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Zoe Girl
8-28-11, 5:16pm
So my 14 yo son wants to choose to live primarily with me and has been saying this for over a year, however he needs support and I am still trying to find it. Of course the message being supported by me may not go so well (ex wife must have hidden agenda after all). So we have a counselor and a group where parents and teens learn better communication, and Tyler REALLY wants to change this but still does not feel safe telling dad to his face, which is what it seems to take. I talked with the counselor and he talked alone with Tyler to make sure he was getting the story from him, and after their session he felt he could support improved communication but not what Tyler wanted to say and him not living with dad. We have already been through this with the older sisters and it was brutal emotionally.

I understand that from a clinical sense, and i don't want to put the counselor in the middle too much, but my son's mood droops extremely when it gets close to going to dads. Sometimes I get an extra day by helping him with homework but now I hear even if we do that his dad calls and gets angry. I am thinking now about just paying a legal person (with all my spare money ya know) to listen to what Tyler wants, draw up something legal and just do it.

any ideas, I will make it clear that no matter my past relationship this is my son's choice without me asking him to stay more or saying bad things about dad.

Simpler at Fifty
8-28-11, 6:55pm
Can you request a Guardian ad Litem or Mediator and then have that person and Tyler meet with Dad and talk? Wouldn't that be a legal way to do it?

iris lily
8-28-11, 8:52pm
I wasn't quite sure from your post--Tyler's counselor does or does not support Tyler's wish to live only with you? If counselor doesn't support that, what's up with that? Is he/she wrong on this one or do you think there's some validity there?

Zoe Girl
8-28-11, 10:15pm
I think it is that Tyler does not have a strong enough voice to do it himself with the counselor so the counselor would be put in the middle or deciding to support one or the other. If Tyler was a little stronger in facing dad it may work, but not being strong in facing dad is part of the problem.

yeah I want the counselor to see through the narcissistic bull**** and just get my kid what he wants that is reasonable. But then again I can see that right now I am a super struggling person emotionally after the last year, and I hope that isn't counting against my son. I have been very appropriate with all the mental health people, but I have days where I work so hard to just get through the day.

Valley
8-28-11, 10:31pm
This is all so difficult, but after going through a divorce myself, I believe that no one will want to do much to change your situation until Tyler can strongly voice his preference and his reasons for them. Without a strong voice, he will most likely have to follow the current custody arrangement. If he becomes more able to articulate his preference the court may or may not consider his opinion valid at his still young age of 14. In my experience, Tyler will still be considered a child and as such will not be the person who decides his custody arrangement. Soon, he will begin to have some input...but at 14...especially if he is unable to speak up...he will need to cooperate with what is decided for him by the adults involved. Hang in there!