Letting go of perfectionism

[mira]

For as long as I can remember, I have been ridiculously pernickety and fussy, particularly about the appearance of my hair and skin.

I don't really wear makeup or use a lot of products, but if a strand of hair isn't curling 'properly' for example, I'll spend ages trying to fix it. It is constant. It's silly, and I know it's all in my head. It makes me late in the morning and it drives me crazy that I can't seem to loosen up and ignore it.

How can I let go of this perfectionist, slightly obsessive behaviour?

I've posted this under 'health' because I think it sort of relates to mental health...

[Mrs-M]

Hi Mira. I'm much the same so I know exactly what you go through. I think with age you learn to come to terms with bad-hair days and things like that (at least I did), but really, as long as the perfectionist side of you isn't seriously getting in the way of your life and your happiness (I mean really getting in the way and effecting you), then I say be picky and fussy! :)

[loosechickens]

IMHO it has much less to do with whether or not your hair will curl just right, and being persnickety, as it does with an inner attitude that somehow you don't look "good enough" unless everything is perfect, at which point you will be "acceptable". I'd work more on the inner issues of being worthy regardless of your physical appearance, and less on the manifestations of that feeling that express themselves with not being able to leave home until every hair is in place.

I suspect it's very much like the people who can't "face" the world without full makeup. Somewhere they have internalized that the way they are is just not "good enough", and they have to have that mask to enhance themselves before they are acceptable.

To me, neither is really a problem unless it IS a problem. And, if you're making yourself late in the morning, infuriating people who are waiting for you, etc. it's best to deal with the root cause, which really doesn't have anything to do with hair or makeup. If it's not causing you real problems, then just relax and be fussy if you like. JMHO

[Sad Eyed Lady]

We can have obsessions about many things. Mine was checking the mail every day. My mail comes to a p.o. box so I have to go there to get it and for many, many years that was a must do. When coming home from a trip I would have to stop there before coming home! Then a couple of years ago I was on the way home from work one afternoon and thought "Oh, I forgot to check the mail today". Then I thought, "so what? It will be there tomorrow - or whenever I go." Just like that, the obsession was over! And, it was so freeing feeling! After that enlightenment I could go for days before going to the post office to get my mail. Maybe you'll have a day like that when the curl just isn't right and you think, "so what?".

[Yppej]

How can I let go of this perfectionist, slightly obsessive behaviour?



Hmm, just brainstorming here - how about find a way to change your frame of reference? For example, volunteer to help cancer patients who have lost all their hair to chemo, and what you do with yours will seem much less important. Or go camping with friends where you have no access to curling iron, blow dryer, etc. and you'll see that you adjust and can be happy anyways.

[Anne Lee]

It's hard to tell if you are a perfectionist about everything or just this. If you do go outside with your hair not perfect, are you afraid something bad will happen? Or are you in the "if I can't do it right (i.e. go out looking perfect) I'm not going to go out at all" camp.

[Zzz]

Consider the shortness of life. What do you want out of it? Do you want to be remembered for always having perfect (whatever)? Or, at the end of your life (whether that comes about in a year or in 50) would you prefer that you had spent more time resting? Or, is there something else you would have preferred spending that time doing, even if it's just vegging out...

Then, get rid of everything possible that doesn't fit that picture of what you would want from your few years here...

[puglogic]

I'm a big believer of "playing the tape all the way through," in other words, what dreadful thing is your brain/heart/spirit telling you will happen if you don't get everything just exactly right? Martha Beck's got a great exercise around that, where you follow it out to the most ridiculous conclusions to make yourself laugh. What is motivating you to get everything exactly so? Maybe start there.