How do you fix "overwhelmed"? [Archive]

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 10:24am

I'm feeling overwhelmed lately - like I have too much to do and can never quite catch up. :doh: I have a To-Do List, and I don't know if it's helping or hurting.

During previous times, when I was NOT feeling overwhelmed, I would say things like "Oh, I need a haircut," or "Oh, I should go to the eye dr and get new glasses," and I might go within a week or 2. :)

I guess this has mostly to do with appointments (dr, dentist, eye dr, haircut, etc), though sometimes other errands as well. I've decided to try to make 1 appointment a week and see if I can just make some progress. :confused:

I think part of it also is that I am working more hours lately, and it seems like my days are "full." I really need some slack built into my day. So it may or may not work to force some appointments in. !pow!

Anyway... any thoughts on how to counter "overwhelmed" in your own life? Doesn't necessarily have to be similar to my situation. :help:

:thankyou: :+1: cow-hi

p.s., I love these emoticons ;)

catherine

2-10-11, 10:49am

I bookmarked this article years ago when I was feeling the same way. It's not practical advice on how to get rid of the things that are making you overwhelmed--it's just like a little meditation on how to look at your busyness.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2001/01/Being-Busy.aspx

Kestra

2-10-11, 10:50am

You just need to let some stuff go. Think about what are priorities and what isn't and dump some stuff or do it less often. I know how you feel because I am in school right now, plus working. And I try to do too much. Too much homework, too much working. Really more than I need to do. But there are financial benefits to both of these. The things I've let go are less cooking from scratch and less cleaning. Since I have more money than time, we can eat out or eat convenience food sometimes. And things don't have to be that clean. I have a week off school every 8 weeks so I do a more thorough cleaning then, and let it go a lot in between.

herbgeek

2-10-11, 11:54am

When I am feeling overwhelmed, I do a brain dump onto a piece of paper and try to get everything that is weighing on my mind written down. Sometimes just seeing it all in front of me helps me to process, make plans and take actions. A lot of the noise in my head is the "don't forget..." items that keep circling over and over. Knowing that I have it written down and am NOT going to forget clears up some space.

Sometimes its a matter of stopping to meditate and figure out what it is that is REALLY bothering me. Because I tend to get caught up in the details of life when I'm avoiding dealing with emotional topics. When I actually sit down and deal with the emotions, the details of life just get much easier.

Gina

2-10-11, 1:18pm

Feeling overwhelmed means you have too much on your plate that you think you 'should' do. You dont 'fix' it, you listen to it.

'Overwhelmed' is just another natural feeling state like anger or fear that's trying to tell you your 'environment' needs adjusting. I've found that instead of trying to run from it, turn and deal with it directly. It is a messenger. Don't fight it, but listen to what it's trying to tell you. It might be trying to tell you that your life is too complex at the moment.

Decide what your real priorities are (via brain dump?), then concentrate on the things that are really high on the list - things that would really have a significant impact if you didnt do them. And let the rest go, or if needed get some help - even hire someone. You can work and feel overwhelmed at the same time. No doubt it's unpleasant, but if you stop resisting and accept that feeling of 'overwhelmed', it's impact in your life lessens.

Rosemary

2-10-11, 2:27pm

Ditto the above on letting things go and priorities. One thing that helps me is defining what I will do on each day for the rest of the week - so that it is a reasonable amount for each day, and gets most of the priorities done on time. If you take the time to make the appointments, you might find that you can't do them all at once , anyway - so often they are scheduled weeks or even months in advance.

lhamo

2-10-11, 4:02pm

I do the brain dump, too, adapted from Dave Allen's Getting Things Done Strategy. It is sometimes overhwhelming, but just getting it down on paper often helps, and then I can usually find a few doable tasks that I can finish up pretty quickly and cross off the list. Once I start getting the momentum going, I seem to have more energy to do more.

For me getting disorganized is a big trigger for that overwhelmed feeling. I have a kind of "master inbox" in our office, and my stress/overwhelm level usually correlates to how high the stack of stuff I have in there is. It is pretty high right now. I should have dealt with it this week while DH and kids were away, but I was feeling overwhelmed! I know I will feel better once I deal with it. Hopefully this weekend or next week, when I will have a couple of days I don't need to go into the office due to a business trip (leaving and returning midday both ways). We'll see.

Another thing to thing about is prioritizing the "must dos" and just forgetting about the "would be nices" while you are busy at work. I get really anxious and unhappy when there are things I know HAVE to be done that I am putting off. So better to just deal with those upfront rather than waste all the time on the anxiety. But no need to be anxious about stuff that really isn't that important in the grand scheme of things. I guess I am saying that you should try to deal with the "urgent and important" and "important but not urgent" stuff first, probably in that order, and let the other two categories slide, especially while you are so busy otherwise.

Are you facing lots of other changes in your life, too? That is a big trigger for overwhelm for me, personally. I don't deal well with change.

lhamo

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 6:38pm

Thanks, Catherine. :+1: I read that and bookmarked it. It reminds me to do one thing at a time. It seems like I am trying to do many things at once. Or while I am doing one thing, I am thinking of the next thing.

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 6:49pm

If you take the time to make the appointments, you might find that you can't do them all at once , anyway - so often they are scheduled weeks or even months in advance.
Rosemary - the "weeks and months in advance" thing you said is resonating with me. What I might do is schedule a bunch of appointments over the next 2+ months. Then if I feel there are too many bunched up, I will reschedule when needed.

I have the eye doctor tomorrow. That should help, because my eyes hurt, and I think I need a new prescription.

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 7:08pm

Sometimes its a matter of stopping to meditate and figure out what it is that is REALLY bothering me. Because I tend to get caught up in the details of life when I'm avoiding dealing with emotional topics. When I actually sit down and deal with the emotions, the details of life just get much easier.
Herbgeek, I almost wonder if there are SEVERAL major underlying things bothering me, and I haven't processed what the different ones are. It's almost like the underlying concerns alternate and compete with each other.

That's interesting, I hadn't thought of that - and probably why I feel more overwhelmed than usual. Maybe I just have to slowly chip away at things, and I'll start feeling better after I make some progress.

kally

2-10-11, 7:27pm

Very good article. Thanks

I bookmarked this article years ago when I was feeling the same way. It's not practical advice on how to get rid of the things that are making you overwhelmed--it's just like a little meditation on how to look at your busyness.

http://www.beliefnet.com/Faiths/Buddhism/2001/01/Being-Busy.aspx

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 10:13pm

I do the brain dump, too, adapted from Dave Allen's Getting Things Done Strategy. It is sometimes overhwhelming, but just getting it down on paper often helps, and then I can usually find a few doable tasks that I can finish up pretty quickly and cross off the list. Once I start getting the momentum going, I seem to have more energy to do more.

Well, what do you know... I have that book. I bought it once to read on vacation, and never got to it. I think I will start reading! :+1:

Another thing to thing about is prioritizing the "must dos" and just forgetting about the "would be nices" while you are busy at work. ...I guess I am saying that you should try to deal with the "urgent and important" and "important but not urgent" stuff first, ...

I looked back in my journal just now and realized that I had caught up on soooo many things during the month of Dec & early Jan. It might be that the appointments are the last of a huge list. But by now, I'm in this constant activity mode, and sort of burnt out from doing so much already, that I can't tell what I do/don't need to do anymore.

Are you facing lots of other changes in your life, too? That is a big trigger for overwhelm for me, personally. I don't deal well with change.

One of the things that's going on regarding appointments is my Cobra is running out at the end of April. So I'm trying to get in a bunch of dental appointments before then, since I'll no longer have dental insurance. I'll be switching over to Mass Connector Health Insurance, but it's an unknown and it's an HMO, so I want to get in as many doctor appts as I can before then.

So if I would prioritize, here are my appointments:

(actually, let me put that in a separate post, so others feel free to comment)

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 10:17pm

(To recap, my dental insurance runs out the end of April, and my health insurance will be different at that time, so trying to get the appointments in)

So if I would prioritize, here are my appointments:
Purple is me re-prioritizing after sleeping on it

- eye doctor - "seeing" tomorrow. - ok
- primary doctor. I have some pressing issues. I made the appt for 3 weeks from now. - ok
- dentist, crown (2 appts). Expensive, so want dental ins to pay it. I have the 1st appointment scheduled for next week - this I'll do
- gyno - I always have the abnormal paps, so I should do this. Maybe I can call for an appt tomorrow, since it sometimes takes a month to get in. - may put this off, but shoot for first half of the year

These below are probably the lower priorities, but nice to get in before the dental insurance ends (I have $2000 to spend). And I would finally be caught up in dental work for the first time in many years.
- dentist, teeth cleaning - time permitting, can be pushed back
- dentist, 3 front cavities - 1 appt - time permitting, can be pushed back
- dentist, 2 back cavities - 1 appt - time permitting, can be pushed back
- dermatologist - - push to later

Maybe if I thought of this all as: I finally have the chance to completely focus on myself and my health... then I would look at these more optimistically.

:cool:

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 10:37pm

You just need to let some stuff go...Since I have more money than time, we can eat out or eat convenience food sometimes.
I got to the point where some of that "domestic chore" stuff is farmed out.
- personal chef 1x a month
- drop laundry off for someone else to do it.
- order a special kind of yogurt online packed in ice
- I order 6 loaves of bread at a time locally (a special kind again), so that I only have to deal with this every few weeks.

I know what you mean by "more money than time." It adds to my hermit-like existence, because I have found shopping too time consuming, and more and more will order stuff online if I can.

My friend says I have graduated from Hermit to Recluse :+1: (I also work from home)

Life_is_Simple

2-10-11, 10:42pm

Gina

There's something in your post that hit me - and it might not even be a major point in your post.

Don't fight it, but listen to what it's trying to tell you. It might be trying to tell you that your life is too complex at the moment.

It's the phrase "at the moment." I am forgetting that this is not a permanent situation. It is just the way it is "at the moment," and will eventually pass. When I have that "quagmire-ish" feeling, I forget that.

Thanks for reminding me! cow-hi

Zoe Girl

2-11-11, 9:38am

I really want to read that but I don't have time before work, lol. I can relate. I went from my weekday job being 7 hours a day and split between an early morning shift and an afternoon shift to a straight 8 hours and a little longer drive. I cannot get anything done anymore!!!

So I also know that I get frustrated when too much of the practical stuff takes all my time and I know that I should not add anything else but what I am adding is what I really want to do.

Life_is_Simple

2-11-11, 9:55am

Zoe,

It doesn't take much added to the already-full workday, to suddenly have no time for anything else. The first thing to go is the fun stuff, or the stuff you really want to do!

This phrase keeps going through my head lately: "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy."

!pow!

Zoe Girl

2-12-11, 9:53am

ooooh, that phrase give me the creeps. In the Shining he types it a million times while he goes crazy!

But I got to see a movie last night and put things aside. Today I have to figure out if the washing machine is gonna leak or if something else leaked or what cuz I am on my last clean clothes. Just when I get halfway there I have something else happens. I am pretty sure that the Buddhists I aspire to be like didn't have this level of complication.

Crystal

2-12-11, 11:09am

kib

2-12-11, 11:25am

I second (fifth?) the brain dump advice, and will just add one thing I've noticed about myself over 40 years of overwhelmed-just fine overwhelmed just fine:

it really does go in cycles, at least for me. Sometimes I will feel positively drowned because oh my god, I have to do a load of laundry AND grocery shopping on the same day and now you want me to pick up postage stamps, you must be freaking kidding me! And other times, I'll have all that done in an hour and be gleefully tackling eight other projects by lunch because my whole afternoon is going to be taken up with something else, and Loving it. So much of my overwhelmedness is in my own head. Maybe it's hormonal, or maybe it's something more subtle, like under it all I'm feeling really uncomfortable about an ugly argument I had, or really sad about someone who died, and I'm running around trying to ignore that and encourage that feeling of overload; "I just can't think about that now, I'm already way too busy."

So what I've learned is if I just keep working at the brain dump list and crossing things off, eventually my reactivity subsides, I start feeling less strained, and if there was something bothering me, my mind is now ready to deal with it.

Life_is_Simple

2-12-11, 12:02pm

ooooh, that phrase give me the creeps. In the Shining he types it a million times while he goes crazy!
:laff: I forgot about that part. Does that mean that my life is a horror movie? ;)

But I got to see a movie last night and put things aside. Today I have to figure out if the washing machine is gonna leak or if something else leaked or what cuz I am on my last clean clothes. Just when I get halfway there I have something else happens. I am pretty sure that the Buddhists I aspire to be like didn't have this level of complication.
I REALLY like your idea of making sure some of the fun and want-to-do stuff makes it into your life. :+1:

Related to that, yesterday I had my eye dr appointment, which was great! I had the pupil-dilating drops, and didn't feel like driving home right afterwards, so dropped by a friend's house. I SOOOOO needed to just hang out with friends - I felt so good afterwards.

This made me realize that I can't just work-work-errands-work. I have to do the fun things too.
:cool:

Life_is_Simple

2-12-11, 12:21pm

All good advice here. I make a list, do all the small things immediately to get them off my mind, then do at least one big thing to get that off my mind too. Then I do something fun. All those undone things suck at your energy and attention and contribute to that feeling of overwhelm. Make a plan. Just do something.
Crystal - I like that your method seems to have balance. I like that a lot!

That might be part of my problem. I have BigThing-BigThing-BigThing, and that is it. I do have some small things, but they are getting done fairly promptly, so are not making it onto the list. I'm going to drop/defer some of the big things, throw in more fun and leisure.

I'm actually feeling lighter, since starting this thread. :D

Life_is_Simple

2-12-11, 3:50pm

kib - I'm starting to agree with you on the cycles notion. Maybe part of it is the loooooong winter too. Normally at this time of year, there would be more sunny warm days. This weekend is supposed to be the "warm weekend" that we have been waiting for, for some snow melt, and it is 35 degrees. *sigh*

I really do feel better discussing this with you guys. I've started to let go of the idea of having to do it all.

cow-hi

Fawn

2-12-11, 10:49pm

I have felt overwhelmed often in the last 20 or so years...put myself through nursing school w/ a toddler at home...left last husband and took w/ me with 4 kids ages 16, 5, 4, 1 years. What has worked for me is:
1) identify what is essential (i.e. food, clothing, shelter, health)
2) do those things first.
3) identify what brings joy
4) do those things next
5) repeat as needed.
I still feel overwhelmed from time to time. It helps me that I daily spend time w/ people that have a life expectancy of less than 6 months...it helps in figuring out what is really essential vs. what is expected.

grendel

2-13-11, 3:54pm

nancibt

2-22-11, 6:53pm

I really like that article. I have a lot of trouble "doing what I'm doing while I'm doing it." Know what I mean? It is not really effective . ..

nancibt

2-22-11, 7:02pm

I really like that article. I have a lot of trouble "doing what I'm doing while I'm doing it." Know what I mean? It is not really effective . ..
What I meant is -- it is not really effective for me to be thinking about what I will do next or what I would rather be doing while I am doing that current task. It leads to mistakes (and even to a car accident once!)