Gifting question?

[fidgiegirl]

I have several expensive interpreting books and study materials from back in the day when I was trying to become a Spanish interpreter. Well, that dream never came to fruition but my niece is now trying to do the same. I think I have moved beyond that vision for myself and would like to part with my study materials.

At first I thought I would just give her some of the books but then I decided (maybe shouldn't have, but did and it's done) to look on Amazon to see how much they go for and they are listing for a LOT of money - $30, $50, $90 . . . and I don't doubt that they sell. However, there is no way to know for sure how well they sell.

So what do I do? I don't want to loan them because I really have no reason to have them back other than to sell them. I want to either give them or ask her to buy them. However, she has not asked for these materials. I would just feel like an idiot to go and sell them on Amazon without even asking her if she wants to take a look. Do I say I'm thinking of selling them and give her dibs? Do I say nothing and just go ahead and sell them? I am not sure I can just give them over for nothing. It feels really selfish to say that and I am embarrassed about it but it is true.

Ideas?

[danna]

I think I would tell her you are going to sell on Amazon and give her the first chance. That way if she doesn't take you up on it you won't feel bad.
Of course you will need to know what you will accept for them before you talk to here.

[Bastelmutti]

I would personally give her dibs. I am planning on giving some of my excess/older dictionaries and translation books to a young translator, but I love playing the mentor. And I want them to go to someone who will benefit from them as they join my profession. I just consider the price sunk cost since I needed them when I bought them, but now don't anymore. That's not to say that you'd be wrong to sell them - I think they will sell if that's what you want to do. There are also other ways to support your niece's dream.

[iris lily]

fidgie, I agree with danna, give you niece the option to buy them. There's nothing wrong with selling them.

[herbgeek]

I would gift them to the niece. The books are just sitting on your shelf now, not being used. Why not let someone you know and treasure benefit? It would be a generous gesture on your behalf. And since you've mentioned your family thinks you're "cheap", This would be an unexpected gesture that will leave them scratching their heads. Surely that is a benefit too. LOL.

[sweetana3]

I have seen books on Amazon and "Buy it Now" on Ebay that have ridiculous!!! prices listed (some in the hundreds of dollars). Book businesses can just let them sit until some ignorant person pays the price. Unless you have done extensive research, dont rely just on listing price as a true reflection of value.

Here you are balancing pure money which creates no relationships over family/future relationships/pay it forward. Money may be importanteeded/n and if so, realize what you might be giving up. Trading for money will never really develop future relationships only a business relationship. Your choice.

[rosarugosa]

What about gifting one of the books to your niece and selling the rest?

[leslieann]

Do not gift those books unless and until you are feeling the freedom to do so. If you are seeing them as money on the shelf, then give her "first refusal". If you can see them differently though, then gift them. Just know that if you gift them she gets to do whatever she wants to with them...they are a gift. (If, for example, she chose to sell them on Amazon, would you be okay with that?).

I agree with sweetana3 that here is a chance to build relationship. However, if you give the books while still thinking that you want to get something out of them you won't be giving with a free heart and there is a chance that that attachment might backfire.

I hope that makes sense. I hate gifts with strings. Either it is a gift or it is not but if you are still attached to the object (even if only because you could turn it into some very useful cash) giving it might create complications.

I actually have a number of professional books that are here on the shelf because I can't resolve the same dilemma. I supervise a doctoral student who might really like some of these books but I am not ready to make a gift of them....still attached....(sad, isn't it?)

[reader99]

Planning to sell them later IS a legitimate reason to lend them and expect them back. The neice gets what she needs and pays nothing, and at some future time you recover some of your cost.

Also, check them on Ebay but look at Completed Auctions and see what they actually went for.

[redfox]

What's more important right now, the cash you may get, or the possibility of gifting them? It's a serious question, and saying "the cash" is a legitimate answer. Ask yourself which would be the most personally satisfying.

[danna]

I do like Herbgeek's thought on confusing the family ...hehe
Another reason you may be holding back on giving them (this is one we have had issues with Ddil) will she appreciate/even remember in a month that you are gave them and will it really make any difference to her or will she just except more..

[bagelgirl]

I agree completely with danna. Biology flows downhill. That is to say that younger people expect things from older people. It is kind of the nature of life. Are you close to her? Will you be upset if she is not appreciative? Will she have a different career idea next month or in six months? They may just sit on her shelf. She may sell them.

I have passed on many an item to the young and they usually don't appreciate it as much as I felt they should. I'm used to it, though, and won't give anything that will really bother me. So think about it carefully. You don't owe her a thing.

[fidgiegirl]

I think you all have helped me get to the root of my reluctance - I am not sure she actually wants or would appreciate the books. I get the feeling she is going to "do this on her own" because I've told her I have all this stuff and that I did a lot of training and basically she never talks about it or asks anything. I can appreciate it, it is her journey and she wants to figure it out on her own.

I think I will go the route of asking if she would like to buy any and then moving on selling some of them. Or maybe not! They are GOOD books!

[Bastelmutti]

Oh, well then I wouldn't feel bad about selling them at all.

[iris lily]

Also consider that your books are "old" and even though language learning doesn't change, she is undoubtedly hooked into another program with its own methods and materials. And egos. :)

Sell your stuff, it's ok.

[JaneV2.0]

Unless I needed money badly, I would give the books away without a second thought.