View Full Version : Delimma with Friend and Job Rumor

7-14-11, 10:13am
I have a very dear friend who has applied for a job which I have some insight on. Its her dream job and high profile. Also she is keeping the fact she applied under wraps right now, so I don't want to spill the beans IRL.

Basically...someone told me that being attractive is a must due to who is responsible for doing the hiring. It was an off the cuff comment, but based on history it is probably true.

Friend always looks super put together and professional. But, she has struggled for some time with her weight...she has been a size 6 to a size 18 in the 10 years I have known her. Right now she is somewhere in between.

Interviews will not begin for a couple months, so part of me (maybe the dysfunctional part) is saying, I need to tell her this so she can diet and get in shape if she wants every shot at the job. Then another part is saying, that is ridiculous. I shouldn't even honor that comment by repeating it. She should go in on her merits and plus I don't want to hurt her feelings.

How would you handle this?

7-14-11, 12:02pm
Stay out of others issues and rumors. You are only perpetuating the problem with gossip and rumor.

7-14-11, 12:14pm
I do want to add that she told me to find out anything I could...so, its not just coming from left field.

7-14-11, 12:23pm
Any way to validate that person's statement? You'd only be passing on rumors at this point unless you can substantiate it.

7-14-11, 12:32pm
People of all sizes can look wonderful and professional. So no comment required.

7-14-11, 1:08pm
I know some pretty damned fine looking size 12s who make me look like chopped liver. Who's to say what the interviewer will find attractive? And if they are so insistent that someone be model-thin in order to get the job, why in the world would your friend want to work for them anyway? Wouldn't that put her on a treadmill forever, trying to maintain a certain weight in order to keep in her employer's good graces? What a nightmare.

Let the rumors go and let things happen the way they happen. Not only is it a given that someone put their best foot forward in an interview (and it sounds like your friend already does) but this is her journey, not yours.

7-14-11, 2:10pm
don't say anything like this and don't get involved like this. You could hurt her feelings, she might get the job, or in the long run why would she want a job in a place where this was such a priority.

Not your call.

7-14-11, 2:21pm
It doesn't seem wrong to tell her initially but it could backfire. So suppose you tell her and for whatever reason she is unable to lose the weight (if she was able to lose weight easily she would already be thin right, but clearly it is something she struggles with psychologically and perhaps physically), so then she goes into the interview not just weighing what she does now (or even more out of self-disgust eating because she can't lose weight) but also with horrible self-esteem and presents herself as no good. Then any chance she had of being hired despite her weight goes away because of how badly the interview goes. That's self-sabotage, whereas if she just goes in as a happy, energetic, competent, can do person at the interview, and doesn't get hired purely due to a few extra pounds, oh well that boss is a jerk anyway in that case.

7-14-11, 4:34pm
Thank you for the replies. I will definitely stay out of it. I knew in my gut it was something that didn't need to be repeated, but she had asked me to tell her all the scoop on the position.

BTW, I think my friend is fabulous as is! I didn't want to insinuate that I don't think she is good enough for the job at all, or that I believe women need to be a certain weight to be attractive. I do NOT think that...at all!

7-14-11, 9:53pm
if you tell her and she struggles to lose some pounds, you'd better hope she gets the job. If not, she'll be ready to kick your butt..............