View Full Version : Calling all INTROVERTS!
INTROVERTS!
Heya!
1. What do you like doing alone?
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
Any other comments!!!!
My Answers:
1. I like being home alone and doing almost anything. Out and about I like to go to the movies alone or shop alone or take walks alone or go to the gym alone. I cringe when people want to work out with me and be work out buddies. That is all I need is someone to babysit and drag to the gym.
2. I often have to go through the awful experience of running in to my neighbors when I am coming/leaving home. I just want to get to where I am going or finally get inside my home. I do not want to stand around and chit chat about where I am going or where I have been. Why do neighbors think they need to ask you all these questions. I don't ask such things of them! I'll say something meaningful that actually has relevance to us instead of interrogations on what their schedule is and what I think about it. Yuck!
3. I am not sure about my job. On one hand I think it hurts my energy level cause I don't do anything but be alone on my days off (which may mean I am recovering form it all). On the other hand, I think it is good I have to socialize at work otherwise I may be tempted to not do any socialization! hehe.
4. Last thing I did with someone was.......*thinks hard* *what year is it now?* hehe. OH, I went over to a friend's house and watched some horror movies. We didn't talk much; which was nice. hehe. What we did say, was important. Oddly enough, I did not regret it. Usually though, 10 minutes in to a gathering, I'm checking my watch.
5. Yeah, I find it hard to get myself to do something socially. Sure, at some points I think I am "missing out" and try my hardest to make something happen. But it usually ends up being a let-down. I guess I want meaningful encounters and get really tired of cell phone culture and all the labor involved in getting something to coordinate with someone else. When I do things alone, I get to decide when I go, when I leave, how much time I spend, what I will do spontaneously while I am out. It seems people are so high maintenance. They drain me. If I do it alone, I can do exactly what I want and get home still in time to do some more things alone at home, hehe.
I find at times I do want to go out and do things with people BUT THAT I have let my relationships lag (not meeting up in so long) that it is hard to get them to jump in with you again out of the blue. Some event will pop up that I want to go to and actually want someone to join me, so I contact an old friend and they are all shocked that I am still alive and you have to go through all that maintenance with them only to find out they cancel on ya via cell phone last minute but still want to get together for something else. It sucks. I am like, I only wanted to hang out with you again cause something finally came up that I actually want to go to! hehe. That may be wrong of me. But people don't like going 6 months before seeing you again. So I end up not seeing them again.
I'm introverted in the classical sense: I recharge by being alone. But I'm not shy, and I do like to go out with friends. I find talking with strangers to be very tiring though. I hate networking at job related events, but I make myself do it because a job is not going to just jump in to my lap. I tend to stick to people I already know, I hate the awkwardness of starting up a conversation with a complete stranger (but I will do it).
I prefer social visits one on one, or no more than 3 or 4 other people. I get overwhelmed at a party.
I force myself to be social at work. More in the chit chat, hi how are you department. Not a big going out to lunch fan for a number of reasons: 1) my food is better 2) I like to recharge my energy at lunch and I do that best alone 3) don't want to spend the money to go out every day and 4) these people are my co-workers, not necessarily my friends. But I try to go out at least every other Friday to be seen as "one of the team" and to keep tabs on the political undercurrents which I have found to be critical important.
I feel a lot of ambivalence, but one thing that has been really really challenging for me is getting married. Before, out of 100 waking hours a week I might have spent 15 of them with other people, usually rather intensely with plenty of meaningful dialog and emotional connection. Now I spend 50 waking hours with one person, not necessarily in fulfilling dialog but in a way that uses up my social energy with the constant jiggle of another presence. (In this way I'd definitely say I'm an introvert, it's like having a continual little drain on my battery to be in the presence of someone else this way.) I feel like I can't put myself in a lot of intense social situations any more because the one I'm in is already 3X as much as my comfort level, and so the push and pull of other people has become quite stressful and confusing. But at the same time, I miss them!
Perhaps my marriage is the way work is for some people, not exactly covering social needs but at the same time draining the social energy reserve?
I would guess a lot of people on somewhat social forums such as this are introverts. It's a comfortable way to have contact with people, but at the same time, not really. And we have complete control over it - we can come and go at will.
I'm an introvert, and in my youth was also very shy. Not so much anymore when voicing my opinions, but the part about generally preferring to not be with people remains. I'm extremely uncomfortable in social situations with lots of people, and especially strangers. I however really enjoy small informal gatherings of people that I've known for a long time. In fact, part of learning to love the holidays has been cutting down on too many social entanglements.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=155&d=1294385784
I grew up being comfortable with just myself; give me a piece of spring and i can amuse myself lol/i have a spouse who loves to be around me but i like what i call parallel play; we are both reading together; so doing individual things but in the same room; that seems to work for both of us; plus he knows i need my alone time; its funny i have no problem talking with strangers; dh laughs because i know the life hx of the repairman; but yeah to really have people who know you and can give you space is hard; i have had to end relationships with women who have expectations, while men usually are very casual about contact which is me; i am moody also and sometimes i don't mind conversing with the neighbors; i see it as helping your home; better to have good neighbors you can contact then having no one when problems arise;i think when i was working we did this test and i was just a bit on the extrovert side; great post!
INTROVERTS!
Heya!
1. What do you like doing alone?
Just about anything, but the thing that puts me in the "zone" these days is a good day of gardening where, at the end of the day, beds are clean and tidy, I am tired from working, and I can walk around the gardens with a glass of wine, seeing bloom. IT's at the end of the day that DH often comes around and takes a tour.
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
hmmm, well, I don't go voluntarily to social situations that I hate and all social situations at my age are pretty much voluntary. In other words (and since I don't have children) I don't have family obligations that make me attend things.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
hurts it
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
The last social event I went to last week was an impromptu games party organized by my neighbor on a snow day. About 7 of us walked up to a local restaruant and spent the afternoon playing board games in front of the fire there. It was nice, simple, fun, and I don't regret it at all.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
I had to go to the annual social event for my work and couldn't wait to get out of there, but that's not social, it is work. Or else I wouldn't have attended it!
I am not nearly as social as I was just a few years ago. Then, DH and I went to multiple parties monthly in this neighborhood. Now I much prefer smaller gatherings, no more than 10 people. I like those, actually. In the past few weeks we've been to 3 of those.
On New YEar's Day we went to one of those crowd-of-50 drop-in parties and I kinda had to force myself to go to that. Ten years ago I would have loved it. But then, ten years ago I was acting atypically, I'm an introvert at heart.
kib, that draining issue was my #1 worry about marriage. We have worked it out and it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, but back in the day I cherished living alone. As it turns out DH is an introvert, too. He and I have similar interests but we pursue them independently. He gardens, I garden, and we are outside together but are acting independently. He watches his tv stuff, me too--but independant. The times we strike out togehter is in social situations and on vacation.
Heya!
1. What do you like doing alone?
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially
1. Almost everything (not counting DH as he's the only person I don't find draining). Occasionally I don't like doing things alone if it's a situation where everyone else is with someone. Like walking around a touristy place or exhibit.
2. Social situations - phone calls, anything formal like the company x-mas party, seeing my or DH's relatives.
3. Job - I work mostly alone but there are people around and some interaction so I find it draining. I don't need any more socializing other than what I get from DH and work.
4. Can't remember. I usually regret doing most social things.
5. I don't believe in forcing myself to do most things, depending on the level of necessity. So I avoid as much as I can.
I don't think I could have married someone who I found draining. I can spend a lot of time with DH and not really notice it (in that energy draining way) but he's introverted too, so we make sure to give each other alone time.
I grew up being comfortable with just myself; give me a piece of spring and i can amuse myself lol/Same here. My mom used to say in wonderment that when I was a kid I could entertain myself for hours with just a feather. It's no longer feathers, but that's still pretty much true.
http://www.simplelivingforum.net/attachment.php?attachmentid=161&d=1294388580
INTROVERTS!
1. What do you like doing alone?
***I love being home alone, shopping alone, driving alone, staying in a hotel alone, kayaking alone, hiking alone, etc., etc.,.....
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
***I hate going to christmas parties. I always end up finding people to talk to but hate that 'so what have you done for the whole last year chat'.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
***One job probably hurts my energy leve - and it's the job where I work alone and rarely see anyone. The other job selling at wholesale or retail art shows, because I enjoy our product, I tend to increase my energy even though I'm exhausted after talking all day.
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
***Went bowling just this past Tuesday with a group of ladies and dreaded it, but had fun.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
***Yes, if we're home for the weekend I want to be home for the weekend. When I get home during the week I don't want to go out again. Can't tell you how many times my DH has asked me to go out on a 'date' and I say 'oh...lets just stay in.'
Any other comments!!!!
***I can be a hermit pretty easily! I'm even considering a vacation by myself so I can do the things I want when I want instead of being stressed out by being dragged to 'oh it'll be fun' activities.
I love these kind of question posts!
I have to add something. My last social event was a formal (really, really formal) party last night for 120 people to celebrate a friend's 70th birthday. I dragged myself out with guilt of feeling I had to go, and the bribe to myself that these events always have shrimp, and I've been jonesing for shrimp for a week. In one way it was incredibly special and memorable, like a wedding only all about one of my favorite people vs. a forced institution, at my favorite five star restaurant. I had a good time and I'm glad I went. (and it was So weird, as I was standing on the buffet line, the total stranger in front of me turned out of the blue with a wink, pointed to the dish in front of her and whispered, "this one has shrimp in it." !!!) But it brought out all the dramatic parts of me that I'd prefer to let slip away. Very socially ON all night, chatting, flirting, making aggressively brilliant small talk, flitting from person to person, excited about all the people I knew. Too much alcohol. Pride in appearance / regret that I hadn't tried harder to look great. Just a lot of bleh behavior I'd just as soon not be participating in, my bonfire of the vanities days I thought were long gone.
I'm not sure what it all means. Is there such a thing as being socially bipolar?
loosechickens
1-30-11, 8:47pm
Definitely an introvert here, and I agree that we're probably overrepresented on online forums, which seem like the perfect
"social interaction", some but not really, and in our control as to whether or not to participate......
I'm like Kestra......when I found my sweetie, he turned out to be the one person in the world in whose presence I still had the same good feelings that being solitary brought me. For instance, I HATE to go for a walk with anyone, and so many people want to walk with you "for company".....just totally ruins a good walk, to me. EXCEPT for my sweetie, who can walk with me and be welcome. Somehow, time spent with him does not drain me, but comforts me in a very companionable way, like no other person in the world, which is one reason, I guess, why we've been very happily married for more than thirty years.
For some reason, his presence is both comforting and doesn't drain energy. I don't understand it, but being with him is just like being alone is all I can say. We laugh, talk, hang out together, often do parallel things in the same room companionably, yet in silence......I just like to be with him. He's my very best friend, and I'm his. In the mornings, we bring our oatmeal and tea back to bed and prop up and eat breakfast and gab, sometimes for an hour or more. We have NEVER run out of stuff to talk about, and both have a slightly off kilter sense of humor, which sometimes leaves us breathless with giggles, even at our advanced age.
He is VERY extroverted, popular with all kinds of people, never met a stranger and is just enlivened by social interaction. He goes out and about, bopping all over, interacting, and then comes home and finds peace and quiet with me. I allow him to draw me out into the world sometimes and he connects me to people effortlessly, and that enriches my life in a way I probably wouldn't seek out myself. He just knows that for every dozen or so of "outside" things he does, I'm probably only going to be willing to do one or two of them.
I'm sure that people who see us superficially and don't know us well wonder how we can possibly get along. But those who know us well realize that we are the perfect complement for each other, and fit together perfectly.
Other than that, I could go weeks and weeks without human contact. My sweetie likes to say that I could be in some isolated cabin and send out once a year for supplies, and I'm not sure he's not right. I do enjoy some social things, as long as they are not too often, and do not involve lots of people. I joke that if he found himself in that cabin, a full day wouldn't go by but that he wouldn't be hiking out to find a hardware store or somebody to talk to. And that's probably true, too.
Yet, although I'm definitely an introvert, (even have scored fairly high on some tests for Asperger's, although I HAVE good social skills, just mostly not interested in practicing them), I have always had deep friendships with a small number of people, and those friendships are strong. several go back 35 years or more, and a few much less. It's as though it's only the occasional person that is a good fit, but when they are, we are close on many levels and the friendship is mutually satisfying.
I did have one person say something to me, at a party, where I was sitting quietly by myself, watching everybody else interact. This person plopped down beside me and said, "well, there you are! I was looking out for you because you are one of the few people who talks in depth with people. You're not long on social chitchat, but if you're looking for a person to really talk with, you're everybody's choice". Somehow, I felt that was really a compliment.
Guess there's room for all of us. I'm not shy at all, just solitary. I grew up an only child, quite bookish, in a neighborhood with few other children. Whether that created me, or whether it was just a happy coincidence that it fit my real personality so well, I don't know. I've been a serious, almost compulsive reader all my life, and if I don't have large doses of solitary time (time alone with my sweetie is also acceptable), I get very owl-y.
A day out shopping, or doing some activity leaves me exhausted and in need of several days of quiet time. It just whets my sweetie's appetite for more. He's the Energizer Bunny in the family, and I guess I'm the sloth, or something similar, hahahha. I can go for weeks without speaking to a human if my sweetie is gone, but as you can see, don't even know when to stop talking when it's typing in a place like this.......
ApatheticNoMore
1-30-11, 9:15pm
Yea introverted, and sometimes shy, and sometimes avoidant.
When people get together in groups they are just like "blah blah blah". :) Unless the subject interests me greatly and I want to add my thoughts/my feelings or whatever, I generally prefer just to listen. "Blah, blah, blah" just doesn't seem worth the effort or something, it doesn't feel as right as just listening. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy to be there.
I don't go to social situations often that I hate (unless you want to say work qualifies ;). Yea well, I work.). In my own time I do things I enjoy period. Once in a while I'll curse myself for having made some darn commitment I really don't want to do (and of course I feel I have to keep my word). But it doesn't happen often. I last did something socially yesterday. It was good, well suited to me.
1. What do you like doing alone?
I prefer to shop alone, and at festival/fair-type things, I'd rather explore solo and then meet up for meals and shows. I'm not keen on exercising with company, apart from hikes. And I love, love, love living alone.
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
I have a neighbor who works in the same area of town, in the same field, on the same work schedule. She always rides the bus, and she'd be happy to talk the entire hour-long ride home. All I want to do is read and listen to music. I try to sit far away so at least I won't have to chat until we get off, but - argh. I don't ride as much as I used to.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
It depends, I think. I don't always have to be social at work. But I tend to be very antisocial in the early mornings, and then right after work. Riding the bus used to be a nice decompression time, but...see above. Sigh.
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
I spent the weekend at my parents', which I think counts as social. And before that, a reading night on Thursday. I do enjoy being social, so no regrets!
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
I try to err on the side of accepting social invitations. I like my space, but also enjoy having friends, and do make the effort to see them. Last year I reached my upper limit; I don't regret any particular thing, but the combined effect was insanity. Twitch. Never again.
I do like hiking in groups, and watching movies, tv, or theatre with people. (In both cases, you can kind of decide how interactive you want to be.) Company also makes dining out and board games more interesting.
So true, LC. I like the part about being with him is like being alone. It sounds funny but I've definitely said that to him, myself.
"Marriage ... the next best thing to being alone."
If you believe in things like auras and feeling the vibration of other people, I just feel that my husband is so perfectly compatible with me in that special way that I don't feel him astrally (right word?). Like we just have the single meshed aura when we are together. When we were first married (and first living together) I often got a weird sensation that there should be another person there. I think it was because my sixth sense didn't sense him as a separate entity, but intellectually I knew there were two people in the room. After a few months I didn't get that feeling anymore. I think my body got used to it.
loosechickens
1-30-11, 11:23pm
yeah, it's very strange, Kestra. He's the only person I've ever had that kind of completely comfortable feeling with, in the sense that it never drains me.......as different as we are, it really is almost that the entity of "us" makes a whole that is better than the sum of the two parts.
Although both of us function just fine as separate entities as well, in our own ways.
1. What do you like doing alone? I like to read, watch movies, go online, garden.
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate! Team building meetings at work.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ? Depends. The more social it is, the less productive I am.
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Hmm, does family count? Not really. So the last thing was probably a Christmas get together among work that was 'OK' but I won't say much better than that. Did you regret doing it? hehe. Not THIS time.!
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially? Yes. I'd rather not.
gimmethesimplelife
1-31-11, 12:28am
Very interesting thread! Count me in as an introvert, definitely. To this day I find it amazing that I am fairly competent at waiting tables and being chatty and mingling and interacting with people - as long as I am on someone's clock, playing a role. Once I punch out and change out of my restaurant black and whites I become who I really am, someone quiet and thoughtful and deeply introverted - though not shy. Just someone who needs to move a little slower than most, someone who recharges by being alone, someone who loves to travel and go to museums alone, just someone who needs that crucial time alone to recharge. Many who have worked with me and find me outgoing don't understand why I won't mingle with them after work as apparently I come across as very outgoing in the workplace -once again, this is a role I play - and even sometimes enjoy -to get the bills paid and save something. As far as relationships go, I am single and am quite OK with that. I have the suspicion as I get older that not many would understand my need to be alone so often. The friendships I have IRL are very long term and deep and meaningful to me, and also very nourishing and often seem like quite enough, if this makes any sense to anyone. My dearest friend is a woman I went to college with - I moved to Portland after colllege, and she moved to Seattle a year later, and a mutual friend gave me her number and I called her one day to be supportive - she had a hard transition out of college into the real world - and we have been very close ever since. To me that is the kind of friendship I seek - not something fleeting and fun and superficial and totally on the surface. As I get older, I find myself more and more being grateful to be an introvert - it seems to me that those who are introverted get the side perk of having an easier time being true to themselves and finding out who they are and what they are about, what works for them and what does not. I only wish I had not tried so hard to be an extrovert when I was younger and had just accepted this about myself sooner. I also think KIB brings up an interesting ? - is there such a thing as being socially bipolar? I am seriously thinking of going back to school after this season ends to get a certificate in web design with the goal of being freelance, of starting at least a part time business, and I am actually looking forward - well, sort of, to getting out there and marketing myself to pull in clients. Go figure! Rob of the North Rim Summer 2011
Wildflower
1-31-11, 3:42am
I am definitely an introvert. My kids call me "the hermit". I need alot of time to myself to feel normal/good. I leave the house about twice a week, and when I'm out and about I am very social, but it wears on me and I am exhausted by the time I get home. I enjoy very much spending time with my family though, and my DH doesn't wear on me at all. We co-exist quite well, doing alot of mutually satisfying things together like gardening, walking the dogs, reading, listening to music, watching movies together. He is an extrovert/introvert mix and can be quite gregarious at times, but we mesh very well. Having spent the last 40 years of our life together we know how to live together very well - he is the only person that I could live with. If he wasn't in my life I would definitely want to live alone, do my own thing, but still spend quality time with my DDs and grandkids. I do have a couple special old friends that I don't see very often, but stay in touch with through email. When I do see them it is always easy to pick up right where we left off, even if it has been months or years.... It is hard to push myself to want to see them though and that I feel bad about sometimes. Otherwise, I'm ok with how I am, although I know there have been times I have been judged by relatives, coworkers, and neighbors on my anti-social behavior. They just don't get it - hey, it's who I am!
And I HATE talking on the phone. Please DON'T call me!! LOL The phone is simply an instrument of intrusion into my life....
This is great stuff to read because I am so there with you guys! All my life I have felt like a weirdo and social misfit because of being a loner and now at age 49 I am really finally starting to accept and honor that side of me and not beat myself up for not being able to be a social butterfly. Like many of you, at work I can function in a "role" and do the retail thing and be all friendly and chatty, but I rarely if ever invite anyone over anymore and always go places alone. I usually run into people I know when I'm out but never really feel like being drawn into much conversation as I find it draining...I enjoy listening to live music by myself, hiking alone, shopping alone, etc. One of my favorite things is going on a long driving trip out west and spending days by myself hurtling down the freeways and two-laners under the huge skys of northern Nebraska, Colorado, and New Mexico. I often turn off the music for hours and just revel in the silence.
I have a few friends that get this about me and are okay with it and don't press me too much to go out when I don't really feel like it. For instance, all this month I think I only went out twice in the evening to do stuff but mostly stayed in my cozy townhouse watching DVD's endlessly because I hadn't done it in a while, mainly because the last few years I was going out and trying to be "social" all the time; I was basically trying to change my personality in a way I realize now that cannot be changed . All it really got me was a very bad sleep schedule, with too much partying and too much money spent. It did help my local music career but I couldn't and don't want to keep up that pace. I am at peace with not having to put myself out there all the time; now I can really pick and choose the times and places to be out and play because I am not so worried about being part of the music scene anymore...I feel much calmer and much more rested and healthy. I think I can handle going out on an occasional Saturday night to be social and that is about it for now.
loosechickens
1-31-11, 1:05pm
Wildflower.....that is EXACTLY how I feel about the phone. I hate it, will do anything to avoid talking on it, to the point where my sweetie even calls and makes my mammogram appointments for me, hahahaha. I talk to my kids once a year on my birthday, when they KNOW I can't avoid the danged thing, although we email, sometimes several times a day. I could go the rest of my life and never make or receive a phone call.
My sweetie, on the other hand LOVES the phone, and can talk to anyone, anywhere, chat to voice mail machines, etc.....he likes to say he "gives good phone".........the only thing that saves him from having it permanently glued to his ear is that we have a cell phone plan with very limited minutes....kind of a "save him from himself" system.
I can't figure out exactly why I dread the phone so much. It's like I am communicating "blind" somehow. I step over the other person when they are talking, or there are awkward pauses.........when I can't see them, read facial expressions, etc., the spoken conversation feels really, really awkward, that's what I think it is.
But you can't see people's expressions or tone in email, and I LOVE email.....go figure.
It may be that email allows you to pick and choose how and when to respond, because I notice that I dread instant messaging as much as I dread the phone.......
I hate the phone too. For me, its that I hate the idea of interrupting someone or being an unwelcome intrusion. Whereas with email, I know the recipient is reading it when it is convenient for them to do so. I don't want to be one of those people like my SIL, who just starts talking the minute you say hello and will go for an hour anyways without a breath. Never asks, is this a good time, just assumes it is. I've had to motion to my husband to ring the doorbell to get off the phone with her. Even when I do ask if this is a good time, and they say yes, I wonder if they are just being polite.
ApatheticNoMore
1-31-11, 1:37pm
I can't figure out exactly why I dread the phone so much. It's like I am communicating "blind" somehow. I step over the other person when they are talking, or there are awkward pauses.........when I can't see them, read facial expressions, etc., the spoken conversation feels really, really awkward, that's what I think it is.
But you can't see people's expressions or tone in email, and I LOVE email.....go figure.
It may be that email allows you to pick and choose how and when to respond, because I notice that I dread instant messaging as much as I dread the phone.......
Yea, I'm the same. I think it's the combination of intimacy and spontaneity without real feedback. Not carefully editing something and sending it, but spontaneous communication and yet no REAL way to know how it's actually received (body language).
It's not the main thing, but I also believe I have a rather unpleasant speaking voice. Oh I can often be easy on the eyes :), but please don't ask me to be easy on the ears!
jennipurrr
1-31-11, 3:03pm
1. What do you like doing alone?
--I enjoy reading, walking, working out alone. I don't particularly enjoy driving or grocery shopping but I much prefer to do them alone.
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
--Weddings, forced mingling, yuck. I hate all that. It is very unnerving to me, although I can put on a face and make it through with no problem. Last week we had this team building "retreat" at work where all we did was interact with others ALL DAY...a coworker said that it feels more like an "assualt" than a "retreat" - my thoughts exactly! I was so emotionally drained I went home and went to bed.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
--Its funny, being an introvert and all, but my job is pretty isolating. I look at the computer all day. I would like more human interaction and a feeling that I directly helped others in my job, but I couldn't handle a job where I was bombarded with people all day. I would enjoy a mix though.
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
--Like others, I do plenty of things with my DH. We are both introverts that don't drain each other. The holidays were extremely draining. Large groups, forced interaction, ughhhhh. I do enjoy social interactions with smaller groups though.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
--Yes. Especially that whole theme of big get together things. Sometimes I feel so sick about it I don't go. Most of the time though if I force myself I have a decent time even if I am drained.
Gardenarian
1-31-11, 5:57pm
1. What do you like doing alone?
Reading, hiking, gardening. I have very little alone time (a couple of hours a week) and I treasure every second!
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
I homeschool dd and she is involved in a lot of activities. I hate making idle chit-chat with the other parents while waiting for her to finish dance, swimming, etc. I seem to have to justify homeschooling all the time. I feel snobbish when I bury my nose in a book and avoid them - but I do it anyway.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
Hurts, definitely. I am a reference librarian so I am working with the public all day (as well as with the other staff.) I feel my work is worthy and it does pay well, but after almost 30 years, I am seriously considering changing to something that is less stressful for me - something that I could do outdoors, preferably. (I'm looking into becoming a landscaper or creating a career as a "garden coach.")
When I was little I wanted to be a forest ranger, and I think that would have been the right path for me! (I was told that girls couldn't be rangers.)
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
I had a New Year's Eve party, which was fun. I mostly socialize with my neighbors, who I know so well that they are almost family. We have parties twice a year, and that is enough for me. Although I enjoy it, it is draining.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
I am shy and dislike meeting new people. Yes, I do find it hard. I have enough experience in life to get through most situations, but I am often uncomfortable.
"My sweetie, on the other hand LOVES the phone, and can talk to anyone, anywhere, chat to voice mail machines, etc.....he likes to say he "gives good phone".........the only thing that saves him from having it permanently glued to his ear is that we have a cell phone plan with very limited minutes....kind of a "save him from himself" system. "
Proof positive of the existence of parallel universes--in which LC and I are partnered to the same man. :laff: There are a couple of people I don't mind chatting with on the phone--SO being one--but I have the ringer turned off and I can only be reached if you know how to page me. E-mail is my medium.
iris lily
1-31-11, 10:03pm
gosh you phone phobics! What weirdos!:D
I like the phone. One of my first jobs was as a telephone receptionist. I learned to project on the phone. I can talk on the phone for hours.
But I hate the new phones with bad receiption. hate hate hate them.
gimmethesimplelife
1-31-11, 10:08pm
One thing I don't like about the phone is the concept of being immediately available. This just does not work for me when I am in recharging mode, with a few exceptions. Basically my cell phone becomes an expensive answering machine when I am recharging, and leave me a message, I will get back to you when I am recharged. I really dislike the expectation that my cell phone be on at all times and that I should be always available. I left a job during the boom because of it and when they asked me why I was leaving I was honest that the intrusiveness of being always available grated on me, especially being in an hourly position. Also the last time I dated this was an issue - my need to have the cell off on my days off to recharge. I was willing to give and take on this one, but they were not. So call me if you like, just don't be surprised if you often get voice LOL. Rob of the North Rim once more
Wow! This thread has certainly clarified to me that I'm an introvert, at least as people here define it. I'd always known that, but reading everyone's responses had me thinking "Yeah! Exactly!" after almost every one. As a kid I was EXTREMELY introverted. At some point in high school I decided to change that and was socially adept enough to start making friends. Two of those friends, as well as a few others met throughout my life, are still my friends. I don't have a lot of friends and haven't had a large number of friends over my lifetime, but the ones I have have been consistent and I expect will continue to be my friends until one or the other of us die.
As far as my SO, he's much more of an extrovert, but works so hard that he needs to recharge from that and is currently in a somewhat introverted stage of his life (although still more outgoing than me. Every other saturday he gets his hair cut and then goes for a drink at our favorite bar and hangs out with an assortment of friends of his that I've met but don't feel connected to.) Like others have mentioned, I lived alone a long time and was very nervous about moving in with SO. Thankfully he's not draining to me. When I want to be social we go be social. Otherwise he goes alone to be social and leaves me to be happily puttering around at home with only our 2 cats to keep me company.
I don't enjoy large group events. More than 2 or 3 people and I tend to withdraw and just watch unless the larger group is made up entirely of people I'd consider close friends. For example we went to a casual party at friends' house last weekend. On other occasions when it's just us and these friends hanging out I enjoy being with them a lot. But at the party I tended towards wallflower status. I had no real interest in the other guests, and our friends were too busy with all the guests to spend a lot of time focused on me. I'm fine with that and didn't expect them to focus on needy old me, but nonetheless I didn't have a really great time. SO will be away this weekend helping his family with stuff and I'd been tempted to go to the same friends' superbowl party but after last weekend's experience I think I'll stay home.
For me work is the perfect amount of socialization. My job isn't intensely social. I'm not on the phone all day or anything awful like that. Been there, done that, don't ever want to talk on the phone to anyone again. (it took about a year after that job before I didn't cringe anytime I heard any phone ring.) But I do have several conversations daily with coworkers or with people outside the organization. My current job provides just enough social interaction (I'm not sitting isolated in a cube programming computers or anything like that) that I don't need much interaction outside of work. If I were unemployed I'd need to find something outside the house to do or I would feel isolated.
My best friend at work is much more outgoing than I am. He's always telling me about things he and his SO have done with other people, parties they go to, etc. Sometimes I feel like he must think my life is really boring. Every monday he'll ask how my weekend was and most of the time I'm like "it was nice. Didn't do too much, but we (enter random thing we did that would be at all interesting to mention, such as... went out for sushi saturday and the maguro was awesome! Very fresh and tasty!)" And that's all I say about my weekend becuase I doubt he wants to hear about the afternoon spent on my deck reading a book about the creation of the federal reserve... But he must find me interesting, the same way SO does, since he has, for 2 years, actively invited me to take a break every afternoon. He does most of the talking, which I appreciate. Otherwise we'd spend 15 minutes walking around the neighborhood in silence... And I appreciate that I now know all the various shopkeepers near our office, not to mention all his casual acquaintences that we always run into.
loosechickens
1-31-11, 10:42pm
Everyone who knows us knows that unless my sweetie is home, nobody will answer the phone. If they leave a message, I WILL listen to the message to make sure it isn't something important, but I can just comfortably let that sucker ring and never answer it. I don't turn the ringer off anymore, because I forget to turn it back on.
I'm also kind of "notorious" for ignoring people at the door if I'm doing something else.....which has led sometimes to friends pounding on the door and yelling, "dang it, I KNOW you're in there.....Open the door, I just want to drop something off for your sweetie and ask you a question"......
but they all still seem to like me, so.........
I have a theory :idea: that natural-born introverts become slightly less so during peak breeding years. Otherwise, there would probably be far fewer of us.
Although I spent many of those years listening to everyone from my mother to love interests complaining "I tried to call you, but you wouldn't answer the phone." Hope I didn't miss anything important.
Answer the phone? Is that what one is supposed to do when it rings??? I used to trust the answering machine. And I liked that I could hear people's messages and decide if it was urgent enough to pick up. (it never was...) Now the phone is usually on silent and I trust voicemail. If I have any reason to think it might be a serious message I retrieve it right away. (ie an unknown number from my father's area code, which has only happened a couple of times, none of them serious in the dreaded way that they could be.) Otherwise I get to it when I get to it.
gimmethesimplelife
2-1-11, 12:36am
Everyone who knows us knows that unless my sweetie is home, nobody will answer the phone. If they leave a message, I WILL listen to the message to make sure it isn't something important, but I can just comfortably let that sucker ring and never answer it. I don't turn the ringer off anymore, because I forget to turn it back on.
I'm also kind of "notorious" for ignoring people at the door if I'm doing something else.....which has led sometimes to friends pounding on the door and yelling, "dang it, I KNOW you're in there.....Open the door, I just want to drop something off for your sweetie and ask you a question"......
but they all still seem to like me, so.........LOL I am known to do this too, ignore the door.....It drove my roomate at the North Rim last year nuts. The older I get and the more demanding I perceive the economy to be, and the faster everything seems to move, the more I guard my downtime. Rob
Everyone who knows us knows that unless my sweetie is home, nobody will answer the phone. If they leave a message, I WILL listen to the message to make sure it isn't something important, but I can just comfortably let that sucker ring and never answer it. I don't turn the ringer off anymore, because I forget to turn it back on.
I'm also kind of "notorious" for ignoring people at the door if I'm doing something else.....which has led sometimes to friends pounding on the door and yelling, "dang it, I KNOW you're in there.....Open the door, I just want to drop something off for your sweetie and ask you a question"......
but they all still seem to like me, so.........
Good grief, LC, are you my twin? :laff:
I'm another one that can't stand to answer the phone or make phone calls and we live far enough out that people don't knock on my door unless they are trying to sell steaks out of the back of their truck or to get us to vote for them. Our unlimited long-distance calling plan is totally wasted on me except that it's part of our bundle. I'm very happy with my tracpone and can streatch my minutes way beyond the year plan I buy.
jennipurrr
2-1-11, 11:13am
I am totally with people about the phone. Unless it is my DH, my mom or my sister (sometimes even with them) I screen all my calls. Most of the time I just don't feel like interacting with someone on the fly like that. I get a lot of calls for my rental properties and nothing is more draining than going through the whole ordeal on the fly without my spreadsheets of available dates and price lists. The other week someone called me 5 times and would not stop! No voicemail left. I knew it wasn't an emergency, but I started worrying, so I finally answered. The person seemed mystified that I would screen my calls.
I love email. I try to get people at work email me. I try to get potential guests to email me. That way I can provide a much more thorough and documented response.
I feel like I am deeply introverted. I usually score 100% introverted on Myers/Briggs tests. Being an at-home-parent as been a chore, especially with a very extroverted son.
However, I'd have to say that, after eleven years of this, I'm ready to talk to more adults. My wife is introverted too, and since she's the one who works, she just wants to nestle down in the house on the weekend. I like to visit friends on the weekend, but it's hard to pry her out of the house.
I actually love seeing my neighbors, though I'm not that great at chit-chat. We sometimes hang out on the sidewalk in front of our house and share a glass of wine or a beer while our children play.
I still hate going to parties where there are a bunch of people I don't know, but the occasion doesn't often arise. (We have one friend who invites us to her birthday party every year).
At home, I read and write and work on keeping the household running. I love to walk and ride my bicycle.
Parenting, like I said, can be hard. My kids always seem to be bored. Let's take a walk? No. How about going for a bike ride? No. Should we draw together? No. Then my son, particularly, walks around behind me complaining there's nothing to do. I honestly feel like screaming at him, but I don't. I'm the adult, and I know it is just an extroversion/introversion clash. I do, sometimes, go out into the back yard for no particular reason just to get away from him.
These posts are great to read! It's easy to relate to what many of you are saying and it's interesting to see variations in introverted dispositions.
I have learned a lot from my lovely partner, who is much more introverted than I am (he's not shy or anxious, and he's a much more concise and eloquent speaker than I am!). I've learned to accept my disposition and not fight it as much.
1. What do you like doing alone?
Some travelling, going to the cinema, reading
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate!
Feeling like I have a duty to get to know the students I serve at my place of work and chit-chat with them, as well as staff from other departments who I only know vaguely.
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ?
Apart from what I said for the last question, it's not particularly draining. My colleagues are all content to work without constantly speaking, which makes things a hell of a lot easier. We all tend to do our own thing for lunch, as we go on a rota basis. Normally I view meals as social situations, but at work I just need some time to be alone since I work with people all day.
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
I met up with a friend for coffee after work today. No, I don't regret it :) We're very close friends and see eachother regularly.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially?
It really depends on with whom and in what circumstances. If I decide I'm having a crap time, I'll decide on a time to leave and then cordially excuse myself :)
DH's favorite scientist joke: How do you tell which scientist is the extrovert? A: When he's talking to you, he looks at your shoes instead of his own.
We're both introverts - although DH is less so than I am. I really like to be with friends in small groups, but large groups exhaust me. Although I enjoy going to church and socializing there, for instance, I am always really relieved to go home afterward and have some quiet time.
I guard my time, too. I really like having a cell phone only instead of 2 phones to deal with. The caller ID on the cell phone is much better than what we used to have on our land line. And because it's a cell phone, I get almost no calls for sales or other purposes.
I'm an 'off the scale' introvert who has learned to act extroverted when nec'y in the workplace in leadership roles. However, i much prefer to work alone when processing ideas. As an INFJ on MyersBriggs, I care deeply about people, but tend to demonstrate that 'behind the scenes' in designing better programs, systems, etc .
I greatly prefer email to the phone. I avoid the phone so much, I wonder if this has contributed to my debt - I particularly loath calling about bills, CCs, utilities, etc. An anxiety that I really need to get over in my quest for FI !
I have a very few deep friendships - not interested at all in large sociaI events. If I have a 'role" I'm okay. Used to be extremely shy and now can speak in front of a 1000 people if the topic is something about which I'm passionate - although can't wait to be alone to decompress afterwards!.
Totally relate to introverts w/extroverted children. My youngest has ADHD and is extremely social - totally exhausts me some days. (And she's interrupted me 6 times by bursting into the room during this post, LOL.)
Rob,
Good point about the time-clock. As long as someone is paying me, then I have no problem talking to whoever and forever long ya want. But if I am "on lunch" - DO NOT BOTHER ME! If I am not working, then I do not want to be around you! hehe. This is why I avoid work social gatherings like the plague. All of a sudden, my switch is turned back to ME and not who I am supposed to be. And if I am switched on to "Me," I just can't pretend for ya.
1. What do you like doing alone?: Reading, long walks (with my dog or not), watching a good show or movie
2. What social situation do you have to go through often and just hate! Corporate meetings (one of the reasons I left my job and started my own consulting business--now I get to consult with me, myself, and I)
3. Does your job help or hurt your bank of social energy level ? (See #2, it helps since I spend most of my working time alone)
4. What was the last thing you did with someone? Socially? Did you regret doing it? hehe.
Yesterday on a mini-vacation with DH, my brother and SIL. I certainly did not regret doing this, but we only do it once every couple of years. When it comes to the yin and yang of a relationship, DH is as extroverted as I am introverted, so it makes us a good match. I get ALL of my social energy directly from his power source. If we were not married, I sometimes wonder if I'd have ANY friends at all.
5. Do you find it hard to make yourself do something socially? Yes, not because I don't love people in general, but I fear rejection, so I'll "go with" but I rarely initiate a social activity.
Very good questions! Now I'm going to go back and read everyone else's.
Hello, my name is Bill and I'm an introvert. :) It's good to hear from other introverts.
Although I do like people my natural tendency is to be alone. I do have friends and belong to a cycling club and ride with friends several times a week. But I also enjoy my alone time.
I live alone and I'm not currently in relationship so I hate going to social activities were it is all/mostly couples. I avoid those even if friends (couples) are attending. I'm invited to a friends house for the Superbowl. I know some of the people that will be there but everyone is married and I just hate going alone.
I guess I'm an extroverted introvert :-)! I live alone and like it that way. I spend a huge amount of time alone by choice (and like it that way). I prefer to travel alone for long periods of time, run, walk, hike, and bike alone, etc.. However, I also enjoy the company of others, like to have long conversations, play sports (and socialize afterwards with beer and pizza with my team mates), go out to casual clubs (no dress-up for me), go to casual parties, visit for dinner, watch movies, and just do entertaining things. So for me it's about balance - I'm neither or both depending on the situation. And while I'm not shy in the least, I am, however, somewhat reserved. I'm not a "whoo-Hoo" girl who dances on bartops or shouts "Whoo-Hoo" in crowds. I would feel VERY self conscience doing anything to make myself noticed. I don't dress flashy or try to stand out in a crowd. And I don't like being the center of attention - unless it's for a moment and it's deserved for something I accomplished. So I do enjoy people - even moderate crowds on occasion - but I can't handle being around people (in a crowd or singly) for long periods of time and need to have my alone time afterwards.
Oh yeah, I also don't answer my phone - let it go to voicemail always and then never check it (drives everyone nuts who thinks I should have my cell phone on and attached to my hip at all times). Also don't answer the door unless I am expecting someone (don't show up unannounced cause I won't answer the door) or do much socializing with neighbors. I like to keep my neighbors at a friendly nodding distance as I found it keep them from just stopping by to chat (hate that) or getting to involved with their (or my) lives.
Today my innate introvertedness made a work decision for me. I'd been invited by a broker (I'm an insurance underwriter, so all my business comes from outside brokers) to an open house for the broker's new offices. I dread these kind of unstructured work events. Lunch with a broker, that I've arranged and have a specific agenda I want to accomplish, or any other type of meeting of that type, I'm fine with. Taking a broker I regularly work with for a drink to thank them for their business, I'm fine with. But an unstructured event that isn't likely to produce any results for me, I dread... This event promised to be a party where I didn't know anyone and didn't want to. The broker who was having the open house today never sends any submissions for potential business to me. They know my product, the types of insureds I'm interested in, etc. I've done seminars to teach their staff about our products. I've taken people there out to lunch, etc. In other words, after 2 years I feel that I've really tried, and there's just not going to be any business for me with these people. That's fine since I have plenty of business elsewhere, but it meant that I really didn't want to get home a couple hours late because of a work obligation involving them. I'm sure my boss thinks I should've gone just in case it led to something, but I just couldn't make myself go.
This is probably only funny to introverts who dislike the phone, but.... Today, I initiated a dreaded phone call, with the phone company to disconnect my home land line, LOL :). No more solicitation calls, and my cell has caller ID ID :).
***I just posted a new thread in this same section asking a question to all Introverts about processing stuff after a big social event. please check it out***
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