Mom in Hospice

[Cypress]

Please send hugs my way. My mother has been moved to hospice as of yesterday. I am not close with my mother. Nevertheless, I plan to visit and wonder what do you say at moments like this? Typically, she has little to say as it is. I am perplexed at having to create a conversation.

She really does not want to give up on life, but her body is failing. Her ailments are numerous and she is in a fragile way.

Her medical condition has been up and down for ten years. I feel like I am on a roller coaster and have already moved through some stages of grief. This time is different.
:(

[Charity]

((((hugs)))) I know it's a hard thing. I had a co-worker who became terminally ill. She worked until she simply couldn't work anymore because she wanted things to be normal. I handle human resources so my boss and I had to meet with her when she made the decision about when her last day would be. We knew it was that she was deciding when there would be no more normal left.

It was the start of hospice care for her. It was one of the hardest meetings I ever had to participate in. We had no idea what to say either so we took her lead. We talked about what she wanted to talk about, planned out when her last day would be and the details and then just sat and talked as long as she wanted to.

In the remaining days she totally surprised us with her matter of fact approach to her life ending. We all visited her while she was in hospice care at home. It seems once a person reaches that decision they are at peace with it and she was a shining example. So you may just find that it's actually easier to talk to your mom because her mental stuggle is over. Either way, you'll manage to get through it. Hospice workers are wonderful human beings and you'll learn a great deal from them.

[puglogic]

Hugs going out to you, Cypress. Having recently been through hospice with people I didn't have a deep connection to (MIL and stepmother) I would not worry too much about having a lot to say. I can't explain it, but hospice creates an atmosphere of...."okayness." The people who work there are (most often) wonderful, and they can help you through this experience as well.

[razz]

Can you find some memory of the past that was good, just one and share that? Doing this will help you with closure without regrets.
It is hard to do this but you will find it easier in the hospice. {{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[sweetana3]

Hospice is a wonderful thing for the patient and the family. Please contact the social worker or nurse assigned and they will have someone talk to you about your questions. You can be a family member or friend and they will help with how to handle the conversations.

We have been thru it three times with both family and friends. Each time was special and extremely well handled by all the hospice workers.

[Selah]

Hugs to you and your mother, Cypress. I went through something similar with my father a little over a year ago, and what the other posters have said already is all good. Sometimes just showing up and sitting peacefully by her side may be enough...she'll know you're there, and you'll know you were there for her. I can sympathize with having conflicted, ambivalent feelings about your parent as well. Again, hugs and best wishes to you.

[Rosemary]

Best wishes to you in this difficult time.

[Zoebird]

I'm sorry. Grief is both strange and difficult. It's often surprising.

I think that if you don't know what to say, it's ok to just be.

[Merski]

The last few days of my mother's life and being with her was some of the most rewarding and also the most difficult work I have ever done. If I could have a do-over, I'd be even more in the present and not worry about even the next day because you really never know when she would slip into unconsciousness and be unable to communicate. I had the support of several sisters...my heart and thoughts go out to you.

[setis]

Actions speak louder than words. The fact that you are there is the best you can do. May the powers that be grant her a painless transistion and you peace of mind in that you were there for her.

[dado potato]

Hugs. For a few years I was a hospice volunteer. If you can be with your mother for part of her immense transition, I pray that for you and your mother, All Will Be Well.

[danna]

Sending lots of hugs your way!!!

[rose]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. I was with an elderly friend through hospice and her death. Hospice was very very helpful. Hope you find it so also.

[Karma]

I am so sorry, what about going through old pictures? Or talk about events you remember as a child or ask your Mother about her childhood.

[Cypress]

My mother is in some stage of denial I think. She was placed in a beautiful home on Friday of last week. The only thing she is sure about is wanting to go back to her former residence at assisted living. She has not accepted her condition. The caregivers have given her a goal of achieving a stable condition before even considering it. From my observation, if she makes it through each night it is an achievement. I fail to understand the human will to live even in a fragile state. However, I think she is very near the end as she hasn't eaten since yesterday and has no appetite. Her heart is so damaged. She cannot get up, walk or function in any way at all and be safe. She is on 16 medications, cannot breathe without oxygen, etc.......I am amazed she thinks she can go home.

Here is a lesson for the living. Be sure to exercise every day, even if it is just a walk around the block. Keep doing crossword puzzles, play cards, reading, etc...keep the mind nimble. Enjoy your meals. Keep up with current events even if the news is a bitter pill at least you are informed. The more you do for yourself as a habit and routine, the better will be the quality of life. Above all else, make sure you have something to care for even if it is just your dog.

[herbgeek]

I am really sorry Cypress. I hope the days will be as painfree as possible for both her and you and your family.