View Full Version : Our house is never really nice
I mean it is a nice house - but I go to other people's homes and everything seems organized and clean. I realize more and more, that the older I get, the more I want this.
How can you start a new program on organizing and cleaning a home. I am in my mid fifties and the house has always been more or less cleanish, and more or less tidy, but not organized.
If I went to the buffet right now in the living room the drawers would be a mish mash. My closet is sorta functional but not really nice.
What makes a routine that would keep the house nicer.
When people come to stay I have to go on a huge cleaning frenzy and I don't want to anymore.
I tried Flylady but she wasn't quite right for me. ANy other thoughts?
It wasn't long ago that I finally really 'got' organizing.
Basically, it comes down to creating a place for everything to go, and then always putting it there.
We used to keep batteries, for instance, in 3 different places. Now they are all in one bin in a closet, labeled "batteries." In theory even my DH could find them (but in practice... ;) )
Bastelmutti
4-29-11, 8:40pm
I feel that way, too, and I think that Rosemary is right about everything having a place. That and getting rid of as much stuff as possible to lessen the effort involved in organizing. We haven't gotten there yet, though, and kids and cats complicate the situation a bit. Major decluttering is on my summer list.
Kally, you took the words right out of my mouth! I was thinking of posting something similar. When I was away recently for six weeks in a rental home, the home was NOT fancy, in fact it was very old-fashioned and basic. But somehow I found it incredibly easy to put things away as I went along. Nothing was out of place. I was comfortable with how it looked 24/7.
I vowed to carry those good habits back home with me--realizing that I need to work on the clutter factor as a primary strategy. But still--the house is just OK. I know I need to replace clean-but dirty-looking old 1970 vinyl tiles in the hall and family room. I know I need to declutter and find a home for everything. But I'm very frustrated at how I can't seem to get the routine down as easy as it was in my rental. And I don't really think my home is that cluttered. I don't like knick-nacks. When the house is picked up, it looks pretty simple and uncluttered, but suddenly there are jackets and dog leashes and coffee cups and mail etc etc that just seem to grow on their own!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way, anyway
fidgiegirl
4-29-11, 10:19pm
When the house is picked up, it looks pretty simple and uncluttered, but suddenly there are jackets and dog leashes and coffee cups and mail etc etc that just seem to grow on their own!
Us, too! Well, we do have a lot of decorations. The mail is bugging me lately. We have a lot of antiques and we have this antique table in the entryway that just gathers everything but DH doesn't want me to set up a recycling/organizing spot right there. He wants to "take care" of the mail right away, which when he was a bachelor meant reading it in the bathroom and leaving it there!!!
I'm torn on this issue. On one hand the clutter makes me stressed. On the other, I like to have my stuff around me - like books and things where I use them. But I'd pretty much have to pick up everyday to have it less cluttered. And that takes time. And I don't like too many things that "have" to be done on working days (which is almost every day). And then there's DH who will declutter pretty good sometimes, but not daily. I don't want to get into the habit of it all being me and not him doing the cleaning, especially when I'm working now and he's not. Ideally, I'd work less and keep things more picked up. But if I worked less, I'd be home more and use more stuff at home. Also, I've had to come to grips with the fact that we'll never have nice matching furniture and stuff like other people seem to. I just don't care that much. I don't want to have to worry about the expense or damaging nice things. Maybe we could post pictures of our unorganized houses to make each other feel better.
I used to live in a very, very messy home. And it drove me bonkers.
It was because of pride, really, that I lived that way -- even though i was unhappy with it. DH comes from pack rats, and so took on the behaviors. He also never had to do indoor chores, so never learned those basics (or how to cook for that matter -- he's learning now). So, when we were living together when I was 20-30, and we were both working, I didn't think it was fair for me to do all of the household chores, and he would put up a fight about doing any of them as well. So, I would do the chores every-other week, but I couldn't touch his "stuff." I was essentially "ruled" by his stuff, because I refused to do whatever he refused to do (eg, sort the mail).
Ultimately, I decided that if I wanted a clean, organized home, I needed to buck up and do it myself. He wasn't going to (not without a fight) and I didn't want to fight about it. No, it's not "fair." But I am living the life I want. And he does help out if I ask him directly and it's within the parameters of things he's comfortable with -- taking out trash, vacuuming, putting the wash from the washer to the dryer. He also does a fair bit of cooking and is a great dad.
In order to do this, I first had to do a major declutter. The first one took 18 months. Felt amazing. DH did help because I set particular goals. If we do this, then these renovations will happen to the house while we are on vacation (new floors and new paint -- i'd saved up enough money to pay cash for all three things!). So, he was motivated by that.
Then, it was just setting up a decluttering schedule. Once a day, we do a 10-minute tidy which includes decluttering any space that isn't tidy. It literally takes no longer than that. What stemmed out of this -- from both of us -- was a constant state of decluttering. Eg. DH would bring the mail in and sort it as soon as it got into the house. He would then put the bills where they belonged, put letters/personal mail where they belonged, and recycled the junk mail. He would hang up his coat, put away his shoes, etc etc. I would do the same with whatever I'd brought in that day.
In addition to these, we set up on-going declutterings. Once a week we would see if anything needed to be done. If not, then no big deal (most of it is handled daily). Once a quarter, we would go through and do our closets (to change out seasonal clothes, evaluate what we had and what we need, etc). Once a year, we would go through books, magazines, personal papers, and various things we had archived and decide what would stay and what would go.
This made it easier to keep a decluttered home.
In addition, I came up with a livable cleaning schedule. I"m actually quite speedy, and so i divided chores up pretty easy. In our 1300 sq ft place (our house before moving to NZ), I would do kitchen on Monday (including wiping out the fridge), bathrooms on tuesday (1.5 baths), downstairs sweep/dust on wednesday, upstairs sweep/dust on thursday (including stairs), windows on fridays. Each chore took 30 minutes.
I would then devote another 15 minutes a day to the "everday" chores. These included things like the decluttering, laundry, dishes/clean-up, and related. most days, I was really only loading and unloading a dishwasher, you know? LOL I think we did laundry every 3rd day, and decluttering as you go along.
Once we had the kiddo, we actually had to set a rhythm for it. I still clean basically the one-chore-per-day thing, and parent, and work full time -- but it keeps my house as I like it. I do the dishes by hand now, which i find to be quicker than the dishwasher -- and we don't have a lot of dishes so we need them for the next meal anyway. We do laundry about every-other day. DH hates folding it and putting it away, so if he's going to take it out of the dryer, I ask that he put it in a laundry basket for me (a nice cane one with a lid) so that I can fold it and put it away before I go to bed.
But the real deal here is the tidy-away times. DS has free play all morning, but before lunch or before we leave the house, we do 10 minutes of tidy away (doesn't usually take that long). I sing a song and we tidy away his toys. This way, the house looks clean when we leave or when we are having lunch. Then he has more free play time (unless we are out or whatever), and so before dinner, there's another tidy away. Then, finally, before bed, DH and do a final tidy away of anything else -- laundry into the washing machine, decluttering paper, whatever needs to be done.
I find that these three things help:
1. declutter on an ongoing basis;
2. have a space for everything;
3. have extra space to "grow into."
Our book cases, for example, are usually only 2/3 full, if that. When they get full, we go through and do a cull of the books. Honestly, there are some we keep that we may never read again. Or, we take them to the offices for the reception -- so that others can read them. Or we pass them along to friends who can use them. It just helps me to have a space where things can go when I do bring them in, you know?
I need places to be clean and clutter free. I do my offices each week. Right now, I have one room that is a cluttered mess and it makes me crazy. I need to clean it out!
I found Julie Morgenstern's Organizing from the Inside Out to be invaluable. All the tips in the world will only go so far, until you change what's in your head.
This is from someone who used to collect organizing books. LOL.
I don't think I've ever mentioned it here - I got divorced last year. My ex had moved, taken what she wanted and left me with a huge amount of clutter and junk. I would not say she was a hoarder, but she could not distinguish between garbage and the good stuff - "cleaning" was often putting a large amount of items in a container to "sort" later, but it never would be.
I'm still working on it, but I found a simple rule that has helped a lot, even if it sounds very cliche. Everything has to have it's own place. If I pick up something that doesn't have a specific place, it either needs to get one, or it needs to go.
This has really cut down on the clutter and made the "places" I keep things easier to deal with. It makes it a lot easier to see the things that are not in their place. I know where everything is if I want to find it. And cleaning (not putting things away but actually cleaning) is so much easier.
I love the Unclutterer.com blog, and haunt the forums there a lot. There are a lot of great ideas there, and you can take a look at what's already been discussed and post your own questions. Everyone there is very helpful. Just reading the posts there keeps me motivated.
Also helpful for me over the past few years has been Don Aslett's "Is There Life After Housekeeping?" and his other cleaning books. "The Joy of Less" by Francine Jay (aka Miss Minimalist, she has a blog) and "Unclutter Your Life in One Week" by Erin Doland (she runs Unclutterer) are two books I've just borrowed from the library and found helpful (although not so much as previously, since I've been decluttering for over a decade). For me, decluttering/simplifying came first *then* financial integrity. There are many other minimalist/simple living blogs out there. If you start looking at the links on blog sites you like, you can often find others that interest you. Take from them what you want, and leave everything else behind - there are a *lot* of conflicting opinions out there. Good luck!
tgardella
4-30-11, 10:25am
I mean it is a nice house - but I go to other people's homes and everything seems organized and clean. I realize more and more, that the older I get, the more I want this.
How can you start a new program on organizing and cleaning a home. I am in my mid fifties and the house has always been more or less cleanish, and more or less tidy, but not organized.
If I went to the buffet right now in the living room the drawers would be a mish mash. My closet is sorta functional but not really nice.
What makes a routine that would keep the house nicer.
When people come to stay I have to go on a huge cleaning frenzy and I don't want to anymore.
I tried Flylady but she wasn't quite right for me. ANy other thoughts?
You might want to tackle one small area at a time, for example you mentioned your closet. Start by decluttering -- get rid of any item you haven't worn in a year and anything that doesn't fit. Next, think about exactly why your closet is not totally functional for you today. What would make it better for you? (For example, maybe you can't find your shoes in the morning because your closet is dark and your shoes are in a pile on the floor of your closet. You could put in a light and get a shoe rack.) You'll find that once your closet (or any space) works better for you, you'll be more inclined to put things away each day. If it's difficult to put things away because of lack of space or convenience, you'll resist.
fidgiegirl
4-30-11, 11:33am
But the real deal here is the tidy-away times. DS has free play all morning, but before lunch or before we leave the house, we do 10 minutes of tidy away (doesn't usually take that long). I sing a song and we tidy away his toys. This way, the house looks clean when we leave or when we are having lunch. Then he has more free play time (unless we are out or whatever), and so before dinner, there's another tidy away. Then, finally, before bed, DH and do a final tidy away of anything else -- laundry into the washing machine, decluttering paper, whatever needs to be done.
Thanks for this tidbit, Zoebird, and your whole story. This seems like something that it would be easy to adopt as a habit, especially with kids. I have a fear that if we have kids our house will be overrun with mess and crap and we will never be able to manage it. But even without kids, the before-bed tidy away would help us here. Sometimes we leave little things undone for days and then it builds up a stress much greater than the two minutes of delayed bedtime to take care of it.
fidgiegirl
4-30-11, 11:38am
I don't think I've ever mentioned it here - I got divorced last year. My ex had moved, taken what she wanted and left me with a huge amount of clutter and junk. I would not say she was a hoarder, but she could not distinguish between garbage and the good stuff - "cleaning" was often putting a large amount of items in a container to "sort" later, but it never would be.
I'm still working on it, but I found a simple rule that has helped a lot, even if it sounds very cliche. Everything has to have it's own place. If I pick up something that doesn't have a specific place, it either needs to get one, or it needs to go.
This has really cut down on the clutter and made the "places" I keep things easier to deal with. It makes it a lot easier to see the things that are not in their place. I know where everything is if I want to find it. And cleaning (not putting things away but actually cleaning) is so much easier.
I am sorry you had to deal with that behavior. It sounds like she had a tendency to do what's called "churning," where hoarders (even though you say she wasn't one, but maybe she had some tendencies) can't really fathom how to organize their stuff so they just kind of move it around and rearrange it and feel that has done something. My mother does this, too. It's very frustrating as a co-member of the household to watch it and have to help them "clean out" those boxes again several months later. Boo. (ETA: I really did read about "churning" in a book about hoarders but now I can't remember what it was called - sorry!)
Also your rule about everything its place sounds really helpful. There are a few problem articles around here that just never really have a good spot and they drive me nuts! This is part of why I covet having a dedicated office room: no having the backup harddrive sitting out in the living room because that's the only spot we use the computer, or making stacks of paper on the desk in the living room to later be filed in the file cabinet upstairs. If they were all together, I'd be so much better at just putting them there!
Gardenarian
5-2-11, 4:39pm
Hi -
I used the book Sidetracked Home Executives: from Pigpen to Paradise and found the system outlined to be incredible helpful. The title is terrible; don't let that put you off.
I was a completely clueless housekeeper for many years. Since getting this book and using this system, my house is pretty much tidy all the time - and I don't put a lot of work into it.
The one area that continued to drive me crazy was the dinining room table; it was always covered with homeschooling detrititus. I have since moved the table to the far end of the living room and turned the dining room into our sitting room. Sometimes "out of sight, out of mind" is the best solution - though I'm totally on board with "a place for everything, and everything in its place.
I am not at all minimalist (I probably have 2000 books) and if I can manage to make my place presentable, anyone can. Truly.
Here is a link to the book on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Sidetracked-Home-Executives-TM-Paradise/dp/0446677671/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1304367830&sr=1-1
I used the S.H.E. (Sidetracked Home Executives) model when I had three kids at home. It worked so well for me that I don't need it anymore. Also the kids have grown up, and I am sure that makes a difference. Apparently FLYlady is based on the original S.H.E. plans.
Our house has been under renovation/construction for nearly a year now and we are all the worse for wear. The floors have been ruined by the dirt tracked in (will refinish the hardwood in June when the contractors are DONE) and we do plan to get a couple of pieces of furniture. So parts of the house are very nice but others....not at all. I have been painting and decluttering but sometimes you really need to get the bloody renovations finished!
This morning my journal was about clutter and depression. For most of my life, I find that the clutter builds up and the depression and feeling like I'm unable to function come right along with it. Honestly, I'm not sure if it's the depression that leads to the clutter or vice versa, but I'll get to a place where I realize I'm just miserable with the mess and clear it all out, at which point I'm happier and more functional again. Again, not sure if that's because the depression has lifted and I'm inspired to organize, or if I'm not as depressed and frozen because I'm not trapped under a pile of disorganized junk.
I don't have a great answer for you, Kally. Just wondering if the feeling that things are overwhelmingly not-nice comes and goes along with some other mood, or stands alone. I know that since moving in with another person who is something of a clutterbug, the mess seems more ... hopeless. it's Always here like a weight, the flow of additional complication and chaos seems just eternal. I want to be surrounded with simple beauty and instead i feel like there's an agenda to clutter and uglify every day.
But I'm planning to tackle the depression and see if some of the clutter - or the dissatisfaction with it - clears up on its own accord. Somehow, I think it's more than just being lazy or a little disorganized that keeps this crap coming back - although I would also like a primer on how to get it done and keep it done!
I am working on this also. I get helpful ideas about decluttering and organization from the Apartment Therapy blogs.
kib: my husband is the same. He grew up in a very cluttered home, and also a very anxious one. When our home and offices are neat and tidy (and completely organized), he is mellow as can be. But when there are little pile-ups of stuff around, he gets very anxious.
for my own part, the easiest thing for me is "do it now." instead of putting something down, i put it in it's home. It just makes it easier in the long run. For example, i'm fairly notorious for leaving my bath towel "where-ever." I usually wrap my head after showering, and when it falls off, i leave it there. Or, this was my habit. Now, i just go and put it back on the rack -- no matter what I'm doing. Seriously, I could be mid-email or some such and just get up and do it right then. I actually don't get distracted by it -- waiting is distracting now.
so, it's been a good habit.
it's also great for my work. I get through 90% of my lists these days because of "do it now." The invoicing is the heaviest part of my job, and I'm able to do it very quickly now. It works out well. :)
pamlstano
5-26-11, 12:10am
As per your sounds, You are habituated means you do anything at that time. I am impressed. I have seen that the key of neat and tidy home is depend on wife. Hope some wife inspire from you and make their home neat and clean.
fidgiegirl
5-26-11, 8:23am
Any news on this, kally? How are you feeling about it now?
I'm still working on it, but I found a simple rule that has helped a lot, even if it sounds very cliche. Everything has to have it's own place. If I pick up something that doesn't have a specific place, it either needs to get one, or it needs to go.
This is key, and if it means decluttering a little at a time to make space, just do it. I usually start the decluttering at one particular place in a room, like now as I work my way from the entrance of my kitchen to the right, bit by bit. Just getting one shelf cleared, cleaned, and organized gives me a great feeling of satisfaction.
I've also trained myself to put things back where they came from IMMEDIATELY. Hence, I never arrive at the supermarket with no cloth shopping bags, for instance. As soon as they're empty they go back to the car behind the driver's seat, or at the very least (such as when I'm in my jammies) on a table near the front door which is specifically for things that are going out that door.
My clue to just when to declutter is when I begin to forget what I have and where I might have put it. It's a sure sign to me that the stuff has built up too much.
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.