The Sunday Blues...

[SiouzQ.]

I am struggling a bit today; I feel really "off." There is a reason why, that I need to remember and not let myself start thinking really dark thoughts. The reason is that I was up until about 3:00 am last night. We had our first gig since last March at one of the local bars and it has thrown my body schedule really far off. I worked on Saturday 9:30 to 4pm (which is unusual in itself, as I normally work 6am-2pm). We started playing around 9:30 and I really put a lot of energy into our performance (12 songs/about one hour). Then I stayed to watch my buddy in his other band (very loud rock) until about 1am. I only had one beer the whole night.

Even though I slept in until 9am I just couldn't/can't get a handle on the day and I started getting depressed. I feel really drained and lonely. Yes, loners get lonely too and I start getting down on myself for being the way I am and having a hard time doing anything to change it. Most of the time I am somewhat okay with my personality but every once in a while it really gets me down - why can't I be like other people? I also know that I had absolutely no energy to deal with another person in my life today while I am feeling so drained. However, I didn't accomplish much of anything today. I never even went outside and I haven't talked to anyone but the cat.

Tomorrow I have to get back to the 6am grind. I will treat each day as a new beginning. I AM trying harder these days to get out of my isolationistic (not sure if this is a real word) hole I have dug myself into. I have been trying to go out a little more and engage with people and do things. I really wish I could break down this wall I have built so securely around myself and connect with people. I really don't understand what has happened to me in the last few years. It's as bad as it has ever been and on days like this, it really is a struggle.

[razz]

Sounds as though lack of sleep is hard on you. Are you caught between two worlds and wondering where you really fit? That would make it even harder to cope.
Hugs!!

[new2oregon]

siouzq You sound a lot like me in the way i used to think. I was depressed in December because my wife Gave me a Divorce for Christmas and didn't give it time to think about things. I had to take some time and fix me and really look at what is important in life. If you need someone to talk to send me a message I might be able to help. I had a hard time but things get better every day.

[nswef]

Hugs Souizq- Sleep is vital, so let yourself rest.

[RosieTR]

There is a connection between messing up your normal sleep rhythm and having "down" or depressed thoughts. Of course, it's easy for the experts to say "keep to the same sleep/wake times" but heh, then reality comes in. The best thing you can do is try to sleep at your normal sleep time (for a 6am shift) and eat at normal times for that cycle. In a day or two you should be back to normal, maybe a few days if you have other issues like stress or hormone imbalances. In that case, you might seek professional opinions of physicians and/or psychologist/psychiatrists. But first try to keep a normal schedule with sleep/wake and food. If possible, also try to get some morning sun; even 10 min, and try to avoid phone/computer/tv/other white & LED lights an hour before bed (ie read a book or quietly meditate or commune with the cat or talk but don't text on the phone). Good luck!

[ApatheticNoMore]

I had Sunday blues when reading this but it was just the usual: mourning for the death of the weekend. Back to the prison sentence, dark satanic cubical, weekdays are bleak days indeed. At least the life sentence comes with parole every 5 days, that's the only good thing I can say about it.

The end of weekend also feels like the death of chances, like it's the end of the chance I have to do anything meaningful until another 5 days. It slips through my hands ...


Even though I slept in until 9am I just couldn't/can't get a handle on the day and I started getting depressed. I feel really drained and lonely.

anything particular that happened that night to make you feel that way? Anything that triggered the mood?


Yes, loners get lonely too and I start getting down on myself for being the way I am and having a hard time doing anything to change it. Most of the time I am somewhat okay with my personality but every once in a while it really gets me down - why can't I be like other people?

as I'm sure you know other people have their problems too. But basic behaviors of the personality are maddeningly difficult to change. even if we're told: just try hard enough, or take baby steps, and want it badly enough ... well baby steps are a perfectly good approach, but I hit a wall, where I can't move beyond. I was beating myself up this weekend for all I couldn't do (heck I was diarying and trying to analyze it as well). Though on second days reflection I realize that which I could not do was pretty extremely out of character. So though some of the things may have been more doable, for at least part of the things I was wishing I did, I was asking a lot. And wanting could not overcome the wall I hit in the moment. Ok I'm vague cause I don't want to give the exact details.


I also know that I had absolutely no energy to deal with another person in my life today while I am feeling so drained. However, I didn't accomplish much of anything today. I never even went outside and I haven't talked to anyone but the cat.

well sometimes that's what one needs, I know enough about myself not to fight that if that's how I feel. Of course it's better to get outside but easy for me to say (sunny and warm here). And if I'm depressed I also just need to lie around and sleep, I can easily believe depression is a disease/or even a literal sickness and sleep can help recovery!


Tomorrow I have to get back to the 6am grind. I will treat each day as a new beginning.

a nice thought, but maybe too much pressure, some days we just have to drag ourselves exhausted through the day :)


I AM trying harder these days to get out of my isolationistic (not sure if this is a real word) hole I have dug myself into. I have been trying to go out a little more and engage with people and do things.

well obvious that's a good start, doing a little more. Though hopefully you can find activities that are at least somewhat appealing to you, because dragging myself to things I hate never works.


I really wish I could break down this wall I have built so securely around myself and connect with people.

basic parts of the personality being maddeningly difficult to change, plus taking steps, doing whatever you can think of


I really don't understand what has happened to me in the last few years. It's as bad as it has ever been and on days like this, it really is a struggle.

if it's something new you could obviously try to figure out the cause alone or with help (good idea to rule out it's not physical also).

[SteveinMN]

I have been trying to go out a little more and engage with people and do things. I really wish I could break down this wall I have built so securely around myself and connect with people. I really don't understand what has happened to me in the last few years. It's as bad as it has ever been and on days like this, it really is a struggle.
I agree with the others that there is strong correlation between lack of sleep and a lack of energy and perhaps even depression. But I'll relate two things I've discovered about myself as I've started living more simply:

One, I'm older. I don't have the energy I had 5-10 years ago, though I certainly have the memories of how busy I was then. Winter, particularly in places where it gets snowy and cold and dark, also has a kind of sedative effect. And as I live more simply, I'm less willing to fill my time with activities I don't enjoy or people I don't like to spend time with. Of course, that implies finding other activities and companions, and that may not be easy.

Two, something that strikes me in your case is that one of the activities you really enjoy expends large amounts of energy at night, while a 6 a.m. work shift pushes your body clock in the other direction. Talk to people who work rotating shifts and you'll see how hard it is for most people to change their body clocks. When you could be a night owl all the time, that was one thing. You may need to think about what works best for you and maybe change your work shift to include closing or to swap late-night activities for different ones which can be enjoyed when you have the most energy and time.

[SiouzQ.]

I feel better today for the most part. I am a little shocked at my system not being able to handle one late night out very well anymore. But it makes sense, I am 52 years old. But up until about two years ago I was running around all the time, working at a guitar store, going to open mics at bars, drinking a little too much, smoking, staying up too late (I usually only got about 5 hours of sleep). I didn't have to be at work until 11am, so it made sense to be able to go to bed around 12:30 or 1am. That was BWF (before Whole Foods). I have been working there for about 1.75 years now, and they have me firmly on the 6am - 2pm shift. Not that I enjoy getting up at 5am, but it beats having all three shifts in the space of one week like they did to me last spring and summer. THAT was sending me 'round the bend, and I was just about to give the managers a letter from my doctor explaining that varying shifts like that are very detrimental for someone who is Bi-Polar 2 when they just switched me to the morning shift anyway. Having that consistency has been good, but when I try to deviate out of that routine (for instance, trying to be more sociable, which involves going out at night to be with people and do the music thing) I really pay for it. It really is a delicate balancing act for me. I do want to go out and play my music occasionally (I don't feel the need to gig out like I used to), but it is something I really do enjoy still.

I know winter has a lot to do with it too. It has been pretty harsh here in Michigan, like elsewhere in the Mid-west. I am starting to hate it and to deal with it I am going to start planning out next summer's out-west road trip. I have already put in my vacation request for early June and I can take off for sixteen days!

PS: I have not smoked in ten months (!) and maybe have one, sometimes two beers a week, whereas I used to smoke half a pack a day and do a little too much drinking than was for my own good. That I have the Whole Foods schedule to thank for - my job is hard and physical and there is just no way I can do it being overtired or hungover, nor would I want to.

[nswef]

SouizQ It sounds as if your body has been through a lot of changes. Congratulations on the not smoking and drinking. Too bad the gigs don't start at 3 pm! I feel for you. Hard work often interferes with fun and socialization. I can't imagine living in MI in the winter. So, just take hugs from me...no advice.

[Lainey]

siouzq You sound a lot like me in the way i used to think. I was depressed in December because my wife Gave me a Divorce for Christmas and didn't give it time to think about things. I had to take some time and fix me and really look at what is important in life. If you need someone to talk to send me a message I might be able to help. I had a hard time but things get better every day.

Sorry you had this breakup happen, new2oregon. Agree that the silver lining is that it can help you focus on your own needs going forward. Best to you.

[new2oregon]

Thanks Lainey , Life goes on I just have to make the best of it. Deaths in a family changes people sometimes. This forum is like a big family people seem really nice here.