View Full Version : Tradd and the new feller :)
Sorry, I've not been around to give you an update on my new feller, as requested when the old forum went down. I've been extremely busy with a variety of things.
Things with the guy (I'll call him NG - for new guy) are going well. Due to our schedules and distance (we're 40 miles apart on the opposite ends of a large metro area with very bad traffic), we pretty much only see each other on the weekends. We're taking things slow, but they are progressing.:)
Many of you know I'm very active in my own parish. Well, as a sign of how serious I am about this, I'm spending half my time at his church. His priest relies on him for so much - opening/closing the church, getting a ton of stuff ready for services, that NG can't easily visit other churches. So, with my priest's knowledge, I'm half time at NG's parish. My favorite thing is choir, and as I joke, my singing is very portable. NG's parish is very small, and the choir is *minute* - maybe only 4 people. I'm used to singing with a much larger choir (12-15) in my parish, but this is a very good educational experience for me. And NG's choir director (and the others in the parish from what I've heard) very much appreciate another voice. What I find absolutely hysterical is that his very small parish (maybe 50 people) *has* to know something is going on. His priest and the deacon (both of whom I already knew) have got to. After all, why would I leave my nice parish I love, where I'm very active, with a lovely newer building, a relatively healthy, growing congregation, to NG's very small, in a dying area, mostly older folks, with a very shabby building, parish (he only attends there as his parents are there)? Frankly, I'd pay cold hard cash to find out what his priest knows. I've talked to my priest about NG, and I'd also pay $$ to find out if mine and his (who are friends) have talked about us!:laff::laff::laff:
I met his mom about a month ago (I posted about that on the old forums) at a service at his church. And at a fund raising dinner on Sunday, I met his dad, too. His mom wasn't feeling well and was pretty quiet, but his dad and I chatted nicely for 15-20 minutes. I'd wanted a picture of the two of us, but NG beat me to it when he handed his camera (and dad took one with my phone, too) to his dad to take a pic of the two of us. We each posted our photos on Facebook (we're FB friends, as well), and the reaction on my page was veddy interesting! I had something like 37 comments on the photo. Some of my friends who are European, got quite into the teasing thing. I had to privately tell a few of them to seriously cool it. NG thanked one for her comments on how nice looking he is - said she made him blush! :laff::|( He really is a cutie.
Anyway, he'll meet the folks at my parish at a dinner we're having mid-Feb. Good friends of mine (my goddaughter's family) are clamoring to meet him, but since they want to seriously interview him over lunch, I'm holding off on that to not scare him! They'll meet him at an area-wide church event later this month. All in the same place at the same time - less pressure on everyone.
We'll see what happens. He leaves for grad school out east at the end of the summer.
ETA - see last post in thread. :(
Tradd, you're BOTH cute!! Congrats. Enjoy your dating life - you deserve it.
Tradd.- you look totally different than I had thought you would. You both look great, and he is a keeper (or at least he looks like one). Glad so many things are going well.
Wildflower
1-14-11, 5:33am
Oh, you both are cute!! Tradd, you don't look anything like what I had imagined. Best wishes with your new feller!!
+1 on the "you're both cute" as well as "you didn't look anything like I imagined".
goldensmom
1-14-11, 7:11am
Lookin' Good!!
oh oh oh this is GREAT! Wonderful photo, you are both cute! I love his hair!
Funny this is e3xactly how I imagined you would be from your postings over the years. He does look cute as do you. thanks for the little glimpse into your life1
chrisgermany
1-14-11, 8:41am
Thanks for the update and photo.
You both look cute and happy and you deserve it.
Lovely photo, lovely story, sounds like a very lovely man. Best wishes to you on your continued friendship and.....whatever.....when a woman leaves her parish for 1/2 time in another one, well, that sounds serious!
Thanks for posting the photo, too.
:+1:
Thanks for the update!
Oh what a neat picture! You two look so good together. Keep us posted ...
oh oh oh this is GREAT! Wonderful photo, you are both cute! I love his hair!
I know, isn't his hair great? :) He had it in a much shorter cut earlier last year as I've seen in pics, but this suits him much better. And the goatee? <drool> :D
You make a lovely couple! I wish you both every happiness!
so glad for the update, I've been wondering about you. I like the "chin whiskers!" Hubby used to have them.
Good luck to you both. and, HE IS CUTE.
yay tradd! so glad you are having fun together. he looks like a sweetie, like he gives good hugs! you are pretty darn cute, too. :)
He is constantly making me laugh. I love his sense of humor. He teases me in a fun, nice way, and I do it back! :)
Bastelmutti
1-14-11, 10:36am
You make a very nice couple! Congrats!!
Nice photo. What area of study will he pursue for his graduate work? How far is the school from where you live?
jennipurrr
1-14-11, 11:28am
I am so excited for you Tradd! You two make an excellent pair!
mtnlaurel
1-14-11, 11:36am
Dear Tradd -- Thank you SOOO MUCH for sharing the progress report. I just loved reading it! I think it's great that you all are on the same page spiritually - same denomination, level of involvement in church, etc. Sounds like you have lots to share with each other in that arena and others too I bet.
Seriously, it made my day to read this. It's good for me to hear about the giddy stage of a relationship right now. :cool:
You sound very (veddy?) happy, Tradd....good for you!!!
Nice photo. What area of study will he pursue for his graduate work? How far is the school from where you live?
Thanks! He's going for an M.Div (Master of Divinity) - he's aiming for ordination to the priesthood (our priests can be married, obviously we wouldn't be dating! ;) It just has to happen before ordination). His school is a denominational seminary in a rural area of the NE.
He has to go to one of our two denominational seminaries, there's no choice in the matter. He's shown good judgment in choosing the seminary that's only $20K for all three years (an M.Div is three years) for a single student living in the dorm. Doesn't participate in federal student loan program and has tons and tons of scholarships. The other seminary, which is also a very fancy grad school of theology (and offers other theology/church related degrees than just the M.Div the other school offers, including concentrations in such things as liturgical music and religious ed), costs $60K for all three years for a single student on campus. Fancy school participates in fed student loan program and is also in an expensive metropolitan area.
Distance? Something like a 14-hour drive from where we are in the Midwest. People usually do it in two days. Plane ride - probably two hours to the major regional airport with another 1.5-2 hour drive to destination. There's a closer small airport served by commuter flights, but the tickets are a heck of a lot more expensive.
Needless to say, if things work out with us, as I *really* hope they do - I'm crazy about him! - there are a lot of variables in our situation, given the fact that he's going to be at school for three years. There *are* married students, including a good many with families - including my goddaughter's family several years ago, so I've got good info on the situation there. No married housing at his school (though it is in the works), folks have to live 20-30 minutes away, and sometimes you can't get to class in the winter as you can't get over the mountain in the snow! The area is depressed and jobs scarce, especially my industry, which is in larger metro areas. I've got skills that would transfer well, but still it's tough to even find a part-time job at a grocery store, I'm told!
Yes, it might be a bit early to be thinking about this, but the financial aspects of it are difficult (I already knew most of it before my goddaughter's dad and family went off to seminary, as I helped them some), so it doesn't hurt to at least be aware of what the reality is. I'm in our area through early 2012 anyway, as I'm finishing up my own locally based theological program (this is not for priests, but only for permanent deacons and lay catechists - I'm the latter), which he is very impressed with me for doing (the time committment on top of work and my full plate of church stuff is huge), so there's no way I'd not finish. If things worked out and he wanted me to join him at seminary, rather than me staying here and working, or waiting to get married when he was done, we'd have to sit down and run a lot of numbers.
For the time being, I'm simply continuing to do what I was already focusing on - $5K in dental work (implants), which I'm doing $3K in an FSA for through work for; paying down my $4K in cc debt; being frugal; and putting away whatever money I can. However things work out, I'll be improving my financial situation by paying down debt and saving, so it's a win-win!
Sorry this was so long - but parts of our situation are complicated!
Dear Tradd -- Thank you SOOO MUCH for sharing the progress report. I just loved reading it! I think it's great that you all are on the same page spiritually - same denomination, level of involvement in church, etc. Sounds like you have lots to share with each other in that arena and others too I bet.
Seriously, it made my day to read this. It's good for me to hear about the giddy stage of a relationship right now. :cool:
You're welcome! Glad it brightened your day. :) Some coworkers (newer ones) tell me I'm a much different person. I'd chat in the office and do my work before, but now I'm positively giddy and it amuses them to no end! :P
Feller's grandma died Tuesday so I've been giving him his space since then. We exchanged a few texts today when I told him I was wondering how he was doing, and I'll see him Sunday. Wake is today, info (funeral being done elsewhere in the country where grandma is from and grandpa is already buried) was passed around on email by his priest (dad's family is a way different denomination), but there's no way I'm going. It's too early for us, it would feel intrusive to me, plus the distance is too far with rush hour traffic. I've let him know I'm thinking and praying for them, and that's appropriate for the current level of our relationship (but there are hints he drops that he's thinking more seriously).
Oh I missed the photo - dern it! Well good luck with your new feller and enjoy the dating life. I gots me one of them thar new fellers myself (is that the reason why I want to stay in Calif all of a sudden? :D) .
Why does it always double the last word at the end of the first line of text? Every post I write has done that. I didn't write "myself" twice, and when I go back to edit it, it's not showing 2 "myselfs". So what gives.... Sorry to side track the thread but this has been driving me batty!
Well it didn't do it on this post so maybe it's just me. Cancel that - it didn't do it the first time but when I went to edit it, then it added "twice" twice. So it really isn't me.
Bastelmutti
1-14-11, 7:47pm
Sorry this was so long - but parts of our situation are complicated!
Just to give you a positive boost, DH and I spend a school year and a summer apart earlier in our relationship as well as switching off, one working while the other went to school. The financials were complicated and difficult at times, but if the commitment is there, it can be done!
Sending well wishes and blessings your way Tradd! :)
loosechickens
1-15-11, 12:34am
He looks really nice, Tradd......looks like he has a cute dimple, too! The two of you seem SO well suited, and make a very attractive couple. Thanks for reposting the picture.....I felt like I was really missing out, since I missed the first posting of it.
sending the best of wishes for a wonderful future together......
HAH.....edited to say, I just detected a couple of cute, little dimples on you, too. Definitely, both of you have nice dimples.....it's got to be a match made in heaven. ;-)
Thanks for the update. He is cute and I love the goatee! (One of my fav things on my guy.)
Oh goody--there's the picture after all! What an absolutely beautiful couple you make! Congratulations on finding someone who, it sounds, is about as soulmate-esque as one can get this side of heaven. Your story makes me smile a goofy smile. I am so happy for you!
Oh goody--there's the picture after all! What an absolutely beautiful couple you make! Congratulations on finding someone who, it sounds, is about as soulmate-esque as one can get this side of heaven. Your story makes me smile a goofy smile. I am so happy for you!
And get this - he doesn't think I'm weird for being TV-free! He found out rather early on in our two months of emails and said he was proud of me! :P He doesn't seem to watch too much himself. We're both major, major book freaks - and are both heavily into American history, especially the Revolution and the Civil War. Like the same music. Then there's one link-up of interests/activities, that was very recent for him and 20 years ago for me that when he found out, shocked him (it's so freakin' obscure) - in a very good way! :)
Mighty Frugal
1-15-11, 7:28pm
Thanks for the update and posting the pic! You two make a great couple and I have a feeling wedding bells are in your not too distant future!!!
Congratulations!
Wait, is he a Mac user? Because the whole deal is off if he's not. Just kidding! :)
We're both major, major book freaks - and are both heavily into American history, especially the Revolution and the Civil War.
Do you know about internet archive? http://www.archive.org/ There's tons of old history books on there, lots of treasures.
Wait, is he a Mac user? Because the whole deal is off if he's not. Just kidding! :)
Do you know about internet archive? http://www.archive.org/ There's tons of old history books on there, lots of treasures.
Hah! :) I don't believe he has a Mac, but he *does* have an iPhone, so he's a partial citizen of the Kingdom of Apple! :) I *had* an iPhone but ditched it for a Droid X with Verizon since AT&T service stinks here. Verizon MUCH better. No dropped calls, etc.
Will have to look up that website. Thanks!
I'm glad I didn't miss the picture - you look well suited to each other. Congratulations, and I hope things continue to do go well with the two of you. That he accepts your lifestyle is so important. Maybe I will find someone like that someday (I don't have a TV either).
I'm glad I didn't miss the picture - you look well suited to each other. Congratulations, and I hope things continue to do go well with the two of you. That he accepts your lifestyle is so important. Maybe I will find someone like that someday (I don't have a TV either).
You know, I wouldn't mind too terribly much having a TV again. But the point was, I've had people just trash me for not having one. He was very good about it. I made the point of saying that in my life right now, with classes and such, having no TV at home is good.
And get this - he doesn't think I'm weird for being TV-free! He found out rather early on in our two months of emails and said he was proud of me! :P He doesn't seem to watch too much himself. We're both major, major book freaks - and are both heavily into American history, especially the Revolution and the Civil War. Like the same music. Then there's one link-up of interests/activities, that was very recent for him and 20 years ago for me that when he found out, shocked him (it's so freakin' obscure) - in a very good way! :)
Hey--me too! Are you two members of the Society for Creative Anachronism? If not, think of all the fun you could have if you joined, and attended jousts and mock-battles and Renaissance fairs and so forth, dressed in full Revolutionary regalia!
I am thinking of this today since the Tall Ships are docked in our harbor this week, and there were swarms of pirates, minstrels, knights, lords, ladies, and all manner of like folks milling about. I wish so much that my own husband shared this interest with me. For the moment, however, I am happy enough that our 7 year old wants to study blacksmithing, fencing and riding. At last! A fellow history-buff right in my very own family!
Now, back to your thread.
ke3, no neither of us are members of SCA. And frankly, neither of us has the time or money for it! I have friends who are historical reenactors (American history), and I know how absolutely consuming, time and financially, it can be.
Found out today from my feller that his dad, whom I met last Sunday, thinks I am *very* cool and really enjoyed talking with me! :) I have no clue what his mom thinks of me, but given that NG is not only the only son, but also an only child, well... She's at least been polite and engaged when we've talked before.
loosechickens
1-16-11, 11:22pm
hehehehehe.....if he's an only son, AND an only child, and has not yet been married, probably "polite and engaged" is the very best you can ask for. If she has you to dinner, though....maybe better make sure she knows you're going to get your feller to taste the soup first before you eat it. ;-)
Hey, that's better than MY MIL's reaction to me, which was "well, there MUST be something wrong with her, one husband left her already"........ and even after that rocky start, we've managed well for well over 30 years........
Oh good, I didn't miss the picture! You two look great together and I think you're coworkers are right - there is definitely some "giddy" in there! :)
Most definitely a great deal of giddy! :)
Just to give you a positive boost, DH and I spend a school year and a summer apart earlier in our relationship as well as switching off, one working while the other went to school. The financials were complicated and difficult at times, but if the commitment is there, it can be done!
Thank you for that! :)
I happened to realize that a FB friend of mine (someone I've known online for quite a while) is now at the school where my feller will be going. Person is very detail oriented and answered a three-page email full of questions from everything about financial aid, local jobs, cost of living from rent to gasoline. It was all done confidentially, but I was given a very honest, detailed picture of the family's finances, how they're getting by, etc. I was told the most important thing to do is to be debt free.
NG and I still have to have the money talk. It's still a bit early, but I'm ready mentally for it whenever he is. I know he's got some debt and is in the process of selling stuff to pay it off, but that's it. It's still a bit early for me to tell him I've been running numbers and doing research to this extent, but it's good to have the information. There's no way I'd go into this blindly. What I found out actually makes me a bit easier about the situation. Turns out the school has someone who is a liaison for all sorts of stuff like this, plus keeps a list of apartments, and some people in the area like to rent to seminarians at rent that is cheaper by $100-$150 a month than what I found on Craigslist.
I'm not shy about talking about money at all, and if the money talk went beyond just talk and we pulled out checkbooks, showed each other our online banking stuff (so you could see the cash flow), and brought out the tax returns, I'd have no issues with that.
loosechickens
1-17-11, 7:45pm
After all, if you're considering forming a life partnership with a person, certainly being able to talk about money, debts, income and prospects for the future easily, should be on the table and freely discussed.
Of course, the time has to be right, but when it is, the two of you will know it, and you can begin to get into the nuts and bolts of what needs to be discussed. I'm always amazed sometimes by the people I've known who have "fallen in love", and didn't have a clue until AFTER they got married what they were getting themselves into financially. No wonder so many people find difficulties about money, how to handle it, power struggles around it, etc. to be major problems in their relationship.
In your case, especially since a serious direction in your relationship might well mean relocation, job change, etc.
Just let the relationship progress, get to know his family, and be ready to start to lay out financial thoughts when the time is right. It does sound really helpful that you were able to get so much information from your friend who's actually LIVING that life.
Tradd - just want to add my congrats and say thanks for posting the picture! Things may be accelerating, but at some point, you know it's right and you just go with it.
Oh, I definitely know it's right and what I want. It's just a matter of waiting for the feller to really see that and go from there!
Thanks for sending me the pic Tradd - you guys look very cute together. He's a cutie for sure. Love the dimples. Reminds me of the actor Hank Azaria - who I think is a hunk! I, on the other hand, have no luck with men. Why oh why do they keep running away screaming :-)!!!
Thanks for sending me the pic Tradd - you guys look very cute together. He's a cutie for sure. Love the dimples. Reminds me of the actor Hank Azaria - who I think is a hunk! I, on the other hand, have no luck with men. Why oh why do they keep running away screaming :-)!!!
Thanks! He's the first truly normal guy in a looong time! I'd be surprised if he knew at this point how crazy I am about him! :)
loosechickens
1-19-11, 8:40pm
hehehehehe.....HE may not know, but you can be sure that his MOM suspects........ ;-)
Was getting very mixed signals, so on the advice of a few guy friends who I contacted tonight, I came right out and had talk tonight. Glad I did. He was surprised I liked him as more than a friend. Considers me a good friend and nothing more. I like him even as a friend, so I'll probably hang out with him some.
My priest even told me that if this one didn't work out, he had a lead on another guy, lol! :)
I'm OK, really. I had a massive meltdown last weekend (cried all the way through church) and worried a lot of friends. I'm much calmer now since I already had the huge cry.
Thanks for all the good thoughts and good wishes.
Even friends who saw us together thought he was interested in me! Oh, well. Move on. Lesson learned. Don't believe a guy likes you until you hear it from the horse's mouth!
oh gee, I'm sorry. Well, maybe he has a nice friend.:idea:
goldensmom
1-31-11, 6:39am
Tradd, that happened to me years and years ago. Well, no actually it happened twice. Men can be so dense sometimes and can give mixed messages with no ill intentions (men - do not take offense at that, even my husband agrees). I am so thankful it didn't work out and I waited for the wonderful husband I have now. On the upside, the first guy and I became good friends once I understood his 'non' intentions.
I'm sorry things didn't work out, Tradd. I'm glad that at least the two of you had a chance to talk and clear the air. Like goldensmom, I am so glad I didn't get the guy I thought I wanted. If I had, I would have missed out on the great love of my life. My husband and I have been married 7 years now, and he was worth the wait and the heartache that came before him.
I'm kind of curious who your priest has in mind...LOL
Tradd, it's happened to me, too. I'm sorry to hear the news - disappointment isn't easy.
I'm kind of curious who your priest has in mind...LOL
Turns out it some guy out in CA (we're in the Midwest) that another parishioner told him about. No other details. Then another friend is trying to set me up with someone she knows in NYC, but he seems to want someone local. At this point in my life, I'd have limited time unless it was someone REALLY local. Found out I've got only two more classes left in my program. Done late this year. Yay!
That's too bad, Tradd. The same thing recently happened to my DD after dating a guy for about 3 months - he just wants to be friends. She's about ready to give up on men at this point and I can't say that I blame her. Before him she was in a serious 2 1/2 year relationship that she thought was leading to marriage, but it suddenly went south. She is better off of course, but it is hard for her to see that right now....
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