View Full Version : My enough story....

1-6-13, 8:01pm
This is rather long and I apologize but we have reached our enough and I wanted to share. :|(
I have always loved the beach. We are talking since I was 10, I dreamed of a little beach house with a small garden in the back, lots of time to go walking, shell searching and enjoying fresh fruits, vegetables and fun. When I met hubby, I was so excited that he loved the beach as much as me.This is a personal goal of ours, to own a place such as this in 10 years and all the simple beach lifestyle entails. I realized the other day what is holding back me from living that dream now or at least part of it, essence I guess? I am inTexas and while I may be a good 2 hours away from the coast, I decided to start our journey down the sandy path of happiness. I have a 1700 square foot newbuild home. It works for us for now or at least until our son is older. We have been here almost 1 year and so far, all we have bought is 2 couches, a chair, 2 lamps and a bed for our son. I realized I was hesitant because I was trying to decorate to please others, what was expected, what fit in. I literally go into the stores and see the same old same old and cringe. I had people over forThanksgiving and they commented that I should decorate my house in a traditional vibe to go with the house style and the neighborhood and even one scoffed at my idea of a beach theme home. I am not talking starfish and lighthouses, just the lovely blues and sands and a little hot pink and weathered gray. Comfortable, laid back, easy to take care. I don't know what took me so long to realize that I need to live now and who cares what anyone else thinks. For too long, I have done what was expected and been miserable. So from here on out, it's all about ME ME ME and the little family, living our little beach life NOW.

I purged my closet of anything that doesn't meet my criteria- comfortable,simple, easy to take care. I still work in corporate but I have simplified my wardrobe for that too, mostly too sheath dresses with a nice cuff bracelet or watch and a cardigan in our winters here in Texas. No heavy clothes, nothing clingy. I had to get rid of all my heels and I had several beautiful pairs. I was diagnosed with arthritis 3 years ago and the heels were killing me. No more stuffy suits. I even let my hair grow out to all grey and white with some brown. I keep it in a simple bangs and long for the rest style and I love it.Easy to pin up. I used to have a severe cut and the maintenance itself was driving me crazy. I even simplified my makeup because 90% of the time, it’s warm or hot in Texas- so I wear mascara, lip gloss/balm and some blush.

I am devoting 2013 to learning to gardening and learning to be better at it,swimming/walking/yoga, and more space for family and relaxing, no or low spending (sticking to a list for the house and the 3 of us each have a list ofneeds that will be tweaked as needed). I am also working on cooking skills,preparing simple but taste worthy and super healthy food. We purged a truck load before Christmas and now, with all the décor down and packed away nicely, it already feels good inhere. It’s my goal to do one project per weekend. So far, only a few days in and I am already in a better spot than I was a week ago. I love it. I will keep reminding myself to live my dreams but don't forget to live for the now.

I have never liked stuff. I don’t even buy things to decorate with, especially not from a big box store. I rather use my own pictures for artwork and I buy one of kind pieces from local artists. I just recently bid on a painting, with the money going to a local animal rescue. I won the bid and now I have a colorful, original piece of art for my home. I am learning to decorate with what I have. Iam making a huge picture wall going up the stairs. Its fun changing out somepictures, adding some older items with some new and intermixing with some paintings,inspirational sayings and some my son’s artwork. I have some cute and inexpensive ideas to decorate. The only things I need to purchase are 6 curtain rods and 1 tension rod. I have a plan for some beach chic curtains and the only rooms I am going to paint this year are the kitchen, small half bath and the loft upstairs. I already have the paint for the half bath andthe décor that is going in there. I also have a whimsy extra paint touch in mind to add some dimension.

I have also decided to quit working in healthcare and pursue another avenue. After 22 years, I am burnt out. A lot of it has to do with the fact that life changed over this time and I forgot to change with it. The goals I had, even 5 years ago, no longer apply. Life took some major turns and I forgot to go with the flow. I find myself not even remotely interested in pursuing what I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life, which blows my mind because I am such a planner and go getter. Allowing myself to change mymind has been an eye opener because again, I was doing what was expected. I was the good girl who did as she was told and never thought about what I truly wanted. I just kept going because I could not because I wanted to. I am stil lin my late 30’s and figure now is a good time to change to something completely different. I think the change will do my mind, body and soul good. I am excited about the opportunities.

Right now, the job pays the bills, pads our retirement andkeeps us going along solidly for now. I plan on going back to school this fall.This will be a huge pay cut for us but if we handle the next 9 months right, we will be ok. I will not longer stress over my job. I will do my best and come home and live my life. I have a supervisor who lives for her job, as well as some senior executives. 24/7- worry, complain, worry some more, stress… They are constantly stressed and can I say, just seem to me very angry. They never laugh and I have absolutely nothing in common with them. I see them and I don’t want to go down that path. I am choosing to be different and choosing not to be afraid of being different. That is a new one for me too. My word for work is calm.

On the home front, we working on our marriage more. We need it and it’s been nice to just be kind to each other and let a lot of stupid things go. Hubby is who he is and we have both changed in 10 years but now I am learning to grow with him instead of against. This all goes back to what I said about changes, I forgot to flex with them in this area too. It’s not about giving up who I am and it’s quite the opposite. I am growing even more into me and hubby likes it so much better.
One area of contention was cleaning the house but since we decided for even simpler, it’s been much easier. I still vacuum twice a week because of allergies and 2 pets but we are making an effort to clean as we go and clean up after we use something, instead of waiting and leaving it. Hubbyis making more of an effort to be organized, as it doesn’t come natural to him.He even asked for my help, which is nice.
Our son is thriving. He really enjoys reading and begged fora guitar for Christmas. He asked me for about 5 months, so we got him one.Usually I am wary when he gets on a kick but he really seemed to want one and is oh so careful and loving with it. He turns 7 this year and I couldn’t be prouder.

I have let the ghosts of my past be laid to rest, for good.I dealt with some really ugly stuff and came full circle; maybe pushing for closure but it was worth it. I am moving forward in confidence and peace. My life is what it is and I will not longer feel guilty for things I cannot change.
Now this next area may seem a little selfish, but I am notgoing to be so giving or helpful to others, as in being a constant doormat. I don’t mind helping, whether just being a shoulder to lean on, monetarily or physically offering help but I think I have gone and done too much and forgotten about myself and my family, myself especially. I know that sounds terrible but I need to get my act back together before I can be of use to someone else. Selfish,yes but very needed right now. We have set aside a monetary amount that we will donate throughout the year as we see fit but this is going to be my year of NO for a lot of other things and even some people- energy sappers especially. I might seem cruel but I need a break.
So that is my long enough story for 2013. Thank you. :~)

1-6-13, 8:09pm
You have made some wonderful discoveries. Well done!!

1-6-13, 8:15pm
You've done a lot of living and learning in those 22 years--Good for you that at your young age, in your late thirties, you are trying to pursue your dream. Keep it up!! Be true to yourself!!

Blackdog Lin
1-6-13, 9:18pm
You wrote a wonderful life-affirming story. I enjoyed it, and wish you all the best in your journey.

1-6-13, 9:36pm
Thank you so much for sharing this, MamaM! I really hope you will continue to come back to the forums as you learn throughout this process, or for supports like the frugals thread once you go back to school.

What a lovely little beach life it sounds like . . .

1-6-13, 10:14pm
very cool progress you have there! Amazing. I'm very proud of you!

I really love how you wrote about "living in the now!" It was something that really jolted me when I was about 30/31! I can always dream about the perfect minimalist lifestyle, or i could do it.

At the time, I was living in a too-big (1300 sq ft) condo in an area that we didn't really want to be in (we wanted to be in NZ at the time). it was a lovely, safe area and a good house, but not where we wanted to be. Still, we could make it better -- not just 'live with' whatever we had inherited through family and friend culture, you know?

Before my son was born (which was when I was 32), I went through my house and just started to declutter. It was amazing! Just like you, I started to just live my life *my way* in the now even if it wasn't 100% right.

I also streamlined my wardrobe and my body care. I know it seems crazy, but I've actually transitioned to the most minimalist I possibly could! LOL I basically wear a uniform, but I love it and it works so well for me. And, people compliment me all the time.

Due to this (and a lot of things) we were able to move to our dream location and live our dream lives. BUt it was truly what I learned through "be here, now" that allowed me to make this possible. We were able to live so simply, that when we moved here, it wasn't hard to go even *more* austere (which we love).

Overall, the process gives more satisfaction and more freedom and more opportunity and more joy!

1-6-13, 10:22pm
I love your story MamaM. Purging is good for the soul.

1-6-13, 10:22pm
I loved your story MamaM! I admire your courage and determination.
I think you might like this garden project (http://www.sunset.com/garden/backyard-projects/favorite-backyard-projects-00418000079452/page49.html)!

1-6-13, 11:39pm
Thanks y'all!!! Oh..gardenarian..I love it!!! Thank y'all for the support.

I do enjoy working. It's great for the mind and I like people but healthcare has become so rule orientated and I swear everyday, it's start all over because it will change by 5 again. Where I work currently, we have techs doing nurses jobs and I work in the administrative side and not only am I a Director, but acting Supervisor over 1 department and part time fill in in my own, because they won't hire another body. It's exhausting and I come home miserable and cranky. :( I used to be the girl who wanted the CEO spot, the suits, the cute heels, the respect and prestige and now, well, I just want to enjoy my weekends, get paid for something I love and be able to live. I no longer wish to argue with people who are so self centered and have been in the same job for 20 years at the same company. They can't see past their own nose.

I don't know if it's one's part mid life crisis (will be 40 in 1.5 years) or I just don't give a dang anymore, but something has got to give. I have been home for 3 weeks because of an emergency surgery I had to have. Boy, talk about a soul searching/cleansing time for me. My motto is to not be afraid anymore. When hubby truly asked me what I wanted to do I came up with 1. Own my own business- creative of some sort (still might do this on the side down the road. 2. Teach- yep..teach. Have always wanted too but again, I live someone else's dream. I know the ups and downs of teaching. I have many friends who teach and some love it, some hate it and there will always be the good, the bad and the ugly to every job. Teaching to me really will help loosen up my creative side, which has been stagnant so long, I thought it might have packed up and moved away. The skills I have now to manage, set up training guidelines and timelines, organizing projects and customer service will all serve me well. And just to have some fun with the kiddos. That make my heart sing!!!:~)

I consider myself a natural simple liver, not that I ever defined it until I think I first the term about 10 years ago. I just have always lived the way I live but somehow got caught in a net of materialism and felt like I was just following every other fish out there. I remember when I first moved out on my own, I packed all I had into my car, minus some furniture and went years without accumulating too much more. I still don't define myself. I just yam what I yam. : )

Thanks. I look foward to reading these forums with great gusto.

Float On
1-7-13, 9:24am
So glad you took the time to share.

1-7-13, 4:37pm
I would really love to hear about the creative work that you want to do, and how it relates to teaching. :)

One of the things that I might point out in this (if you are going back to school for teaching), is that you might have an opportunity that wouldn't require that: teaching ad-hoc classes as private, after school programs.

Currently, I own a holistic health center. We mostly educate and work with adults (i teach yoga). But, I'm working closely with a friend who is an artist. She owns a gallery in our little burb, and she's looking for ways to monetize it. So, we had a meeting yesterday about possibilities. With her love of theater, I wondered if she'd be interested in running community theater programs in the community. I think the community would really respond (lots of young families). I connected with a woman here who runs children's theater programs in different neighborhoods. She rents church halls and the like, runs the classes following the school year.

It's a very similar to what I am doing with my Kids Yoga program. Essentially, a friend and I create a curriculum, then we train teaches (and license them), and they teach classes around town independently. The hardest part is the marketing -- but even that isn't terribly difficult if you have access (ie, your child's school, etc) to your market.

Anyway, it's a slightly less expensive way than going to university, getting a teaching degree, and then hoping to find work. Many of my friends are teachers, and many of them are out of work or having difficulty finding it. Many of them have become tutors starting for-profit teaching businesses.

My one friend runs a spanish language school. It runs from 4 pm until 9 pm Mon-Thurs with events on Sat/Sun. She tutors children, runs language groups/clubs for kids of different ages, and also classes for adults. They opened a second location last year, as well, and when they did that, her husband quit his day job to teach spanish (spanish is his first language) at their second location. They are now looking at developing a franchise system, and a french teacher is renting time/space from them for her adult french classes which she does on Friday nights and sunday mornings. So, it's a good little business.

Another friend of mine is a trained art teacher -- he's a potter himself. He started by offering classes at the community center in several art forms, mostly teaching adults, and then expanding into children. He then got a loan to start a community arts center, which he was able to plug to the community center itself. He was able to rent out a large space, and then he subleases to the art teachers already in place. No one had to move, and now he just as administration plus teaching -- but it makes a good income, as his wife is now able to stay home with their child.

Another friend of mine is a math teacher. These tend to be in high demand, but since the recession, no one seems to be hiring. So, she set up a math tutoring space, and then morphed it into the sort of maths teaching that wouldn't be allowed in most schools. Lots of great game work, practical applications, and hands on stuff. Making math come to life, really. she's making and out-and-out killing, and works with children as young as 2 yrs old. She's started training teachers in her pedagogy and is creating a licensing process for them to go and teach this in other suburbs in her community. It's a great idea, honestly.

Another friend of mine is an artist. She teaches art classes on the side of her art business -- she has no formal teaching training. But, her classes are very popular and sell out quickly. She does a lot of cool different classes, too.

Anyway, just putting an idea out there, in case you hadn't thought of it already. If you'd be interested in talking about business planning or how this sort of busines smight work, let me know. It's what i do (with yoga, though!). :)

1-15-13, 8:01pm
Zoebird- these are lovely ideas. I think in whatever capacity I teach, I have to be creative- dreaming up plans, ways to make people understand and learn, make if fun and fresh. Tutoring might be a good place to start for me.

1-15-13, 10:42pm
I read your story a few days ago, MamaM, but got sidetracked and forgot to reply to it. Super entry!

1-16-13, 12:37pm
Thanks to all y'all. :cool:

1-16-13, 1:01pm
I loved hearing about your shift in perception :) I have been through it as well and life is amazing! It will blow your mind how quickly people and opportunities will start coming into your life now that you have voiced your wants and desires. One thing that helped me a lot is to create a vision board with pictures relating to what I wanted to manifest in my life. Oprah has it on her website and it is called the Dream board. After you are done, you can print out a copy and keep it where you can see it often.

1-18-13, 9:47pm

Enjoyed reading this! I think all of us think about doing something like this, but few are really courageous enough to actually go for it! My best wishes.

I need to do a major purge on my life soon, too. I hope I'll be as willing as you seem to be about change!


1-19-13, 3:01am
Thank you for such a beautiful, thoughtful, detailed and lovely post. It's so great to be able to see so much progress: internal, external and within your relationships with others! I particularly resonated with your observation that just because 'all' of our dreams haven't come true yet, it doesn't mean that we can't start living "as if" they have. Congratulations!

1-29-13, 12:04am
What a wonderful story!!!I was widowed in 2006 and am just now becoming the person that I've chosen to be and not what others think,to coin a phrase,frankly I don't give a damn anymore:)
Keep up the good attitude and let me know of your progress,I'm very new here,just joined last week and loving it !

1-29-13, 12:06am
Can i hear more details on this dream board? Sounds intriguing

2-18-13, 10:24pm
So funny to read this now :). I was just telling my husband that I need to get out of healthcare and try something different. I actually thought about teaching in my field but the programs are pretty demanding and the pay is not as good. I really enjoyed your story. I am at a similar point in my life. I think when you get to mid-life you realize if you aren't going to live as you want to then when will you? Good for you. Good luck with figuring out your career as well.

2-18-13, 11:25pm
AMEN rerun--I am questioning everything right now. I am having this clarity like never before..it's wonderful!! :) Good luck to you too Rerun. : )

2-18-13, 11:28pm
Dreamboard- I believe in putting out to the universe or whom ever is taking notes what you truly want. Right now, I have a jazzed up bulletin boar (Covered in fabric) with things I woud like- I have the word "DREAM JOB" and a pic of Veterans and a jeep- not for just being cool and new but for what is represents to me- freedom, days without worry, etc..A few years ago, everyone did those vision boards- google it to get some ideas.