Giving up the past/fantasy selves

[RoseQuartz]

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[Ultralight]

This is complicated emotionally and simple logistically.

What strategies have you approached this room with before?

Like:

"This is how I am going to declutter this room...."

[nswef]

I think if you just dump it all, you will feel better. Sometimes we think we need to "face the pain of the past" but sometimes it is better to get rid of it all without reliving it. You certainly aren't a fraud for having a hard time letting go. Your logic has told you what to do . You might start eith the unfinished projects- just bag them up, without looking too closely and send them to Good will or the TRASH. Saying a letting go chant as you dump it might also help.

[catherine]

I'm sure you'll get really good advice from several people here, but I just wanted to say that I understand and relate to what you say about stubborn impasses when it comes to specific types of things. For me, I also am not a hoarder, but find it really difficult to throw out letters or cards that people have sent to me. Also, our garage is a disaster, because it definitely has become the way-station for old books on their way to the library sale; old trinkets on their way to a garage sale we always say we're going to have and never do; boxes of things my kids left behind that I don't feel I can rightfully dump without their permission; walls of master video tapes from when my DH was editing full time, etc, etc. I have a hard time getting rid of the projects my kids brought home from school. I have old birdhouses they made and masks they made and little pottery things and I just find it hard to throw them out!!!

My only suggestion might be to read Marie Kondo's book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up--because she acknowledges that some things are easier to get rid of than others, and so she takes you through the easy stuff and the later chapter(s) are on the sentimental stuff. If you've already pared way back in some of the areas she addresses up front, maybe you can go right to the later chapters.

Or maybe get a friend in there to motivate you and spur decision making in that one room. Or book a 1-800-JUNK truck for a specific day.

[Dhiana]

I agree with NSWEF, just dump it all.

Even better, can you ask/hire someone to just pick it all up and haul it away for you?

Start fresh with an empty room and reclaim it with the best of the new you.

[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[Ultralight]

Do you have any family members or friends who would help you tackle this room or help you tackle the emotional issues associated with the room?

Or are you really on your own with this?

The cryptics definitely make understanding the situation a little tricky.

[Teacher Terry]

Thrift stores will send a truck out to pick up stuff they can sell and will take furniture too. also if you have a good friend that would be willing to help I would ask them.

[shadowmoss]

FlyLady, back when she was actually useful (/snark off) said she once cleared out a room that was stuff full of stuff by just taking one thing out a day. A similar thing might help? Just deal with one thing at a time, once a day/week/month. Also, yes, call a thrift pickup to come get the large furniture and get it out of your way.

[Ultralight]

FlyLady, back when she was actually useful (/snark off) said she once cleared out a room that was stuff full of stuff by just taking one thing out a day. A similar thing might help? Just deal with one thing at a time, once a day/week/month. Also, yes, call a thrift pickup to come get the large furniture and get it out of your way.

This is a good idea for really tough decluttering locations. A person could totally clear out an entirely packed one-car garage in a year -- if that was one's only tough area.

What happened to FlyLady, btw?

[Chicken lady]

I want you to take a moment an consider actually taking an ax to the large horrid pieces of furniture. It might be cathartic.

imagine yourself going into the room and standing up for the person you were then. Saying all the things you would like to say. Yelling them and chopping up the furniture....

i have burned things in the past. It is very satisfying and makes a very clean, clear, end. But you can't do that inside a house.

[Ultralight]

I want you to take a moment an consider actually taking an ax to the large horrid pieces of furniture. It might be cathartic.

I am with Chicken lady on this! I just didn't have the chutzpah to say it. haha

[jp1]

I actually agree with chicken lady too. The idea reminds me of the story a friend told me of when she broke up with her fiancé many years ago after discovering that he had been unfaithful to her the entire time they'd been together. She was throwing his things out the bedroom window onto the front lawn of the house. And once she'd accomplished that she saw the cat litter box, took it to the window and dumped its contents out the window on top of all his clothes while shouting her feelings about him for all the neighbors to hear.

[Ultralight]

I actually agree with chicken lady too. The idea reminds me of the story a friend told me of when she broke up with her fiancé many years ago after discovering that he had been unfaithful to her the entire time they'd been together. She was throwing his things out the bedroom window onto the front lawn of the house. And once she'd accomplished that she saw the cat litter box, took it to the window and dumped its contents out the window on top of all his clothes while shouting her feelings about him for all the neighbors to hear.

I think that if a guy did that to a woman (for the same reasons) he'd be universally hated and probably thrown in jail.

[Dhiana]

I want you to take a moment an consider actually taking an ax to the large horrid pieces of furniture. It might be cathartic.

imagine yourself going into the room and standing up for the person you were then. Saying all the things you would like to say. Yelling them and chopping up the furniture....

+1 Agree with Chicken Lady, also. Seriously. It's within your own home, not illegal, and would be so very cathartic!

Then call someone to bring a truck to take it all to the dump. Close that chapter of your life and move on to the next :)

[Dhiana]

Single most satisfying movie scene. Ever.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjsSr3z5nVk

[RoseQuartz]

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[iris lilies]

...I don't think I could have a truck come unless I was drunk, and I don't drink. The thought of having strangers in my house removing junk in broad daylight sounds really humiliating...
oop.

here I am, sitting with a glass of red wine, fantasizing about the day
I will hire people to clean out my attic, my garage, and much of the basement. Hire, or maybe I will even throw open the doors to people in the neighborhood to say"come and get it." In my fantasy I've moved to a 550 sq ft place house with beautiful, rich surfaces, where everythng is small but of the highest quality, and junk and stuff does not reign over me.

This is not to say you are wrong OP, it is just to illustrate that we are all different people with different phobias and values. I would have no,problem with peole movng stuff out of my house.

[Geila]

Some years ago my SIL and her hubby moved across the country and "generously" gave us most of their household stuff as they didn't want to pay to move it. We didn't want their stuff but could see that it was hard for them to get rid of it so we let them put it in our garage and they didn't have to do the emotionally difficult part of getting rid of it. After they left, we loaded everything up and took it to Goodwill.

If you hire junk movers to clear out the stuff they don't have to know how it got there or anything. As far as they know, someone could have died. Or moved. Or whatever. I doubt they'll care.

I've gotten rid of stuff that brought back painful memories or memories of people who I didn't want in my life. I have always felt better for it afterwards. Never once regretted it. It has felt like releasing an emotional hook that was hurting me and dragging me down.

[Teacher Terry]

WE are all different. I can't stand to throw away stuff that is still good so I always thrift store, donate or sell it on CL. If we have big pieces I call the truck and I have done this for a few of my friends too.

[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[Teacher Terry]

If I lived near you I would come help:)) I have done this for a few friends that could not bare to do it. I send them away for a weekend and take care of it with my hubby. For one couple I made them a few grand selling a bunch of their stuff. I am a sick person who finds that kind of stuff fun. More then 1 friend suggested I make a business out of it but then it would be too much like work.

[RoseQuartz]

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[jp1]

I think that if a guy did that to a woman (for the same reasons) he'd be universally hated and probably thrown in jail.

Apparently he showed up to pick up his things while she was still standing in the window ranting, holding the empty litter box. He thought it was hysterical, and a perfect example of her 'spunky personality' that he had liked so much about her in the first place.

[Teacher Terry]

Rose: it just is different when it is your own stuff. Sending hugs to get this horrible task completed so you can get your house back:))

[KayLR]

And thanks for the offer; If you were local I'd let you come help! ;)

How far north ARE you?

[nswef]

RoseQuartz, Consider yourself hugged and surrounded with good thoughts. You will figure this out. I love the ax idea! We got rid of a hide a bed that way and some toilets...sledge hammer reduced the toilets to a bag of chips. The hide a bed was harder. Good luck to you!!!

[Meezer_Mom]

Prayers up!

[pony mom]

Since it's going to be so difficult for you emotionally, I don't know whether it's better to do it in tiny steps (prolonging the misery), or go through everything all at once (major wallop). Perhaps if you focus on how you will feel when all of this is out of your house, it'll give you the incentive to bite the bullet and deal with it once and for all.

All the negative feelings you have towards the people associated with the stuff isn't healthy for you. Just remember that anger is like a poison you take to make someone else sick.

If some things are still useful, like crafty-type things, maybe donating them to a school or sr. home or someplace like that will change how you feel about all of it, reversing the negative feelings connected with them. I don't like getting rid of useful things either, but once it's out of the house, it's forgotten.

[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[RoseQuartz]

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[SiouzQ.]

The release you experience once you get over this hurdle will be so worth it! I remember many many years ago I had a small box of full of police reports/child support/visitation agreement documents, etc and other unsavory items from my mentally ill ex-husband that I had had to obtain in order to support my quest for full custody of my daughter. As soon as she turned 18 I knew I had to get them out of my closet because it felt like they were hidden away there festering. For some reason for a long time I didn't want to go through the emotional hassle of sitting there in my bedroom shredding these things because I knew I would want to reread the stuff in those files and it would have been so depressing. Eventually, I made myself just get out the box of documents, put on my blinders, and turn the papers upside down so I wouldn't see any of the text and I got it all shredded, 3 pieces of paper at a time. It took awhile that day, but I was so glad it was finally out of house!

The last piece of it was a bag of stuff my husband had given to our daughter as a "gift" when she was ten. He was horribly mentally ill at the time and the contents of the bag made no sense whatsoever but they it had a sinister quality to it because I remember how freaked out she was when she opened the bag. One summer I was traveling in the UP of Michigan so I took the bag with me and dumped it into a nasty dumpster at a campground along Route 2 and drove away feeling like the sickness was finally all gone from my life in some way!

Fast forward many years, I have come to see so clearly about how literally GETTING RID OF OLD BAGGAGE allows you to move on and forward with your life. I have become such a good declutterer because I am addicted to the feeling of letting the past go in order to be able to move ahead and now I get to do what I want to do with the rest of my life! You CAN do this, schedule the day, set aside the time and embrace getting it over with. I t is a valuable part of the healing process!

[Float On]

You are going to be so much stronger on the other side of this task. You can do it! Just think of the freedom that cleared out space will represent. You are working towards a new beginning. I love a clean slate and you are part way there just by having a plan.

[KayLR]

I'm so glad your friend is going to help you...I hope it is a new beginning for you.

[Ultralight]

:+1:
I'm so glad your friend is going to help you...I hope it is a new beginning for you.

[Ultralight]

You are going to be so much stronger on the other side of this task. You can do it!

I echo this!

[Teacher Terry]

So happy your friend will help. Looking forward to the happy ending!

[ToomuchStuff]

There is a company here, called ****got Junk. You call and point to what you want gone and they take it. Might be something to consider.

[RoseQuartz]

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[Ultralight]

A tiny update, my friend is still a week out from coming over to help me do the BIG epic "goodbye stuff" party, but I've removed 4 large boxes of items myself and donated them. No bad feelings at all, and like usual, I start to get addicted to the feeling of being free so I'm anticipating this momentum will continue. :)

And I feel pretty good because my friend has said that she needs my "manpower" to help her rearrange some heavy items, and that's my specialty so I don't have to feel like the needy one. I get to help her too.

Excellent news on both points!

[Teacher Terry]

Those are the best friendships where help is given both ways. Congrats on doing some of it yourself.