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Fawn
2-15-11, 5:14am
My DD has recently gotten her driver's license. (Yeah!) Knowing that this was coming, I though long and hard about how involved I was going to be in financing her and her brothers' auto expenses. I decided not at all. I have recently returned to full-time work to pay for college expenses and $3-4,000/year for car expenses is not in the budget. That's what I have spent on my paid-for car, on average, for the last 4 years.

Besides, it really is not burdensome for me to drive the kids around. We have some of our best conversations in the car.

Their father has several used vehicles on the farm, and offered to sell one to the kids. So far, so good. He called me this weekend asking me to split insurance and gas expenses. He lives about 30 miles from here, so it is more of a problem for him to run the kids to their activities.

I said, "No, thank you."

He stressed the importance of the kids continuing their activities vs. getting a minimum wage job to pay for the $1600 yearly insurance for DD. He plans to put her on his insurance, which gets her discounts. I agreed that the activities were important and would likely end up providing more $ for college than a job. But, "No, thank you."

He mentioned that I would not have to drive the kids up to the farm again. I told him that it was not burdensome for me to do so. I told him that the $500/month for 3 children child support that I have rec'd for the past 10 years was a help to our budget, but certainly did not cover the marjority or even half of the children's expenses and that "Thank you very much, no," I was not paying for a car or any part of a car for the kids.

He asked if I thought that he would be spoiling them if he paid for it. I said, "No, if this was something that you wanted to provide for them as their father, I am OK with it."
:cool:

And it was a civil conversation.
:cool::cool::cool:

Yppej
2-15-11, 5:20am
Good for you.

Float On
2-15-11, 8:26am
Good job sticking to your plan.

Kat
2-15-11, 8:43am
That is great! I would imagine it is tough at times to stick to your guns as a parent. But really, your kids are so blessed you are willing to help them out with college. I would have taken that over a car anyday! Just because their father thinks you need to pay for insurance and gas, too, doesn't mean you have to. Let him do it if he thinks it is so important.

Stella
2-15-11, 8:50am
Very good! I really admire the calm, rational way you seem to handle things involving your kids and ex.

Bootsie
2-15-11, 10:34am
Very good! I really admire the calm, rational way you seem to handle things involving your kids and ex.

My thoughts exactly. Pats on the back to you!

Bastelmutti
2-15-11, 11:53am
Nice job, Fawn! I never had my own car as a teen. I figure my kids can just hop on the bus that runs down our street when the time comes!

loosechickens
2-15-11, 1:00pm
sounds like both of you had your "adult" firmly in charge, had a rational and civil discussion as to views and came to a conclusion acceptable to both. Good for both of you!

Fawn
2-15-11, 2:36pm
Very good! I really admire the calm, rational way you seem to handle things involving your kids and ex.

Well, it's really because I'm hoping to keep the gunplay to a minimum.:~):|(>:(

redfox
2-15-11, 8:52pm
Well, it's really because I'm hoping to keep the gunplay to a minimum.:~):|(>:(

What an understated goal!

Stella
2-16-11, 9:12am
Well, it's really because I'm hoping to keep the gunplay to a minimum.:~):|(>:(

:D

Zoe Girl
2-17-11, 10:12am
I have been meaning to write and say super good job, it is really hard with ex's and co-parents to deal with these issues calmly. I know it is work for me at least! And I hope he feels good about doing this for his kids and you feel good not having that liability that comes with the car and young drivers.

Simplemind
2-17-11, 2:22pm
You stuck that landing..... I give you a 10!

beckyliz
2-18-11, 4:09pm
Bazinga!