View Full Version : How do you tell the diff between bipolar and moody?
My 22 year old son is home from college for the summer. As I've mentioned before, my son is tremendously creative and bright. I've always thought he has ADHD. Anyhow, he fluctuates between being the most loving, sensitive son, to being downright mean, self centered and angry. I never know when its going to happen. The different moods can happen daily or weekly.
When I try to talk to him about this, he blames it on me......that I'm imagining things or the flaw is with me.
How do you know if this is just moodiness or something more serious? It concerns me because his life is going to be a big challenge for him, if he can't learn to control the huge fluctuations in his mood.
Any insights?
Thanks.
Bipolar disorder is often very hard to diagnose accurately as episodes can last for days or months. But it is characterized by extreme mood swings. From The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide: "In the manic 'high' state, people experience different combinations of the following: elated or euphoric mood (excessive happiness or expansiveness), irritable mood (excessive anger and touchiness), a decreased need for sleep, grandiosity or an inflated sense of themselves and their abilities, increased talkativeness, racing thoughts..."
"These episodes alternate with intervals in which a person becomes depressed, sad, blue, or 'down in the dumps,' loses interest in things he or she ordinarily enjoys, loses weight and appetite, feels fatigued, has difficulty sleeping, feels guilty and bad about him- or herself, has trouble concentrating or making decisions, and often feels like committing suicide."
Hope that helps!
Mrs. Hermit
7-14-11, 10:01am
Do the mood swings correlate with hunger? I know if my blood sugar gets low enough, I am a definate bad mood bear. So I try to eat something every couple of hours, like a few almonds, or an apple with cheese, or chips and bean dip.
Thanks cdttmm and Mrs. Hermit,
It just seems like there might be lesser degrees of bipolar.......maybe that's what "moody" is?
Yes, his eating seems to have a tremendous affect on his mood. We've always known that. He knows that too. But when he's in one of his "moods" and I try to tell him he needs to eat something.........or avoid some kind of food in the future, he gets very defensive.
He usually eats very healthily.........tons of veggies and fruit and meat, nuts. He tries to avoid alot of carbs since he doesn't feel well afterwards. He doesn't drink much alcohol and doesn't do drugs. He jogs.
I'm wondering if the foods I cook for dinner aren't agreeing with him.......even though he likes them.
I can definitely see ADHD in him.....which actually probably helps him with his work (sound engineering, film making). He is an extremely gifted person.
ADD is more of a hyperfocusing on one thing, while ignoring everything else. When he isn't under pressure, he's in a GREAT mood. When he gets under a bit of pressure, he's in a really bad mood. He keeps saying its not a bad mood......that I'm just too sensitive.
He seems to not be aware of his affect on those around him. I know he loves me very much........but he can be really insensitive to me and not understand that he's doing it.
I'm not sure I'll ever understand him. I'll always love him forever and forever........but I won't understand his behavior. We've talked about it and he's open to what I say when he's not in a "mood". But if he's in one of those moods..........forget it. There's no reasoning with him. Its like Jekyll and Hyde.
jennipurrr
7-14-11, 11:49am
Does he have these mood swings with everyone, or just you? If he's not losing it at his job or his classes or outside the family, I would think it has nothing to do with mental issues (a diagnosis of bipolar disorder is a very severe psychiatric condition!!!) and more to do that he feels safe letting off steam (however inappropriate) to you. Maybe he doesn't see the effects of his moods because it hasn't changed your relationship with him...if you still go on cooking, socializing, etc for him even after he has treated you poorly there is really no reason for him to change his behavior. I would consider setting some firm boundaries with his behavior (like they have in other settings - a teacher, a boss, etc would not tolerate this kind of behavior) and back those up with real consequences.
Gardenarian
7-14-11, 3:59pm
I would think that a 22 year old being moody and irritable around his mother would be perfectly normal. You sound like a wonderful mom
treehugger
7-14-11, 5:04pm
My mom makes me moody and irritable, does that count?
All joking aside, I am completely aware of her affect on me and the fact that this is my problem, not hers. I need to learn to control my moods around her (although, if I haven't learned it yet in the first 36 years, am I likely to in the future?).
So, sounds like the difference for your son is that he won't/can't admit to being moody. He is old enough to take responsibility for the way he treats others, but if he is really not seeing it, then it sounds like a more serious issue that may need a professional diagnosis and help. Of course, he is also old enough to go to the doctor, or not, as he chooses. So you may not be able to provide anything other than emotional support. Just make sure to do that with firm boundaries in place.
Kara
CathyA, there is a disorder on the Bipolar spectrum called Cyclothymic Disorder in which the symptoms of depression and mania are milder than in Bipolar. It's less debilitating than bipolar, and individuals with cyclothymia are usually functional, often very productive or successful due to the manic phase. People close to them often describe them as moody. It can be treated with therapy and medication.
I'm a big fan of starting with the simplest explanation and solution, so changes in diet, exercise, and sleep patterns might be all that is needed, but if he is having significant issues, he would need to see a psychotherapist for a real diagnosis.
If you do a little more research on ADHD you will find that moodiness is one of the symptoms of that. I have three ADHD males in my family and they are all very moody. Has he been assessed by a psychiatrist? If not then he probably should be.
Thanks everyone for your input.
I think he is the worst with me. I suppose that's a dubious distinction...........to be treated so poorly because he knows I'll always love him!
What's difficult is that I've always been the disciplinarian in the family. I don't get much help from DH.......which really can sabotage my efforts.
I think its probably what you mentioned libby.......Its one of those "comorbid" conditions with ADHD.
Fortunately, he suddenly started being much nicer to me yesterday, and I'm trying to take advantage of that to have some talks with him. Unfortunately, no matter how open he seems to be right now, that will all go out the window when he turns into Mr. Hyde.
While he was growing up, I tried just about everything to set boundaries, limits, expectations, etc.......but it was very difficult, especially if DH wasn't onboard.
I suppose the silver lining is that he is extremely bright and talented.
Thanks again for all your input.
What do you do when he turns into Mr. Hyde? Oftentimes, we teach the Mr. Hydes in our life to treat us badly because we tolerate their behavior, for one reason or another. Do you think your tolerance of his treatment of you is proof of how much you love him?
Unfortunately, how much you love him has nothing to do with it -- you deserve his respect and should insist on it, even when he's in one of his "moods." (coming from a moody person, from a family of moody people) This, more than anything, will help him to not let his condition -- whatever it is -- interfere with his life as a well-functioning adult. Not everyone is going to cut him slack...perhaps you'd be doing him a favor by insisting he get it under control. He has all the tools (diet, etc.) but isn't choosing to use them.
I think it would take a psychologist watching us all the time to be able to tell me what I'm doing wrong. I have tried everything through the years. when he was younger, I'd take away his toys, not allow him to do certain things, not allow him to use the car, etc., etc., etc. He would get over it and would gain these things back. But that wouldn't stop him from being Mr. Hyde again.
I back off emotionally when he treats me badly. I don't joke around with him, I don't act affectionate, I don't engage in our usual conversation, because I don't want him thinking I'm okay with his behavior. Its not like I'm rewarding him for acting this way. I always verbalize that his behavior is unacceptable. I'm not sure what more I can do.
He's definitely a force to be reckoned with. As he was growing up, I would get so frustrated at his seeming inability to ever remember anything (like the rules of the house, his homework, important dates, final exams, promises he made, etc., etc). There would be consequences..........but his behavior would soon return.
I honestly feel that he probably does his best with the brain he has. He's doing soooooo much better than he used to, in terms of being responsible, reliable, etc. Its just these danged mood swings. Maybe I should just steer clear of him when he's in these moods. But I feel that its my "job" as a mother, to help him learn to try to deal with these rough spots in his behavior.
I am open to the fact that I might be "enabling" his behavior. But I'm not aware of it. It doesn't help to have DH not very involved. He usually runs the other way when DS and I get into it. :(
Like I have said before........DS is unbelievably talented/smart/perceptive. I'm thinking his behavior is part of his ADHD. But I definitely don't want to make excuses for his bad treatment of me.
It has to be tough for you as a mom, CathyA, to not be able to fix this for him so he's happier. Must be frustrating as heck sometimes (hugs)
It really wouldn't hurt to talk to him about being evaluated. I think most psychiatrists/psychologists are not trying to encourage more people to have issues but they can give you some feedback about the normal range and if this is a boundary issue or a brain issue. I trust your mothers gut feeling however when you say you think he is doing about the best he can with the brain he has. Even with that it is hard to also recognize we as parents are also doing our best. I know, I have 3 kids diagnosed with various degrees of depression and anxiety. I can't expect normal, but I also can't care for them forever.
Puglogic......thanks for your hugs and support! :)
Okay, I'll chime in here. I am 43 and was diagnosed as bipolar about a year ago. I've led an interesting life of ups and downs and will continue to do so, only now with a little bit better understanding of myself and some more effective tools. Despite this issue, I've had a good life so far! Problems, sure. Setbacks, yes. Consequences, of course. All part of life.
Your discussion of your relationship with your son reminds me of some issues I have gone through in my relationship with my mother. I will say a few things about that. If anything clicks or helps that's great. First, the way you describe his two primary moods (close/nice vs. ill tempered) remind me of the struggle I went through trying cope w/ the approval seeking/survival mechanism I had developed as a child and my attempts to assert the independance I craved as an adult. Also, my mother, as someone involved in the field of mental health, was always reacting to everything I did that wasn't ideal with a book or the mention of this or that therapy, disease, condition, label, etc. I got to a point were I felt that nothing I did to comply with her view of me or what was good for me would ever be enough and I threatened to cut her out of my life if she didn't stop (I assured her that this was NOT what I wanted to do.) I always felt bad around her, craved her approval and lived in constant conflict.
The greatest gift she could have given me after I turned eighteen or shortly thereafter would have been to take the lead in recognizing and affirming that I was now an adult and helping me to form a more adult-like relationship with her. She's doing that now, because she wants to have a relationship with me and it's great! Life itself is a great teacher. Your son will learn many lessons and unless some dire life threatening situation presents itself I suspect this is the best and only way he will learn some of these lessons. If he knows you respect him as an adult, that you focus on his strengths and limit your critiques to those times he asks for help and don't harp on things that he's struggling with... he will probably figure out the many bits of wisdom you have far sooner than if he has to reject all of you to build himself up first.
The only way to know for sure is to visit a professional psychologist and receive a diagnosis. I have a family member with untreated bipolar disorder. The moods go abruptly up and abruptly down. When she is in a "fit" of another state, her actions can be viscious and alienating to others. Her words and actions are meant to be evil. This may be an extreme word but she gives off evil intentions and actions. My greatest fear is she will kill herself and take others with her. At this point, her untreated condition has caused enormous pain within the family. Her actions have been so scary that I have had to alienate myself completely. So have most of the family. I hope I have made you uncomfortable because if this is bipolar and it is untreated, you will face a lifetime of hurt.
Unfortunately, at 22 your work with him is pretty much done. All the best negotiating this next phase.
Bi-Polar disorder or manic-depressive disorder, as it was known previous, is an illness that was "made up" by the medical profession for the purpose of selling drugs. Another is "social anxiety" and on the more medical front, "weak bladder syndrome". As one of the other posters mentioned, I would strongly look at his diet. B-Vitamin deficiency causes many mental problems. I read in a magazine, years ago, that B-Vitamin supplementation would reduce the mental hospital population by more than 30 percent. Most people do not get enough of this type of nutrient, and it shows.
Pharmaceuticals targeted at mental disorders often do more harm than good. Here's what singer Stevie Nicks had to say about her experience with psychiatric drugs... http://psychiatricnews.wordpress.com/2011/05/18/stevie-nicks-psychiatric-drugs-the-biggest-mistake-she-ever-made/
enota
Psychiatric drugs keep me alive and enable me to function well. There is no conspiracy, unless I'm off my meds.
Aqua Blue
7-25-11, 10:09am
A book you might find interesting is Shadow syndromes. Sorry I don't remember the author. It talks about people who fall just outside a particular diagnosis. As I recall there are some ideas for helping cope with each diagnosis.
poetry_writer
7-25-11, 11:11am
It has to be tough for you as a mom, CathyA, to not be able to fix this for him so he's happier. Must be frustrating as heck sometimes (hugs)
Why is his mama responsible for his happiness? He is an adult. I have been there with one of my kids who was also "moody". I said. shut your mouth or get out of my house. I tolerate no bull**** from my adult kids. I do love them , but I also care for myself!
Psychiatric drugs keep me alive and enable me to function well.
Excellent point and true for many people.
Psychiatric drugs don't work for everyone and I believe that they are often over-prescribed, but for a number of people they are an absolute necessity.
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