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Xmac
12-7-12, 1:40am
I came across an interesting piece of inspiration (if there is such a thing), that I thought was the epitome of compassion:

I was recently told of an African tribe that does the most beautiful thing.

When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. For two days they’ll tell the man every good thing he has ever done.

The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as GOOD, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness.
...

But sometimes in the pursuit of those things people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help.

They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he'd temporarily been disconnected: "I AM GOOD".


Passion, strangely enough, comes from the word, "suffering", as in the Passion of Christ. The prefix, "com" means with. So compassion is, with suffering. Not pity, not sympathy or "I feel your pain", just with suffering. No judgments of "poor you", "lucky me".

A close friend/family member of mine is apparently suffering severly from thoughts he thinks are true. I've decided to be "with suffering" just before the holidays with a list that I'm asking others to compile with me. From the outside in, it looks as though he has caused a lot of suffering of others and most people would have zero compassion for him; almost none do.

Anyway, being the newly self appointed advocate for lost causes, I'm thinking that his recent outward homelessness might not overwhelm his spirit if the people that he has crossed can help him to remember who he really is.

Without going all the details, he's tried suicide twice, been jailed twice, has nothing and nobody: Rock Bottom.

As I see it, sympathy may have prolonged his situation. This time being with, and not being drawn, into his story may be the only help that is effective and nothing else.

catherine
12-7-12, 7:17am
That's beautiful. Thanks for sharing it, Xmac. I needed that right now.

leslieann
12-20-12, 3:08pm
How did I miss this? Guess I have been relying too much of the "what's new" button, and not checking in frequently.

Thanks for the frame on compassion. People here frequently think they are being compassionate when the give themselves away (i.e. as if that were a good thing), or when they ignore a heinous wrong. I like that frame: simply being with, not trying to fix or repair or improve or forgive or invite restitution or feed or clothe or shelter. Just being with whatever suffering may be happening for the other. That is a big help, a good reminder to me here in the therapy business.

Xmac
12-21-12, 6:34pm
I'm beginning to see that one can also be "with" another by holding them in warm regard when physically being with them is not possible or appropriate.

I also noticed that it was enlightening to consider the opposite of compassion: "against suffering", in which case you are the one suffering.

Bootsie
12-23-12, 1:21am
Wow. Beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. I want to be that compassionate to others (and perhaps should start with myself).

Xmac
1-29-13, 3:57pm
Bootsie, your paranthetical add on about starting with yourself is how I'm seeing it.

Compassion is evolving in my mind so much these days. I'm sensing and experiencing that it is not wanting to help or serve another or desire to ending suffering because that is attachment. It is an outgrowth of the recognition of inner violence, suffering or conflict within ourselves, not of the other. When that dis-ease is seen, our true nature is then available to others as a natural extension that happens without contrivance, prescription or planning. It's availability, accessability, and presence, that may result in a kind of offering or is an offering. It's not born of concepts like commitment, ethics, righteousness or need because the manifestation of connection of sentient beings (compassion) springs from the absence of resistance to what is.
Being compassionate, for me, is very different than what I used to think it was: seeing someone suffering and having a duty to stop it, a kind of moral imperative. That's how compassion looks but that's seeing the world, not as it is, but as we are.
My mother told me about some song well known to Christians that had the line, "let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me". In the context of compassion it seems to shed new light on the subject.
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