and with the weekend job

[Zoe Girl]

Grrrr, I know too much that I shouldn't know. I am going to have to let it go since I am not even supposed to know. So the two ladies at my weekend job have major issues, I have serious issues with one of them that have nothing to do with the other lady that is also a friend. So today T (my friend) got into a problem with C (the one I have issues with) and so they had a talk with a manager handling it at T's request. So apparently I was brought up in this discussion. C said that I am an instigator of problems and I only follow what T says and basically we are out to get her. Um yeah. I am so pissed. I may work a dead end weekend job but I have a professional attitude towards my work. I reported errors with C's work because I saw them on a weekend when T wasn't even there. And of course when push came to shove the manager wimped out and told them both to get along. The thing is that like 10 people complained about the same thing because it was a serious problem.

Okay I know I need to let go and chill, I am on my way to do that, but I have no idea how to handle this and just sitting there is a rotten answer. I want to scream or cry, really, can we just work on a tiny bit of kindness for someone in cancer treatments? Actually it just is a little more blatant version of how we all focus on self interest first. But I think the inability of managers to cut through the BS and just deal with the issues is a major problem in many many workplaces. And when so many people are struggling to find work it is even worse to keep on very low performing people in these positions.

In the end I will just do what I can to make sure I am not that kind of manager in my positions. There is absolutely nothing I can do to create fairness or open eyes to what is going on. It hits close to my heart for many reasons, and the only thing i can do is leave the company. I cannot affect anything. And that is not a professional role to have.

[Reyes]

One thing you can do is limit how much "I shouldn't know" information you know. When a co-worker, or friend for that matter, starts sharing information with you that you should now know tell them that you would prefer to not have that conversation. To some extent, each of us has control over hearing (or not hearing) things we should not (or don't want) to know. So, make it a point to quit knowing about what you shouldn't know:-)

[lhamo]

I would try to focus as much as you can on giving your friend the support and positive energy that she needs. The other party is not going to change, that's pretty clear, and it also looks like complaints to the management are not going to do anything to change the situation. Focus on the positive and giving T support. She needs it, and you will feel better if you can avoid obsessing about the negative stuff. Don't waste the precious time you have with T. on someone who is not worth it.

(((((((((((((HUGS to you both))))))))))))

lhamo

[Zoe Girl]

Thank you both, you are right about limiting what I know. I will do that with about everyone but T. She really needs to vent out things (the rest of her life is very difficult as well, and that is in addition to the cancer). The rest of the people I work with I am starting to set serious limits with. One young lady last weekend kept on trying to tell me the story of her latest in the chronic break up/make up story and I found other things to go do each time.

With T I am thinking it would be good to add some fun and positives in but I really have no time whatsoever. My boyfriend looked at my weekend schedule last night and said he'd better find something to do since I work the entire weekend long hours. Yeah I do, and I know all the people in my life are frustrated but so am I. The goal quit date is July and until then I have to let go of the idea I will make any difference to management in this place. I still really struggle with being as educated and with as much background as any upper manager when they started out, getting compliments on my work, but getting low reviews and not being heard effectively when I have an issue. It is not at all separate from my overall underemployment chronic issue that I am working very hard on so that makes it even harder to let go of this. I am trying to learn new patterns so I can actually take care of my family financially so it is so hard to accept there is nothing I can do in this situation. I hope that makes sense, it isn't all about T and C and what is being said behind my back, it is still about underearning and losing my house and putting my kids through trauma but knowing I can change things

[RosieTR]

I would recommend writing down everything that has been happening and keeping it somewhere. If T gets fired and you want to back her up you'll have documentation, plus it may help you let go of some of the issues. Maybe also figure out why C is such a jerk and if there are any strategies to minimize it. You are a teacher, so if you had a student like C around, how would you handle it? Obviously there are some differences with a coworker rather than student, but you are good at dealing with different types of people and maybe thinking about it that way will help.
I hear you about the personal/TMI stuff though. My boss's wife works in the office and she TMI's a LOT. But it can be touchy to come right out and tell someone "hey, you shouldn't be telling me this" so yeah, suddenly becoming busy with another task can be an effective strategy. Keep thinking about how it's only a few more months! Also maybe take a bathroom break or stand behind a clothes rack or something when it gets stressful and take a minute to think "breathe in calm, breathe out stress"*, then make yourself think about your guy or something good that happened at your other work, whatever makes you smile for a moment. This really will cause a decrease in stress hormones and make your brain more resilient to stress, as well as make you feel better for those few moments. Good luck!