Moving in with fiance

[katieb12]

Remember me? I've been gone for a while, but got the urge to check back in with y'all.

I'm preparing to move in with my fiance, at long last. We've been together 12+ years, and have been engaged for almost two. Don't ask. Everybody has their path, I guess. :D

Anyway, he is a major packrat and I'm a wannabe minimalist, so this should be, ahem, challenging. I'm going through everything I own and doing the keep, donate, give away, sell, throw away thing. Wow is this a big job. And like most people, I'm really stuck on trying to make back some of the $$ I spent on this crap. Er, stuff. Why do we do that?

And then I've finally come to the realization that he hasn't done anything about his excess because just doesn't know how. So I guess I get to clean out his stuff too.

The process is further complicated by the fact that his granddaughter (23) is still living with him, 4 years and counting. She is finishing trade school and we hope will be finding her way to a career sooner than later. But as long as she is living there, she is using the bedroom (and closet!) that would be my space. So I'm moving from a small walk-in closet of my own to half of a modest closet with sliding doors. I do not have a clue how I'm going to do this. I keep paring down my clothes but there's still quite a lot.

And in the middle of decluttering, we also have to fix up my place to rent (paint, repairs, clean carpets, etc.)

Yes, I'm kind of overwhelmed. :0!

So wish me luck. And if you have any suggestions, I'm all ears. Good to be back!

[fidgiegirl]

Glad to see you, katie!

Is there a time limit on DGD's stay?

Here's something to think about - I moved in with my now DH as well. I downsized, actually, practically everything. I did keep mementos and clothing and the like, but got rid of the rest.

Thing was, I never felt at home in that house. It was his, and it always felt like I had to get permission to do anything to it, even rearranging the kitchen cabinets. I don't feel like that here. It's OUR house. I think we could have stayed in the other house if we'd anticipated those feelings and perhaps he would have had to make the room for me, and that would have meant aesthetically as well as physically. But we ended up starting over in a new home. It's working well so far. We both feel at home here. Food for thought!

It sounds like a lot to deal with! Glad you found your way back to us. Best of luck!!

[Float On]

I think it would be a good idea to keep your place for awhile, don't sign a year contract with a renter or anything until you find out if moving into his place will be a good fit. You being a clutter-free minimalist and him being a bit of pack-rat will be stressful. I have an aunt and uncle that dated for 20 years got married and found they loved each other but just couldn't live together. They got a duplex....works for them.

Nice to have you drop back in!

[JaneV2.0]

I think it would be a good idea to keep your place for awhile, don't sign a year contract with a renter or anything until you find out if moving into his place will be a good fit. You being a clutter-free minimalist and him being a bit of pack-rat will be stressful. I have an aunt and uncle that dated for 20 years got married and found they loved each other but just couldn't live together. They got a duplex....works for them. ...

I couldn't agree more, Float On.

That's probably the only way I could live with someone. We've talked about a duplex for years.

[katieb12]

We have talked about the possibility of moving but he hasn't been ready. He's older and retired and really doesn't want to take care of the yard and stuff anymore. He agreed to look at condos, which he's been reluctant to consider, but we'll probably be in his house for a while. Since his somewhat lost DGD is finally finding her way, we're seeing it through until she finishes school next month (hairdresser), then giving her some time to find a job. No definite deadline but I'm going to push for one. I think she might just drift if not forced into action. I also think that my moving in will be a motivator. He and I are are also in counseling to improve our communication so we have support for communicating about all of these things.

I would LOVE a non-traditional arrangement like a duplex but him, not so much. He is pretty open to changing things and making the place "mine" too. He hasn't said no to any of the changes I've suggested. He even offered to give up the "man cave" so I could have a space. :0! But I think I'm going to decline that offer and let him keep his well-lived-in space confined. Then I can have the living room, kitchen, dining room tidy and TV-free.

Anyway, thanks all for your input. Good to be back.