bke
1-6-12, 10:34am
Ok I know this is going to be long but I really need to express myself and this seems like the most logical place. I'm not whining/bragging/or even expecting anyone to fix this for me.
I've been married for 13 years. In that time we have moved from the city to the middle of no where. Bought and sold 3 houses for a profit overall, had a son, bought a restaurant which is almost paid off, and done 2 major remodeling projects on the restaurant.
11 years ago I was couponing, buying second hand, picking up change and pop cans along the road as a way to make ends meet. When ds started preschool we were living below the poverty line and I was practically accused of being a bad mother because we lived on what we made and didn't get food stamps or other assistance. We always had enough but just enough if you know what I mean.
Presently I am 2-3 years away from being 100% debt free. We will at that time own the restaurant free and clear (we live here for those who don't know it) and own a nice profitable piece of real estate that we're selling on a land contract. I have a safety net of 2-3 years worth of living expenses tucked away even if we were required to rent a home. We will be in a position financially where we could be FI in as soon as 5 years.
Thing is, I hate this life and have for a long time. I have so much including a wonderful family life but I'm terribly unhappy. I've come to realize recently that its because I have gone without things for so long and have gotten so uptight about spending on non-necessities that I'm miserable.
I have been in love with the chocolate diamonds since I first laid eyes on them. I'm not a big jewelry person but for some reason I adore these. I found a specific ring that I wanted 3 months ago but refused to spend the money on it. Well, last night we went to the mall and the ring was still there. I couldn't resist it again! The saleman made a comment about how I wasn't even smiling as my dh was paying for the ring. I was so freaked out by spending $1900 on something that I couldn't. I almost stopped the transaction half way through. It was actually painful to spend the money even though it was more than affordable and I will love wearing the jewelry.
I've really come to realize over the last few weeks that I've been so hell bent on getting by and making due over the last 10-12 years that I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm like freakin' Ebenezer Scrooge! Collect it and count it but god forbid I enjoy it!
So I am challenging myself in a big way to spend and enjoy spending. Not crazily but enough to find pleasure in life again. I don't need quantity but I have given up quality for way too long. No more eating the cheapest foods or wearing the cheapest clothing. No more feeling quilty when the cheapest items don't fill the need. And most of all learning to buy things from time to time for the simple pleasures they bring.
Comments?
I've been married for 13 years. In that time we have moved from the city to the middle of no where. Bought and sold 3 houses for a profit overall, had a son, bought a restaurant which is almost paid off, and done 2 major remodeling projects on the restaurant.
11 years ago I was couponing, buying second hand, picking up change and pop cans along the road as a way to make ends meet. When ds started preschool we were living below the poverty line and I was practically accused of being a bad mother because we lived on what we made and didn't get food stamps or other assistance. We always had enough but just enough if you know what I mean.
Presently I am 2-3 years away from being 100% debt free. We will at that time own the restaurant free and clear (we live here for those who don't know it) and own a nice profitable piece of real estate that we're selling on a land contract. I have a safety net of 2-3 years worth of living expenses tucked away even if we were required to rent a home. We will be in a position financially where we could be FI in as soon as 5 years.
Thing is, I hate this life and have for a long time. I have so much including a wonderful family life but I'm terribly unhappy. I've come to realize recently that its because I have gone without things for so long and have gotten so uptight about spending on non-necessities that I'm miserable.
I have been in love with the chocolate diamonds since I first laid eyes on them. I'm not a big jewelry person but for some reason I adore these. I found a specific ring that I wanted 3 months ago but refused to spend the money on it. Well, last night we went to the mall and the ring was still there. I couldn't resist it again! The saleman made a comment about how I wasn't even smiling as my dh was paying for the ring. I was so freaked out by spending $1900 on something that I couldn't. I almost stopped the transaction half way through. It was actually painful to spend the money even though it was more than affordable and I will love wearing the jewelry.
I've really come to realize over the last few weeks that I've been so hell bent on getting by and making due over the last 10-12 years that I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm like freakin' Ebenezer Scrooge! Collect it and count it but god forbid I enjoy it!
So I am challenging myself in a big way to spend and enjoy spending. Not crazily but enough to find pleasure in life again. I don't need quantity but I have given up quality for way too long. No more eating the cheapest foods or wearing the cheapest clothing. No more feeling quilty when the cheapest items don't fill the need. And most of all learning to buy things from time to time for the simple pleasures they bring.
Comments?