Zoe Girl
3-7-11, 10:27am
Not only am I amazingly smarter to my 20 yo kid living on her own, but I got to see what I have taught her as she acts in a stressful situation.
The background is that I have not raised my kids with a serious black and white mentality. Right now it seems to be soo much more work since we have to negotiate everything and I have made sure I listen to them so they expect that. I have also been told that since kids cannot really make logical decisions until 25 or 30 that having them participate in decisions isn't that helpful or developmentally appropriate. I have held them to some level of responsibility as they get each new stage of participating in decisions. With the active depression/anxiety and other stuff my parenting style has been taking a HUGE hit lately with the more rule bound style looking pretty good.
So my oldest is living on her own, paying her bills, has roomates and a job she just got a raise at. Now she is realizing that her MOST stable friends are also crazy and she is in a lease with them. It has taken the form of personal attacks on her and a lot of yelling and screaming. This is taking a huge toll obviously. She has been talking to me about it but the real thing I see is that she has learned from what I taught and modeled for her. I was so afraid that all my kids learned from my abusive marriage was crap. In the arguments she is standing up for herself the best she can and saying over and over that it is not okay to scream at her. The other person is making personal attacks on her work ethic, her character, the messiness of her own room she pays rent for, etc. Erica is sticking to not attacking her personally. Wow, I know we all get to a point in our lives when we realize that shouting back some crappy thing only makes us feel good for a short time but ends up escalating and not solving anything but I am pretty impressed she is doing this at 20.
Do I get a mommy gold star? I feel overdue for onecow-hi
The background is that I have not raised my kids with a serious black and white mentality. Right now it seems to be soo much more work since we have to negotiate everything and I have made sure I listen to them so they expect that. I have also been told that since kids cannot really make logical decisions until 25 or 30 that having them participate in decisions isn't that helpful or developmentally appropriate. I have held them to some level of responsibility as they get each new stage of participating in decisions. With the active depression/anxiety and other stuff my parenting style has been taking a HUGE hit lately with the more rule bound style looking pretty good.
So my oldest is living on her own, paying her bills, has roomates and a job she just got a raise at. Now she is realizing that her MOST stable friends are also crazy and she is in a lease with them. It has taken the form of personal attacks on her and a lot of yelling and screaming. This is taking a huge toll obviously. She has been talking to me about it but the real thing I see is that she has learned from what I taught and modeled for her. I was so afraid that all my kids learned from my abusive marriage was crap. In the arguments she is standing up for herself the best she can and saying over and over that it is not okay to scream at her. The other person is making personal attacks on her work ethic, her character, the messiness of her own room she pays rent for, etc. Erica is sticking to not attacking her personally. Wow, I know we all get to a point in our lives when we realize that shouting back some crappy thing only makes us feel good for a short time but ends up escalating and not solving anything but I am pretty impressed she is doing this at 20.
Do I get a mommy gold star? I feel overdue for onecow-hi