http://www.simplelivingforum.net/ Children, spouses, relatives, pets, homeschooling, etc. en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 09:13:30 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.simplelivingforum.net/images/misc/rss.png http://www.simplelivingforum.net/ http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8219-Onion-report-Mom-locked-her-door&goto=newpost Sun, 19 May 2013 16:41:44 GMT i get The Onion magazine on my facebook which then means it is on my phone, and it cracks me up daily. But this one was especially funny,... i get The Onion magazine on my facebook which then means it is on my phone, and it cracks me up daily. But this one was especially funny, http://www.theonion.com/articles/rep...adline:default ]]> Zoe Girl http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8219-Onion-report-Mom-locked-her-door http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8188-Cash-Kids-and-Parents-Who-Don-t-Carry-Any&goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 21:42:01 GMT This issue comes up more often as my children grow older. In spite of a nostalgic attachment to physical cash, I find I use the debit card for... This issue comes up more often as my children grow older. In spite of a nostalgic attachment to physical cash, I find I use the debit card for everything, and I almost never have any actual cash in my wallet. My kids seem to always need little bits of cash for things at school. (My son just came home wanting $8 for the yearbook. Today is the last day they're selling it. I had five ones in my wallet). My daughter started track this year, for instance, and the first few meets we went to were free. Then, one day, we drove for an hour to a meet, and they wanted to charge us two dollars a piece to get in. That's fine, but we didn't have two dollars each, so my wife and son and I had to gaze through the fence. That actually happened to me once again. My son had taken my last five dollars for something, and then there was a meet the next day, and they wanted cash, which I didn't have, so I had to wander around the outside of the chain link fence watching my daughter compete like I was some kind of drug dealer.

I can't be the only person out there who never really has any cash on hand. That day, however, I was one of only two people lurking around outside the fence.

It drives my kids crazy because they have money in their budget line items for their allowance and school supplies and activities, etc. I just can't hand five bucks over at a moments notice because I just don't have it on me.

I figure at best it saves us money, but it seems kind of weird. Cash is so not present in this society that when I get to something like a sporting event, and there's a sour-faced person with a cash box at the gate, it's like I've stepped into another society.

I try to always have some cash on hand, but it gets wafted out of my wallet fairly quickly, (though always within budget). Then, there's no more cash until I happen to be out doing the weekly shopping, and I happen to think that maybe it would be good to get $20 bucks back, and that's maybe once a month.

Do other parents run into this? A dad with an empty wallet is such a disappointment to teens and pre-teens. ]]> pcooley http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8188-Cash-Kids-and-Parents-Who-Don-t-Carry-Any http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8185-book-on-early-childhood-growth-and-development&goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 18:01:09 GMT I am looking for ideas for a book on early childhood growth and development:help:. I have regular contact with a couple with a 2yo who are totally... I am looking for ideas for a book on early childhood growth and development:help:. I have regular contact with a couple with a 2yo who are totally ignorant with regards to normal toddler behavior. For instance, they took thier child to a mall and told her she needed to stay right with them as it was busy. They felt she didn't love them and wasn't obiedient when she walked away. They were particularly upset that she "didn't even look back".:|( "After all we do for her, she doesn't love us enough to look back, she just walks away like she doesn't care even tho it was Mother's day" I tried to explain growth and development to them, but I got the feeling they thought I just made that up to make them feel better.

English is a second language for the mother and I believe her reading comprehension is pretty low. So, I would like to find something that was very easy to read but helped them understand that walking away wasn't something she did "on purpose" and probably more important that they need to watch her every second. ]]> Aqua Blue http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8185-book-on-early-childhood-growth-and-development http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8178-I-did-it-well-for-the-4th-time&goto=newpost Wed, 15 May 2013 00:26:28 GMT So I had another talk with oldest daughter, her boyfriend was there and he was a good person to have. He does understand to a decent extent my point... So I had another talk with oldest daughter, her boyfriend was there and he was a good person to have. He does understand to a decent extent my point of view. I started with the straight up vulnerable. I am tired, I need her help, and I am letting myself be vulnerable which is hard. i also talked about my concerns about her remembering things which she argued. We had an issue with her missing a dental appointment and not calling ahead or even calling when i called her and told her directly to call and apologize. So evidence of my point of view. I tried to be open enough to have communication towards solutions just basically becaues of her traumatic year. Maybe not the popular way to go but I felt good about it.

This morning I woke up and none of the dishes were done. It was her job, everyone else in the family did something. Her brother is having severe anxiety issues and we are working with the school and DR's and counselors, part of my exhaustion. The ways of figuring out who is responsible for dishes have been set for the last 10 years, this is no mystery and part of the issue is her remembering and taking that adult responsibilty. I did the dishes at 6 am, I had other things to do but I was not going to leave them. So I sent a text saying that she has until July 1st to find a new place to live. The boyfriend came up early and talked to me. I told him my point of view, we will see but I am not changing my mind without a comittment to extensive therapy.

So here is the difference (it is time #4 of asking her to leave and all of them have been about chores), I noticed my physical sensations in my body today as i recovered from this difficult talk. Make no mistake that this is WORK and has a toll on us to work hard at being skillful. My meditation practice has been essential to the process. I noticed the tiredness and the lack of hunger along with other reactions. I made an appointment with my counselor next week to work on this. I have not done this before, I told the story here and had to talk to her dad but I am trying to stay out of the story, get grounded and pay attention to what is going on. As always when we are going through this I do metta and tonglen meditations for her (and myself!) but limit those when I feel emotionally overwhelmed. I cannot change her but i have an opportunity to learn a new way to interact with her illness or difficulty. ]]> Zoe Girl http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8178-I-did-it-well-for-the-4th-time http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8172-Importance-of-forgiving-others&goto=newpost Tue, 14 May 2013 15:23:02 GMT Another thread lead to this question:

"Have you forgiven them their tresspasses?"

And a request for further discussion:

"I am very compelled by this phrase. There are a few people in my life that I need to stop being angry & sometimes bitter towards, and I am very interested in the spiritual principles & practices that you have experienced that were guided by this."


What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Who does it benefit most? How can you move on by forgiving? Do you have to "forgive and forget"?
Have you had a personal experience where you didn't think you could forgive someone but you did? How did you benefit (or not)?
Has there been a spiritual benefit by forgiving someone? ]]> Float On http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8172-Importance-of-forgiving-others http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8170-How-to-deal-when-you-re-ADD-(LONG)&goto=newpost Tue, 14 May 2013 04:44:28 GMT I've never been officially diagnosed, but I pretty much fit the profile of someone with Attention Deficit Disorder. So, some of my challenges are focusing. I have trouble reading, even though I love to read and read and write well, because I have trouble staying focused on the text. I have a hard time proof reading because I have trouble focusing on words.

I have a difficult time with any tasks that require attention and detail. My mind flits from thing to thing. Funnily enough I get things done, just very randomly. I cannot just finish one task. I liken myself to my old pet ferret. He would just follow his nose. Wherever it pointed, there he went; or like a magpie. "OH look! Something shiny!" And there I go. It can be very hard. If I don't follow a ritual coming and going from the house, I inevitably lose, forget and scramble things, leave stoves on and whatnot. So, those are a few examples of how ADD affects me. Loud noises distract and irritate me. Too much information at a time confuses me. I have a hard time staying focused on one task at a time.

Anyway, recently I read a post on another forum (a teachers forum) about how to be a teacher when you have ADD. I thought this was brilliant. It's true, keeping up with paper work and being organized and on task is my biggest challenge. The thread never really gave me any real ideas for how to work with this. But wow, it really made me think. It's not just 'getting organized', it's how to be organized in a way that actually works for people who have trouble staying focused. Like many folks with ADD I have no order and am unorganized and chaotic. So, how to become more organized when being organized creates a physical state of confusion? At work I cannot seem to create a workable system that really helps me stay on task. I file things and forget where I filed them. (because not everything is exactly clear, and often could be cross filed. So, do I file this under social emotional or language? And how do I remember which I filed it under???.) I do things and then forget what I did. I write notes on my hand or at home even on the wall, so I can't lose the note. I get several projects going at once. That's ok, because in the end I get things accomplished, but I also lose track, get confused and get unfocused. If I organize a drawer to 'get organized' I forget, later where I decided to put things in order to 'stay organized' and then actually lose things for a long time!!!>:(

So, here's my question: Does anyone have any ideas or experience for how to get and stay organized when you have ADD? What kind of things work for those with Attention deficit disorder? Do you know of anything that actually focuses this kind of aspect? When I googled it, I found lots of ideas for getting organized but they actually make me lose focus more. That's the problem. The more organized and detailed something is, the more I feel physically disoriented and confused. I cannot focus and lose whatever ground I gained. I know this is hard to explain. But I was wondering, does anyone have something that they know of that actually helps this kind of disorder to stay focused or to be organized? I always start the new school year with the best intentions and create systems, but I can never stick with them and always lose track and fall out and end up terribly disoriented and disorganized again. So, there it is. I hope I can get some actual ideas that pertain to the issue of how to stay organized and on track with ADD and not just general advice that could apply to anything. If 'anything' worked, I'd be doing it. So, thanks for reading, and if you have any ideas, I'd like to hear them. ]]> Tiam http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8170-How-to-deal-when-you-re-ADD-(LONG) http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8158-a-bouquet-for-dog-moms&goto=newpost Mon, 13 May 2013 00:51:22 GMT so we celebrated moms, stepmoms, birth moms--and now dog moms! Here is a huge bouquet I made today: look at this peony "Coral Charm" in the center, it's a great peony with wonderful color and it is early to open:

http://i205.photobucket.com/albums/bb111/kprp/teddybearandirisMay2013054_zps60b8d8e6.jpg





]]> iris lilies http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8158-a-bouquet-for-dog-moms http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8156-Happy-Mothers-Day!&goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 21:21:27 GMT I wasn't sure which forum to post this on but I just wanted to wish all the moms on the board a Happy Mothers Day. I hope you are having a great day. ]]> libby http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8156-Happy-Mothers-Day! http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8155-For-Stepmoms&goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 17:25:12 GMT Happy belle-mère day! Today, Mothers Day, when we celebrate our moms, but our own hard work & sacrifices are rarely recognized, I am wishing every Stepmother a beautiful day. ]]> redfox http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8155-For-Stepmoms http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8154-I-had-a-date-hmm&goto=newpost Sun, 12 May 2013 14:19:39 GMT So I had a date with a guy that I used to talk to about a year ago, we met once for coffee and then just let it fall off. A lot of it was my life... So I had a date with a guy that I used to talk to about a year ago, we met once for coffee and then just let it fall off. A lot of it was my life being very stressful and crazy I didn't want that in a new relationship and I didn't know how I felt about him or another guy I was talking to. Basically took a year off,.

So anyway he got back in touch and we have been texting and then met for lunch yesterday. It was a nice time, Indian food and good conversation. Not a huge amount of 'buzz' I guess, the overwhelming attraction thing, but I was feeling a lot more comfortable by the end. Of course then I have to have an issue, lol, well I don't think I made this up or went looking for a problem. later he texts me for awhile and it all revolves around how much he likes me, some about the great energy he got from me, and basically back to how much he likes me. How do you respond to that unless you feel like going all mushy back? I am not a mushy person so I told him I had a great time, great converstaion, and then tried to get him to talk about what else he has been doing or something of some substance so we can get to know each other.

I think I almost have my answer just in writing this, I will see how it goes but I really am uncomfortable with just hearing 'you are so great' instead of real conversation. ]]> Zoe Girl http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8154-I-had-a-date-hmm http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8149-Did-you-grow-up-poor&goto=newpost Sat, 11 May 2013 01:39:40 GMT Did you grow up poor and if so, how did it affect how you spend money now? I am borrowing this topic from Mr. Money Mustache. It is a subject that I... Did you grow up poor and if so, how did it affect how you spend money now? I am borrowing this topic from Mr. Money Mustache. It is a subject that I never thought of much until the last year or two. I have noticed some financial patterns in myself that I am not happy with and I am realizing that it came from childhood.
I didn't know a thing about money growing up. I knew that we lived in a certain way but I never connected it to money. I thought we did what we did out of preference. I can now see that in the beginning we didn't have much but through the years that changed and we didn't. Even when there was money there was an attitude of poverty. In the past few years my dad has opened the door to their finances and it is rather shocking to me. My mom passed away a little over a year ago and my dad is beginning to fail. He could more than afford to do some things to make his life easier but he won't do it. There is a bit of a money hoarder mentality. He could have made my mom's last year so much easier and it saddens me. What is the point of saving if you can't use it to make your life a bit easier? I have to ask myself the same on occasion. It is very hard for me to spend money on myself outside of necessities. On the other hand I have never really pined for too much beyond that.

Have you followed in your parents footsteps or have you adopted something different? What do you consider poor? ]]> Simplemind http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8149-Did-you-grow-up-poor http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8144-Do-I-try-to-resolve-the-issues-with-a-friend-or-just-let-it-be&goto=newpost Fri, 10 May 2013 13:21:03 GMT I'll try to keep the story as short as possible. I probably posted about my issues with a friend here before.

Background info: had a best friend for over 2-3 years, she got serious with her boyfriend and I was shoved back to the background. We don't hang out anymore, talk maybe once every two/three weeks when we used to talk and text every day and hung out twice a week.

So two months ago there was this party and I got the feeling she ditched me (She was there with me and her boyfriend, I went to get a drink, she was gone, I texted her where she was, no reply, I texted her when I went home half an hour later, a reply came 13-14 hours later) and she acted like nothing was wrong. I felt so ditched and dumped then, so bad I'm still not over it.
Since then I can't really get myself to acting normal towards her. I make less effort into meeting up (which remains unnoticed so that gives me the vibe she doesn't care), she only hangs out with her boyfriend, her sister and her brother in law when she goes out, and a friend that can't stand me (nor can I stand her). So I feel there's no more space left in her life for me.

Now I was upset about this for a long time, I still am since she doesn't let me in on anything in her life anymore, things are going on and I don't know jack about them, but to be honest I don't feel like I can tell her everything that happens in my life either, just because I get the vibe she doesn't care.

So anyway, I'll see her tomorrow since she's gonna drop by some stuff of mine, I don't know if she'll hang around to talk or not. But if she does hang around, I'm getting the feeling it'll be awkward because I'm too stubborn to try to talk about our friendship AGAIN. (Mind you, when I got the feeling we didn't talk or hang out anymore I talked to her about it, which was in October last year, she said things would change and I told her I miss her and hanging out. Nothing changed. We did hang out a few times since then, but never just the two of us. We were meeting up for a drink this week but the weather wasn't all that so we didn't text to let one another know if we could and would hang out). So she knows I miss her and the times we had, but I do know it's normal that she has to spend a lot of time with her boyfriend, ofcourse, but I feel like I'll get cut out of her life completely.

So my issue is: do I try to talk about our friendship ( or lack of it) AGAIN when I see her tomorrow or talk about the party where she ditched me? Or don't talk about it at all?
I have no clue what to do so if any of you have advice or opinions, I'll be happy to hear them! ]]> Diamond_ http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8144-Do-I-try-to-resolve-the-issues-with-a-friend-or-just-let-it-be http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8137-I-was-invited-to-a-neighbors-wedding&goto=newpost Thu, 09 May 2013 16:38:12 GMT the Indian family across the street asked if they could cut branches off my evergree bush for a wedding. They also asked last year and it is totally... the Indian family across the street asked if they could cut branches off my evergree bush for a wedding. They also asked last year and it is totally okay with me. Very nice actually to know my landscaping has that value. Then the young man invited us to his wedding. I am not sure how serious he is, so any advice on that? I do want to bring over at least a small gift and say hi. We have not gotten to know our neighbors much but they all seem very nice.

Maybe a fruit basket or somthing for a home? No idea here,.. ]]> Zoe Girl http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8137-I-was-invited-to-a-neighbors-wedding http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8087-Does-normal-even-exist&goto=newpost Fri, 03 May 2013 20:25:56 GMT I just read SouzQ's post on the Peeve thread. Maybe this does not belong here, but the forums are too confusing to me and this is where I am putting it.

I have enough life experience to know that there truly is not anything as normal. Most people fall somewhere in a wide spectrum of what constitutes, or passes for, normal behavior. Scratch the surface and my guess is that most people are weirdly structured in some way, maybe several. If you take time to notice, you will notice it in lots of the people you think you know, even acquaintances.

I struggle with what she shared, the whole issue about fitting in. Very few people know how excruciatingly shy I am. I work on that every single day, and after decades of trying I can pass for very close to normal most of the time. I work with mostly disadvantaged and challenged clients and being a much like a regular person is essential there. Most of the time.

At the core, I hesitate to say always, but I have always felt as though I was missing something. Some essential skill or ability or knowledge that could help me be more like other people.

I think that normal people can do social things with a minimum of effort. I cannot do social anything without anxiety and fear. I grudgingly accept invitations, but rarely go anywhere. Most of the time I cancel well in advance, but I am unable to remember how many times I call at the last minute and stay home or even get ready, sometimes get in the car and/or partially drive to the thing, then stay home anyway. It is not a phobia, at least I do not think that it is, it is just really difficult. I never know what to say to people I do not know when I am in a social situation. At work or any of my volunteer gigs I am fine. A little nervous, but basically fine.

If I care about someone, I accept all of their weirdness. If I am lucky, I am extended the same courtesy, in some measure. Anyone who does not care that much about me can find someone more compatible.

It means that I am selfish, and I can live with that. I cut most people a lot of slack, make accommodations for them all of the time, and it does not overly bother me when I do not get the same things back; I just move on.

Now, I am old, and probably as developed as I am going to be. I just have to accept how much a misfit I am, maybe even find a way to fully embrace it before I die. Anyway, saying no to make my life easier and less disappointing and problematic for people nice enough to invite me somewhere, came late in life, and I have to admit that I carry some regret about some of the things I have missed, but I never avoided or missed a single event that involved family or my in-laws. That stuff is important, even if when the bad actors show up. Besides, it is less rude or unsocial to decline from the beginning than to just now show up. Less stressful and shameful, too.

Age has its benefits, in that I can pretty much do or not do whatever I like. My choices. Stay home, go someplace, stay home, spend time with a friend, stay home. Being an oddball is fine, just what it is, but it would have been nice to have known that for all those other years. ]]> Jilly http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8087-Does-normal-even-exist http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8084-I-remembered-MOther-s-Day&goto=newpost Fri, 03 May 2013 15:24:59 GMT I am so proud of myself. I was listening to the radio and heard a deal for Shari's Berris today only. So I got them ordered, there was a high shipping cost but that is okay, that is what I pay for wanting something delivered instead of shopping, packaging shipping, etc. And my mom has everything so it is hard to buy for her. So she is getting tasty chocolate dipped strawberries. ]]> Zoe Girl http://www.simplelivingforum.net/showthread.php?8084-I-remembered-MOther-s-Day