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Reyes
7-11-11, 6:45pm
My kids' dad and I divorced six or seven years ago. After a rough start where we needed to figure out our new and future relationship as co-parents things have moved along very well (we have great communication, flexible parenting schedule, joint celebrations with the kids, sit together at activities, heck, I even had his dog over for the weekend when he went out of town:-).

I've been collecting child support during this time. It has been a help while I was in school and getting back to work, however I am ready to move on from the support. My kids' dad and I have worked out an agreement whereas I will forgo child support, and in exchange he will fund both kids' undergraduate degrees (he makes substationally more than I do). We are both very happy with this arrangement. I like knowing that I will have more financial freedom when the two kids are in college (already sent on through).

Anyone else willingly forgo receiving child support? If so, did you have other arrangements?

Rosemary
7-11-11, 6:47pm
It is fabulous that you have maintained such an amiable relationship with your ex, and that you are both able to agree on goals like this!

Reyes
7-11-11, 6:56pm
Yikes, I realized my thread title reads as if all child support everywhere is ending. I tried to edit the title to read "Ending My Child Support" however I can't seem to edit the title. My apologies.

cdttmm
7-11-11, 6:58pm
Wow, that is really fantastic. My parents battled about child support for years and also about paying my tuition for college, which was pretty minimal considering I had the maximum in student loans and some substantial grants and scholarships. I hope your kids realize how lucky they are!!!

treehugger
7-11-11, 7:28pm
Wow, that is really fantastic. My parents battled about child support for years and also about paying my tuition for college, which was pretty minimal considering I had the maximum in student loans and some substantial grants and scholarships. I hope your kids realize how lucky they are!!!

Ditto that. It is really commendable that you and your ex managed to forge a cordial post-divorce relationship. My parents were angry and bitter and contentious for years (they divorced when I was 7). Paying for college (or at least assisting) was even part of the settlement: my dad kept my 2 brothers and was to help them pay for school; my mom kept me and was supposed to help me with school costs. My dad did indeed help my brothers (they also had student loans) but my mom didn't help me. Hmmm, wonder what happened to all the money she got in the divorce?

Anyway, my sincere compliments on moving on with your life post-divorce and keeping your children's best interests in mind.

Kara

jp1
7-11-11, 10:25pm
It's so nice to hear how you and your ex managed to work this out and act like rational adults. So often it seems to get lost in the hatred for exes that the point of child support is to help the "children" not to give money to the evil undeserving wicked ex who the person only married in a fit of insanity, or whatever it is that these people must tell themselves. To bicker over paying the costs of raising children and then be extremely stingy over somehting like college expenses would seem likely to be more hurtful to the child then to the ex. After all, if tuition help isn't given who is really hurt? The ex spouse? Or the kid who now has to either struggle and do things like take out odius loans to find money for college or even worse, doesn't go to college?

chrisgermany
7-12-11, 5:04am
It is great that you 2 are able to work out an agreement but please build in some safety belts:
What if / the father dies / gets poor / the relationship deteriorates / the child does not want to go to college ?
He should better fund college accounts or other investments in the name of the kids right now or pay for life insurance.
I would rather take child support now and use it to fund college savings on my own.

Tenngal
7-12-11, 6:59am
my ex promised the same thing for my daughter. When it came time for her to make a decision on college, he took her behind my back and told her he would buy her and new car if she did not go away to college. Even this was a lie because all he did was co-sign her loan. She ended up in comm college, working, with a car note to pay. Lesson learned to late. Can you have this secured as a contract?

Reyes
7-12-11, 10:58am
Rest assure we have a legal agreement in place which details our agreement. This does not come from a place of not trusting each other, but from a place of wanting to be sure we each understand what we are and are not agreeing to. If the kids choose to not go to college that is fine. I do not feel that I would then be owed any money (and our agreement details such).

loosechickens
7-12-11, 2:13pm
I think it's quite admirable that you and your ex were able to come together as adults and as parents, and work this out amicably and cvilly. Congratulations. I'm sure your kids are better off for it, as it is never good when the kids, who love both of you, have to feel torn in the middle between enemy camps.

KayLR
7-12-11, 2:21pm
I did forgo child support---not voluntarily. My ex fled and dodged child support for 14 years. He even lives on an island like a hermit. Did I plan for that? No, but we all survived---I worked my a$$ off and both my girls are good citizens with good jobs and one has a college education. They are both happy, and that's all I could ever hope.

Shari
7-12-11, 2:44pm
You have consulted a lawyer on this? I believe in my state that is technically illegal.

TVRodriguez
7-12-11, 11:33pm
While I am always happy to hear of divorced parents getting along and co-parenting well, I urge you (if you have not already done this) to please have your agreement reviewed by a family law attorney in your area. Child support is not for the other parent, it is for the children, and it is black letter law that it cannot be contracted away by the parents (hence, prenuptial agreements cannot provide any release or waiver of future child support). I understand that you have reached an arrangement where it is merely to be deferred until college, but some states may require that the support continue during college anyway, regardless of whether it was paid earlier or not. Depending on state law, the child support may need to continue. In that case, you would obviously have the option to invest it in a 529 account or other college savings account for later use. Tenngal's post is a good reminder that sometimes things change. And just to re-iterate, it is not about you being owed money--it is about your children being owed money.

But again, good for you guys for working together to figure out how best to raise your kids.

Reyes
7-12-11, 11:34pm
You have consulted a lawyer on this? I believe in my state that is technically illegal.

We have covered our bases. Thanks for checking.

Reyes
7-12-11, 11:36pm
While I am always happy to hear of divorced parents getting along and co-parenting well, I urge you (if you have not already done this) to please have your agreement reviewed by a family law attorney in your area. Child support is not for the other parent, it is for the children, and it is black letter law that it cannot be contracted away by the parents (hence, prenuptial agreements cannot provide any release or waiver of future child support). I understand that you have reached an arrangement where it is merely to be deferred until college, but some states may require that the support continue during college anyway, regardless of whether it was paid earlier or not. Depending on state law, the child support may need to continue. In that case, you would obviously have the option to invest it in a 529 account or other college savings account for later use. Tenngal's post is a good reminder that sometimes things change. And just to re-iterate, it is not about you being owed money--it is about your children being owed money.

But again, good for you guys for working together to figure out how best to raise your kids.

Thanks for checking. We have covered our bases on the legal issues.

Mrs-M
7-13-11, 7:19am
I'm happy for you and your children Reyes.

San Onofre Guy
7-13-11, 1:18pm
Wow! I wish that my ex would agree to that since she spends very little on the kids