Close friend attempted suicide

[Stella]

I just found out through a mutual friend that one of my close friends is in the hospital after a suicide attempt. Her ex found her in the garage with the car on after she left cryptic text messages on his phone and another friend's phone. I've known she was in a bad place for a while, but I didn't realize it was this bad.

She has a 10 year old son who is not her ex's kid, so in addition to worrying about her I am worrying about him. I don't know where he'll go. She doesn't have family nearby. I'm hoping he goes with the step-dad, who he lived with most of his life.

Please keep them both in your thoughts and prayers! I don't actually know what protocol is here. I don't know if I'd be allowed to go see her, or if that is a good idea. I do want to see her.

[Kat]

(((stella))) I'm so sorry! I will be praying for you, for her, and for her family.

[earthshepherd]

I know when I had problems with depression in my twenties, when my first husband left my young daughter and I, I appreciated every friend who called or came to see me, and what's peculiar about it is this -- many years later, I don't remember a single word anyone said to me during that time. It's like a dark blur. But I remember the faces of my friends and family members who were there for me, like rays of sunshine breaking through the dark. So support her, please -- even just a card, maybe, for now, followed by visits and calls when the time is right. Bless you stella and your friend!

[ejchase]

So sorry to hear about your friend, Stella.

I wouldn't worry about protocol, just say what you feel: "I knew you were in a bad place, but I didn't know it was this bad. What can I do? What do you need? Is there something I can do for your son?"

All that matters is that you show her by your actions that you care.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[lhamo]

I agree with those above -- don't worry about protocol, do what feels right. Knowing you care and are there for her at this difficult time will mean a lot to her. Anything you can do for her son would also be wonderful.

Thank god her ex found her. Hope she can get the help she needs to come back to sunnier place in life.

lhamo

[iris lily]

That is just awful. When young people are so hopeless about their life, it's a tragedy.

[Kat]

I agree with other posters that a show of friendship and support would be nice. Sometimes people in situations like this end up feeling even more alone because their loved ones, unsure of what to say or do, take no action because they are worried about saying or doing the wrong thing . I think just being there and letting her know you care is important.

[Rosemary]

Oh Stella - that is so terrible, on so many levels.
I hope that you are able to see her and talk with her, and that her son is in a safe, loving, comforting place now.

[loosechickens]

I agree with the others...even if it's just a note at this moment, letting her know that you care is important. One reason people get to such a state where suicide seems a good option is they feel their problems are insurmountable, they don't feel they have love and support in their life, and it just seems so hopeless that suicide seems like the answer.

So glad she is o.k. and they found her in time, and that her son has a safe, comforting place to be. Just do what feels right to you, you have excellent instincts in this regard.

[Stella]

Thank you everyone! I am very upset by this. Zach talked to her ex today and he did not, as of this afternoon, know where her son would be. I may be watching their youngest son, age 2, later this week when his mom usually has him so the dad can go to work. Zach forgot to ask what hospital she is at so I am going to see if I can find out after the kids go to bed. The ex wasn't sure they were letting her have visitors at the moment, but when they do I'm going to try to go see her.

I'm honestly afraid of them letting her out. For a couple of months now she's waffled between seeming broken, fragile and erratic and seeming like her normal, rational self. It's been hard to know which one she'll be on any given day. She's fallen in with some people I think are really unhealthy for her.

I attempted suicide in my teens and I honestly don't remember if anyone came to see me or not. It's such a blur. My sense is that I didn't want people around, but that having them around was helpful anyway. I was embarassed, but deep down I appreciated knowing I was loved.

[danna]

Stella..Just sending hugs for all of you.

[fidgiegirl]

((((Stella & friend & her kids))))

[ejchase]

Stella - I would love to hear an update on your friend if you have time to give us one.

I think the fact that you have also felt suicidal at one point in your life could make you a very valuable "reality check" for your friend right now. It seems like you could share your feelings about your life now (which seem very positive) as a way of giving your friend hope that her situation, too, could eventually improve.

Also, the way you describe your friend's behavior (e.g. "erratic") suggests her problems may be at least partially chemical and that she may need some medication. If she does have some kind of chemical imbalance, I would encourage you to help her see that that problem is often treatable just like many other chronic illnesses are - for some reason, we are so hard on ourselves about taking medication for "mood issues" when we wouldn't think twice about taking them for other illnesses such as diabetes.

In any case, I for one would love to hear how she's doing!

[Anne Lee]

How tragic. I can't imagine how much pain she must be in to attempt this when she has children. I hope she gets the help she needs and is able to get back on her feet for her own sake and the sake of the children.

[Stella]

Sure I can give you guys an update. She seems to have scared herself straight to some extent. I visited her in the hospital and she was determined never to end up there again. She said she didn't know what had come over her. She thought that if she killed herself her kids would get her life insurance money.

She came over last weekend and we had a good time. We talked about having a moms and kids spa party and she was really excited about that, planning while she painted my kids' nails. I realize that is a little thing, but I fought it was good to hear her being positive and looking forward to something.

Later her oldest son and I had a good talk and later I refereed a talk between the two of them. I think it went pretty well. Her son wants to start hanging out with Zach and me more often and do "guy stuff" (his words) like canoeing and fishing.

There is still a lot of upheaval and stress in their lives. She is losing her house, among other things, but I don't think she'll try to kill herself again.

[Kat]

Thanks for the update, Stella. I am so glad to hear that she seems to be doing a little better. Honestly, I think most people--at one point in their lives or another--feel like giving up. I know I have. My heart really goes out to those people, though, who feel like there is no other way out and act on it. They must feel so hopeless and be in so much pain. Kudos to you for being such a sweet and caring friend. :-)