View Full Version : do other single parents?
Just never get it all done? I mean really, this is in finances because I just can't keep up with things in this area. I used to be soooo good at these things but I am dealing with having lost all my tax paperwork and trying to recreate it, having a mound of mail I have not opened, kids mad I am not home because I work 7 days a week, can't get any bills under control like the phone bill or groceries, and I have 4 mental health appointments this week for the family to deal with us all being cracked. I have a counselor I am working with about the issues of not opening mail and dealing but I think we are looking at the wrong problem, I really truly and honestly have so little time.
It seems each thing becomes so much bigger than it should be, downloading one book became a week of grief (btw I got it to work with my debit card so I get my 15 minutes of reading a day back). Letting my daughter move back in and now I can't find my paperwork because the office table I had set up is now taken down to make room for her. My boyfriend is great but he has a lot more free time and he is not a husband so I am not putting him in that role (he is very understanding about my time issues). Even my mom comes to help with me getting my car fixed but I cannot get to that because a tooth needed fixing and I am still dealing with tax paperwork so she just made dinner and vaccuumed.
It is starting to look to others like I really don't want help with things but I would take it, these are just things I need to do myself. The kids can make dinner but not handle bills and paperwork that all takes decisions and juggling and all that. It all feels so complicated, I don;t just have a phone and a phone bill I have upgrades and overages and money to collect from the grown daughter on my account, or I spend whatever time getting our phone separated and that takes another chunk of time.
Okay that was just a huge freakin vent ya know.
Hugs! If it makes you feel better I am one of three adults in my household (DH and my Dad) and I still sometimes feel like we never get it all done.
Thank you, just it has all built up with tax day and mental health issues. I am splurging on a coping starbucks this am.
Tax day gets to a lot of people. I always get a little panicky before I hit the submit button on the taxes. It's so freaking complicated. I think a theraputic starbucks once in a while is a good thing. It's cheaper and less destructive than most forms of self medication. :)
rodeosweetheart
4-19-11, 10:14pm
I am thinking of trying a new organizational book--I am in a rut lately and don't feel at all productive. My circumstances are not the same as yours, but the feeling of being grossly overworked and overfunctioning is the same, and I realize that I am the only one that can figure out how to change my life so that it is back under my control and that heck, I am enjoying it! Because right now, neither of those conditions is present. So I am looking for a new "system" since I do well with systems and not reinventing the wheel.
I am definitely concentrating more on boundaries, though, since all the other people seem to want to take one's time and use one's energy, and I gotta get control of that!
I understand., I found all my tax paperwork tonight and then my daughter got hysterically crying and took my car and ran so she wouldn't have to go to a psychiatrist appointment. So no wonder I have a hard time getting paperwork done.
BTW the best book I know on the subject is Organizing from the Inside out by Julie Morgenstern
Love that Morgenstern book!
And yes, other single parents don't get it all done! :)
It helps me to think of my life in seasons or cycles. This is the season of my life that is busy w/ the kids busyness and activities. This is not the season of my life that I read books. That will come, when I get them out of the house. The books will wait for me.
I don't like that big mound of paperwork waiting for me to deal with, it makes me anxious. So I deal with each piece of paper as it comes in. This involves creating systems to deal with the papers: mail, tax papers, doctors appointments, field trip permission slips, etc. I don't go to bed until that day's papers have been dealt with. It took a little while to get to that point. Our calendar is an awesome document. People have come to the house, seen the thing posted on the refrigerator and said, "Wow," and nothing else.
But yes, it is possible for a single parent to get done what they need to get done. I do. And I am working 50-55 hour/week, sometimes 15 hour days and I have three kids home like you. They don't have the same special needs that your kids do, but they do have their own particular needs.
I am not intended this post as a scold, you certainly don't need a new source of frustration, but as a beacon of hope. It is possible. It. Is.
edited for typos
It IS much harder to maintain the focus to get things done though, even if you have a great system in place and are a natural organizer, if you have a child with significant mental health issues. Mine has taken over my daily life the past week. It will settle down at some point, but I just wanted to acknowledge that sometimes, 'life is in the interruptions....'
It IS much harder to maintain the focus to get things done though, even if you have a great system in place and are a natural organizer, if you have a child with significant mental health issues. Mine has taken over my daily life the past week. It will settle down at some point, but I just wanted to acknowledge that sometimes, 'life is in the interruptions....'
Yes. And I have this at my house too. All the more reason to have some systems in place because, when the poo hits the fan you need some things to be on automatic pilot.
I am NOT unsympathetic to Zoe Girl's problems and concerns. I don't think things will get better for her until some of her systems change. I was offering another perspective.
It would be wonderful if some loving man, or benevalent government program swooped down and made things better for her. It is my life experience that that rarely happens.
For me, life got better when I stopped feeling sorry for myself (well, for a bit...I still do far too often) and started problem solving.
YMMV.
I was a single parent for years and yes, I did get done what needed to get done. It is possible. Add my post to Fawn's ray of light. It can be different:-)
Oddly, I am not surprised this thread died when a couple of do-gooder single moms offered another way instead of endless sympathy......:~)
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