Should I or shouldn't I?

[Geila]

I have neighbors across the street who own a large Labradoodle. They live in a 1-bedroom apartment and keep him in their very small patio. The poor dog just lays there all day, every day. He is thin, dirty, scraggly, hair is very patchy, showing signs of clumps falling off, and the hair that he does have is overgrown and looks matted and tangled. I know from experience that those knots are very painful for dogs. When I've walked up to say hi to the neighbors, he sweetly and quietly comes to the fencing for me to pet him.

The owners are in very bad physical shape, they have both been taken out in stretchers and ambulances in the past few months. The husband is in a wheelchair having lost his legs to diabetes and the wife is morbidly obese. They have a 7-yr old daughter and a small dog they keep inside the apt. I have never seen them walking the dogs in the 2 years they've lived here.

Yesterday I saw one of the owners in the patio and I went over to him and asked if I could walk their dog and bring him over to my backyard for a play date with my dogs. They know who I am because I helped them find their small dog when it got out a few months ago (the dog was matted, dirty and his back section was covered in matted clumps of feces. I desperately wanted to take it home and bathe it but they were crying with relief at finding it so I just let it go.) Yesterday when I offered to walk them, the owner said, "sure, but not today." I came back and left them a note with my name and number and told them I could go over anytime. They said thanks. Today when I was walking back with my dogs I saw the woman on the patio and I said a cheery hello. She tried to ignore me but I kept waving and she finally said hi. I don't think they will take me up on my offer.

My question is, should I report them to animal services for neglect? If so, how long should I wait before I do it? I want to give them a chance to take me up on my offer, but not wait too long. I feel like I've already waited too long to help the dog. It's hard to talk to the owners because I can't access the building and they hardly ever go in the patio. So I don't even know their address, although I can take animal services to their patio.

If I report them, they will know for sure that it was me and might be angry. But it just breaks my heart every time I walk by and see that poor dog just laying there.

[Tradd]

Do it.

[KayLR]

I worry about the 7-yr-old, as well...wonder if she is cared for. What do you have to lose calling in? Their "friendship?" They're not likely to avenge, are they?

[iris lilies]

Doesnt hurt to report what you’ve seen since this falls into neglect.

[catherine]

They are already on the defensive. I think it would be REALLY hard for them to accept your help. Either find a way to weave your offer with compassion and understanding for their own personal situation, or just call Animal Protection and let the chips fall where they may. If a neighbor offered to take my dog, and I previously had no meaningful relationship with them, I'd know something is up, and I'd resist, unless that neighbor had been actively involved in concern about my own welfare beforehand. To them, you're just a busybody. So if you feel you need to call Animal Protection, do it, and accept the consequences in terms of future relationship with your neighbors.

[Teacher Terry]

Yes I would do it and I worry about the child also. Ugh!

[Simplemind]

Please call, don't delay.

[Geila]

I have not seen any signs of neglect with the child. When I've seen her she was happy and cheerful, normal weight, and looked just like a regular kid (no obvious signs of neglect like dirty clothes or face, no unkempt hair.) And I've never heard any loud voices or fighting.

I will call animal services and report it. Now I'm wishing that I had not said anything to them. But I really was hoping that they would let me take care of the dog, even hoping that they might ask me to take him. Naive, I guess. I would like to offer to keep him after animal services does their intake, if they take him. Is that too much? Would it be too much for the owners and make them think that it was all a ruse to steal their dog? They'll be able to see me walking him everyday. I think in their mind they do not see themselves as neglectful at all.

They are probably on section 8 housing, so I don't think they'll be moving anytime soon, as the housing is hard to get.

[Tradd]

After you call and if Animal Control investigates, it will be interesting to see if conditions inside the apartment end up with a call to social services about the 7 year old.

[iris lilies]

Yes they would likely think your actions are all a ruse to steal their dog.

Many people are basically quite stupid. They probably paid “good money“ for that designer dog. UGG.

Once the cops came into our house to question us about our neighbors’ missing dog. The dog was an unfriendly Chow chow, typical for that breed. Every time I went out our front door and he was in the yard I would talk to him. I would talk to the neighbors about their dog. I like Chows because they look like bears, but I think their personality sucks.

But I didn’t take it personally, I just wanted him to know me and maybe like me. I can’t remember if he barked at me or not, it’s possible he didn’t because Chows are not big barkers, they’re pretty quiet.

anyway, one day the Chow turned up missing. The neighbors, idiotic renters, have a fence that was not secured but for some reason they expected their dog to stay in the yard. And I guess the cops came to visit us because they had some idea that maybe we had taken their dog? Or I suppose he was just doing his due diligence after asking them if anyone had been particularly interested in their dog.


Anyway, they were quite stupid, like I wanted their cheapass dog.

But I suppose to them their dog had “monetary value “because the man of the house didn’t work, the woman was newly pregnant, they were very young, and probably paying more in rent and then they could afford. So their newly acquired dog was a vanity purchase they couldn’t afford. If I remember correctly the dog did come back at some point. And they moved soon after.

[catherine]

I will call animal services and report it. Now I'm wishing that I had not said anything to them. But I really was hoping that they would let me take care of the dog, even hoping that they might ask me to take him. Naive, I guess. I would like to offer to keep him after animal services does their intake, if they take him. Is that too much? Would it be too much for the owners and make them think that it was all a ruse to steal their dog? They'll be able to see me walking him everyday. I think in their mind they do not see themselves as neglectful at all.


Put yourself in their place. If I felt my beloved animal was doing just fine and some neighbor took it upon themselves to challenge my ability to care for it, I would be less than friendly toward that neighbor. I'd tell them, MYODB. I can't imagine a situation where I would tell the interloping neighbor "You're right. I'm endangering my beloved pet. It's my pet, and I see nothing wrong with how I'm caring for it, but I'd be willing to give it to you, a virtual stranger just because you think you could do better." In truth, they probably do feel bad, and they probably DO know their pet could be better cared for, but that doesn't mean they'll be responsive to you. I don't think they think you are trying to steal their dog. I think they are considering your offers as attacks on them as human beings.

Not saying you are wrong in calling in the Animal Protection people at all. I'm just saying that you'd have to have a close, trusting relationship with someone to be able to appeal to their better instincts in this situation.


ETA: Here's a similar situation I was once in. We lived in a rural area in upstate NY (kind of upstate). Across the street was a family where the parents worked every day and left the adolescent child at home (she was about 13 at the time). She would come to our house and play with my kids, which was great for me. She was a strong, feisty girl. But one night, when she left our house to go home, she returned quickly, looking incredibly fearful, and said that her parents had arrived home early. Apparently she was not allowed to come to our. house. They viewed me disparagingly as the "brownie-baking mom"--purely a defensive posture. But when we told D that she had to go home, we offered to take her, and she was so tensed up and fearful she was literally digging her heels into the ground. She had told us that when they beat her it was bad enough but when "they got out the hose, that REALLY hurt."

We explained to her parents that we had asked D to come to our house because we really needed someone to watch our kids for an hour, and we were so grateful she was available.

As soon as we got home we called Child Protective Services. I have no idea what happened after that because we moved shortly after. But it was a horribly heart-wrenching experience.

Point being: we would never have won them over or talked them into letting D help us out. We had to call the authorities. We never talked to them again.

[Geila]

Just to be clear, I offered to walk their dog and have him over for a play date with my two dogs. Not to take it from them. When I couldn't walk my dogs due to a foot injury, I paid a neighbor to walk them for me. I was offering to do it for free because I realize they have health issues. And I had HOPED they might realize they are not able to give it the care it needs and ask if I would be willing to give him a home. But I understand what you are saying; they probably do realize they are neglecting it and are defensive about it. I'll just have to be okay with the consequences.

I called it in to animal services and they have logged it, but told me that due to the covid situation they don't know when someone will be able to come out to investigate. I did feel stressed about calling it in, but would feel more stressed not doing it.

It makes me wonder where the line is drawn between neglect and abuse when an animal is involved. Being confined to a 4'x8' space and having to relieve yourself in the same space where you eat, and sleeping on a cement floor. That's what we do to prisoners. Except we give prisoners a cot and mattress to sleep on. The more I think about this the more it feels like abuse. I don't know if I'm just trying to justify my actions, or if I've been blind to it (consciously or not) until now.

[iris lilies]

You reported what you saw. It’s up to animal control determine what they do with that information. You are not creating the situation, you are not responsible for the situation, you are merely reporting what you see. And yes cities are very stressed right now. Our city animal control department is part of the health department and yeah gosh I think they have some other things to think about.

[razz]

You reported what you saw. It’s up to animal control determine what they do with that information. You are not creating the situation, you are not responsible for the situation, you are merely reporting what you see. And yes cities are very stressed right now. Our city animal control department is part of the health department and yeah gosh I think they have some other things to think about.

I agree, you don't own the problem or the solution.

[pinkytoe]

I live in a two story house and can partially see into the yard of the house behind me that is across the alley. One day, I heard a bunch of screaming and looked out to see a young man and woman having a loud and boisterous argument. She was chasing him with a broom and he was defending himself (I guess) by squirting her with a water hose. I felt like Gladys Kravitz spying on my neighbors and it was oddly amusing - at first. It became more and more physical and I feared for them so I called 911 anonymously. Within moments, about six cops showed up and spent about an hour trying to calm the young woman down as she screamed that she just wanted to die. It was a pretty awful thing to witness. I regret calling and if I could do it over, I think I would have just minded my own business. It's hard but...in the end, I can't control other's bad behavior.

[Tradd]

The woman who used to live above me had a lot of different boyfriends. Could tell from their voices and the way they walked, in addition to seeing them come in and out with her.

There was a while when Sunday nights were throw down nights. Very loud fights. I could hear him slap her and then she would hit the floor, all the while screaming and crying, begging him to stop hitting her. I called the cops multiple times. Don’t know what happened with the guys but she ended up moving.

[sweetana3]

Pinkytoe, what would you have felt if he had needed to push her and she fell, hit her head, and died? Would you regret not calling? A little embarrassment of having the police visit might have taught them something. Domestic violence is becoming more and more of an issue. We just lost a police officer to such a fight between a man and a woman.

We called the police long ago when a truck was across the street after midnight and people were moving stuff out of a trailer (mobile home park). Police turned up and it was neighbors moving out. A little embarrassment but what if they were stealing? We also called the police when a woman ran into our trailer asking for help with her husband "who had fallen in the snow". We were going out to help him when she added "he has a gun". Nope no way, called the police to help her. What if we either ignored her or tried to help? Let the professionals do their jobs.

[happystuff]

I call the police when I think it is needed. I would hate to think that my inaction resulted in someone getting hurt or killed.

And this goes both ways - if I am in a situation that someone else is witnessing, and they feel the police need to be called - please call! If I actually need help - THANK YOU! If I don't - thank you anyway for caring enough to do something "just in case"!

[Chicken lady]

I raise Nubian goats. A Nubian doe in heat sounds like a woman screaming. We’re pretty isolated, but sound carries. I’ve had the sheriff called twice.

The first time I answered the door and told them everything was fine. The second time Dh answered the door and called me out. I told the guy it was probably the goats and he asked to see them. Walked him around the property, had a nice conversation, let him pet my goat and gave him my number so he could check with me instead of coming out if we got called in again.

i really appreciate the effort he went to to get me away from Dh and have a private conversation just in case.

[Teacher Terry]

That’s funny CL! Glad the cop made sure you were okay.

[JakeSilva231]

Yeah, I don't think it would be a waste of a phone call. It's better to be reassured.

[sweetana3]

I agree with Iris lilies that people are generally stupid. We had a neighbor in a high end new subdivision in NC that had 4 kids. They went thru 3 or 4 nice dogs in two years. The kids AND dogs were neglected.

Not to the extent either would be taken away but the kids were unsupervised and the toddler was even lost at some point. The oldest was 10. They started fires, got into construction sites, came to my house because they were bored, etc. The dogs were chained up or loose. One got hit by car, one was crated in an uncooled garage for long periods, etc. They could not care for the kids and should not have tried to care for the dogs.

[JakeSilva231]

I hope all ended well in this situation!