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Fawn
7-31-11, 8:47am
I know this is one the the hardest things for folks to let go of. Please share what the heirloom was and how you let it go. Me first:

Bronzed baby shoes--I found a metal recycler that would melt them down.

Silver piggy bank w/ my monogram on it--stolen when I was in college.

200 year old Hitch**** chairs--I already had children by the time my mom was ready to let these go to me. I demurred by saying that the museum worthy chairs could be damaged too easily by my littles ones.

And after I had been saying that about the chairs for awhile, it occurred to me that I didn't have to take any of the heirlooms that mom was planning on passing to me. The silver, her diamonds....all the stuff that she thought had to go to me as I was the only daughter. She insists that it stay with the females, and I insist that it pass me and go to the granddaughters.:~)

(OK, that is really funny that the softwear doesn't like the name of my mom's chairs....)

leslieann
7-31-11, 10:15am
I need HELP with this! When my mother died, I got the china cabinet and the contents of it. The contents have mostly been handed off to my sister and daughter. I still have the cabinet; it is a lovely piece, actually, and I just had someone offer to buy it from me. But I still cannot seem to let this one go. Have offered my sister the few remaining contents but she's successfully decluttered the ones I palmed off on her before and won't take any more.

Our house is small. We have no other furniture of this style. The cabinet is nearly empty, though I could easily fill it with DH's grandmother's china: he has his own struggle with heirlooms. On the other hand, though, he was able to redirect the grandfather clock to a delighted cousin so it never darkened our door. I would have had trouble with that.

I can't wait to hear how others have managed this. Thanks for posting the query, Fawn.

iris lily
7-31-11, 10:43am
First of all, I didn't take stuff that I didn't want, initially. My mom was very good about not guilting me into taking stuff I didn't like.

And then, starting in 2010, I started cleaning crap out of this house (I'm up about $2,500 as a result of that AND our basement is spic and span and the attic is--well, manageable) and I've finally whittled down family possessions so that I've got only a few things, and those are ones I like.

I've got one old quilt from a great grandmother, a couple of things from my grandparents and their generation and a few things from my mother, and that's it.

I got rid of the great-grandfather's Civil War blanket and all of the old family photos, and I'm terrifically relieved. I am Free Free FREE!!!!

IshbelRobertson
7-31-11, 5:44pm
I've got LOTS of heirlooms. As the oldest in my generation, that's my burden!
However, I have managed to palm off lots and lots of china to various members of the wider family. Some silver, too. I've got too many things like antique silver frames, snuff boxes etc which are now sitting in the base of a large walk-in cupboard. No-one wants them, but I can't part with them by putting them into a local antiques auction, either. And don't even get me started about things like glassware and furniture. I've got Jacobean stuff which lives in guest bedrooms because I don't like it, but family feelings make me scared to get rid of it. None of my close family want any of it.

That's the curse of having a family of collectors!

Float On
7-31-11, 6:12pm
I'm dreading one heirloom that has been told is coming our way. Its on my husband's side and it is a barrel filled with china. The same barrel that it made the trip from England by boat when the family several several generations back came over to the states. It has moved from closet to closet, generation to generation. I've heard it is very ugly. I've put my foot down and said 'no way' but we'll see.

Popoagie
7-31-11, 8:02pm
I had my family heirlooms decluttered for me by burglars. That these burglars seem to be my next door neighbors angry about their crimes being reported to the police and a "friend" who comforted me regarding the burglaries and kept offering to "allow" me and my child to stay out at his house or just visit for a few hours (while his buddies burglarized my house further with keys he stole off my keychain left on his kitchen counter while I visited) makes it much worse. Granted, I carted these things all over the continent for decades. However, if I'd wanted to get rid of them, I could have turned them into many thousands of dollars which would have helped me with an upcoming long distance move.

What I have learned, with much pain, is that there is no sense really in hauling things all over at great expense and bother, only to have them stolen with not only no benefit to myself or my family, but also a lot of trouble with dealing with police reports, insurance companies, and the hassle of trying to replace the items to get full insurance benefits while they were things you didn't use and that don't mean anything to you if they are not actually from Grandma, Dad or whoever. I truly would have been better off selling them at the highest possible price and investing that money in a vacation, massages, a new vehicle, or whatever. But, I held onto them, and now they are gone.

I do feel that it's important to have some things around you in your home that bring back good memories and that make it feel like your home no matter where you move. However, I don't feel that this takes a lot of stuff. For example, a few paintings and/or photos, a special vase, and perhaps a few pillows embroidered by someone special are probably all it takes to make it home because you can interchange other things and background, such as couches, painted walls, etc. If you are strategic, you can put the things that are really unique into a fairly small space.

In addition to having heirlooms stolen, I had many, many items of classic clothing that are as fashionable today as they were twenty years ago (truly and honestly) and they barely had wear on them. That I kept them seemed reasonable to me at the time because they were expensive and usable, but they were stolen and could have much earlier been turned into much needed cash and used by someone else in the meantime.

I'm still smarting from the burglaries, but they are what finally after all these years broke my ties to my stuff. I am very sad that the few childhood toys of my son's that I would have kept were also stolen. However, I will fully admit that he doesn't care at all, or at least he is not telling me that he does. He says he doesn't know how he feels about the burglaries and is probably avoiding those hidden feelings. So, I've had to face this solo for the time. I will say that I would have been better off selling most of my expensive items and paying for a security system, documenting everything I own (which might have been much more possible had I not owned well over $200,000 worth of things in my house), and then going about my life. I could have put the few jewelry items I cared about in a safe deposit box, or just let them go. I never, ever wore them except for the less expensive items and the diamond necklace I always wore around my neck.

As for the ugly china in the barrel, I would consider taking that to Antique Roadshow if there is one near you. It could be worth a lot, and it would be free advertising. Otherwise, get it appraised and if it's worth much sell it and take a very memorable vacation with the proceeds. Since it's not sentimental to you, the only consideration would be the flack you could get from family members, and that is something only you probably know how to address.

maribeth
8-1-11, 2:16pm
I am really intrigued by the Barrel'O'China. Have generations of people actually been putting the china back in the barrel after Thanksgiving all these years? Or is it really just a barrel of mystery, said to contain the world's ugliest china, but no one can ever be sure, because anyone who gazes upon the china would turn to stone?

I may eventually inherit my grandmother's china (Mom has it now), but I like it and would use it.

larknm
8-1-11, 3:30pm
I gave stuff away. Once stuff is mine, I figure I can do what I want with it, and I didn't want family heirlooms, even less would i want the emotional baggage that comes with them for many people. I only own things DH or I want or need to own. Along with that, we have no storage space or cabinets. It's the old thing of I wouldn't want to maintain, store, dispose of it.

saguaro
8-1-11, 5:38pm
I have given away china and a silver-plated coffee service that belonged to my Grandma but her hand-made church window quilt, and big round bright yellow Fiesta platter stayed. I pretty much determine that if I can use it, fine, otherwise it goes. I am still working on getting rid of more china, crystal and old photos. Trying to help my sister, who is also decluttering, get rid of the another set of Grandma's she "inherited'; she really doesn't like it and could use the storage space for other things, but feels guilty letting it go.

H-work
8-1-11, 7:00pm
I never had a china set or anything fancier than thrift-shoped Corelle. I am getting a set soon from my husband's side and I am thrilled, I've seen it and it's really nice. 2 generations have kept it safe, tucked away and rarely used it. I was told to be careful and not let the kids touch it, heaven forbid a piece breaks. Grandma & Great Grandma rolling in their grave and all that. I was also told that one of the pieces is very rare and is worth more than the whole set combined. A quick look on eBay shows this wild tale has no bearing in fact, at least in this recession.

I noticed that a lot of the pieces are chipped and cracked so I have no worries putting it out on my table for special occasions. If we do break a piece here and there, I can get replacements very reasonable on eBay. I don't think I'll have it by the holidays (we'll bring it back next time we're there. It'll be fun.

I can't imagine having nice dishes and never really using them.

I, too, am intrigued by the Barrel'O'China too! How ugly can a barrel be?

iris lily
8-1-11, 11:37pm
...
I, too, am intrigued by the Barrel'O'China too! How ugly can a barrel be?

oh, I think that some old china things can be pretty ugly. DH has a plate from an ancient relative that had assocated tales: it was supposed to have come with the family from England, and it was modeled on The Queen's service or some such thing. But when I researched it I found that it's neither especially old nor is it attractive and there is no tie with any Queen. It's brown and stained. Made in a time when lots of wonderful flow blue transfer ware was common, DH's relatives had to chose brown. Way to go, NOT!

Iris lily reformed china addict

Tradd
8-1-11, 11:56pm
You must at least take a pic of the Barrel O'China!

H-work
8-2-11, 10:45am
Oh, I misread. I was thinking the barrel was ugly, not the China, lol. I was thinking an old wood barrel would be pretty neat looking.

iris lily
8-2-11, 11:43am
Oh, I misread. I was thinking the barrel was ugly, not the China, lol. I was thinking an old wood barrel would be pretty neat looking.

you may be right, she may be speaking of the barrel. But the entire batch sounds like a burdon.

MamaM
9-1-11, 4:09pm
Let's see:
1. 2 older teapots- one finally broke on our last move
2. A huge set of pink Depression glass, around 40 pieces. I was terrified of breaking it.
3. Several handmade quilts and blankets. I swear when I used them, I had allergies from them, even washed them in HOT water and nothing worked.
4. Small odds and ends, probably about a bins worth.

It's funny, because with my son now, I am trying to figure out what to keep of his and what to get rid of. I am trying to place importance on what is truly special and what is just Mama having a moment. : )

treehugger
9-1-11, 4:17pm
Almost all of the heirlooms I have, I chose to take after my grandparents died (the 7 cousins and 3 aunts inventoried everything and we amicably divvied it up). So I like all and use most of it. So, nothing to declutter. But if I wanted to get rid of any of it, I would ask around to see if another family member wanted it, and then out it would go. We aren't super sentimental about stuff.

I do have one pack rat aunt who took everything no one else wanted. I don't envy her kids' job cleaning out her house when she dies.

On my husband's side, I am a little worried. His dad is a pack rat and it's a family joke about the contents of his garage being our "inheritance." At least I hope it's a joke. The truth is, some stuff out there might be worth money, but how will we know the difference? Nothing is labeled. None of it has any sentimental value for my DH, so I see a giant dumptster in our future.

Kara

jennipurrr
9-1-11, 4:45pm
Speaking of ugly china...when I got married my grandmother offered me a set of her china and said the same thing to my sister in the future. My grandmother passed away and my sister gpt getting married last year. My mom digs the set out of the abyss and my sister exclaims that she doesn't want this china, why did she get stuck with the ugly china?! The china I got was mid century Spode (http://www.ebay.com/itm/290369459019) and certainly not current...but I was happy to have a reason not to put china on my wedding registry and I appreciated my Grandmother's gift. So, then after my sister had her entitled hissy fit about the ugly china she saw mine and said, oh that is ugly too. Hahaha. So, she proceeded to register for a new set of china. Ugh, so no we have my grandmother's china, my mom's china and now my sister has a new set of china. I am not taking any more...one set is more than enough! Anything left to me will be going on ebay!

I've told everyone that there are three things I really want out of my parent's estate (a ring of my mother's, a picture that is important to me, and a particular set of silver...there are two, I just prefer this one) and supposedly this is fine right now. Who knows if it will actually go smoothly. I told my sister (it is just us two) when the time comes...get everything she wants and then aside from the three items I will choose what I want and then we will sell/scrap the rest. She loves stuff and I'm a tosser so I don't know how well the scrapping/selling is going to go with her. Its a good plan now but if I have kids I might want a few things that can be passed down to them...otherwise no stuff for me please.

My grandmother passed away in 2004 and my Mom is just now the past couple of years getting where she can declutter. She is more of a stuff person and also attaches a lot of sentimental value to the items. She is still holding on to anything that may be "valuable" but she has been able to let go of a lot of the other things by donating them to people who need them. She was happy after she got rid of a lot of the stuff as it had been taking up half the garage for several years.

KayLR
9-1-11, 7:06pm
I have a weird mind---I just thought how funny would it be when the ugly barrel-o-china finally was opened that Puglogic's Derek Jeter card was in there. (see the "funny traditions" thread)

Kestrel
9-1-11, 11:04pm
I'm not too sentiment about heirlooms, but DH is. So we have two complete sets of silver, and two complete sets of china -- one from each of his grandmothers. Plus his grandfather's sweater (they were very close). All of his father's files after he died. Who knows what's in them. And all the pictures. DH's mom was quite the socialite, and there are lots of party photo albums, but DH has no clue who any of the people are. Well, except for his mom and dad, of course. And a chair that was his grandmother's, with a needlepoint seat cover that she did herself. Plus a kid's-size ice-cream chair, also with a needlepoint seat cover that she did. Oh, and a very expensive telescope. And lots of quilts she made. And so many things packed away that I've forgotten about ... but DH hasn't ... Oh ... the quilts were beautiful, perhaps never used, or if so used carefully. But when our kids were little we used them! I tried to take care of them, but most of them are not in the best of shape now.

Now ... from my side of the family we have my mother's old colander, which I use a lot. And lots of old kitchen utensils. Which I use a lot. And pictures. And some fabric she was going to sew something out of, but never did. I may make some aprons out of it. And a couple of presents that I had given her. Oh, and an old notebook my grandmother kept of how many bags of (?) she picked each day ... this was during the Depression and my family were "The Grapes of Wrath" people -- plus she was also keeping track of "Boy". Also in there are some old home remedies for whatever ails you. And some old dime-store type bowls that I use a lot too. DH has some of Daddy's old tools, as well as his Dad's.

Have no idea if our two sons will want any of this when we die. I'd like DH to give them the china and silverware now, to get it out of our house, but he doesn't want to, and they really have no place to keep it, or any use for it.

Selah
9-17-11, 10:02am
My mom and stepdad went through a ten year period involving buying a late 19th-century home and restoring it, including populating it with rooms and rooms of uncomfortable, expensive antique furniture. Then they downsized and got rid of most of it, thank GOD. Mom distributed a few family heirlooms to me (grandma's wedding silver, a few quilts and a china plate), but I didn't want anymore than that because I knew we'd be moving overseas into a small apartment soon.

I gave the silverware to a cousin who'd never received anything from that side of the family, and he was very grateful. I kept the plate and most of the quilts, but returned one quilt to my mom, to give to another cousin who had a deeper connection with the women who'd made one of the quilts...a group of women had gotten together and made quilts, and each one embroidered her name on all the other quilts. I only knew one of the names (my relative), but that cousin recognized a lot of the names, so we felt she would appreciate it more.

Frankly, mom did me a great favor by selling off loads of "heirlooms" she didn't use or want anymore. I can't have kids and my brother doesn't want to, so really, who are we keeping this stuff for, since the family line is dying with us anyway? We are moving overseas soon and we intend to remain there for the rest of our lives, so perhaps someone there will be interested in getting those quilts, that plate, and a few handmade dolls from my childhood. If they survive, they'll be "antique" eventually!

fidgiegirl
9-17-11, 10:55am
Popagie, your story has been one I've been thinking about, and I'm sorry I didn't respond to your post earlier! Now it appears you have maybe not been back on the boards to see my response anyway, but thanks for sharing. It's a really good way to think about it - if I'm only hanging on to this for the money it might someday be worth, than how would I feel if it were stolen?

My DH has a lot of such items, though they are not heirlooms. He only values them because they look kind of cool and in his mind they are worth money. It's only worth money if you sell it, and only worth what someone is willing to pay.

At least we agreed that if we move, he will confine the vintage Northwoods decor to one room. Right now it's the whole house! :laff:

Nella
9-27-11, 11:50pm
Whenever I've struggled with giving away a family heirloom, I've used the Don Aslett method of "miniaturizing" whatever the item is. In other words, I keep only a small part of it, if that's possible, and then give the object to another family member, a friend who wants the item, or my preferred charity. Of course you can't do that with most things, so what I usually end up doing is taking a picture of the item and putting into my "heirloom" photobook. What I want to save is the memory, not necessarily the object. For instance, my Grandmother painted a picture that, quite frankly, was visually dreadful. But because she had painted it I felt very tied emotionally to the picture. So, I took a really good photo of it, and gave the picture away. Now, when I look at the 4x6 photo, I remember my Grandmother, I think about how she spent time to create this picture, and how fortunate I was that the painting was in my life. Emphasis on "was," because in reality, I'm glad I'm not still having to store it, keep it safe and dry, or having to find an "appropriate" place to hang it.

DonkaDoo
9-30-11, 5:25pm
it's not really an heirloom, but I finally got rid of the quilted cat sweater vest my grandma made me.

tamrajo
10-18-11, 6:27pm
Eeek... I haven't done it yet, but I kind of want to get rid of my Steinway baby grand piano... My Grandma gave it to me as she was dying. I was the only grand kid that still played, but I was only 12 at the time so it lived at my parents house until I had a house of my own at 21. The problem is that 1-it takes an entire room in my house! It has been a major player in picking a house the 2 times we have moved and 2- I don't play any more. I haven't for.... well, really since I lived at my parents house. I don't know if my kids will play or not, or if it will have any meaning to them. It's just an enormous piece of furniture that I'm hanging onto for "someday." Music used to be a big part of my life, but not any more.

Fawn
10-19-11, 4:09pm
tamrajo-

My mom had one of those, though not gifted by a grandmother. But she felt it made us "smarter" as a family to have such a thing in the house.....even though none of us played.

She was finally able to let it go when she and my dad got short of cash, to pay for a semester of college for my younger brother. Money well spent.