View Full Version : Spin Off: On Slowing Down
In the ill-mannered folks thread, Mrs-M touched upon the idea that people -- and parents in particular -- need to Slow Down. So, i thought I would start a thread about the value of Slowing Down and also How One Slows Down.
For us, this is such a close conversation these days!
When we lived in the US, we both worked. In fact, 10 years of living in that house *flew* by! DH and I hardly saw each other. His work kept him away from home for 1.5 hrs in commute and then 8 hours there. He'd then go to the gym, to his writer's group/class (both twice a week). I was working mornings, evenings, and weekends. So, opposite schedules. Such is a yoga teacher's life, btw! On weekends, our afternoons were filled visiting or being visited by friends and family, cleaning house (in a whirlwind) and grocery shopping. There was very little time together, very little time for R&R, and really, holidays were sad indeed. We usually worked the day before and after, never decorated, and spent the whole holiday on the road and eating food we didn't really care for and mostly got picked on (by my ILs).
The whole life was a bit of a whirlwind.
Since we have moved to NZ, our lives have really slowed down. We really just realized this, and started to identify how our lives were slower.
Foremost, our work: Since we work for ourselves, we can set our own schedules. DH works 24 hrs in the offices per week. I work 28. This allows us to split the child care easily. We do some work on nights and weekends, but it's usually work we need to do together and it's "relaxing" -- we are doing things like writing for our workshops, or marketing, or simply doing some business planning. Nothing too stressful. Yes, it is a 24 hr job, and we're always planning and chatting about it, but it's very integrated into our lives.
Second to this, being car free really slows you down. You can't just jump into the car and make it to a movie that starts in 5 minutes. A grocery run requires a good deal of planning and effort -- how many bags can you carry home? When do you need to catch the bus? When is the bus home?
Walking and taking the bus also slows you down because of the time it takes. To commute to work via bus, it's about 30 minutes. We used to walk 7 minutes to work before we moved to our new place (which we love), and we enjoyed this process. If anything happened at work, we could be there ASAP. But, now that we are out in the beautiful little burb, it's a 30 minute bus ride (at least) downtown.
We have to walk to the bus (10 minutes with DS). We restfully and peacefully enjoy a nice ride downtown (30 minutes or so), and then walk from the bus stop to work (2 minutes). The whole process simply takes longer, and it "slows you down" -- but there is so much to enjoy about it. A nice conversation on the bus with DS or DH or another passenger. Reading a book or knitting (i'm learning how) when by oneself. It's actually a very peaceful time.
To go to the movies last night, DH and i walked to the theater. It's up and over the ridge -- which has beautiful views. We were seeing a 4:30 show, so we left at about 3:45 to make sure we got there with plenty of time to toilet and so on. DS was home with a sitter. We walked to the top of the ridge and spent a few minutes enjoying the lookout. Then we walked down the ridge and over into town. We got to the theater early enough to have coffee and cake. We had a little conversation and flirted a bit. Then we went in and saw the movie. Then we went to dinner. Then we walked home. At the top of the ridge -- now night with a beautiful moon and lovely view of our town -- we sat on the bench and enjoyed the view together in silence for several minutes. Then walked home. The walk took about 20-25 minutes including the breaks.
It was just lovely. It's just lovely to have to walk to places, or have to take the bus. To have to just miss things because you missed the bus. If I had a car, I would really miss out on this opportunity to just be with the elements, be outside, and most of the time, I build time in for DS's pacing on the walks. A walk that would take me 20 minutes, takes us about 35-40. So that *really* changes the pace of life.
Another thing that slows us down is laundry. I know this sounds funny, but our dryer went kaput. LOL! I just got it up and working, and then it broke. It was old (and free), so I didn't expect it to last forever. We had been line drying about 2/3 of our clothes, and then drying towels and sheets and jeans. But, now we are sans-dryer. So, it's back to line drying.
It requires more planning, but there it is. It has slowed us down. We are more aware of the weather, more attuned to the rhythm of washing-and-drying. We are learning the differences between cold, wet, and wet and cold. LOL! But we love it.
As I mentioned groceries before, and this has been interesting. We've been paleo since November, so we had a bit of a learning curve. It's a LOT of veggies, fruit, and meats. We had to learn to source things so that we would get the best prices. What we have discovered is that produce in NZ is *heavily* based on availability.
In the US, I could pretty much get salad and tomatoes and cucumbers for a decent price all year round. Yes, there was fluctuation based on seasons, but it wsa a few cents, or a quarter or fifty cents difference. Here, it's about $3-5 difference in seasons. As an example, tomatoes right now are costing about $15 per kilo; a cucumber is $8. The floods in queensland really affected the NZ market, and while we can get local tomatoes (NZ tomatoes), most of the market goes to Auckland.
This means that we forgo certain foods. Essentially, our lives are becoming more "seasonal." We'd long wanted to adjust our diets to seasons, but just couldn't figure out how. So, we now order the veggie boxes (which gives us seasonal produce), and then mirror that with our purchases, which is less expensive.
Our next step is to actually garden some of our favorites -- rocket, various little micro greens and salads, herbs, and some small veggies (eg, cherry tomato plants -- we mostly use them in salads) and baby cucumbers. I plan on growing the tomatoes and cukes in the hanging basket (upside down). I figure that I can probably handle these. :D
This also slows the whole process down. Planting and growing food brings us back into that rhythmic life with the sun and seasons.
We are now starting to look for ways to "slow down." It's really an exciting journey.
And of course, parenting has *really* slowed us down. For every activity that I need to do, I add time in for DS. Like i said above, a walk on my own may take 20, but with him, it might take 40. Not just because he's slower, but because he is curious. We can talk about waves, we can talk about birds, rocks, plants that he sees, spider webs -- any number of things. I have time built in for play and exploration. This is just so enjoyable for both of us!
So, what about you? Have you been slowing down?
What a lovely post! Tonight I am slowing down, having decided to forgo all these outdoor festivals and live music tonight after work so I can cook my own dinner, walk the neighborhood, check my vegetable garden, and read before I go to bed. And hopefully finish the song I have been working on.
The older I get, the more I realize I don't have to be in the music "scene" here ALL THE TIME! People know me by now and know my social quirks! Sometimes I show up for things and but more often than not lately, I don't. The world goes on without me and I am the relaxed and mellow one!
Yes in indeed SiouzQ, it really is a lovely post isn't it. As always Zoebird, great job!
Slowing down for me equates to pacing myself, planning ahead (not much, but enough to adjust my workload and schedule accordingly), and lastly, taking in life's pleasures and enjoyments. Simple living and frugality (believe it or not) play such a vital and key important role in my ability to slow life down and retard the forces that can sometimes invade and take over and overwhelm.
My life for the most part revolves around the home, and that by definition means contending with children of all ages, dealing with both indoor and outdoor duties, i.e., gardening, watering, weeding, etc, and last but not least, maintaining an organized indoor home environment and structure that ensures everyone is well taken care of, and, that our living space and environment is clean and comfortable and healthy. Sounds like a lot I know, yet when one considers I'm running at my own pace, under the hands of my own clock, and working at a speed true to my own discretion, it really isn't a heavy workload after all.
Prioritizing and scheduling are the two biggest things that curtail my happiness and contentment when it comes to being all I can be. Some days I go like wildfire, seldom slowing or taking a rest (but I choose that), while other days I take my time, resting between each duty and chore, and when I feel I've put in a productive enough day, I call it quits and move onto something else. (Things that are important to me). No pressure, no stress. Homework (in the true sense) will always be there for a homemaker, so no need to go overboard... And like my mom always says, "slow and steady wins the race".
One of the things important to me is my evening tea. Out of all the things I do, tea time is slow time. Always has been. When my kids were little I remember how I'd crunch chores into minutes to buy myself time. (And may I say I never raced against the clock in order to crunch those chores). Nevertheless, it was a challenge of sorts that grew on me. It could be trying at times although, but the rewards of having an hour or two at end of the day (all to myself) was worth every single minute! Boy, let me tell you, when the moment came where I could sit down and light up a cigarette and sip my rich cup of tea, life was great! And, in being able to sit down in peace and quiet (all by myself) I was able to reflect on the days events, which for me, was my way to savour, enjoy, and wallow in the riches of my delight. Those riches coming by way of being a mom, a wife, and a dedicated homemaker. Talk about slowing down time.
No job or obligations outside my home, just little old me, on my own time (and dime), marching to the beat of my own drum, working on my own schedule (not someone else's), and all in the comfort of my very own home. Dress as I please, do as I please. It really does speak volumes.
Lastly, I take both pleasure and delight in surrounding myself around all things old-fashioned, because traditionally and idealistically, all things old-fashioned take time, and that in itself creates slowness. You just can't rush old-fashioned! For me this is where I gain the most out of slowness. I'm able to actually lay the hourglass on it's side. Who says simplicity and frugality don't have their rewards.
i agree that old fashioned does slow us down a lot.
for example, i posted in frugality how i'm working to save power by letting go of using my washing machine. I just did a load of laundry (a shirt from DH and myself, 2 outfits of DS's, several wash cloths, and a hand towel). It took about 30 minutes to wash by hand, wring (by hand), and then hang on the line. It is 6 at night, but DH was making dinner while the crock pot is working away on a stew (which we'll eat for lunch over the next several days), and DS was helping me wash.
i got a rock from the beach, washed it, and use it as a washing board. Indians do it on the ganges, and they get their whites WHITE. it's amazing. so, i thought the trusty rock method would work for me too.
It's rather meditative. And DS liked helping.
So many kids think that life is buying things, throwing them out, getting more. You are teaching such valuable skills (patience, inspection, imagination, hand work, etc.).
good job.
Beautiful posts, everyone. Slowing down for children is especially important. I watched Jaycee Dugard's interview with Diane Sawyer last night, and both she and her mother remembered that on the morning Jaycee was kidnapped, her mother didn't have time to kiss Jaycee and her sister goodbye, because she was rushing to get to work on time. Her mother tortured herself with that for eighteen years, and still regrets not taking that one extra moment to kiss her kids and tell them she loved them.
Great responses everyone. My husband is the epitome of, and the true stature of, a person who displays no concern over slowing down time. There are mornings where he runs late, and yet he seldom rushes around. Instead, if he knows he's really behind the eight ball for time he'll say to me, "I don't care if I'm a half hour late today honey", and he carries on going about his business with little to no concern. It's comical, yet soothing. Personified calm and coolness at it's best.
I was thinking about all things old-fashioned this morning, courtesy of this thread topic, and one area where I often see people rushing and scrambling is when modern amenities are incorporated into, or present at the time the person is scurrying about to race through and get things done. A perfect example of this is a neighbour of ours.
She's married, works full-time, yet she's always in a rush. I see it in the fall/winter months when darkness falls early. There she is in her kitchen, loading up the dishwasher and turning off the lights just minutes after supper. (What's the rush I always think to myself). I too have a dishwasher, but I very seldom use it, instead, I scrub out and clean a sink basin, fill it with hot water and dish detergent, scrub down all the counters, the kitchen table, the stovetop, and anything else that happens to catch my eye at the time I'm wiping.
Then I go about filling the same basin with all the dishes and silverware. Once organized and set, I find something else to do for 15-20 minutes while the dishes and things soak, then I come back in and start the washing, the rinsing, and the drying process. Once everything is put away, I hang up my dishtowels on the stove-front door handle with pride, then move onto the next thing in order.
This is fun examining the relationship between slowing down and simplicity. Another area that comes to mind for me that encourages slowing down is clothesline drying. Ever see a woman (homemaker) rushing to pin laundry up on a line? No, me neither. It's as if clothesline drying and hanging is a sacred type process, a time to enjoy, a time to reflect, a time to heal. I view clothesline drying as down time. A time to easy away from all the hustle and bustle of indoor family life and slow down. Take in the fresh air, take in the calm, and open all of ones senses up to the relaxation and meditative benefits that hanging washing on a line provides. Pure heaven it is...
And, often, with clothesline drying, comes cloth diapering! Of course cloth diapering tends to only apply to families with babies or young children, but nevertheless, I see a true honest relationship between slowing and using cloth diapers in ones home.
A neighbourhood mother across from us used disposables on her kids the same time I was using cloth on my kids, and I was witness to her mad morning dashes and late into the evening scurries and scrambles. Watching her load up her kids in the minivan, then seeing her jetting off speedily like, only to return minutes later with a jumbo pack of baby diapers in hand!
Me on the other hand, no running, no scrambling, no scurrying about, and no mad dashes. But more importantly, no stress! Diaper washing took place every 2-3 days in our home. If by chance I didn't get around to washing diapers until day 4, then so be it, and yes, it occasionally happened, having a house-full of kids with two in diapers.
Nevertheless, I always had more then enough diapers to tide both babies over for upwards of a straight week (without washing) if I had to, so no pressure of ever running out, just pressure as to finding enough room on my clothesline to string all the diapers up if I exceeded my 2-3 day standard, that, and finding enough clothespins to get the job done when I exceeded my the 2-3 day laundering threshold. But, minor detail in the big scheme of things.
However, from a mothers perspective, sitting out back on my lawn-chair, sipping an iced tea in the height of summer, paging through a favourite magazine of mine, and watching diapers on the clothesline flutter and sway in the breeze, so soothing. One hour passes, then another, time to check on the diapers, yep, nice and dry, take diapers down and dump on bed. Should I fold them now? How about later? Maybe I'll just leave them in the laundry basket and forget about folding them...
However in keeping with true Mizerly tradition, diapers were usually folded the instant they were taken down off the line (or out of the dryer). It was a calming process. Pluck a diaper from the pile, give it a good snap (shake), fold into shape, set folded diaper off to the side. Repeat, stack. Turn rubber pants right-side out, give pants a smart snapping shake, stack them flat for dresser top use, or fold in half lengthwise to prepare and ready them for the inside of the baby dresser. The calming feeling one gets folding diapers... By and large one of my all-time favourite things related to being a mother. Talk about slowly down time. I'd forget about time when I folded, still do.
And one more to mention before I have to vamoose, at least for a few hours. (My youngest two just came inside and balled me out)! "Mom, you told us you were going to come outside and watch us play"!
Anyhow, sewing. I used to sew a lot, all the time in fact, but as baby after baby came along, being a mom got in the way. But now that my kids are slowly reaching independence, I plan on dusting off my sewing things and once again busying myself in front of my machine.
I remember how the time used to fly when I would sew. There were times I'd glance up at the clock and say, "well, it's only been an hour since I got the kids off to bed", then what seemed like only minutes, I'd look back up at the clock and it was midnight! But talk about such a relaxing and non-stressful way of spending ones evening. And, slow-paced at that.
Not flying around town dealing with crowds, lineups, expense, and who knows what else, just a little room in ones home set up to appease the needs of a non-demanding mom (or homemaker) set on busying herself making things the old-fashioned way! Such a lost hobby sewing seems to be nowadays...
This is why I've switched to a 4 day work week, as soon as it became feasible and allowed. I don't want to be rushed and stressed all the time. I want to have time to clean my house, but in the leisurely fashion that I prefer. To actually have time to exercise and do crafts and read and relax. I like a lot of downtime and there's just too much to do within the 2 days of the weekend. And this is without pets or kids or a house! I've been taking Thursdays off work, so I get a lot of chores done that day when my husband isn't home, as well as lots of "me time". Then I have more time for our relationship and other stuff on the weekend. Hopefully he'll be able to do the same eventually.
Since we don't know how long we have I want to enjoy and experience life now. Since I've gone down to 28-30ish hours/week I've signed up for a couple minor volunteer things as well as tried two new exercise places - things I wouldn't have felt I had the time for, before the switch. I feel freer to just do random things that come up. I'm also looking into doing more food preservation stuff, which has long been an interest of mine, but not something I was actually doing. I want to do things instead of just think about doing them.
I like to say I'm semi-retired, though it's not really true. Just has a more relaxed connotation to it, than saying I work part time.
Kestra. Good on you! More time at home is so nice isn't it, especially when little ones are involved. I know in speaking for myself there's a contentment that arises from having things neat and organized and clean. Not only does it free my time up, it also frees my mind. Such an important detail when it comes to relaxation and enjoyment.
P.S. Do enjoy and I look forward to chatting again. :)
Shame on me for overlooking (probably) the most important one of all, family and friends. Nearly every weekend, we as a family gather either at my parents place, at my husbands parents place, or at our place, and somehow it never grows old. There's always lots of food, plenty of drink (of all kinds), but most of all it's about relaxation and fun. Just being able to put ones feet up, have a few laughs, and forget about life's tribulations, that's what it's all about.
All of the kids can play together and frolic, while we (the parents and adults) can chat and catch up on all the latest. There's never a dull moment and I find myself always leaving with a sense of, "wow, it's so good having quality family". And the nice part is, everyone contributes, no matter who's place we gather at. Everyone brings a salad (or two), there's usually a specialty dessert or two (which is always a hit), and the smell of barbecued goodness fills the air!
now that we are in our new place, and finding our lives slowing down even more, we are startng to head toward the same. I'd like to have one weekend a month where we have friends over, and it might be a bit of a rotation to get through them, or to bring them in like-minded groups. Eg, Ryan's movie folks; Hawk's playgroup families; yoga people; our fellow "hobbits" (home-bodies who are super welcoming, super kind folks); "expats" and so on. That would probably work out easier.
working in my garden has been really valuable for me. it's slow going, but i'm learning ot use tools. I'm also learning how to borrow tools in a way that is neighborly -- doing as much as I can all at once, and then taking it back with some cookies or soup as a thank you.
i know, i'm odd.
You've definitely further touched on the very essence of slowing down Zoebird. I get lost in my gardening. What starts off as being the pulling of a few weeds often leads to watering, fertilizing, maybe a little pruning and shearing, and before long I've spent the entire afternoon outside. But most of all I love the freeing feeling I get out of occupying myself with something I love doing. It really does wash away all stress and tension. P.S. So nice of you to say thanks the way you do! That in itself has become quite a rarity today.
Mrs M I am slowly being converted to the handwashing of dishes. Our dishwasher needs repairing so I have been doing dishes by hand for the last few weeks. I'm actually finding it easier for most things. It just seems to flow better. Things are always clean when I need them instead of sitting in the dishwasher waiting for it to be full enough to run. Dishes will never be my favourite chore, but it's not as bad as I remember it being when I was younger.
I don't know if I would call my life slow even though it is largely filled with things I enjoy. I have get togethers with friends all of the time. In the summer it is every couple of days. In fact, I think last Thursday was the last day I had where we didn't get together with anyone and we have a birthday BBQ to go to tomorrow. Today is a quiet, at home day though. I am about 90% happy about that. There are weeks I long for a little more down time, but I know I am lucky to have so many wonderful people in my life.
I do like to take things at my own pace, though. I remember when I was at our condo in Mexico when I was little thinking that the siesta was the best invention ever. I am fine in the morning, fine until late at night, but in the afternoon I like to have a good lunch, nap a little and take whatever work I do choose to do at a pretty slow pace.
Sounds like a lot I know, yet when one considers I'm running at my own pace, under the hands of my own clock, and working at a speed true to my own discretion, it really isn't a heavy workload after all.
This is truly a profound lesson, and one that I need to work on. If you feel you are in control of your workday, no matter if you work inside the home or not, you are not stressed out or rushing around.
I've heard that the most stressed workers are those that are beholden to a time schedule that they do not have control over. Today I'm going to think about what I can do to take more control over my work and home schedules....
Oh Stella, that's great! :) As everyone is well aware of here, I LOVE washing/drying dishes by hand! It's the best! I especially love doing it this time of the year. Windows and door opened, the sounds of birds singing outside, a refreshing breeze coming in through the open window screens, heaven!
Oceanic. It really does speak volumes. I try and live by the old saying, "a day's work is never done", that way I know, no matter how hard I work, no matter how many hours I put in, and no matter how many days (back to back) I choose to slave and toil, I'll never be 100% fully caught up, so just pace myself and enjoy the ride. :)
fidgiegirl
7-19-11, 1:11pm
Oceanic. It really does speak volumes. I try and live by the old saying, "a day's work is never done", that way I know, no matter how hard I work, no matter how many hours I put in, and no matter how many days (back to back) I choose to slave and toil, I'll never be 100% fully caught up, so just pace myself and enjoy the ride. :)
Oceanic and Mrs. M, I need to remember this myself. There are never enough hours in the day, so do a few things to move forward and be ok if I don't maximize every second.
It's so true Fidgiegirl! Another thing I've learned about pacing myself and taking it "step by step, day by day", is that once you solidify a routine or schedule surrounding a comfortable and obtainable work list of (things to do), don't allow yourself to get discouraged if at first you feel as though your not accomplishing enough. I went through that exact thing, yet I reminded myself that "no, I'm not giving in to adding more". Then once I recognized that I was on course with my new path and direction, I just allowed myself to fine tune small little areas (when needed) and only if I felt I had to, as for everything else, well it all fell into place just nicely. Been scheduling my time just as I describe for several years now and with great success! :) Maybe from time to time we can all meet up right here, and chat about the things that are and aren't working for us! I think that would be fun!
It's really like that for everything.
Our business has really taught us how to prioritize, and move toward things one-by-one. Small act today eventually becomes what needs to get done by a deadline. So, by pacing ourselves accordingly, everything gets done in a timely fashion.
But, the list is always, always long.
And that's ok. :)
Btw, washing the clothes has become quite a nice job. I saw online yesterday that some folks use a commercial salad spinner (5 gal) to spin their clothes without using power. One man showed how he uses essentially one 5 gal bucket and a plunger to wash his clothes (it's a specially designed plunger), and then empties the bucket for greywater use in his garden, and then puts in fresh water and plunges again to get hte soap out, and then runs it through the salad spinner a bit, and then line dries. He did a considerable load, and apparently it's not just him in the household.
My method is working quite well -- with the pre-soak overnight -- and then I find that using my potato masher is a decent agitator. I don't have a salad spinner of that size (and can't find one online for under $500 new and none used), so I'll keep using my machine until i can get one I guess. I love the idea of no-electricity washing.
But today, I managed to make beds, put away dry laundry, breakfast, clean up the kitchen, wash down the kitchen walls, counters, stove, and fridge, and then do the load of laundry and get it out to dry. All before having to leave to come to work, teach two full yoga classes, do two thai massages (i just finished and have a break), and then will finish up with another full yoga class!
I'm so thrilled that the yoga classes are filling. It's so *exciting*!
I've been thinking about this "slowing down" discussion for a few days now. Yesterday I was standing at my kitchen counter and pitting cherries. I wasn't doing anything else, not even listening to the radio....just pitting cherries. My house was quiet, I could hear some birds in the yard, I was admiring the beautiful reds of the cherries.
I think some people have a hard time slowing down because they feel they need to be doing something "exciting". When I return to work and someone asks me how my weekend was, telling them I enjoyed pitting some cherries doesn't exactly impress them, no one will think I live an exciting life, in fact they might feel some pity for me. Because I do live a very slow life in comparison to most people I know, and because so many think my activities are strange, I find I just don't share. I always say my weekend was great! (which to me it was) but don't go into details.
Slowing down for me allows me to notice details, enjoy the moment and learn something about myself.
Zoebird. Love the atypical laundry washing method! Talk about simplicity at it's best! P.S. Your schedule makes me tired just reading about it! :) The energy you must have. Good on you.
Jania. Wonderful story! It captures the moment so well. That's just it, sometimes I'm a little hesitant in expressing to people what my day or weekend held in the way of things I did, but it's me who decides and chooses what makes me happy and content, and if that's hanging 3-4 loads of laundry out on the line over the course of Friday night through to Sunday, then so be it, I'm good with it.
But I too find people (at times) almost looking sideways at me as if to say, "really, that's all your did". It actually irks me. In fact there are times I have to bite my tongue to prevent the likes of things like, "maybe you should drop by a little more often and watch me in motion, you might learn a thing or two by it"!, or, "yeah, if you actually did a little of what I do from day to day, your place wouldn't look like it does", from coming out of my mouth.
I just get so irritated by people who make everyone else's business their business and seem to feel if everyone isn't running around accomplishing nothing like so many do, then somehow you aren't living.
Yikes, that turned into a sort of vent/rant didn't it... Anyhow, I remember a s kid helping a neighbour pit cherries one summer. We helped her for maybe an hour or two, but she had a couple of these nifty little hand-held cherry-pitters, almost like the old nut-crackers. You put the cherry inside, squeezed the handles together, and viola, out came a pitted cherry!
I know, it's funny that my current schedule is comparatively "slow." LOL
I'm also very quick. my spaces are small in the house, so cleaning the countertop is not that much space. The fridge is small, you know? so it's no effort. Living in a very small space helps a LOT.
If there's one thing I've learned about getting things done efficiently and speedy like (not in the sense of being sloppy or careless), that is proper formatting! Sounds technical I know, but it's quite simple. For instance, I did a little house cleaning today which covered both bathrooms, the washing of floors, and vacuuming (both up and down). Now, I always start with the bathroom upstairs first. (Just the way I like doing things). Anyhow, when I finish cleaning the bathroom, I park the cleaning bucket (with cleaner) and cloth/rag at the top of the stairs, then move onto the floor washing/vacuuming (upstairs only). When done (upstairs), it's downstairs I go.
In doing it the way I've described, I save myself time and energy by not running up and down and back up the stairs (needlessly) again and again. I just work as I go and before long, I've covered off both floors and am ready to move onto something else. Planning and execution. :)
exactly, sometimes it is organization. :)
Great post, Zoebird! There is something about slowing down that just brings joy into every aspect of one's life.
Your new car-less freedom reminds me of how I felt when I was visiting family in Miami. We took the car everywhere, even if the journey was only a matter of 5 minutes. It's the norm there, so nobody really questioned it! Despite spending two weeks in such a naturally beautiful place, I came away feeling drained and disconnected from the outside world, simply because we spent most of our day cooped up in an air-conditioned car or house. I really started to crave the rainy UK and WALKING from A to B!
THANK YOU ALL for this very thoughtful string of posts. I've been away from the Forums for awhile, but am struggling (at a crossroads of a sort) with this very question. I have been unemployed and looking for a new position now for 6 months. I've learned that I CAN survive on far less $$ if necessary, and am tapping unemployment, health care for the youngest children (can't get it for me), and now trying to get help to tempoarily cover the mortgage while I figure out next steps. (Single mom, 3 kids, 2 at home). Very humbling to truly need assistance, when I'm usually the one assisting....
Grappling with 2 big decisions:
1. Whether to sell the house, and move to something simpler/less expensive (house is not great, but the big back and front yard has been great for my kids and pets, esp'ly the youngest child w/special needs, and selling may also mean moving away from some much needed educational supports for my youngest...)
2, Whether to significantly downshift in my career.
Recently, I've had time to go through some of the boxes of files of my various 'careers' - all related to helping people and/or organizations - ministry, organizational development, non-profit leadership of agencies serving children & families. What strikes me again and again is that I have almost always done 2 or 3 jobs for the 'price' of one - putting in long hours (usually to a mission/cause to which I'm very devoted), (even when pregnant, even when I had babies/toddlers); developing and managing existing and new programs and initiatives; covering numerous roles (for example, in my last position - strategic planning & marketing, program director, contracts & operations oversight for 120+ employees and contractors); doing more in a day and a year than most (working harder than most of the people working for me).
The rewards have mostly been intangible - appreciation from some staff and clients, inner satisfaction of quality programs and work.
However, at what cost? Now that I'm at home, I'm struck by how many hours I've spent away from home for years - and that any waking moment, when not at work, has been devoted to my kids. My positions, esp'ly the past 9 years, have also been Very Stressful. The house and finances, friendships, personal growth, self-care and exercise, have frequently been neglected.
And at the end of the day, several of these organizations, for which I worked so hard and so devotedly, let me go (layoffs for budgetary reasons), with little thanks/appreciation. And guess what, the organizations survived - or didn't - without me!! They have moved on, and so have I. (I mention this, because when I'm with an organization, it tends to become 'my world' as I become so immersed in the daily needs.... I have to remind myself that no organization is truly dependent on me...)
I'm not sure if I need a radical 'wake-up call' or a more gradual awakening. I'm introverted, and been in positions that required me to be highly engaged w/people at work, which in itself is exhausting. So I think it's taken me 6 months to
1) recover from my last position (extremely stressful, very public issues toward the end...) and
2) learn again how to go inward to discern, spiritually and emotionally, what is healthy and best (something that used to come naturally for me, but again, was 'driven away' by time-deprivation and mental exhaustion).
Anyway, back to the boxes, I am amazed at how much was accomplished in each position/organization. But is it time for a major downshift?? My children need me - a lot. And it sure would be nice to have time to truly re-connect with friends and my spiritual self. As we all know on this forum, though, this means major changes. I would probably have to move out of the area, and pull my children from the schools/programs that I've advocated so hard to get them into... It also costs money to move (although I'm already selling/giving away/purging stuff in anticipation of possible move). And I need to ask myself: What did I get out of working so hard? In addition to loyalty, devotion, inner satisfaction of making a difference in people's lives, and work ethic, are there some less healthy reasons that I have worked so hard all these years??
Sorry for the length of the ponderings. This forum is the only place I've ever found in adulthood - short of therapy - to explore such things.
Your wisdom is welcome (tough questions/challenges welcome too, though a warning, I'm a bit weepy/vulnerable at the moment, so don't be TOO hard on me, LOL!!)
Well, duh, realized I didn't address the core issue related to this string of posts: Should I consider a much less stressful position, with much less responsibility/authority/control, much lower salary, possibly part-time, position??
Hi EarthSky. May I start off by extending a great big warm hug your way. Hugs, even if they are cyberspace based, still seem to help fill the void and move me in the sense of fulfillment. They remind me that I'm not alone. They help me hang onto what little I feel I have (at times) when low moments make their way into my life which provides me with a sense of warmth and comfort. Both in giving and receiving. (I hope they have the same effect on you). Love your post. :)
I offer little strength in relation to work issues, as I've always been a stay-at-home mom, but something that truly resonates with me in your post is the stress and uncertainty you are feeling. Having a great big yard (front/back) is such an awesome plus when raising little ones. It offers a young growing child so much in the way of allowing them to explore and express and find themselves, but if your children have progressed to a point where they no longer necessarily need such expansive play zones and requirements, I would very seriously look at downsizing.
Downsizing, Re: your situation, would benefit you in two ways (from everything I see). First, it would provide you with a lesser sense of uncertainty, i.e., additional finances (monies) to help extend your staying power and keep you going (during this time of ups and downs), and secondly, free and ease up expenditures to a point of where you could possibly tap into a little of the equity to help advance yourself in the direction of a fresh and new and brighter start, i.e. no more multiple jobs which would create balance, structure, and allow you additional time with your family. And, quite possibly, afford you with an opportunity to branch out and enter the workplace market/environment as a free-agent (entrepreneur). At best, it's something to think about.
i would say, why not?
the benefits of downsizing your life for more at-home human connection could be great. the fact that my husband are working less and spending more time together as a family, living in a smaller accommodation, and so on -- it's fabulous. so, I would recommend it to anyone. it does provide a different sort of financial stability, and particularly emotional stability.
on another note, i have now started using my washing machine again. I still wash a fair bit by hand to keep the clothes in good shape, but some things -- like jeans, towels, etc -- are much easier in the washer.
the reasoning? having switched off the hot water (the machine kept washing in 'warm') and having used only cold for the wash as well as for washing dishes (using vinegar rinse to kill any bacteria), and then limiting showers down to a minimum (DH moved to every-other day, with sink-bathing in between. DS and I are every 3rd day when we wash our hair. each shower about 5-7 minutes), it turns out it was the hot water heater causing the increase in power costs. But, now that we are using that minimally, the impact on the power is much less. I called the power company to verify, and so far we are running at 1/3 the power usage of last month. So, that means it should be about $40 -- for a $100 total bill (instead of $180). Which I can live with.
I did talk to the landlord about the possibility of A. a new gas range (since our oven is broken), and 2. the possibility of putting in a gas/infinity hot water heater. She seemed open to the ideas, but we shall see. With A, there needs to be some change -- either a repair or a new range. This should mean something more energy efficient, but I am *hoping* for gas! I prefer to cook with gas, honestly.
EarthSky,
Welcome back! Glad you found your way to us again.
I think a huge question you need to think about is whether or not the part-time position will allow you to survive financially, and preferably put a little bit aside for the future and things besides the basics. If it won't, then as much as it might help in other ways, you are going to be giving yourself a lot of stress and probably won't enjoy the reduced schedule. But if you can make it financially on a lower salary, then this sounds like a great time to experiment. I would think long and hard about moving as an option, unless you have a place you could move to where you have a ready-made community of friends and family. Don't underestimate the value of your social networks. They are probably one of the things that can make a transition to a slower life/lower salary possible.
On the non-profit work ethic thing, I hear you! I think one of the real dangers of non-profit work is that it is so easy to lose balance because you are working for a good cause. But you have to set limits. If you are like me, you will put 150-200% into everything if there is a need. YOu need to learn to draw boundaries and not take on everything. I have gotten better at this since I switched jobs. I still love and believe in my job, and will put in extra time when it is needed, but it isn't the same as my last job where it was pretty much an all-consuming passion. My boss is the director of our office and has serious issues with setting limits (works 10-12 hour days, often comes in on weekends, etc). In a way that makes it hard, but at the same time I look at him and say "I don't want that to be me." I make token gestures that will be noticed and appreciated (check my email from home on evenings and weekends when I know there is something important brewing, make my cell phone number available for emergency calls, etc), but try hard not to let myself get sucked in. I guess what I am saying here is that there are definitely some occupational hazards of non-profit work, but to a large extent you do still have control. But moving down in the administrative heirarchy to a programmatic, rather than a management, position might be a very good move for you personally right now. I think as a program person it is easier to say "this is my limit" than it is at the executive level, where in the end everything is kind of resting on you.
Good luck and keep coming back for support and encourgement. We're pleased to have you back!
lhamo
Thank you so much for your supportive words and wisdom! I will think more on the part-time option and the whole non-profit thing :) And excellent point about the supportive network that can make the transition to slower pace possible.
Originally posted by Stella.
Mrs M I am slowly being converted to the handwashing of dishes. Our dishwasher needs repairing so I have been doing dishes by hand for the last few weeks. I'm actually finding it easier for most things. It just seems to flow better. Things are always clean when I need them instead of sitting in the dishwasher waiting for it to be full enough to run. Dishes will never be my favourite chore, but it's not as bad as I remember it being when I was younger.Ever since you posted about this I have thought about you every... single... night, while washing dishes (by hand). So Stella, how is the dishes by hand method going? :)
clothing by hand is well-out for me. LOL my hands just got tired. but, still doing some by hand, most by washer. got it switched to cold-only (since it was done on cold, but the machine would draw on hot -- and this is what increased our bill), and so it's not costing as much. also, double-spin cycle means less drying time too!
but, dishes and all else going by hand, as per usual. it's a small house. :D
actually, we went and looked at two other homes on our block to rent. people are astonished that we are comfortable in our place! so, we checked them out and really didn't like either. in the one, the left side of the house was really nice -- living room, kitchen, bathroom. lovely. but the bedrooms (two small bedrooms, one oversized closet with window) were cold, dank, and dark. really, not awesome. the second one was really lovely in a traditional colonial style (for her, which is victorian), that had been reconfigured a bit. from the looks of it, it's a central entry with left-right parlors (men's and women's, usually). But, the right side was parlor-dining-kitchen, and then the left side was made into the master bedroom, with two other bedrooms behind/around -- one being a large closet because most of it had been eaten up by the bathroom (added in the 50s or so -- cute bathroom really, very vintage). So, this second place was more livable -- but it just seemed SO HUGE and we kinda felt lost in it.
we then looked at an apartment (for sale, and well within our budget), that's about the same size as our current place, and actually has a little yard space that we could safely fence, and I really liked it, but of course we don't want to buy right now anyway. All the same, it was cute -- only problem being having neighbors upstairs. :D
i think we just like where we live a lot.
Oh, Zoebird, you've just touched on something that I have thought of so many times. (Hand-washing laundry). I think about my mom whenever I think about this, and how she washed out oldest sisters diapers in the bathtub (nightly), and, for the first short while, no rubber pants!
Now, having always been the staunch supporter of, believer in, and user of the awe mighty cloth diaper, it would have been one epic battle to curb Mrs-M from diapering her kids in cloth, but if I had to follow in my moms footsteps and wash my kids diapers out (by hand) in the bathtub when they were babies, it would have been Pampers in our house (all the way)! As for using cloth diapers (old-fashioned) without rubber pants, that would be another cloth killer for me.
P.S. Love the sounds of some of the homes you visited in your search for a place. The left/right (either side) parlor/salon styled entry has always been a weakness of mine! Love that!
Somehow, with older architecture, I feel less consumed and overwhelmed (size relayed) than I do if I'm visiting a newer larger home. I base that on all the adornments and accouterments that old homes possess. IMO, a home (even if it's grand in size/proportion) feels more scaled back and homey when finished old world style. i.e. Hardwood flooring, paneled walls (turn of the century styling), and a solid wood staircase.
By the way, so happy to hear you are a wash/dry dishes by hand person! I think we're fast becoming quite the rarity in today's day and age. In fact, I do believe it is all the things I do (different from everyone else) that helps encourage and promote the happiness and contentment I enjoy when practicing frugality and simplicity. Somehow, at least the way I see it, frugality and simplicity wouldn't be the same (or mean the same) if one couldn't do things the slow and old-fashioned way!
you might find it funny, but i often did DS's diapers by hand. though, he usually didn't have a big mess because of EC. When he did, I would rinse the diaper by hand until running clear, then soak in a bucket with vinegar and tea tree oil, and then wash in the washer. it was probably really redundant. LOL
our cottage is super-tiny, and I just love it. I can't wait to "do it up" a bit more, and I want to live there for a long while. weird, i know. People think we are nuts, but it's just nice. When DS gets old enough, he can move into the day bed in the lounge (which is pretty much right next to our bed). Until then, he's with us.
having more kids would be great (for any number of reasons), but having one and being able to live in basically a one-room cottage is ncie. :D
oh, and according to our power bill, we managed to cut our electric use by 1/3! And, that's with only two weeks of cutting back on power use! awesomeness. :D
Zoebird. You cease to amaze me! :) A domestic/frugal/simplistic diva you are!!!
Given the choice, I would most definitely choose small home living over large home living, yet there's a voice inside me that constantly reminds me of, how much I love grandeur. Grandeur seems to evoke such romantic dreams and visions. But reality for me would be a simple cottage styled home, it's main floor designed with openness and flow, while all other rooms would be scaled for comfort, warmth, and practicality.
Smart (in the sense of) energy savings, comfort, and design. (Design meaning, design for living).
i'm excited to see the bill continue to go down. i'm also sorting out the cell phone bill, as we've been using the cell phone a lot more than normal. we used to FB if we had questions (between home and work), but since my tiny computer died, i've been calling DH rather than FBing and that costs us too much money.
so, i have to wean myself. but, we're not buying a new computer yet -- we are waiting until Dec when my parents come so that they can bring it from the US. Costs us less money this way.
yeah, so that's where i am. lol silly me.
I'm excited for you knowing the bills are coming down! :) Good job! Not silly you at all. Cutting corners and shaving expenses is all in a days work for smart frugal homemakers, and I envy you for staying taut. Maintaining a sense of staying power is one of the most difficult things to do when it comes to frugality, and from everything I'm seeing/reading about you, you're doing a fabulous job!
thanks!
we have some big expenses coming up, but DH is loathe to talk about it. We want to get a car (as we will be going on 5 weeks holiday with both sets of grands -- one for two weeks, one for three) and renting the car would cost about as much as buying the one from our friend. And, we could use it for when we do our grocery runs once a week. It would be nice for that. Also, we have a young couple (friends) who would like to "rent" the car from us, which is no problem for us really, so long as it's all well taken care of, etc.
So that, and the computer, and then I'd like to do a couple of things for the house -- mostly get the bed in the lounge made up. We'll be buying a second mattress (to set on top of the first), which is also coming from the friend with the car, and then i need to get the bedding. This is so that when my parents and ILs stay with us, we all have a place to sleep. My parents already asserted that they would be sleeping in our bed (thanks for letting me know! LOL), and so I have to get mattresses for us because sleeping on the floor is bunk. i can do it, but i don't wanna.
finally, of course, we are going to replace the little computer. it's a business expense and we have the money, but still. i don't want to spend $1k on it, you know? One of those things.
So it's really probably about $4k all said and done (car plus fees to get it transferred over to our names, mattress, bedding, and computer), and we have the money no problem. but are so loathe to spend it. :D
conflict! LOL
I know all too well the feeling of wading through the financial waters of plight and pickle! :) Isn't family life fun! ROTFLMAO! I take comfort in your entries, particularly this one, because I know (deep down inside) you have a good grip on things and are frugally smart and simply wise, so I know you'll do well and come out on top at the end of the day. Stay strong.
you know it. i'm also savvy. lol
my parents agreed to pay for 1/3 of the car, since that would be basically the rental cost if we were to rent while they were here. my ILs said they would pay for the amount for the time that they are here, which leaves us paying about $700 for the car (and fees). Sweet.
my parents also said that they bought X,YZ for my sister, and would i like the money or just a gift or what, and i said "computer!" and told them exactly which one i wanted, and my dad said he would get it and they'll bring it with them. SCORE.
then mom said that she hadn't bought my birthday gift yet, and i told her what i wanted and they just shuffled money into my account because "i know you'll buy used and vintage for the base pieces (wool underlays, wool blankets), and then new for the sheets, covers, etc, and it'll probably be easier for you to just go shopping!" NICE.
ok, i'm just spending other people's money. but they do have more than me. so. i'm ok with it. LOL
oh, and bone broth.
we've started bone broth-ing with a vengeance! i even asked my neighbors to share their chicken bones. we mostly make chicken broth -- i find it easier, but i'm going to venture into beef/venison soon. my husband needs it to help heal his gut.
free bones!
Parents are the best when it comes to helping aren't they! Good on you! So happy for you I am. Beef stock is sooo easy! Typically, I stay away from plain old beef bones. Too much bone, not much in the way of flavour. Instead, I buy beef ribs, you don't need anything in the way of quality cuts, and look for them when they are on sale. For a large stock pot of soup, I use 12-16 ribs.
Anyhow, let the ribs simmer for a full two hours in about 1/4 to 1/3 of water (of the capacity the pot holds). Hope you understand that. Then remove ribs from pot and set aside in a bowl. Add your vegetables, seasonings, and spices, and simmer some more. Then, when the soup is ready (I like simmering for a minimum of 4 hours), remove the beef from the bones and add it to the soup! Mmmm, mmm, good! You can kick it up a notch by adding a little beef bouillon to the stock to add a little more richness. (Don't over do it though).
Ribs--excellent idea! I usually make chicken bone broth in the pressure cooker (with a bit of vinegar to draw out minerals)--in fact I'm finishing up some chicken pho now, but I haven't made much beef stock. Will remember to look for ribs next time I'm out.
yeah, well, it's nice when it all comes together like that. :D
JaneV2.0. Neat-o, making chicken broth/stock in a pressure cooker.
Zoebird. Believe it or not, it's that easy! :) Feel free to message me at any time if you need additional help/advice.
with bone broth or manifestation? :)
i find waiting so much easier now that my life has slowed down. it's ok to just sit and be until things start, you know?
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