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rosarugosa
12-4-11, 8:51pm
I spent several hours at Mom's house this weekend waging war against monumental clutter. Mom lives alone in a house that used to hold 5 people; she has more storage space than anyone, with loads of cabinets, a large basement and a two-car garage, and she still has stuff piled all over the place. >:(
One of her biggest issues is junk mail from charities, and it seems like whenever I help her I spend hours sifting through this stuff. So I'm trying to get her to implement a system. I asked her to choose 12 charities (it ended up being 24, but that's OK). I wrote the names and addresses down for her, and suggested that she send a check to two each month, and just toss the mail from the charities into her recycling bin unopened, as soon as she takes it in from the mailbox. She seemed to think it was a good idea, but we'll see - sometimes I think she just agrees to humor me :)
She said she knows that I get frustrated, which is true, although I try my best to be patient, but she can hardly bear to get rid of anything! You can only shuffle excessive stuff around up to a point. I am tidy and organized to a fault, methodical and goal-oriented, and Mom is . . . not. She is however enormously kind, patient, and generous with her time, so I need to be patient with her. So we agreed we would tackle one room, and work at it each time I go over there, until we are done, and then move on to another room. We actually made excellent progress in one of the bedrooms, and we'll probably be able to finish that room next weekend. I took away two bags of stuff for the Salvation Army. By the way, this room contains a bureau filled entirely with SOCKS - five drawers of them, so I guess I know where my sock issues come from! But I do feel good about what we accomplished this weekend. And when I come home from her house, I am always motivated to cull out a little more of my own stuff. :)

babr
12-6-11, 3:37pm
rosa how wonderful that you are helping your mom and she is allowing you to help

My mother many years ago purchased a huge funeral home:confused:; well my mom as she says dares to be different; she had an idea that never came to be; so then the house which she left for my father to live in and purchased a small cabin:confused:; to apparently get away from my father as she says but then he moved in anyway; so there they are; not compatable, always arguing; you get the picture

in the mean time here lies this funeral home which my dad decided would be great to make into professional offices:confused:; so more money socked in there or should i say sucked in there

in the meantime as the years pass; my mother would purchase thing and they would end up in the funeral home along with all of their possessions; which sound like have no value whatsoever

i have mentioned several times to my parents that i would love to "help" them clean this up to sell; well they don't want me or my sister to go there; apparently dad is embarrassed; apparently at one time they had a small dog who didn't get taken out so craped and peed in one of the rooms; and it is still sitting there after all these years:0!

well this is getting long; but i so wish i could go up there and get rid of all the junk they have accumulated; after doning or having someone remove the toxic waste!

i am sure there are so many homes which have fallen to this state

i fear my parents who are in their 80's will leave this to the three of us to deal with unfortunatly; only my brother lives there but has his own business and family which require all his attention

i am over 5 hours away; my sister 10!

so glad that at least your mom has opened the door and is willing to work with you at least to some degree; as you see above it could be so much worse!

take care

babr
12-6-11, 3:43pm
and i am back to proudly say that i have finally taken the xmas decorations and brought them down to the bare minimum! yea for me! we don't celebrate the holiday; just enjoy the time off! and my romatic view of Christmas has finally worn off to reveal a loathing for all the buying, ecstravagance;sp?; you know where i am going

such a good feeling as ii put things in the donation bag; that others will hopefully enjoy

rosarugosa
12-6-11, 7:25pm
Babr: Well I guess I can be glad that I don't have a large funeral home full of stuff to deal with - yikes! It is good that Mom lets me work with her. It is actually an honor of sorts; she knows she can trust me not to throw things away when she isn't looking, and while I may use all my wiles to try to coax her to get rid of things, she always has the final say. She has all her marbles (who knows, we might even run into a literal collection in a jar somewhere!) and it's her stuff, so I do respect that.
Good for you on the decorations. I've gotten rid of most of my holiday decorations over the years too. I have a very limited collection of things I really like.
I bring some of our stuff to work because I work with a lot of young people just starting out. They can really use these things and seem to appreciate them.

fidgiegirl
12-6-11, 8:59pm
Oh I don't want to get into it tonight but suffice it to say that my own DM and DF have their similar issues and indeed it is very hard to deal with. Very, very hard. So I send BIG HUGS to both of you!!!!!!! And anyone reading this and thinking "Sh**, that's my family, too."

Over here I gave some items to the food shelf that we were never going to eat. We have space in our cupboard and I don't have to feel guilty looking at that food and not wanting to eat it and not getting around to eating it, etc. It was leftovers from my DH's fishing trip in the summer. His dad always picks out the food and buys too much and then no one wants to eat it at home.

Other than that we are not doing too well at decluttering. I'm hoping once we start to pack boxes we will do another purge. Also once we are done with the remodel we will be able to part with some things.

babr
12-8-11, 1:48pm
glad i am not the only one fidgiegirl; my folks also have a huge rv my dad drives to florida; and this year he talked about purchasing a house; "its better then say putting 1,000 something down the drain for about 10 years" and i didn't say anything but was thinking dad you are 82; how long do you expect to be living or even driving down to florida!? just the thought of my dad on the road with developing cateracs scares me to death; but what are you going to do

and good for you fidgie girl; dh buys strange things like whole wheat couscous and it ends up sitting in the cupboard because i don't think the food bank can use something like that; oh well he is getting better

rosarugosa
12-11-11, 4:52pm
Spent this afternoon at Mom's again. We spent four hours going through her vast collection of cards and matching them up with envelopes - arrrgh! We also culled out a lot to be donated or recycled. Two people for four hours and we're still not done!
I also took a brand new teakettle that she got in a grab last year but doesn't need. One of my employees said she can use a teakettle, so I'll be bringing it into work for her.

flowerseverywhere
12-12-11, 7:59am
Rosa and Babr, hang in there. Rosa, I am glad your Mom is letting you help.

My house is largely decluttered, easy to clean and neat. I occasionally find something extra we can't use so get rid of it at the time. Our problem is MIL. She has lived in the same house for over 80 years. I have been gently encouraging her to share the wonderful things she has accumulated with people who could use them. Her daughter is also a packrat, you can't get into her basement s it is stacked from floor to ceiling except for a little path, it is a fire hazard in my opinion. The rest of the house isn't much better.

so after I kept encouraging her she bought four large garbage bags full of clothes to the local Veterans of Foreign wars home in their town. Although a widow for over five years, she thought she might use some of the clothes she kept. Finally she agreed to give them to men who might use them.

She also agreed to let me come in January to help her. There is a room stacked floor to ceiling with stuff that was supposed to be a bedroom but as long as I can remember has not been able to fit a bed in it, a craft room full of old yarn, fabric, patterns, and projects she will never finish, and two attics full ,one over the top of the house, and one over the garage. Not only is it a fire hazard, a lot of this stuff is a tripping hazard as she will sometimes look for something and it is miraculous she has not killed herself falling over crap. SIL has been an obstruction for years, saying she would help MIL but somehow never gets around to it and doesn't want us to give or throw anything away that she might want. I have no idea where SIL plans to fit it in and none of the grandchildren want much more than something sentimental. We are going to do the following. I am going to haul everything from one area into the dining room and put it in groups. SIL is going to come over and go through the stuff, what she does not want will go to donations. In order to make this work we are going to plan a day when SIL commits to coming over on the day of the cleaning to go through stuff. When we made this plan I told MIL she was going to have to stick to her guns and give SIL a deadline to look over the stuff or potentially she could have this stuff in her dining room for weeks. so we'll see if it works. The worst part of this is much of the stuff is actually useful and there are so many people right now who could use it. And there are things that are ridiculous to keep. Like the prom and formal dresses that SIL has stored in a closet. Obviously 35 year old prom gowns have limited use and are taking up space.

Before anyone asks, the reason I am involved is because I have been an advocate for my MIL for years. She grew up in a time when you obeyed your husband, and through the years I was the one to speak up for her when she couldn't. For example, one day my FIL called her Fattie in front of everyone. Big mouth me said I thought that was very mean to say. No one would every cross him, but what was he going to do to me? Afterwards she thanked me, he was always teasing and embarrassing her but did not do it in front of me anymore. So that was a little thing but helped her none the less and made the holidays when I was around much more enjoyable to her. My own parents died when I was a child and I have a very different relationship with MIL than most people do. Of course, the pattern continues with her own daughter, she is not very nice at times to her. Of course, DH knows better after living with me all these years - not that he would want to continue in that unhealthy pattern.

leslieann
12-12-11, 8:18am
Wow, you guys are wonderful to be helping your parents in this way. What a lot of work that is.

When my mother died, she left a small apartment with not very much stuff at all. Some of her furniture belonged to a friend, who took it back, and she (my mother) was not much of a hoarder. I do have to give her credit for that. However, even with that, we siblings struggled to figure out what to do with her stuff! Ended up selling to a second-hand seller who just gave us a price and then cleared the place out. It wasn't nearly as hard as what you are talking about but it was HARD. I left that situation determined to make things easier for my children (I don't think I am ready to die yet but I am decluttering!).

So now I am off to see what I can find to eliminate from my space.....will post as I go....

Bastelmutti
12-12-11, 10:39am
DH rearranged and decluttered the kids' room yesterday, and I took a bag of books to DD2's teacher this morning. More bags of books they have outgrown are going to a teacher friend and the school's bookstore. Next step is to sort bins of toys they have outgrown, decide which are sentimental and will be kept & give the others away.

I have some work today, but afterward I have two hot spots to work on - my office (some craft stuff that has been living here is going into the basement on a shelf culled from the kids' room) and my shelf in my bedroom. I think I will part from quite a bit of jewelry (none valuable) I simply don't wear anymore.

Acorn
12-12-11, 12:50pm
"I have been an advocate for my MIL for years."
Flowerseverywhere, you have a generous heart. How kind of you to watch out for your MIL.

Rosarugosa I'm envious of your ability to work so diligently and patiently with your mom. I'm, unfortunately, in the same camp as Babr. Elderly parents who are resistant to change and who also seem unable to see the need to simplify their lives - and both my brother and I live very far away. This is a topic that weighs heavily on my mind.

On the other hand I'm a zealous declutterer and have managed to freecycle a loveseat, stool and books this month.

rosarugosa
12-12-11, 8:05pm
Flowers, Acorn, Babr, & Fidgie,
It's interesting to hear that this is a fairly common problem. I had no idea! I am lucky to only live about a mile away from Mom, so that certainly makes it easier. My employee loved the teakettle, so that will please Mom too (it's easier for her if something is going to someone who needs it; she is very generous).

frugalone
12-12-11, 9:49pm
I finally got about six bags of old clothes and towels etc. to the Salvation Army. Along with a scrapbooking embossing machine I wasn't using, a bunch of art supplies, and a carrying case for sewing items. Woot!

Greg44
12-20-11, 6:26pm
2 pairs of levis
1 pair of slacks
1 hoodie
button down shirt
Huge stack of newspapers to the Mission Box (they care for homeless people)
Huge sack of plastic grocery bags to the recycle bin @ the grocery store. It is amazing how quickly these pile up. We use them for waste basket liners, and I normally take my cloth ones to the store, but they still pile up!

dd is coming home from college this week, I will pay her and her little sister $ 10.00 per box they fill up from the "stuff" in their rooms. It gives them extra $$ for after Christmas sales and helps to declutter! Win Win for us all. I will also offer it to my dw! ;)

catherine
12-20-11, 6:47pm
You guys have me thinking about my own situation--in which I'm the mom getting older (I'm 59). We used to really give my MIL grief for being a huge packrat (she worked at Macy's for years and could never turn down a good deal: so her attic was FULL of brand new sheets, towels, shower curtains, you name it).

BUT, she actually got rid of a lot of her stuff when she moved down here to be next door, and now we're the ones with the 26 years of accumulated stuff cluttering up the space above our garage, and in our garage and in our basement. The living spaces, thank God, are pretty uncluttered.

I've talked about my mom who left us nothing material. She had had a long drawn-out illness following a brain aneurysm, followed by a husband who took a powder because he didn't want to be bothered by her, which was followed by a fire that destroyed all her wordly possessions. So talk about decluttering! She decluttered absolutely everything including her health and her home and her husband.

When she died, she had one bag of clothes which we gave to Goodwill and one box of other miscellaneous stuff, which my brother has in his basement.

I was telling that to a friend of mine and she said, "how sad," and my response was, not really sad for us. Not really sad for her either--she was the most cheerful and carefree she had every been having nothing. I really hope that's what it comes down to for our own kids.

Selah
12-22-11, 8:28am
I can't believe it's now a year after our move from Nevada to Florida, and I'm STILL finding things to declutter as we prepare for our overseas move next week. DH cleaned out his closet and made a large donation of clothes to a charity. I went through a lot of little bits and pieces of things (fancy bar soaps, a gift wallet I won't use, an African necklace/wallhanging, etc.) and assembled a gift bag to give to my neighbor's daughter. Impossibly, more kitchen clutter had manifested itself from donations from family members, which also got removed. And lots of expired medications that I need to give to the local pharmacy so they can dispose of them safely!

My mother and stepdad were kind enough to help me declutter last year and prepare for the move. Apparently I inspired both of them to declutter their own homes, and their home is now in terrific shape thanks to their own hard work. I never intended to set a positive example, but if that's what happened, then great!

Bastelmutti
12-22-11, 9:07am
I started working on my office the other day, plus sorted a large pile of bills and misc. papers. We are planning to get storage boxes for the hallway shelf, but have to finish sorting the shelf contents first.

If anyone has decluttering/minimalism sites to recommend that would be a motivator for me, I'd love to hear about it. I do read ZenHabits and Unclutterer.

Sorry so many of you are dealing with relatives' clutter as well. We will have that in two houses on my side of the family, and I'm not looking forward to that responsibility.

Float On
12-22-11, 9:30am
One more load of stuff waiting by the front door (clothes the kids outgrew and some craft items). Need to get it to the thrift shop tonight so it's out of the way so I can enjoy christmas. Looking forward to getting rid of more stuff in January.

pinkytoe
12-22-11, 10:30am
I was one of those with a depression era mom who was very frugal so I guess I got it from her. Also, when I was in my mid 30s, both of my parents and younger brother died. I had to go through all of their things and decide what to keep and or save. It was a very unpleasant task dealing with all of their stuff. To this day, I am very aware of what messes I might be leaving behind for others to deal with. I also think there is a genetic component for some of us to enjoy living "tidier" lives and I have that gene.

babr
12-24-11, 10:04am
thanks guys; at least my folks have not purchased a house in florida; yes there must be a god; and are looking to sell the funeral home as kids are breaking into it; so though not to encourage juvenile deliquency; in this case if it gets a piece of property off of our hands that will be good; though now they are thinking of buying another home in the same town; god i hope they wait until they sell the funeral home; otherwise its three homes full to the brim with crap and a moter home; again packed with junk

but i do love them; despite all the abuse; trauma; my mom recently telling me i was a brat at age 3; i guess she didn't learn about child development

believe it or not i have come to peace with most of it; but i do set my limits

babr
12-24-11, 10:08am
oh have really cleared out most of the xmas decorations; yea!

should be just a shoebox by next year at this time

do one thing; i like that; not a whole room; but maybe a box of things; i have a basket full of stuff that really could for the most part go; but i go through it and little by little it gets tossed

that will be part of my '12 goals; one bag, the sweaters, towels etc. one at a time

Tiam
12-29-11, 2:21am
Got lots of cardboard and Christmas trash out of the way.

Tiam
12-30-11, 10:25pm
Three pair of shoes and two shirts into a goodwill bag. Looking for more. The closet is quite paired down. I think I'll put the raincoat in also, I haven't worn it in 5 years.

Mer05
12-31-11, 4:26pm
I finished clearing my closet. Only having 33 things to wear is going to get tiring, but I also foresee a major purge at the end of March. (FWIW: I'm including jewelry, shoes, belts, and jackets - undergarments, pajamas, workout clothes, and lazy-Saturday clothes are freebies).

I also dealt with a chair that I haven't been able to bring myself to get rid of (handmade *and* a gift). It occurred to me a couple weeks ago that I could try disassembling it. Now it's under the bed in pieces, and out of my walkway!

fidgiegirl
12-31-11, 10:55pm
babr, we find that the "perpetual Goodwill" box is very effective. Then if we run across one or many items that we want to get rid of, we just throw them in the box. When there is a pickup, we put the box out. Easy. However, it works well because we are both on the same page (no one taking the items back out, etc. like my mom used to do to me as a teen :( - I love being a grown up! :) )

happystuff
1-3-12, 7:17am
Also got Christmas pretty much put away. Down to two big plastic bins (from 5 a couple years ago!). Hope to start decluttering my closet and dresser next. Am already being brutal in my mind - so hopefully it will translate to a really good clean-out!!

Bastelmutti
1-3-12, 2:46pm
I think I will take the same tack this month as with the other 100 item challenge in the fall and just sign up for a charity pick-up. That gives me a set date by which I need to have a set number of boxes or bags ready to go on the curb. I have two small grocery bags of clothes already set aside & I should have more, because I am trying to go for an even more minimalist wardrobe this year (down to 3 sweaters - whoo hoo!) I just can't take doing this amount of laundry anymore and I already have fewer clothes than most women I know!