What is really hard [Archive] - Simple Living Forums

Zoe Girl

1-25-11, 12:51pm

I am dealing with cleaning up the aftermath of the last few years that culminated in losing the house to foreclosure and now dealing with the debt I built up because I tried so hard to pay the mortgage and get a good job for longer than I probably should. So I need to contact student loans and I know I should have done this much earlier however I am still looking for missing things in my house plus there is an emotional content.

Here it is, I am being responsible and calling and apologizing for the mess I have made, paying what I need to, stressing and budgeting and all that. But there is no one to apologize to me for losing all the value in my home and the payments I made under difficult circumstances. I know that it is crazy to think of this when it is just something that happened to a lot of us, I just am having a hard time dealing with taking care of this when in the end how I ended up with late bills is not going to matter one bit. I am just going to call and first ask if they are nice, sounds silly but I have had enough with losing all my credit worthiness and my kids college money in the house and I can't handle someone being mean on top of it.

Stella

1-25-11, 2:01pm

When I've had to do student loan defferments or forbearances I've never had anyone be anything but friendly and helpful about it. The people you are talking to on the phone deal with that kind of thing all day long. It's a bigger deal to you than it is to the customer service people. They usually just outline your options for you and give you whatever info you need, usually forms they'll e-mail or mail to you to fax back. It's pretty painless.

I'm confused about the not having someone to apologize to you about losing the value in your home. That's not really anyone's fault. It's just a risk you take when you buy a house.

Kat

1-25-11, 4:02pm

My experience with student loan folks have also been nothing but positive. Every customer service rep/financial counselor I have dealt with over the last five years has been very kind and helpful. I hope you find the same!

Zoe Girl

1-26-11, 11:00am

Okay, I have had good experiences but I still am nervous. The apology thing is just that I keep on apologizing when I miss payments or get overwhelmed and don't keep track. I don't expect anyone to apologize to me really, it is just hard to keep on taking responsibility and making the calls when there is no way that I am going to hear anything like that back. Like I said there is no one who would need to say that to me but after spending so much on my education and working so very hard at earning my masters and paying that mortgage for 7 years it is just a little too much some days to now deal with the student loans for an education I don't seem able to use and the little bit of debt I have on top of running a strict budget with teens.

Crystal

1-26-11, 12:26pm

Zoe Girl, I do 'get' that thing about wishing there was someone to, if not apologize, at least empathize or maybe even sympathize. We all grow up with that old adage about life not being fair, but it seems unfair-er to some than to others and it can just suck big time. So here is a heartfelt apology: I wish that hadn't happened to you. I wish life was more fair. I wish all your hard work and taking responsibility was more appreciated by somebody. I apologize for the way things have turned out, and I'm hoping that things are turning around for you. You deserve a better life, a great big second chance, and a hug. Here's your hug: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Zoe Girl}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Wildflower

1-26-11, 2:53pm

razz

1-26-11, 5:56pm

:+1:

What Crystal said. :+1: Hang in there, Zoe Girl. I think being a single Mom and some of the things you have been through is beyond difficult. People that haven't been in your shoes just have no idea how hard it can be.....

RosieTR

1-26-11, 10:44pm

Well, it would be very nice if the CEOs of big mortgage lending banks, loan officers, and various other people involved on a professional level were to write some letters to the NY Times or shoot, put out a Twitter or whatever saying "Sorry, man. We effed up. We know blame lies thicker than wedding cake frosting for this whole mess, but for our part, we apologize." Of course, that will happen when about the same time it snows 6 feet in Miami, but it's a nice fantasy. One I think you, Zoe Girl, should indulge in often esp when you are feeling at wits' end. You can even visualize yourself saying "Thank you. I needed that." back at them. If that helps.
Also, maybe you can stop apologizing. You're working on fixing it, right? Maybe the best thing to do is, be nice with the folks you have to speak with on the phone but don't apologize for past mistakes. It's not their personal money and the corporation to whom you owe doesn't really care about apologies. This is more like a journey you're on to better yourself in the future (with better credit score, less debt, etc), not a trip down memory lane that requires you to grovel. But maybe you're apologizing because it's really to yourself. In that case, maybe you're just grieving for the lost time, money and effort. In that case, apologize to yourself (repeatedly if necessary), forgive yourself (also repeatedly if necessary), and enjoy the likely more positive future. Know that when your kids get older, you may be able to share your wisdom from all this with them, and maybe it won't all be in vain after all.

Bastelmutti

1-26-11, 11:19pm

That was a really nice thing to say, Crystal +1

Stella

1-26-11, 11:29pm

Ah yes, I understand now. I feel similarly about my student loans. I could kick myself sometimes for going into debt for an education I used for all of two years and am still paying for. I hope your experience with the student loan people is a good one!

Crystal that was a really sweet reply!

lhamo

1-27-11, 12:27am

ZG,

I think you should also keep firmly in your mind the fact that when you first moved to CO you were uncomfortable with buying the house you ended up it. I remember your posts from that time, and how concerned you were about getting in over your heads. You didn't know at the time that you were going to be divorced a couple years later and that the housing market was going to crash, but you did know it was not a wise choice -- however, it was one that you went along with at the time as part of the process of working on your marriage and family issues. I don't know if it helps or not to keep that in mind, but I have "known" you long enough on these boards to know that you have always had nothing but the best intentions and have always acted responsibly. I personally am so impressed by everything you have accomplished in spite of all the difficulties you have faced -- with your ex, with your kids and their issues, with the horrible timing of your divorce and job search in relation to the economy, etc. So don't beat yourself up. You are an honorable, honest person who has worked hard to stay afloat in some tough times. You are going to come through this, I am sure. Hold your head up high and just keep putting one foot after the other. You've got a chorus of cheerleaders here at SLN to give you a boost any time you need it.

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

lhamo

loosechickens

1-27-11, 1:09am

I wish that you and all the other people who have been run over by the truck of this recession, despite hard work and the best of intentions could get apologies from the folks who manipulated the system to make millions if not billions of dollars.

You, like many others, got caught up in stuff that was not of your making, life just isn't fair, much as we'd like to believe we could make it so, and sometimes it just plain sucks.

cyberhugs coming your way.....it does sound as though you're pulling yourself out of the ditch, have a new job to look forward to, and hopefully the way ahead will be much brighter than what is in the rear view mirror of your life.

Zoe Girl

1-27-11, 11:57am

You guys just made me cry (in a really good way). Thank you so much. Crystal and lhamo had especially eloquent words but I felt the care from everyone here and it really really helps today.

Now it is my turn to make you guys laugh, it is with me not at me so it is okay. I figured that these calls I kept on getting from an 800 number were from student loans. I recall putting everything into forbearance in abotu April and assumed it must be up and I should call. I never wanted to answer the phone so I tried the reverse number lookup and got some weird answer like a school district in another state. I have been a nervous wreck over these calls meanwhile but just had to handle other things. I went online to student loans and saw that my forbearance is up this April so I am still okay.

So anyway (prepare to chuckle) I finally asnwered the phone from this number yesterday. Guess what it has been hounding me for months and months, ... the substitute teacher call in system for the local school district! Yup, they have been offering me work with every call instead of wanting payment on a debt. I might actually look at some days we do not have school in my district to see if I can take a few sub days with them. If you sub for 3 years then the 4th year you start at super sub pay to begin with so that is worth keeping that option open.

I still have taxes and some other things so I REALLY appreciate what you all said, I am going to print out the thread for bad days. I actually most of the time feel lucky that I do have a job and I am getting insurance and am surviving. There are so many people who have nothing now, executives who can't even get my weekend job. And can we give a shout-out to my honey Matt. He keeps me sane through all this and tells me I am doing great like you guys.

Jonathan

1-31-11, 12:47pm

I figured that these calls I kept on getting from an 800 number were from student loans. ...

So anyway (prepare to chuckle) I finally asnwered the phone from this number yesterday. Guess what it has been hounding me for months and months, ... the substitute teacher call in system for the local school district! Yup, they have been offering me work with every call instead of wanting payment on a debt. One of the books I read about getting out of debt, way back when, included a story about a guy who got what he thought were two debt collection notices in the mail. He left them unopened until he had the money to pay them off (he thought). Turns out one was a refund check of some kind and the other was an advertisement. Lesson? Always open your mail, even if you *think* it's a dunning letter, because you just never know. Same applies to phone calls, especially now that reverse look-up is free! (I know, because some debt collector is calling my new cell phone daily; apparently the prior number user has some bad debt. The callers got a letter last week, so the calls should stop soon.)

I actually most of the time feel lucky that I do have a job and I am getting insurance and am surviving.Absolutely right.

Keep going; you'll make it! :cool:

Jinger

2-2-11, 9:20am

Zoe girl...although, I am not in your exact same situation, I certainly can relate to losing a home, job, and savings as well as having loan repayments bearing down on you. Especially, when you and I are conscientious people who want to make good on our debts. My plan is to just keep plugging away...in the end it will be OK. I think we need to give ourselves a pat on the back for not surrendering, but getting up every day and doing what needs to be done for ourselves and our families. I, for one, applaud your tenacity and endurance.

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