Surrounding yourself with like minded friends...

[TMC]

I lurk around here quite a bit, I don't always have a lot to say but enjoy being inspired by you guys. Recently we found out that DH job is in serious jeopardy....we've known for about three years that this was possible so I think that we will come out OK. We could make some really hard decisions and pay off our house if the need be.

My problem is just not having anyone to talk to about this. I have one close friend and lots of "friends". This good friend has always lived very frugally, her and her husband both work part time and never really has any "extra" money, they live comfortably, but not extravagantly. When I told her this week that we were cutting out everything extra right now because of the possible job loss, she glossed over it a bit and than tried to talk me into taking my two kids with her and her son to the movies. Ummmm, hello.....no extras.

It is going to be very hard with no one's support, just DH and I. We have reached that point where we mean it, I want this house paid off and all debts gone.

I need to find a cheaper group of friends. ;)

[Sad Eyed Lady]

Until you find that group of friends TMC, keep coming back here - we will listen. Also, there's some good advise on here from others who have been through various situations. I personally see living below your means by choice to be a good decision, then if something comes along you are not without some resources. I enjoy shopping consignment stores, repurposing, recycling, using what I have, and taking care of my little bit of earth. More rewarding than spending every weekend walking the mall looking for something that you don't need and didn't even know you wanted until it was displayed for you.

[sweetana3]

The blog that follows is written by someone in the UK in a similiar situation. She wants to pay off the debt and mortgage and reading her blog is interesting and supportive. There are many in your shoes and helpful to find out it is going on all over. Hope you find some support here.

http://frugalincornwall.blogspot.com/

[TMC]

The blog that follows is written by someone in the UK in a similiar situation. She wants to pay off the debt and mortgage and reading her blog is interesting and supportive. There are many in your shoes and helpful to find out it is going on all over. Hope you find some support here.

http://frugalincornwall.blogspot.com/

Thank you very much for this.....I have already checked her out, she sounds much like me and the bonus is she is from England, I will admit to being in love with "chick lit" set in England, she's fun to read. :)

[Kestra]

I know I've seen it said many times around here before: lots of us keep using this forum as it really is the best way to connect with people with similar views. Some people I know in real life are understanding about some areas of simple living, but not all areas. Other people I feel like we're not even speaking the same language. DH is the only one who truly gets what I am talking about. And of course, we don't always agree, but at least I feel understood. Part of it I think is the full disclosure we have with each other (DH and I). I find sometimes I can't really say what I mean to other people because that would mean revealing more about our financial situation than I want to. And of course at work, it's best not to mention how little you spend compared to how much they pay you.

[Sad Eyed Lady]

And of course at work, it's best not to mention how little you spend compared to how much they pay you.

Or how little you spend compared to your co-workers! LOL!!!

[herbgeek]

We all have different defintions of things as well. For me, cutting out extras would not necessarily cutting out /everything/, just the things that /I/ consider non important. And this will vary from person to person as to what "non important" is.

[setis]

I have been enjoying this forum for five or six years. I started just lookin and reading. I have made a few friends.I know exactly what you mean.I am strong willed and opinionated.Most times just jump in with both feet.You will find friends here.I know it is not the same as having a person to talk to face to face.You are on the right track.Good luck and if you want to talk we are right here.One last jump.Start a jar for the movies put pennies in it and in no time it will be enough to go to the movie or rent a couple. Being frugal does not mean you can't have a treat every now and then

[jania]

Most people I know are either spending most of their money on possessions or, if they are having money difficulties right now are still obsessed with what all they cannot buy.

I live below my paycheck, always have, and keep coming back to this board because this is the only place I know of where people "get" my lifestyle choices. There certainly are people in the world, your neighborhood perhaps, that are sharing your values but they can be hard to find.

[TMC]

I know I've seen it said many times around here before: lots of us keep using this forum as it really is the best way to connect with people with similar views. Some people I know in real life are understanding about some areas of simple living, but not all areas. Other people I feel like we're not even speaking the same language. DH is the only one who truly gets what I am talking about. And of course, we don't always agree, but at least I feel understood. Part of it I think is the full disclosure we have with each other (DH and I). I find sometimes I can't really say what I mean to other people because that would mean revealing more about our financial situation than I want to. And of course at work, it's best not to mention how little you spend compared to how much they pay you.

This is true, I can't really be that open with friends or family. Everybodys financial situations are different and even though we have made some good choices we have also made some bad ones too. I think that is the hardest to admit to people you know.

So I would love to get our financial situation of my chest, get some input about what is good and what is bad......

Also right now I have no desire to spend money on things like going to the movies, I feel great right now not spending, we need to keep that momentum up. Also I never realized that my kids don't know what it is like to scrimp and save. No matter what happens today (dh finds out for sure abut his job today). I think that this will be a big change in our life for the better in a lot of ways.

[TMC]

You guys will laugh, friend just called and asked if I heard about DH job yet, nope, I'm waiting to hear from him. Than she tries to get me to bring my kids and meet her for lunch.....oh boy.....I think frugality is going to make me very lonely. Any other day I would recommend we meet at the park or go swimming here or something but honestly today I am just not up to any effort.

[iris lily]

One of our closest friends is single and super frugal. He had his house paid off and his automobiles paid off many years ago, but he still splurges: new cute garage with solar outfitting, convertible Mini-Cooper, etc. He is very sensible about money, and he is really the ONLY person we know who spends similarly to us.

With other some other friends we do sit around and talk about money, and while they consider themselves frugal, I do not. Yet anyone who doesn't have credit card debt is, I suppose, worthy of considering frugal in this day and age.

Now, many of our friends do not have expensive cars, do not EVER go to the mall, etc etc but there are some pretty big mortgages in this neighborhood and so people do spend money on their house even if they go thrift store for clothes and drive old cars. The old houses here tend to be gazingus pins for many, and ya gotta dress up your house and give it granite countertops and take out walls that eejits put in back in the 1960's to restore it back to original. That sort of thing, but it keeps DH employed so I am not complaining about their spending habits.

[TMC]

One of our closest friends is single and super frugal. He had his house paid off and his automobiles paid off many years ago, but he still splurges: new cute garage with solar outfitting, convertible Mini-Cooper, etc. He is very sensible about money, and he is really the ONLY person we know who spends similarly to us.

With other some other friends we do sit around and talk about money, and while they consider themselves frugal, I do not. Yet anyone who doesn't have credit card debt is, I suppose, worthy of considering frugal in this day and age.

Now, many of our friends do not have expensive cars, do not EVER go to the mall, etc etc but there are some pretty big mortgages in this neighborhood and so people do spend money on their house even if they go thrift store for clothes and drive old cars. The old houses here tend to be gazingus pins for many, and ya gotta dress up your house and give it granite countertops and take out walls that eejits put in back in the 1960's to restore it back to original. That sort of thing, but it keeps DH employed so I am not complaining about their spending habits.

This brings an interesting point up about finding the balance in spending and saving. I have talked about that before and my struggle to find it. We have a fairly large mortgage, well large to me, but I guess some people wouldn't think so......so it will be in all reality probably 15 years until that mortgage is paid. Sometimes we get into the let's eat twigs and berries and wear no shoes desperation to pay it off (exaggerated for effect of course) and than sometimes we just get tired of all the scrimping and we spend too much. It is all relative for us, we contribute the max to both our 401ks and do save in other ways, but as long as the mortgage is there we feel the noose......need a plan to live and save and find our sweet spot.

[Spartana]

I'm in a sort of similiar situation with friends (see my post below about ending friendships). The constant spending on things that I could care less about - or even downright hate - has somewhat isolated me from many old friends. So I come here! I lurk alot more now than I use to as I don't have much to input, but I still find the info and support of great value. I consider many people here as like minded friends who are on a similiar path, and glean support from that even if my own version of the simple life is different from other's here. So even if there isn't anyone IRL for you to talk to, we're here for you!

[Rosemary]

This is one reason I really love living where I do. It seems that there is a very high per capita rate of people not interested in accumulating stuff. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of McMansions and malls around. But compared to other cities in which I've lived, more people are focused on good quality of life and doing activities other than shopping. My closest friends here all share my dislike of malls.

[Spartana]

This is one reason I really love living where I do. It seems that there is a very high per capita rate of people not interested in accumulating stuff. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of McMansions and malls around. But compared to other cities in which I've lived, more people are focused on good quality of life and doing activities other than shopping. My closest friends here all share my dislike of malls.

I also think that where you live has alot to do with making it easier - or harder - to live a simpler, less costly life. I was living in Orange County, Ca. for along time and found it very difficult to meet people who's focus wasn't on shopping and spending and livin' large. Moving out of the area to a more down to earth place helped greatly in terms of meeting like minded people.

[Gardenarian]

Hi TMC - It's pretty odd how your frugal friend is reacting to your plan for cutting back on expenses. It sounds almost passive-aggressive! I have found that parents have varying expectations on who will pay for what on an outing - do the kids pay for their own movie tickets? Popcorn? I always assume that dd will be paying for herself.

I generally feel like my friends (well, more like neighbors than BFFs) are fairly frugal; I live in a small town where the simple life is valued. But I'm occasionally surprised by the amount of debt people are willing to take on. One neighbor just took out a second mortgage to remodel her house; she said "it's only $800 a month for 30 years." :0!

I guess I'm kind of debt phobic; if I can't pay cash for it, I don't get it. (I expect this will change when dd is off to college - she wants to go to Stanford.)

We have frequent pot-lucks, often at my house (which is kind of central to the neighborhood and easy to entertain in - plus, we have all kinds of swings and climbing stuff.) I like to be generous in inviting people to my home and offering hospitality - and I don't have to pay for all the food! It's a good compromise, and I don't think anyone thinks we're overly cheap (but maybe I'm kidding myself.)

[TMC]

Spartana - Isolated is a good word that you use. Maybe it is sort of self imposed but it does get lonely. If people can't respect my position in life that is not my fault. On the other hand I know probably one way to fix that is to offer alternatives to spending a lot of money for outings, if I want to keep the friendships. Somebody was writing in another thread about a co-worker draining them, that is how I feel right now, drained by some relationships.

Gardenarian - I never considered having my kids pay for their own movies, they do get an allowance so it would probably be a wise parenting choice to let them decide if it's important enough to use their own money on, that really (in my mind) is one of the main reasons to give a kid allowance.

[Sissy]

TMC, I am sure you will do ok because you are staying on top of things. I am pretty cheap and really don't understand the people of "the next thing". I certainly wish my grown kids would wake up and smell the, uh, dandylions!

Thanks for the link Sweetana. I love reading blogs about regular people. I feel that lots of times many bloggers dress things up a bit to sound more exciting ( I certainly would have to, lol)

Sherry

[Selah]

I sympathize with not having people in real life to talk to about your plans, wishes and concerns. But I am SO grateful I found this board...people have inspired me, challenged me, supported me, and have given so freely of their wisdom and experience. You are not alone. Just realize that what you are choosing, and how you are choosing to live, DOES go against the mainstream current at the moment, but every day more and more people are waking up. You're on the cutting edge of the the zeitgeist, LOL! :) Good luck on your plan about paying off the house...we are debt-free-except-for-the-house and would LOVE to have it paid off as well.

[Madsen]

How did the job situation turn out, TMC?

[Mrs-M]

Bump.