View Full Version : Do I want to be friends with this person?
frugal-one
8-22-11, 5:09pm
Today a friend was nasty to me. It totally took me off guard... or perhaps I am too sensitive??? I was talking about a day trip I would really like to do and she said "Do you go see the world's biggest ball of string too?". She then laughed and laughed. huh??? Remarks such as these make me want to stay away from her. I would never say such a thing to someone ... even if I thought them.
I like to think kind of people, but if they are not someone who makes me happy or brings me down in some way, I try to just wish them well in my mind....then stay clear. Why do I need to fill what time I have on earth with those that are like that?
How is the rest of your friendship? Does she just have a wicked sense of humor....do you know this about her? Did she think you would find it funny? (did you laugh or smile?) Or is she just a mean person?
I have one friend in particular who knows that she can help me poke fun at myself in that way. I'd be likely to retort "String? Boring. But the world's biggest ball of aluminum foil? I'm there." She's a good, loyal, loving friend who just happens to see the world through silly glasses that way -- and I've known her long enough to know that she doesn't intend to cause harm, just mirth.
Only you can look at this in the bigger picture of your friendship, what you know about her, how comfortable she feels cracking jokes with you, and whether she's truly malicious. I don't think anyone here can judge that based on one sentence taken out of the context of the rest of your relationship.
But mean people? Like ctg, I have no time for people like that. If she's mean, to you or to others, kick 'er to the curb.
rosarugosa
8-22-11, 6:46pm
I would love to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!
Was she showing off for other people to hear? Sometimes it is more about them trying to impact others and very thoughtless about who they are with. I have had to talk to my husband about ganging up on me with others. It loses some of the funny parts.
I wish I was strong enough and fast enough on the come back to just point out the hurtfulness of some comments.
I would love to see the biggest ball of twine in Minnesota!
My husband and I have always wanted to take a "roadside oddities" tour of the U.S. I think it would be a hoot. We were fortunate to be able to stop and see the World's Biggest Prairie Dog, the Highest Point in Iowa, the Green Giant in Blue Earth MN, and the big boot in Red Wing too. I think that stuff is hilarious....phooey on those who can't find the fun in everyday life like that! (like frugal_one's friend)
Which reminds me that I'm dying of curiosity, frugal_one: What were you talking about visiting on your day trip, that she responded that way? I'll bet it was somewhere cool and fun.
treehugger
8-23-11, 12:07pm
Well, it all comes down to her intent and the context of your relationship. With my friends and family, such a comment would be taken as all in good fun, but we all tease each other good naturedly and always have. Only you can tell if she was actually being nasty or if you are too sensitive.
Kara
frugal-one
8-23-11, 12:31pm
Well this person is always trying to give impressive parties and always have things "just so". She invites the "who's who" of the town we live in. I could care less about that stuff. She invites me for coffee on her good china and cloth napkins. I told her I am not into that and I do invite her but use my everyday dishes and paper napkins. I think her comment was to belittle me and make herself more important. I think I'll let it go this time but if it happens in the future I will tell her and possibly end contact. I don't need to justify myself to anyone. I guess, she just took me by surprise. I was talking about taking a day trip to the only sock factory in the US. They have an awesome sale 2x per year ($16 socks for $2) and then planning other things to do on the way... possibly visit family. frugal-one!
Well this person is always trying to give impressive parties and always have things "just so". She invites the "who's who" of the town we live in. I could care less about that stuff. She invites me for coffee on her good china and cloth napkins. I told her I am not into that and I do invite her but use my everyday dishes and paper napkins. I think her comment was to belittle me and make herself more important. I think I'll let it go this time but if it happens in the future I will tell her and possibly end contact. I don't need to justify myself to anyone. I guess, she just took me by surprise. I was talking about taking a day trip to the only sock factory in the US. They have an awesome sale 2x per year ($16 socks for $2) and then planning other things to do on the way... possibly visit family. frugal-one!
Some people have trouble thinking outside the box - and a lot of people don't have a very large box (no judgement on intelligence, but on being open-minded) to begin with.
I'd like a trip to a sock factory - but then again when my kids watched Mr. Rogers, I always liked the film clips where they took the trips to see how things were made :-)
Not sure about the big ball of string, but I would happily visit the sock factory - I love knowing how things are made, as well as good sales.
As to your friend, she's on probation now. If you like her and derive other good things from this friendship, give her more lee-way but protect yourself. If she is just a habit, or you just don't want to hurt her feelings, that's a different story.
Years ago I read a New Year's suggestion that I try to follow: Don't associate with people that bring you down.
Is the sock factory the one in Indiana? It has a great history.
Years ago I read a New Year's suggestion that I try to follow: Don't associate with people that bring you down.
Hear, hear.
Are you talking about the Wigwam factory? I'd LOVE to go there.
I'd like a trip to a sock factory - but then again when my kids watched Mr. Rogers, I always liked the film clips where they took the trips to see how things were made :-)
Me too!!! I especially liked when Mr. McFeely (NOT a good name for a kids TV show character) did the tours. Of course the worrisome part is that I don't have kids, and I know ALL the Mister Rodgers Neighborhood people - even those in the Neighboorhood of Make-Believe! Guess I need to get a life :-)!
Frugal -one, are you sure your friend wasn't just making a joke? Trying do do some light hearted banter? I have to say that, while I would think the sock factory is cool (I'm a girl who likes her factories), I probably would joke about it to a friend who was going there. But in your description she sounded sort of hoity-toity and fancy (on the inside for you Mister Rodgers fans - YIKES I even know all the songs Urgggggg...) so maybe not. Sounds just like you are different sorts of people and maybe she should be just an aquaintence rather than a friendship.
jennipurrr
8-23-11, 2:22pm
Is the sock factory the one in Indiana? It has a great history.
I was wondering if it was Fort Payne, AL which used to bill itself as the Official Sock Capital of the World, but I did think most (all?) of the sock factories there had closed.
If you do go to Ft Payne, you must make your way over to Unclaimed Baggage in Scottsboro...I think it is less than 30 miles away and gets all the luggage that is damaged or lost and the contents cannot be returned to the owner. It is a fun store!
Also, there is Little River Canyon in Ft. Payne that is just beautiful.
It is my luck you are probably going to the place in Indiana!
So you're friends can't joke around with you? I think you're being way to sensitive. It's not a real relationship if you're always perfectly agreeable.
loosechickens
8-23-11, 3:12pm
HAH! Your friend just doesn't know all she's missing.....we've traveled all over the U.S. and many other countries, and absolutely LOVE those oddities, out of the way stuff...wouldn't miss that kind of stuff for the world.......
As another poster said, sometimes folks, even intelligent folks, have minds that live in rut-think, and it's probably much more indicative of her lack of imagination and interest in anything outside her rut, than any reflection on you. I think the sock factory sounds great........
Not to worry.....just kind of mark this person in your mind, "acquaintance" rather than "friend" and let it go.....that's my advice. Heck, just feel sorry for her that she's so limited in her activities......(and I'd even love to see that "world's biggest ball of string", too). ;-)
frugal-one
8-23-11, 4:57pm
Thanks all! I appreciate the input. And yes, it is Wigwam. I travelled there for work one year and had a blast! I want to go back!
I think that is a funny comment and if that is all she said it is not something to get so upset over.
Don't worry--she's probably crossed you off her list anyway due to your being unable to take a joke...:devil:
Seriously, though--just reading the text of what she said, I couldn't get too exercised about it. Few of my friends share my more offbeat interests, so if they twitted me about say, ancient aliens, I'd take it in stride.
http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/smiley-alien011.gif (http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys.php)
frugal-one
8-23-11, 6:53pm
If it was just a comment, I would agree with you. However, to laugh and laugh. Over the top. It doesn't matter, I have decided if it happens again that will be it. I'll extricate myself from her fast.
loosechickens
8-23-11, 7:30pm
"Few of my friends share my more offbeat interests, so if they twitted me about say, ancient aliens, I'd take it in stride." (JaneV)
You can count on me, Jane.......I just LOVE those History Channel Ancient Aliens programs......especially like that guy, (I can't remember his name), the one with the VERY unruly hair.........
nobody ever accused ME of having limited interests, hahahaha.......
Likewise. I'm all over the place. I'd breach branes if only I knew how...
Giorgio Tsoukalos. My SO is particularly fond of how it gets even wilder as the filming proceeds--we picture him running his hands feverishly through layers of mousse as he increasingly warms to the subject. His enthusiasm is infectious!
Try not to let yourself be hurt by those sorts of comments. There's no reason for you to feel belittled - you don't need her approval! People only tend to make judgemental and/or condescending comments when they're not happy themselves. But then again, maybe she was just poking a little fun and was hoping to get a laugh out of you.
Don't worry--she's probably crossed you off her list anyway due to your being unable to take a joke...
Or crossed you off her list for doing something so dorky (in her mind. I think it sounds great personally).
Either way, if it wasn't a joke, or if you didn't get it, (and from what you've said it sounds like the former) lowering her status in your life is not much of a loss. The best friends I've had in my life are those where it's not been work to understand each other. Admittedly there haven't been that many people like that, but the ones that there have been constantly remind me that it's not worth my time to spend too much effort worrying about all the others.
If you do go to Ft Payne, you must make your way over to Unclaimed Baggage in Scottsboro...I think it is less than 30 miles away and gets all the luggage that is damaged or lost and the contents cannot be returned to the owner. It is a fun store!
Now this sounds like a worthwhile stopover! Even better then the National Dairy Shrine that a friend and I went to see in Wisconsin... Admittedly this was something we just happened to be passing and the name was just too enticing to drive on past.
I have not only been to The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota (made famous in the Weird Al Song) I have actually eaten at The Twine Ball Inn. I plan to take the kids there one day. After we have made it to the Spam Museum. :)
Don't be friends with my brother(s) then. I had a bad stomach virus the other day when my brother called. I told him I couldn't talk. He doesn't call for a couple of days and calls a few minutes ago and says, Oh your still alive, darn, I was hoping to inherit some money! Both brothers are like that. I would be offended a lot if I wanted to be.
I have not only been to The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota (made famous in the Weird Al Song) I have actually eaten at The Twine Ball Inn. I plan to take the kids there one day. After we have made it to the Spam Museum. :)
The Spam Museum is AWESOME!
rosarugosa
8-25-11, 9:18pm
Stella - you rock!
rodeosweetheart
8-26-11, 6:47pm
Did anyone ever go to the Mustard Museum in Mt. Horeb, Wisconsin? I don't think it is there anymore?
frugal-one
8-26-11, 6:50pm
The Mustard Museum is now in Middleton, WI. It is and was no big deal! Not worth the trip IMHO.
I'd be a lot more interested in the Mutter Museum than in the Mustard Museum--I wonder what the OP's friend would think of that!
http://atlasobscura.com/place/mutter-museum
The Mustard Museum is now in Middleton, WI. It is and was no big deal! Not worth the trip IMHO.
When I was in Wisconsin a few weeks ago, my son and daughter-in-law were going to take me there, but unfortunately it had closed before we could go there. I got tickled at just the idea of a Mustard Museum.
rodeosweetheart
8-26-11, 9:44pm
I liked the mustard museum, myself. Also the mustard museum in Norwich, England, where Coleman's mustard comes from.
Mustard is a neat subtance--mustard plasters, mustard seeds--and the little cans were wonderful, graphically speaking.
iris lily
8-27-11, 12:26am
The Spam Museum is AWESOME!
DH always says that SPAM sent him through college. His dad worked at a Hormel plant. DH has a SPAM hat and a SPAM cookbook and always lights up when someone talks about SPAM.
old thread here. we are in austin mn, home of the spam museum. we will visit it this morning. spam it's great yay!
I'm surprised the spam museum isn't in Hawaii. Spam is quite popular there. Spam sushi anyone?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Menuism/why-do-hawaiians-love-spam-so-much_b_1901306.html
Perhaps we could somehow tie this thread into Hawaii one and REALLY have a fun conversation!
I'm surprised the spam museum isn't in Hawaii. Spam is quite popular there. Spam sushi anyone?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/Menuism/why-do-hawaiians-love-spam-so-much_b_1901306.html
Perhaps we could somehow tie this thread into Hawaii one and REALLY have a fun conversation!Ha Ha - they even have spam in all the MacDonalds in Hawaii. It's called matsu or something like that. yummy...not! It's also very popular here in my part of SoCal as we have a very large Hawaiian and Pacific Islander population. Can't stand the stuff myself.
http://www.mrcheapstuff.com/deals/2007/08/unique-mcdonalds-food-items-in-hawaii/
Hi, everyone! Amazing thread. Very Interesting. Places certain things in perspective. This should be a "sticky" Ha. And: "all the McDonalds in Hawaii". Good one. Very funny. That said, I have several SPAM hats, that I bought from a store that was disposing of surplus promotional materials. I only wear them out in the yard, not in public. I can't say I would ever encourage anyone to eat SPAM, other than my Doggs. So Sorry.From the link I posted above:
McDonalds Spam, Portuguese sausage, Omelete and Rice
This breakfast meal can be found at any Hawaii McDonalds
http://cdn1.mrcheapstuff.com/wp-content/uploads/image/mcdonalds_bigbreakfast.jpg
I like Spam. A lot. More for me, I guess. :spam:
Hmmm, maybe that foodie vacation to Hawaii deserves a second thought after all!
Hmmm, maybe that foodie vacation to Hawaii deserves a second thought after all!Can't go wrong with Spam donuts :-)! And spam Loco Moco - a big seller in my 'hood:
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1836685/thumbs/o-SPAM-DOUGHNUT-570.jpg?14 http://cdn.biggestmenu.com/00/01/0b/481ae251c09b0f78_m.jpg
early morning
7-9-14, 8:29pm
I love Spam! and faux Spam! (Can you have fake fake meat?)The Aldi brand gets rave reviews from me - it's actually better than the "real" thing.... The Spam museum is on my bucket list.:~)
I love Spam! and faux Spam! (Can you have fake fake meat?)The Aldi brand gets rave reviews from me - it's actually better than the "real" thing.... The Spam museum is on my bucket list.:~)
Well I am "mostly" vegan so I get to eat fake, fake, fake Spam - although the jury is still out on whether or not Spam is actually a "meat product" :-)!
I'm waiting with bated breath for Iris Lily to check in from the Spam Museum. Probably won't put that on my bucket list though. Now the sock factory - yeah I'd do that!
If this is the Cabot Hosiery factory,it is one of the coolest places to go to. You might want to let her know there are usually 1300 people lining up in the wee hrs of the morning just to get in!! I am friends with people of all walks of life.This is belittling behaviour on her part.I am at a point in my life where I can do without friends like that. they are too high maintainance and too exhausting.PLUS--she probably wears them and pays a small fortune--he he!!
I haven't read all the posts, but I will say this: one of my friends made what seemed like a kind of snarky comment last night, and I realized many of my friends do that. I also realized I have said things that may have seemed snarky which were not intended that way. I'd look at the bigger picture of the friendship. If this person is generally considerate of you and respectful towards you, I'd let it go. As for her tendency to care a lot about having fancy gatherings and climbing the social ladder or whatever, that's her stuff. Our friends see our blind spots, and we see theirs. It's part of knowing people a long time. I don't know where I'd be if my friends dropped me every time I was insensitive or just plain wrong - alone, I guess!
frugal-one
7-10-14, 10:06pm
I haven't read all the posts, but I will say this: one of my friends made what seemed like a kind of snarky comment last night, and I realized many of my friends do that. I also realized I have said things that may have seemed snarky which were not intended that way. I'd look at the bigger picture of the friendship. If this person is generally considerate of you and respectful towards you, I'd let it go. As for her tendency to care a lot about having fancy gatherings and climbing the social ladder or whatever, that's her stuff. Our friends see our blind spots, and we see theirs. It's part of knowing people a long time. I don't know where I'd be if my friends dropped me every time I was insensitive or just plain wrong - alone, I guess!
As an update... This person continued to laugh at things I wanted to do. I was sick of her superior, snide comments. I just stopped responding to her emails and phone calls. I don't miss her at all. I don't regret ditching her from my life either. Life is too short to surround yourself with people that "don't get you" or think they are superior.
That's too bad Frugal-one but if she makes you unhappy then it's best to cut those ties. Sometimes people just have different senses of humor, sometimes they are poking fun of you to be mean, it's often hard to tell the difference sometimes between the two.
shadowmoss
7-11-14, 5:37am
Is that sock factory in Tennessee? I think I have some socks from there, or used to back in the 70's.
Packratona!
7-11-14, 12:59pm
Today a friend was nasty to me. It totally took me off guard... or perhaps I am too sensitive??? I was talking about a day trip I would really like to do and she said "Do you go see the world's biggest ball of string too?". She then laughed and laughed. huh??? Remarks such as these make me want to stay away from her. I would never say such a thing to someone ... even if I thought them.
Find other things to do and just give her the cold shoulder for a while. She'll get the point if she's not stupid.
oh sorry, when I resurrected this thread it was for the minor point of the SPAM museum. Hey, that was great! We bought some new-to-the-market SPAM varieties such as teriyaki SPAM. Anyway--
the OP has long since solved this problem with her friend, most likely. I am sorry OP to drag this up again.
frugal-one
7-12-14, 5:06pm
Well, I don't think that was such a horrible thing, but she prolly thought she was being funny & you were kind of expecting some approval for your trip. I wouldn't hold it against her. Maybe she will loan you $20 before payday, sometime, just to help you out. I'd stay in good terms with her, but be aware that she might zing you, now and then. I thought the biggest ball of string was in Kansas or Nebraska.
You didn't read my post of a few days ago.... I threw her to the curb (a quote from someone here).
Well I am "mostly" vegan so I get to eat fake, fake, fake Spam - although the jury is still out on whether or not Spam is actually a "meat product" :-)!
I'm waiting with bated breath for Iris Lily to check in from the Spam Museum. Probably won't put that on my bucket list though. Now the sock factory - yeah I'd do that!
SPAM is made from animal parts so there is nothing vegetarian about it. The SPAM museum was good!
sorry, didn't mean to close this thread, my error.
SPAM is made from animal parts so there is nothing vegetarian about it. The SPAM museum was good!
Glad you liked it. I actually can't think of what the heck they would have in a Spam Museum but maybe the history of how it started, how it's made and what it's made of (UGH - might make hot dogs look good), and various recipes.
iris lilies
7-14-14, 5:55pm
Glad you liked it. I actually can't think of what the heck they would have in a Spam Museum but maybe the history of how it started, how it's made and what it's made of (UGH - might make hot dogs look good), and various recipes.
The museum is nicely done. It's really the history of the Hormel company. George Hormel started a butcher shop in the 1880's in Austin, Minnesota, and moved quickly to a hog slaughtering operation. The big Hormel plant is located there but there are satellite factories. Spam is made by the Austin plant and the Fremont, Nebraska plant and they churn out 44,000 cans each day. Or was it each hour? A lot of Spam is produced daily. They also have several other brands such as Dinty Moore as well as packaged meats.
That area of southern Minnesota produces lots of food for commercial packing, including peas, sweet corn, potatoes, onions.
The quality of the soil there practically makes me weep with jealousy. It is rich black, loamy soil that is many feet deep. I wanted to kick DH and the dog and all of our belongings out of the car to make room for loading up soil in my car to take it back home, the land of clay. Clayland is now what I'm calling it here. :( Lilies LOVE rich, well drained soil. Iris aren't so picky.
Ahem, the largest of ball of twine is in Cawker City, Kansas. http://www.roadsideamerica.com/story/8543
;)
I am coming on late but you are the one giving her comments meaning, what she said wasn't all that bad and she probably just thought she was being funny. So I would just let it go unless the friendship just isn't working anymore.
frugal-one
7-25-14, 8:32pm
I am coming on late but you are the one giving her comments meaning, what she said wasn't all that bad and she probably just thought she was being funny. So I would just let it go unless the friendship just isn't working anymore.
go back and read the outcome .... subject dropped!
go back and read the outcome .... subject dropped!
my life is simpler if I don't have to read all 7 pages of comments! I guess I will just not comment on long threads.
Ha, Karma! I did the same as you. I like looking at threads (sick hobby I guess) that grow long in page numbers, just to see how they evolve (devolve) from the OP. It's kind of interesting how a thread title can seem rather innocuous, but then it generates all this "discussion."
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