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MudPuppy
7-2-11, 12:42pm
Just over a year ago, we moved onto a quiet dead-end street, with perhaps a total of 30 houses on it. In that time, we've become good friends with a couple of our neighbors, and have gotten to know a handful of others by name and face. But there are still lots that we don't know at all, and several new people have moved onto the street since we've been here.

I was talking yesterday with one of our next-door neighbors, whom we really like, and we both expressed interest in doing some neighborly things that would build more of a sense of community on our little street. We'd like to do something more than just go around knocking on random doors -- we'd like to give our neighbors an opportunity to know each other, as well. One idea we tossed around was hosting a neighborhood cook-out.

So I thought this forum might be a good source of ideas and inspiration. Has anyone here had good luck initiating or hosting neighborhood gatherings? Are there certain things that work well, or poorly, or that we should consider as we start planning something like this? Neither of us has attended such an event before, let alone created one, so any advice you can offer would be great!

benhyr
7-2-11, 2:36pm
Will let you know in a while... similar size and situation here. We're going to try hosting a cookout across a couple yards and we'll ask everyone to bring a small dish to pass. Yard games for the kids. A bunch of outdoor areas for mingling. We may grill hotdogs and brats (pork sausage, although we may make this part vague to keep any unruly children in line!) and will provide lemonade and ice tea... am thinking of shooting for when we'll have corn up to grill.

So, I have a plan, but I'm quite curious to hear any advice as well! :)

fidgiegirl
7-2-11, 5:00pm
My SIL has organized a monthly ladies night with games, mainly in winter. They rotate who is going to have it at their house and who will bring a salty treat and a sweet treat. They also collect money, though I'm not really sure why. I think the hostess donates it to an organization of her choice. I have gone a few times and it is fun. I'd just recommend to pick games that are pretty easy/non-threatening. Once we played a kind of think-y game where we had to describe something without saying certain words and one lady found it realllllllly difficult and I felt bad for her. Same with word games, some people love 'em and some people hate 'em. They often play Bunco.

Keep us updated, it will be fun to hear what your efforts bring.

Stella
7-3-11, 10:27am
We have a thriving neighborhood. A good ice breaker opportunity might be National Night Out in August. Our neighborhood wins awards for our National Night Out. We have an appetizer and dessert potluck and the association sets up a free root beer float and ice cream cone booth. People gather and talk and a police officer and local politician usually come to speak about public safety and other community issues and answer questions. We have games for the kids. It's lovely.

We also have a block party every year for the alley. Again, it's a potluck. It's held at our nieghbor's house on her deck. It's always a good time.

Monthly we have a rotating coffee hour. In the summer it's always outside. The host makes the coffee and a few neighbors contribute pastries of some kind. It's well attended. In the winter it's either at someone's house or at the coffee shop at the park. People get their own stuff and everyone sits together. It's fun.

Zoebird
7-4-11, 8:11pm
I'm going to start a kids yoga class in our area to get to know moms and such, and i'm talking with a few friends in the neighborhood about getting something going that would be similar -- perhaps even those roving pot lucks? what are they? when one person makes one part of ht emeal, then you switch houses for the next part, and so on?

anyway, yeah.

Stella
7-4-11, 9:04pm
Zoebird, those are called Progressive Dinners, at least where I live. When I was little my parents did a semi-annual progressive dinner. They loved it!

Mudpuppy, some other fun things you might try are a neighborhood outdoor movie night or craft night. Those can be fun.

fidgiegirl
7-4-11, 10:47pm
I've always thought a neat idea, though I've never tried it, would be to leave little happy notes to neighbors when you notice something they have done in the yard, etc. Like if they remove some brush or if they do a new flower bed or put up a new fence. This could be anonymous, or maybe with a name to encourage people to talk to each other and get the positive juices flowing.

How many kids are in the hood? Kids always gravitate to each other :) Anything with kids would at least draw out the families.

Is there a central location like a park? You could have a community bon fire with s'mores and stuff . . . or (it's a few months off) a fall fest type deal with apple bobbing and, I don't know, cider and pin the tail on the black cat or something like that.

Gardenarian
7-19-11, 4:38pm
When we moved to a new neighborhood I decided to have a New Year's Eve party. It always seems like people say "I'm just staying home and avoiding the traffic, etc." and I thought a neighborly celebration would be fun. This was a big risk for me, as I'm pretty reserved. Anyhow, dd and I made the invitations and EVERYBODY came and we had a great time. This has continued as an annual event, and many of my neighbors have thanked me - they'd been living next door to each other for years and never got to know each other.
Now we all get together for kid's birthdays, Thanksgiving, BBQs, and any old thing - as well as sharing the produce from our gardens, handing down clothes from one family to another, and so on.

Taking that one risk was one of the best things I've ever done!

fidgiegirl
7-19-11, 5:19pm
Gardenarian, so cool! :)

MudPuppy, has anything transpired in the neighborliness department, either as a result of this thread or not?

kally
7-19-11, 5:24pm
we share produce from the garden. We all just walk around and share tomatoes, raspberries etc. It seems to be catching on. I give the older lady next door produce from our garden and she is giving us a huge raised bed to use. I live in a fabulous neighbourhood.

For my surprise party my dh had for me in May he invited 2 ladies on the street and they brought along two other neighbours and as it was potluck, it was all super.

treehugger
7-19-11, 5:33pm
These are all great ideas. Growing up, I was lucky to live in 2 neighborhoods with regular block parties/events. I don't now, but that's OK. We are friendly with our closest neighbors and we look out for each other and feed pets/collect mail, etc.

I think it's important to remember that someone always has to be the person to get this sort of started. Lots of people enjoy going to parties but never feel able to make the first move. Plus it takes work to do the planning. Also remember that no matter what you plan, there will be some people who don't want to participate, and that's OK. Don't take it personally. :)

Good luck and report back!

Kara

Square Peg
8-4-11, 1:02am
I lived in a couple of neighborhoods that really encouraged neighborliness.
Some of the activities:
Block party that included a plant sale, bake sale, mandala painting of an intersection, food, and live band.

Annual picnic at our neighborhood park. Potluck, chit chat. We had a band, local vendors and businesses set up tables. Police and fire safety chats. We also had Good neighbor awards. Anyone could nominate a neighbor for any reason, whether it was a nice looking yard, watching out for school kids as they walked past, or whatever. We also had prizes donated by neighbors and local businesses. Each person got a number upon arrival and then numbers were drawn.

Neighborhood garden tours with potluck to follow.

Barter fairs. Bring what you don't want, leave with what you do.

Community wide garage sale.

MTRachel
11-28-11, 2:56pm
We keep a neighborhood list of names (including kids and dogs), addresses, phone numbers, and e-mail addresses that we update once a year so people know who their neighbors are. Also a pot luck at a neighborhood park each September is often well-attended too. Takes a bit to get the list the first time and updating it once a year works well. Two women on our street usually make it happen (me and another person at the other end of the street). We keep an eye on one another too. Last winter we all joined together to help a single mom remodel a room for her autistic son that really brought people together and really helped her out. We all felt good about that. Anyone can do it! :)

Mrs-M
12-13-11, 12:12am
A gardening club, where select varieties of plant and flower cuttings can be shared and exchanged.

redfox
12-13-11, 12:45am
We have nine different languages on our block alone, so it's been a big challenge to bridge the cultural differences...

HappyHiker
1-10-12, 9:37am
We have nice neighbors. He's a fisherman. I found a wonderfully written and illustrated book at our Friends of the Library Book Nook shop about the history of fishing and bought it for him as a Christmas gift..and "just because" I thought he'd really enjoy it. I guess he did, for yesterday he called us to come over and pick up some his day's catch--freshly cleaned and fileted speckled trout. Rolled in seasoned corn meal and oven-baked, they were our evening meal. Being a good neighbor can sometimes pay delicious dividends, though I didn't gift him with that in mind.

mira
12-19-13, 11:49am
I just discovered this thread! Sorry to resurrect it after so long but there are so many good ideas. I will have to pluck up the courage to try them!

About a month ago, we moved into a new building where there are five other apartments. So far, we've met one neighbour - we knocked on her door to ask if we could borrow a back-door key; not the way I would've liked to have met her for the first time, but at least we now know her name! I ran into another guy who either lives across the hall or visits often (I think the actual resident is an elderly lady) but after I asked his name/introduced myself, he dashed back inside immediately. I haven't yet met anyone else in passing and I feel as if knocking on doors would be too much of an imposition.

ctg492
12-19-13, 6:43pm
I have lived in a neighborhood of maybe 30 homes for the last few years, I am now 1/2 up from the bottom in seniority. We all most, not totally know who lives where. Not in your face type know but neighborliness.
One neighbor has a byob cookout, band playing party every summer. Just a note on everyone's mail box. Gosh it is nice. Even of that is the only time we see some of the workaholics!

razz
12-19-13, 7:10pm
I walk the dog twice a day in the country neighbourhood and know most of the neighbours who look out for me and the dog. I have had repeated offers of 24/7 assistance since DH passed away, share the produce from my garden, circulate books, jigsaw puzzles and magazines, help if another needs a dog walked or property monitored.
Everyone waves as they go by but we all keep to ourselves otherwise with little partying or visiting which suits us just fine.

catherine
12-19-13, 7:20pm
When I had DH's 60th birthday, I dropped invitations in neighbors' mailboxes--it was an "open house" birthday, so I was hoping people wouldn't see it as a big deal. My biggest regret is that I didn't invite more neighbors than I did. Everyone I invited showed up.

ctg492
10-19-14, 4:57am
Re reading this post with some thoughts on neighborhoods. I have grown to love my neighborhood now 5 years here. I have moved back as of 10 days ago(another post sometime). The first couple days while walking the dog, people have yelled Hi welcome back, while trimming bushes cars have stopped on thier way home from work to say Hi, One couple said they knew I was back as they could see my sky lights with light showing through in the wee hours from thier home up on the hill. One brought me a piede of cake, one couple picked me up for a trip to the green house. I told the cake lady Neighbors like her where why I came back. It is so amazing to me how friendly it is.


This summer We bought a home in a large city where husband works, he will be there another year. Brand new, no sense of history subdivision. I can not see this area bonding ever in the foreseeable future. I can not even tell you what the people drive, or what they look like, or if they have kids except the direct home on each side. It is not set up for bonding. No kids walking or biking. I Run and am lucky to get a wave as that would be hard with coffee, phone and driving too. I do not think people who move to this type housing want to know or see the neighbors. Husband says that is why you buy in this type area to go to work and come home. Feel safe and not bothered. I actually feel less safe since no one knows each other. I can say with certainty no one knows I am not there or cares. It is sad to me. I never lived like that and really had no idea that things could be so different. Lesson learned.

ApatheticNoMore
10-19-14, 12:02pm
I think there are *some* people who want to know their neighbors everywhere so I really don't think one can generalize, but some places are more conductive sure.

[based on experience, in the most unlikely places]

awakenedsoul
10-19-14, 1:41pm
I've got some wonderful neighbors where I live. My neighbor across the street walks her dog at the same time I do. Often we will walk together and chat. We also both grow our own food. This a.m. she is picking me up to go to the nursery and we'll buy some winter vegetables. I was going to take the bus, but this will be much easier. She also helped me move a couch from the Salvation Army into my living room. I paid her well, but it was really nice of her. (She usually turns down the money at first, but then will accept it. I pay her for gas, too.) She cleans houses for a living, so I know she can use extra cash. I called her when I saw one of the "troubled teens" in her yard when she wasn't there. I also let her know when her son's friend was doing drugs on her property while she was at work. Some people don't like that, but she appreciates it, and so do I. We have some kids in our area that have spent time in jail and you have to watch them carefully.
My neighbor down the street gives me as much horse and goat manure as I want. I go over there and rake it up, which relieves her of the responsibility. My fruit trees have been producing double the amount since using this in my compost. I give her lemons, lemon sorbet, and tomatoes. Her son is really sweet. I always stop and talk with him when I'm running my dogs on the bicycle. He's started doing the same thing with his border collie on his skateboard. He has my phone number in case he ever is locked out of the house, or needs some help from an adult. His mom is single, and sometimes at night she gets stuck in traffic. She's asked me to keep an eye on their horses because someone pulled up with a horse trailer and was acting suspicious.
Another neighbor has a really cute 8 year old little girl. We chat every other day or so...she's really cute! I made a baby sweater for their new baby and am going to make some colorful socks for the little girl. I've got the leftover yarn in my stash. I give them guavas, pomegranates, oranges, tangerines, and lemons from my orchard. I have picked up packages and held them here for them when they were out of town. She told me, "I asked you because I know I can trust you." That was a nice compliment.
I really appreciate the dedicated gardeners. Our neighborhood looks so much better with some of the people who bought here when prices dropped. For some reason, they are all really good with landscaping. The previous owners just had dirt and rocks. A healthy thriving garden makes a huge difference!
The people directly next door to me on both sides are difficult. They have a lawless attitude and harass as a sport. But, I've been able to block them out pretty well. I focus on all of the good neighbors...and there are a lot of them.

SteveinMN
10-19-14, 4:00pm
I do not think people who move to this type housing want to know or see the neighbors. Husband says that is why you buy in this type area to go to work and come home. Feel safe and not bothered. I actually feel less safe since no one knows each other.
I really think that's an aspect of personality, much like being introverted or extroverted. Either you're energized by the diversity of an urban environment (and not fatigued by the negatives) or you're not.

As someone who values experiences more than "stuff", I'm not energized by the idea of being surrounded by lots of empty space. But others are more comfortable creating their own enclave and filtering who or what they deal with "on the outside" even if it comes at the expense of cultural opportunities or things like the quality of medical care. Neither approach is better or worse -- provided you're in an area that accommodates your preference. Suburbs are kind of the halfway point -- offering some private space and a perception of safety without requiring a 30-60 minute drive into town for every daily necessity or for work. I've lived in suburban areas in which people interacted frequently with each other. And I know people can live quietly and anonymously in cities of millions. So long as we find the right place, it's all good.

Spartana
10-20-14, 3:55pm
I live in a predominantly Vietnamese suburban 'hood and am one of the only "white" people here. I really don't know my neighbors other then on a "waving hi if we pass each other" basis. That seems to be the norm here even amongst the Vietnamese-Americans who don't really seem to interact much with each other. I personally like it that way and have never been a big fan of being "friends" or interacting with my neighbors. I like my privacy and it's often hard to retain that when you live in a 'hood where every one is constantly interacting and involved with each other and knows everyone's day to day business - and where you may be seen as a pariah or outlier if you choose not to get involved with 'hood doings. I personally like the apt life in a smallish city as that seems to give me the right mix of interaction/privacy that I like. Generally friendly neighbors who are nice but not desiring to be involved with you and not constantly aware of everything that is going on in your life, when you're home, when you're not, who's visiting, what you do or don't do, where you've or where you're going, etc...

catherine
10-20-14, 4:31pm
I think I'll regret not working harder to nurture my neighborhood friends. I've been very busy, and typical of life in the suburbs, have pretty much kept my door shut. But I've had it in my mind to do a block party next spring. It would just take a little organizing, but I think it would be fun. Since my house abuts a park, we could do the main party in the park, and I could also take advantage of having a house/private yard for people to hang out. Most of my neighbors are getting younger. My immediate neighbors have been around forever, and we've been here 29 years, but there are younger and younger families moving in, and they're very diverse--mostly South Asian.

Our neighbors across the street are Chinese. When Sandy hit NJ, one of their mature trees just fell over onto their property (thank God, not their house). If it had been me/DH, we would have called the tree man. But this family is extremely self-reliant and frugal, and they just literally whittled away at this tree until it was gone.

One day, DH saw that their chain saw was giving them trouble, so he went and offered to help fix it (we had offered to help them cut up the tree, but they refused). They did accept DHs repair help, and that evening, the wife came over with a hand-crocheted throw as a thank-you. Boy, I do yearn for a little interdependence. I like my quiet and my privacy, but being closer to some of my neighbors is just something I have a yearning for.

ETA to Steve in MN and all you other Midwesterners: MN people are so, so friendly and neighborly. My brother/SIL live there and I have never felt so welcomed to a town as when I visited my brother.. we felt like we were there to accept the Keys to the City. That's the kind of neighborliness I yearn for. Life is not quite like that in NJ.

SteveinMN
10-21-14, 9:48am
ETA to Steve in MN and all you other Midwesterners: MN people are so, so friendly and neighborly.
Around here, that's called "Minnesota Nice", but its existence is a topic for another thread. :)

I will note that The Great Recession really did our neighborhood a favor by bankrupting a few absentee slumlandlords, leaving the properties for new owners who live here and have a much greater stake in keeping things up. Less transience and more ownership is good for neighborhoods.

Packy
1-7-15, 1:34pm
Minnesnowta. Yah, sure-- they're nice, way up north, there. See, they wanna be friends, in case they need to borrow a snow scoop or get a jump start for da car. Hope that helps you some. Thankk Mee.