Received Gifts (i wanted?) and Feel Overwhelmed/Unfufilled

[heydude]

Ok ok ok....SO....

I was shopping with a relative who has been wanting to give me something forever but since I am such a minamalist, I never allow them to gift to me.

Well, we spent some time together shopping and he got me to let him buy me some stuff. I give him stuff so I guess it is only fair.

Anyways, I picked out stuff that I had had my eye on and never thought I would actually buy. Sure, it is stuff you could say that I "needed".... I mean, it has a use factor, but I could do without.

Anyways, I now have a lot of gifts from it and it kind of makes me overwhelmed and it will take me awhile to get used to it now. These extra things. It is so weird.

I mean, the stuff has identity attacted to it and I honestly feel like it doesn't make me more of a "man" or anything by owning it. I also miss my time with him, which I value more than the stuff.

[rosarugosa]

Well I think you're wise to realize that stuff doesn't necessarily = fulfillment, and that your time and relationship with this person mean more to you than the gifts do.

[leslieann]

See if you can let the gifts be gifts. That is, if you approach a gift with "well, I give him this and so that is only fair" then you are seeing the gift as part of an exchange, like a business agreement. If they are intended as gifts, see if you can let that stand as is.

This is HARD to do, especially if you (like me) have a history of thinking "this for that." But it is extraordinarily freeing, too, to allow gifts to just be what they are. You don't owe anyone a gift, and they don't owe you a gift. If there is something owed, then the item isn't a gift.

I am glad that you got to spend time with this important person, and also that you were able to let him gift you. That's not easy.

[heydude]

thanks for the responses. it sounds so funny doesn't? "oh, he gave you a gift! how are you dealing? you poor thing having to deal with a gift! and being given right to you" LOL

[Dragline]

Sometimes being able to accept a gift is more important than to give one. You promote the value of sharing by being able to receive as well as to give. Don't look upon them as gifts, but as representations of your relative's desire to promote that value.

[peggy]

Try this. Write him a nice long letter, not an e-mail but a letter, and tell him how much the time spent with him meant to you, and of course thank him for the gifts and tell him how you will cherish them even more because it came from him. Then as leslieann said, try to view them as gifts from this important person, keeping in mind how important it was to him to give them to you.