy me things and I would try to do things for him. I don't think either of us felt loved! LOL But now we try to express love in the way that the other person will feel. I try to buy DH little gifts every now and then, and he will do things for me around the house, like taking the laundry down to the basement for me or building me things (like a deck and new kitchen cabinets, for example).

I admit that expressing love through gifts in a way that does not involve food or money is hard. Sometimes I will make him little gifts. I made him a zombie Valentine on Valentine's Day and he loved it. Other times I will pick him up a free Bookmark from the library--once I found a Batman one, so that was awesome. Occassionally I will pick up his favorite candy bar (only one store in town carries it). I then hide it somewhere for him to find--in his pocket, sock drawer, etc. That does involve both food and money, though!

@Mrs M--I hope I can make a home like that for my family! :-)

Zoe Girl
4-13-11, 10:00am
Hmm, we are still in that first year so there is a fair amount of the physical expression that suits both of us. Everything from holding hands and cuddling on up.

I think spending time, since we are not married or living together that is a big deal. So I just include him in what we do as a family (his daughter is in college but in town). For friends I have such limited time that I send texts or emails whenever I see something in their interest area. We are all kind intellectual so that works for us. The kids, they are teens. I will wait until I can do something right again. That seems to start changing around 20. Until then I try not to take it personal

goldensmom
4-13-11, 10:29am
Like redfox said, you need to know the love language of the receiver to be meaningful. My husbands love language is words of affirmation, he needs to be thanked and told what a good job he did for the most mundane of tasks. My love language is acts of service. Nothing says love to me like cleaning the bathroom. I don't need to be thanked for cleaning the bathroom but if you do it for me......now that's love.

Charity
4-13-11, 11:27am
Scratching them behind the ears. Playing ball. Rubbing tummies. Cat nip.

As you can probably tell, I live with just my cat and dog.

CathyA
4-13-11, 11:47am
Maybe its because my parents never protected me or talked to me about my problems, but I give love by watching out for my husband and kids. I make sure they're driving a safe car, always knowing where they are, encouraging them to open up to me with their problems, concerns, and encouraging them to stand up for themselves.
I also show love by cooking good healthy food for them, and having interests that they can enjoy too (watergardening, veggie gardening, chickens, birdwatching).........essentially teaching them to enjoy life and nature, hopefully.
I do text my kids every night (they are in college), saying I love them.

mira
4-13-11, 1:16pm
Scratching them behind the ears. Playing ball. Rubbing tummies. Cat nip.

As you can probably tell, I live with just my cat and dog.
Bar the cat nip, it's probably not too hard to find a person who enjoys all those things too :D

For us, I give lots of hugs, kisses and compliments (even though the boyfriend is no good at taking compliments and is shy to give them). I also like to write sappy little messages. He also enjoys giving me lots of hugs and kisses, but insists on groping me and fake-humping me often. Not really my cup of tea...

mattj
4-13-11, 4:34pm
Mine are definately touch/acts of service.... my wife is HUGE on verbal affirmations. I have to remind myself of that constantly and get creative because I'm not wired to give or receive words like that except in exceptional situations.

Gardenarian
4-13-11, 5:58pm
I'm a physical person, always hugging, squeezing, kissing. Sometimes that is not what the other person needs (it's more of an expression of what I need.) So for me, it's realizing that hugs are not enough, and that I have to really pay attention to what is needed.

Anita
4-13-11, 8:43pm
Holding my DH and letting him know I'm there for him no matter what.Wich seems to be very important to him after the stroke.He saw some patients released to a nursing home instead of their own home.He will never go to a nursing home as long as I'm alive,
Anita