ahhh teens

[Zoe Girl]

Can i say that teens are more exhausting and expensive than toddlers in daycare with expensive diapers and refusals to sleep. Dang it,

It is better to stick to only the most current things, the whole story is so long. Mostly it is my 17 yo daughter. She had a horrible year last year in school, daily refusals to go, treatment with the psychiatrist, not one week all year where she attended every day. So I finally went into an attendance meeting and told them this was medical and not behavioral and we treated it accordingly. Except for the art studio class she did okay in the grades, and I was utterly exhausted by the end of the year (can I also say this was during our attempt at a short sale that ended in foreclosure). We decided on on-line school for the following year. So this fall she started with the local school districts online program and guess what, she ended up failing everything at one point. After a serious sit down with her counselor we agreed she would go into the computer lab daily and do her work. She passed all but one class and I was still heartbroken over the grades.

So today is day 2 of the new semester and guess what, I am getting grief over her going into the computer lab and grief because she wants to see her boyfriend on a school day. I am very excited that pretty soon she will be out of the house and on her way to school but can I tell you that I am not sure I will ever get over her failing on the heels of her sister failing an entire semester of community college. This all happened when we were getting rid of the house. What breaks my heart is all the years I put them first and had just little side jobs and tried to teach them life skills just didn't do enough to get them to basically pass school (they have all been identified as gifted btw). I can not and will not micromanage their lives the way that was appropriate when they were very young and I am seeing how far what I have taught them is what they can do on their own. Not very much it seems. Me and my siblings did much better with the fear and punishment methods instead of my style.

Well there is not a question here or anything, I just had to share, Now back to being tough momma again.

[redfox]

Oh, honey... I understand. At a certain point, they are the author of their lives, and must live with the consequences of their actions. When that certain point is, is a grueling uncertainty, and is different for each teen. When my DSS dropped out of high school & moved out to live with her BF (into the rent-free apt. HER MOTHER OFFERED THEM!!!), we went through hell. It was a year and a half of not rescuing, and hoping against hope that she didn't get pregnant (I did take her to Planned Parenthood & paid for her contraception).

Just 2 weeks ago, during her break from her 2nd year in college, she told me that she wasn't able to see the bad things about that BF and her choices. I told her that I knew that, and this is why we would not allow the BF to spend the night once she moved back in with us, that we wanted to provide BF-free space for her to be herself. She nodded solemnly, and 'got it'. It was well worth it to set limits, and it gave her an opportunity to be safe, even though she fought it and was quite a scene-maker during that time.

It's been a long and hard several years of parenting teens for us... the last one moved out in November. Oh yeah. It does end! Blessings, and good luck.
(((HUGS)))

[SoSimple]

I am SO glad I decided against having kids . . .

[Zzz]

I am SO glad I decided against having kids . . .

Rude and tacky! http://www.simplelivingforum.net/album.php?albumid=11

[Anne Lee]

There's something to be said for "I'm the Mom, that's why, now sit down and shut up" school. But what's done is done and I don't believe your time was wasted. Transitioning to adulthood is hard, regardless of how you were raised. Plenty of people have gone through a tough young adulthood and done just fine as adults. At some point, they do realize they do have to clean up the messes they make if they want a clean house. Take a deep breath and just keep on doing the best you can.

[NancyAnne]

(((Hugs))) Teens can be difficult at times.

[redfox]

A piece of wisdom that was given to me is this... teens give the hardest time to those they most trust. They know we'll keep firm boundaries. They feel safe enough to be a real headache!

[Zoe Girl]

A piece of wisdom that was given to me is this... teens give the hardest time to those they most trust. They know we'll keep firm boundaries. They feel safe enough to be a real headache!

Oh I know that, on a good day i am okay with that. It is especially hard being divorced (for good reason) because they do NOT give dad this hard time. They tell me lots of things that they would never tell dad but somedays I just want the house damn clean ya know. I really get upset when it affects my job/career and ability to earn money or focus on what i need to now that they are older. The oldest still went to dads a little until 18, middle one came to me at 13 and hasn't had an overnight with dad in about a year, and youngest still goes 50-50. Still that means I have really not had the benefits of teh 50-50 deal because at least one kid is with me all the time. So I am pushing back and now dad is sometimes doing things. Like tomorrow i have to attend a funeral and so he is taking the youngest for dinner at least.

[Mrs-M]

Originally posted by Zoe Girl.
Can i say that teens are more exhausting and expensive than toddlers in daycare with expensive diapers and refusals to sleep. Dang itROTFLMAO! You said it! :) If only I had a quarter for every time I've mentioned this very same thing to people over the years! (I'll take babies and toddlers over teens any day)!!! Cranky, miserable, trying tot..., change their pants, give 'em a bottle, and plop them down inside their crib on their padded little behind. Problem solved! :laff:

Not really, but in many ways it's true. There's just no escaping teens is there. I have teens too and know all about it. Me..., I'm just winging it and going for bust (or broke)! :~) Living and learning as I go. >8)

Hugs from me too!

[djen]

Can i say that teens are more exhausting and expensive than toddlers in daycare with expensive diapers and refusals to sleep.

People tried to tell me this when I had a houseful of toddlers, and I didn't believe them. Ahhh, the humbling nature of motherhood....

(((((Zoe Girl)))))

[Yppej]

Well, college is not for everyone, not even community college. There's nothing wrong with kids going out and working for awhile. One summer when I was 17 I stood on my feet all day working 12-hour shifts in a factory. That convinced me of the value of college :) Since your kids are bright they'll see the point eventually too. Hang in there.

[rosarugosa]

Yppej, That is too funny - a ten month stint in a factory is what drove me to college too! And I did college as though the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels, graduated first in my class, because I knew if I didn't succeed, the factory was waiting for me!

[Zoe Girl]

I am hoping that they will get the idea that some type of focus on a future career is much better than movie theatres and fast food. My only goal right now is to make sure they go school to a quality that they will have that option open to them rather than shut because they blew off school and got poor grades.

Oh yeah, and maybe let them all live and stop arguing about things (just putting my foot down and plugging my ears while doing the nyah nyah tune helps)

[CathyA]

Hugs to you Zoe Girl! Being a parent is sooooooooo hard!
My son was SUCH a handful, from childhood through adolescence. But then it happened.......he matured and became a delightful person to be around. So don't give up! Just do what you can, and hopefully they will find their niches. If they were tested as gifted, its possible that they are bored by most things. I would just really encourage the things they are good at (and hope that they can squeak by on the things they hate).
Hang in their Zoe Girl!