hope?

[Zoe Girl]

This is gonna be depressing, okay I am serious that people who struggle with depression may want to not read because I don't want to cause any setbacks. I have been there myself.

Okay hope. I know I am supposed to have it and a lot of times I talk myself into it. I am posting here because I feel that the worst about losing hope is letting down the people who care about me. But i also think that unless you totally lose hope you can't rebuild from the bottom. So in my best buddhist sense I am not fighting my loss of hope, but i cannot relate this to others. I do not want to cause suffering to them, however there are stretches of time where I am visibly low and I do not say I am fine, usually at my weekend job I just say " I am here" when asked how I am. I don't play up a false positive but i also do not tell my woes. By sitting with it and not fighting it I found that eventually I had some moments of real joy and experiencing the moment.

It just seems anti-American! Hey I laughed, better cut that out.

[Wildflower]

Sometimes I have to indulge my hopelessness for awhile before I can feel better. Hope that makes sense. I understand what you're saying here, Zoe Girl.

[RosieTR]

Giving a false impression of happiness at work when you don't feel it would seem to be some sort of cognitive dissonance, which might actually exacerbate feelings of depression ("I should be happier because I acted that way at work, but really I feel unhappy at work. If I feel unhappy when I should feel happy, there must be something wrong with me."). Also, it takes lots of energy to make yourself do things that aren't coming naturally, especially if they are frequent, such as people asking "how are you?" Each time, a small thought goes through your brain: "Not happy to be here but socially acceptable to say "doing fine" or "I'm good" or something that's not true. Should I express how I really feel or do the socially acceptable thing?" This constant having to make the decision, even though it's small, is actually tiring for the brain. Since it's also tiring to work 7 days a week (!) at sometimes not-the-most-fulfilling job, I think you're doing the right thing by not forcing yourself to try to be on the bright side all the time.

[margene]

I've been feeling that way lately too. Although I think the opposite if you start acting happy maybe your mood changes.

[Mrs-M]

Zoe Girl. I think about you all the time. I say many prayers for you and always hope for good things to come your way. Stay strong. I'm like Wildflower in the sense of, indulging my hopelessness for a time before I can feel better and move on (that is the things that can sometimes tend to bother me). My adage is (and has always been), day by day... One step at a time.

[leslieann]

The heart of a therapy that seems to be pretty useful (acceptance and commitment therapy) is to ACCEPT things as they are right now...but to continue to live out your values (that's the commitment part). So even if you feel lousy-terrible-awful, you accept that that is how you feel right now BUT you don't stop behaving in the ways that you value because of that feeling. Sounds like where you are, Zoe. You are accepting what you are feeling right now, not wallowing in it, but accepting it as it is, and going on to do your job, take care of yourself, live your life in a way that allows you to keep your self respect, because you are living out your commitment to what you value. Even though you feel hopeless and helpless, by doing what you are doing, you are doing it...living what you have right now. And you know from your practice that whatever is happening right now, it will change.

Of course it did, too, by the end of your post...I could hear you giggling about being un-American. I thought it was funny, too.