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Cypress
3-14-12, 2:16pm
I find that I ruminate about the fact I do not have enough time or energy to accomplish all the things in a day I would like to. Here is the thing, often I wake up at 5 a.m. I ought to be done sleeping, instead of getting up, I lay there and ruminate. Instead of that, I could have cleaned the sink of dishes, done a load of wash, prepared lunches for the week, etc....many little tasks could be done but I don't get up. I actually enjoy doing these tasks.

I get up maybe by 6:20 a.m. have breakfast, get dressed and leave with just enough time to get into the city for work. I start at 8:30 a.m. I do not like the 45 minute commute and there is no shorter way in to the city. I get home at 5:15 pm or so and maybe get into the backyard for an hour of gardening. Than it's make supper, eat, clean up, prepare a lunch and to bed by 8:30 p.m. I feel as if my clothes aren't ironed, my hair is scattered and I am just a floppy goose. For whatever reason, I won't even take the time to wash my hair in the morning, I wash it in the evening and do not take more than 5 minutes to comb my hair the next day. It looks like iT! Yet I want to be together, polished and confident.

This schedule make me nuts but I don't have the gumption to change it. I feel like half of me is disorganized and lazy and the other half wants to be more organized. I love to take care of my house, yard and kitchen (cook). Yet, I don't set aside the time to do these things to my satisfaction. I have a tendency to be anxious by nature. I have a full time job which is boring but doesn't wear my out physically. I am not that tired. Neither am I ill. I am getting chubby and even ruminate about the diet yet do not put thoughts into actions.

How do you organize your day if you work outside the home? I am a single woman taking care of a small house, a job and everything in between. At this point, I feel stuck on complaining to myself about myself.

mira
3-14-12, 2:38pm
Sometimes it's difficult to get up the motivation to be more organised when adhering to a tight work schedule; especially when you're getting home at 5pm and having to wake up a mere 12 hours later! Even though my work isn't particularly demanding, I get home in the evening and can't be bothered washing the dishes (they pile up for daaaays), tidying up, doing laundry, or even showering... AND I'm too lazy to get up 45 minutes earlier in the morning to do it!!

Does your employer offer flexible working? Do you have the right to request it? Maybe if you could come in an hour later a couple days a week, you wouldn't feel so pressed for time in the morning or constricted in the evenings.

shadowmoss
3-14-12, 5:03pm
Use the FlyLady method. Start one habit of an evening before bed. Do that one thing every night before you go to bed. After 30 days it is a habit. She started with shining her kitchen sink. At one time she even recommended to those who don't have dishwashers put a rack under their sink and put the dirty dishes there to get them out of sight until they can be washed. Not sure if that is recommended still. So, take the next month and start a new habit? One that will make you feel more organized each morning.

redfox
3-14-12, 5:10pm
I highly value early morning, still-in-bed rumination time as a way to come into the world slowly. If you're doing this every morning, may I suggest that it's of value to you somehow?

ApatheticNoMore
3-14-12, 5:13pm
I find that I ruminate about the fact I do not have enough time or energy to accomplish all the things in a day I would like to.

no one working full time does :)


I get up maybe by 6:20 a.m. have breakfast, get dressed and leave with just enough time to get into the city for work. I start at 8:30 a.m. I do not like the 45 minute commute and there is no shorter way in to the city.

yea it's taking me an hour from when I step outside my door to when I'm in the office.


I get home at 5:15 pm or so and maybe get into the backyard for an hour of gardening. Than it's make supper, eat, clean up, prepare a lunch and to bed by 8:30 p.m. I feel as if my clothes aren't ironed, my hair is scattered and I am just a floppy goose.

I hear you, the bills are late, the hair isn't combed ... But I put in at least 8 hours of labor this weekend for a final project for a class (yea on top of full time work, 2 hours commuting everyday, etc.).


For whatever reason, I won't even take the time to wash my hair in the morning, I wash it in the evening and do not take more than 5 minutes to comb my hair the next day. It looks like iT! Yet I want to be together, polished and confident.

yea but I hate struggling with the hair too, and it's always a struggle. It takes some real force to get the widest tooth comb through it. Maybe someday I'll get hair cut ....


I have a full time job which is boring but doesn't wear my out physically.

not physically but I feel that at least 1/2 the time I am operating in a state of sleep deprivation. I remember how someone was saying this society is so messed up we don't even sleep (ha sometimes it seems so :)). And oh hey daylight savings time, oh joy.


I am getting chubby and even ruminate about the diet yet do not put thoughts into actions.

yea I do mostly eat right, but I know sometimes I eat just to conteract the chronic sleep deprivation. I know what I really need is sleep but that's not available at any price and food is .... :(


How do you organize your day if you work outside the home? I am a single woman taking care of a small house, a job and everything in between. At this point, I feel stuck on complaining to myself about myself.

Well all I did is complain :). But actually I do know what I need long term, for the class to be over :) (it's a single class not a degree! so this too will pass ....), and a shorter commute). I know I need those things long term.

pinkytoe
3-14-12, 8:52pm
My motivation in getting things done is to avoid anxiety. And the feeling of satisfaction that comes from getting things in order. Recently, I took four days off and gave myself permission to be a little lazy for a change. Big mistake - now everything is behind and I am paying for it. I have never thought that work itself is the problem - it is all the time it takes to prepare for it, get there, get home etc. I find that running a household, garden and pets (and children if that applies) by itself is a job. Add outside work and all the prep for it (and commuting) and there isn't a whole lot of time left over. I am always planning in my head ahead of time - what will I eat for breakfast tomorrow, wear, try to get done after work, what do I need at the grocery - so I have a lot of mental lists going on. I have come to realize too that adding extracurriculars like a night time class or weekend seminar isn't an easy thing to add to the list so I forego a lot of fun things. I can't wait to retire or go to 20 hours a week so I can do more of the things I want to do. Hair...I don't want to talk about that!

Rosemary
3-14-12, 9:16pm
I used to hate spending one minute more than necessary getting ready to go to work. If you're in that same position, perhaps it would be motivating to think about that extra time as your time, not getting-ready-for-work time. If you decreased ruminating to 20 minutes, you'd have a whole hour of bonus time to do whatever you wanted.

fidgiegirl
3-14-12, 11:18pm
http://www.womentowomen.com/womenshealth/images/change.jpg

One thing that has helped me a little with change is thinking of it as a process. We don't just go from wanting to make a change to having it made. This graphic helps me remember that, and I like it because it presents the process as a path, where one may go back and forth between the stages, rather than other graphics of the same steps, which are often more like a ladder or sequence.

I struggle with the same thing as you. I tend to think about the change too long instead of just doing it. It sounds like you have a LOT of things you want to change, but how about just one? In my first year of teaching, I was going crazy trying to keep everything straight and running out of time to get things done. Since I'm more of a morning person than an evening person, I decided to try to get to work just 15 minutes early, and it made a world of difference. I was more prepared every day, more on top of things, and could leave on time more frequently.

It sounds like it's not work but personal time that is giving you a challenge, but maybe you can take the idea and make it your own.

Another idea - if you have a commute you can't shorten, how about getting some of the books you wish you had time to be reading on CDs? Then at least you can have some of that personal time while doing the obligatory drive.

I just read the book Switch and loved it. I would recommend. One thing he talks about doing to increase success in making a change is to set an action trigger. For example, plan out the night before that you are going to get out of bed by 5:30, and lay out your clothes and hair products to do your hair.

I struggle with the amount of time supper takes in the evening. We haven't been doing this with our move, but I want to get back into it - we plan meals for the week and order the groceries we will need. Then on an evening that I am making supper, I throw together something for the crock pot for the next day's supper. Or I make a double batch and freeze it so I am not making a lunch every night. My DH makes a sandwich nightly and I would hate that! Anyway, it enables me to skip at least some nights of food preparation, and doesn't create that much more clean up or take that much longer on the nights that I do these things.

Please keep us updated . . . this is something I struggle with, too, so I'd love to hear if you hit on something that works for you. My main strategy is to fantasize about my escape from paid employment :D But not acting to make it happen! :D

Lainey
3-14-12, 11:20pm
Isn't one of the tenets of the book Getting Things Done is that you write to-do lists? meaning you've now 'downloaded' it onto a paper or electronic list, and so you're not letting these little things use up your brain power with trying to remember them all.

I also like The Happiness Project. The idea there is that how small sustainable changes can steadily and surely increase your daily happiness level. For example, could you afford a housecleaner for 2 hrs/month? Would starting something new - maybe a photography class - bring back some fun and increase your energy level? Just some ideas to get out of your rut.

Cypress
3-15-12, 8:58am
:) Thanks for the feedback. I feel when I go to this forum, I am among friends who understand me and help bring balance into situations. I have been feeling frustrated about life for quite sometime. What the frustration is is hard to define. I am not sure if my angst is Gen X cynicism. I know that I am smart, enjoy physical labor, health is generally good, roof over my head and all. There is plenty to be anxious about. Will I stay well? Can I manage my household on my own? Will my job grow into something worthwhile? Can I find time for relationships? etc...... The feedback helps me understand I am normal and coping as best I can.

I went home last night and spent an hour outside puttering in the yard. I find this refreshing and a source of happiness. One load of wash done and out to dry. Prepared a lovely meal for last night and the next two days. Read a little bit of my book. Lights out at 8:30 pm. The alarm was set for 5 a.m. to wash the hair and tidy the sink. I actually got up by 5:15 a.m. and did these things. I also had a few minutes to go outside and just be in the yard with my cats.

I wonder sometimes if I have such a strong Yankee streak of you must be doing something or your lazy. I grew up in central Mass and strongly identify with the traditions of the people who founded this State. Those folks were doers. Yet, I am spiritually attracted to Taoism which has an underlying theme of simply being. Nothing in our pop culture supports being. Perhaps the frustration lies in not being able to connect with modern society. I am not at all a corporate thinker yet I work for a company that I have discovered has a corporate style. The staff around me do not. So there is always one reality and another to cope with.

I wonder if this causes the paralysis I feel at times in not knowing what is my role in society and less how to organize.

Sorry to bore people with my ruminating. This is what I do in my head. Wonder and contemplate.

Fawn
3-15-12, 9:08am
I am one that loves my early morning ruminating time. The house is cool, it is warm and snuggling under my comforter, the kids are all asleep, and though later today, there will be many people making demands on me, right now, no one is.

But I tend to ruminate on things that make me happy: recent kid events, an upcoming get together with a friend, something I did well at work.

That said, I do have set routines that make the day flow better: I set up the coffee the night before and turn it on before I get in the shower, I have a hair style the requires I finger comb it and go, I wash and iron work clothes on my day off and hang them by outfit so there is little time involved in getting dressed, I put together my lunch and breakfast the evening before and bag it in the fridge (often it is leftovers so no extra time or money spent.) I do wash all the breakfast dishes before I leave the house as I hate coming home after a busy day to a sinkful of dishes.

So based on what you are doing, and what you report you want, I recommend two changes: Allow yourself to ruminate for 30 minutes, but think about happy things and then 2) get up 30 minutes sooner than you are and do one make-my-life-better chore.

Please let us know how it goes.

Mrs-M
3-15-12, 2:32pm
I don't work outside the home, however, my energy (to get things done) comes by way of impulse. For example, if I see two laundry baskets topped with laundry and the thought of "should I put a wash-load or two through" enters my mind, I just do it. Done. No procrastinating, no pondering, no thinking about it, then it's on to whatever else needs doing. If you can adopt this approach to getting things done, you'll be amazed at how much you can accomplish and in such little time. It really boils down to efficient time management.

Jemima
3-15-12, 4:24pm
I highly value early morning, still-in-bed rumination time as a way to come into the world slowly. If you're doing this every morning, may I suggest that it's of value to you somehow?

This is just what I was thinking. Everyone needs some down time and we need it every day. I used to start my work day by reading a devotional and a short passage of the Bible, praying, and then doing some stretching exercises. I'm slow to wake up and there's no way I ever could have bolted out of bed and started getting dressed for work as soon as the alarm went off.

No one ever has time to do all the things they want to do, although I do sympathize with your work schedule. My workday started when I got up at 5:00 AM, left at 7:30 AM and easily spent one and a half to two hours driving into Philadephia. (It was only 26 miles, which I can cover here in the 'burbs in half an hour. Traffic congestion was the problem, and there was no public transportation from my area to Bala Cynwyd, just over the city line.) I usually got home around 5:00 PM, wrung out from stress and working in a room that was never meant for long-term computer use. Just getting dinner on the table, showering, and getting to sleep at a reasonable hour was enough, although I tried to squeeze errands and laundry in on weeknights so I could have some real leisure on the weekends.

Now I'm retired and I *still* don't have time to do all the things I'd like (I hope that doesn't make you feel more anxious), although I'm beginning to recognize some areas where time is gettting wasted, often by unneccesary medical appointments. But that's another post.

Jemima
3-15-12, 4:33pm
As for getting organized, for me it's more a matter of *staying* organized. When I use something that belongs in a drawer or closet, I put it back as soon as I'm done with it, unless it's an ongoing project, like the beret I'm crocheting now and then when I sit down to relax.

Other than that, I tend to use Mrs. M's system above, although I can sometimes end up frazzled and irritated when there's too much stuff sitting around waiting to be done. I'm learning to draw a line, and sit down or just plain quit for the day when I get tired. No more doing four loads of laundry in one day just because it's there. I'm learning to take care of the things that bother me the most first, whether it makes any logical sense or not, such as cleaning up the litter my cat just kicked all over the bedroom carpet because I had to move her pan out of the bathroom for a few days. Like the pile of shipping cartons that are going out to the curb tonight and that d#mn stool I never should have bought. I'm getting better at recognizing things that get in the way and better at letting go of those items I've been keeping "just in case". I now declutter as I go, not in great, long, effortful spurts.

Selah
3-16-12, 7:00am
When I worked full time, I found that I had to adhere to a routine quite rigidly in order to stay on top of things. I learned to prepare for the next day's work in two stages: one part immediately after work, when I'd pack my lunch for the next day at the same time as packing dinner, and another stage just before bed, when I'd set out coffee and breakfast utensils, and my clothes for the next day. I broke up laundry throughout the week by throwing a load in after work and folding the dry clothes before bed. Cleaning was kept to an as-needed basis, and not on any particular schedule. Bill paying was automated through online billpay service, and social engagements were kept to an absolute minimum. I also needed to meditate regularly just to (partially) control my job stress, and while my mind would wander in meditation, I would be able to prioritize what needed to be done and what could lie.

For me, maintaining a relationship, a home, my health, and a job were more than enough. My socializing was incorporated into my spiritual life (i.e. between work and going to my synagogue weekly, I had plenty of human contact!), so there wasn't much of a separation. I stopped giving dinner parties and didn't travel much, and stopped recreational shopping to get out of debt, so for several years there, it was pretty much "metro, bulot, dodo," i.e. French for "Metro (subway), job, sleep"! Centering my life solely around my work was possible, and I did it, but I was aware that I was pretty much sleepwalking through my life at that point, and it wasn't a very meaningful existence.

happystuff
3-16-12, 7:12am
Skimmed through the thread quickly, so may have missed some stuff, but am responding to the title.... I think/hope that I just re-found my motivation! I went away for a long weekend to a sibling's house. We live different lifestyles, we live with different circumstances, but that short visit was enough to remind me that I was not living how I wanted to live. It took stepping out of my life for those few days to remind myself that I really didn't HAVE to live the way I was living and that it really was up to ME to make the changes I wanted to see and live. So... I am now "re-motivated" and taking what steps I can to acheive the changes I want.

mtnlaurel
3-16-12, 7:20am
Skimmed through the thread quickly, so may have missed some stuff, but am responding to the title.... I think/hope that I just re-found my motivation! I went away for a long weekend to a sibling's house. We live different lifestyles, we live with different circumstances, but that short visit was enough to remind me that I was not living how I wanted to live. It took stepping out of my life for those few days to remind myself that I really didn't HAVE to live the way I was living and that it really was up to ME to make the changes I wanted to see and live. So... I am now "re-motivated" and taking what steps I can to acheive the changes I want.

Without travel, social interaction, having people over to my house I would be hopeless!
Getting outside of what I can stay comfortable with helps me a ton too.

I admire you guys on these boards so much, you inspire me.

babr
3-16-12, 9:56am
I admire all of you who are holding down full time jobs; trying to raise families and often alone! i try to do things for just 5 minutes; set a timer; and give yourself plenty of love and support; you deserve it

maribeth
3-16-12, 12:36pm
Honestly, the only thing that forces me to tidy up is having a cleaner come once a week. I don't want her to see my house in its messiest state!

ApatheticNoMore
3-16-12, 2:32pm
Centering my life solely around my work was possible, and I did it, but I was aware that I was pretty much sleepwalking through my life at that point, and it wasn't a very meaningful existence.

Honestly, I think some of us would rather have a messy house (although there are limits even to that :)) and bills that sometimes get paid late, so as to have the chance to ocassionally do things we actually want to.

Zoebird
3-17-12, 3:17pm
I'm lucky that I have my husband, but he still leaves behind plenty of work for me.

For example, he still doesn't do the dishes that he doesn't like to do. So, I come home, put the clean dishes away, wash the remainder. He also does the laundry, but doesn't fold/put away. So, I usually have to do that as well -- and I try to do it as soon as I get home. he also has taken to tidying only a small portion of DS's toys, which means I do that also. I would say the whole of it takes about 45-60 minutes.

So, I arrive home at 7:15, kiss and snuggle DS before bed, do these things, and then we have dinner (8:30).

On Wednesday, I have roller derby, which goes until 8:30. I come home, eat dinner, and leave the mess because Thursday mornings I don't go in until 12:00 (bus). I leave the house at 11:30 to catch this bus (with DS -- walk to the bus takes about 20 minutes). Thursday mornings I clean the house -- scrub kitchen (including fridge/freezer), scrub bathroom, scrub mudroom, vacuum and dust the house. So, I do the extra 45 minutes of tidying things that day instead of Wed night. The whole deal takes about 2-2.5 hrs all told.

Then on Thursday night, I currently have non-skating official practice for derby, so I go to that from 7-9. On friday mornings, I do the tidy and head into the office.

And then on Sat/Sun DH and I do it together (tidy), but the whole of tidying takes about 30 minutes.

That being said, I am going to echo for you the "yankee sensibility."

My husband's parents, for example, are "lazy" if they are just sitting and ruminating. The idea that a person would go slowly, spend time and relax, wonder and contemplate is completely foreign. That is to say, they don't get me. LOL

DH used to get positively anxious if he had "nothing to do" (even though he's a master procrastinator and time-waster), which is to say if he was doing something that he wasnt' sure he valued. He always asks me "what is the plan? what is the plan?" Most days, hes' fine, but on weekends, he's lost unless I've absoutely outlined a "plan" for the weekend.

My "plan" for the weekend, usually, is to "go with the flow" or "do whatever we want." But he hates this -- it makes him feel like he's 'doing nothing' and doing nothing is 'bad.' But, he's starting to loosen up.

But, I've also encouraged him to come up with a "plan" for one of the weekend days. I don't care what that "plan" is -- it's jsut that I don't want the responsibility of making those plans. I make enough plans, and so this one is rather exhausting. I want one day to "do nothing" or "go slow" or "go with the flow" -- and then he uses one day to make arrangements. He usually chooses sunday.

rosarugosa
3-17-12, 9:23pm
Well I never thought of it as a yankee thing, but I pretty much prefer to be productive all the time, unless I'm asleep. Productivity make me happy and pleased with myself. I need down time too, but in the evening after my work is done (either work work on work days or my household work on my days off). Downtime well spent would be reading a book, periodical or worthwhile blog. Or doing a pleasant little home project or gardening. Productive downtime if you will.
I do my best thinking when I'm dusting or ironing, or engaged in some other task that only uses a little bit of my brain power. I "heal" and nurture myself working in the garden.
On weekdays, I get up at 4:15, leave for the office at 6:30ish, and get home about 6:30ish. Go to bed at 9:00. So most of what I do for us and our home gets done on the weekends. Luckily, DH cooks dinner and packs my breakfast/lunch. If it were up to me, we would probably have to live on string cheese and chocolate during the week!
(Now that I've stopped smoking, I am convinced that I should be 12.5% more productive, since I calculate that is the amount of my waking hours that I spent smoking).

early morning
3-17-12, 10:16pm
Oh, what a great topic - I too am having this problem, so reading the input here is great!! The older I get the harder it is for me to self-motivate here at home. I DO things, but not as much as I could/should. Now that DD is back to work weekends, it is even harder. She isn't self-motivated either, so we help each other stay on track. Both of us are motivated work-wise, or school wise when we're taking classes. But at home, not so much. DH is likewise not motivated, but medical/depression issues are in play there. I make lists, try to work on things a little at a time, remind myself how good I feel when something is done - but honestly it is HARD. I am gone for a minimum of 10 hours a day, and at least 2 days a week it's more like 12. I love my job, but it's stressful in its own way - and I share the task of daily check-ins of my elderly mother with 2 siblings. I too lay out my clothes the night before and pack my next day's lunch as we clear up after dinner, and that helps a lot. But so many things I need to do hinge on doing other things. I want to wash the living room windows. This requires locking up the cats so they don't jump out of the window (the windows tip in for cleaning) moving furniture so I can GET to the windows and open them inwards, and then I need to vacuum where the furniture was. I am defeated before I begin... *grrr*

herbgeek
3-18-12, 8:55am
There was a period maybe 10 years ago or so where I analyzed everything I did to get ready for the day and optimized it as a routine. For example, it was a hassle getting ready in the morning to pull out the hairdryer and assorted paraphernalia, then to find the right makeup to wear that day. So I put the stuff I needed for my hair into one basket that goes under the sink and out it comes in the morning with only the things I use every day in it so I'm not spending time searching. Likewise, I decided on one shade of eyeshadow and lipstick to use on a regular basis, but the other stuff in the bathroom closet. I have a small basket that has the daily stuff, so again I'm not spending time looking for things. Yes, it would be simpler if I didn't do anything to my hair or use makeup at all, but since I'm going to continue to do this, I have this as streamlined as possible.

My goal is to have every routine on auto pilot so I can focus my brain on those things I really do need to think about. I read a book a number of years back that talked about how the brain gets tired when constantly used to make decisions, so I tried to reduce the decision making I do- particularly in the morning- to those things that deserve my attention.

I also find I'm more motivated to get chores done if I promise myself a reward when I'm done, or if I'm working under a time deadline. So knowing I have to be out of the house by 10am, I'll get things done that I would procrastinate on for days otherwise.

Mrs-M
3-19-12, 12:52pm
Originally posted by Rosarugosa.
Now that I've stopped smoking, I am convinced that I should be 12.5% more productive, since I calculate that is the amount of my waking hours that I spent smokingLOL! I practiced the mouth hold (a lot)! LOL! So I was able to do other things while I smoked, like hang laundry on the line, along with a whole gamut of other household related tasks and duties.

loosechickens
3-19-12, 2:46pm
I think my inherent laziness motivates me. It motivates me to be organized, efficient, effective, etc., so that what needs to be done is done with dispatch ASAP, so I have the rest of my time to loll around, read books, nap and mess around. Truly. The idea is to arrange systems so that things work most efficiently, what needs to be done gets done, and I know what stuff is more "make work" than needed, so I can avoid that trap.

My sweetie, dreads being non-productive, and is busy, busy, busy all the time, yet in the end, if you add up what's been accomplished, ME, with my systems and efficiency, have accomplished more and still had plenty of leisure. And it's BECAUSE I'm lazy that I've worked out all these efficiencies in my day to day life. Not much wasted effort in my day. It drives him nuts....hahaha