trying new meditation group and they talked about my old one!

It was kinda terrible actually. My old group was a large national one that closed as a fall out of sexual misconduct. I had been one of the facilitators and the primary face of our group for the last year. I was leading 3 times a month, managing the very minimal work of facebook pages, and eventually made the decision to close our group (not that many people noticed by then). There has been a larger and somewhat related group in the area that has real teachers and has been around for 20 years (ours was 10). I have been on and off over the years and know a couple people. I am going more and seeing how I feel I belong. Tonight the primary teacher talked about doubt, specifically doubt in teachers. As part of this he spent a good amount of time talking about the sexual misconduct and closing of the large sangha, then there was a brief time for one question, a side note that some people in the room may be affected and then done. i was so angry that I was in tears. I am still figuring out the full reasons why. The very basic is that my sangha was being talked about and no one even knew who I was.

I went and talked to the teacher at the end, he said he didn't know how to reach us. I can't imagine he tried very hard because we have had the same place and time of our meeting for 10 years. He was nice but I am still not thrilled about this group. The teacher said there are opportunities in the group, like a women's study group. I have no interest in that. I am tired and frustrated. I may not be an official Buddhist teacher but I do have facilitator training, a masters in education and 30 years of practice. In fact my teacher from Colorado Springs comes up about once a month and one month missed the bus. I almost gave a talk in her place, she said she had total confidence in me. We ended up getting her there, and I have been working on writing some talks to be prepared if it happens again. It is both a thrilling idea and terrifying.

I am checking in with my teachers before I do anything else. I am not sure if there is anything to do,

ZG, I am sorry that you felt such disappointment at the meeting. I have had to learn not to have any expectations of other people or groups of whatever nature but to go in, listen, take what is worth saving and simply blow the rest away. I am in charge of my thinking. If I feel pain or disappointment, I own it. I let it in because I set up expectations that no one else knew about or had agreed to.

As far as most people are concerned, they love me for my joy, my tenderness, my analysis of situations and what I give to them. That gets reflected back to me.
What did you give to the group at the meeting in question?

Are there other groups reachable for you? Could you go to Colorado Springs to a group? Or start your own group in your town?

The group you went to does not sound helpful for your personal development at this time.

Razz i have been before over the years. When people visited our group we always gave them information about all the other groups, primarily this one, when i changed our name and eventually closed i visited their group and posted on their facebook page. And when my teacher from colorado springs comes i support that with rides and being the back up for her. So there are people who know me and know me through our previous group.

Yeah Tybee, I may go sometimes because it really is one of the few places to go locally. I will not be pissed off forever.

ZG, as much as we like to think that spiritual groups are above petty infighting/power struggles/oneupmanship, etc. in fact many are not. I'm sorry this group handled the situation so poorly. But, on the positive side, maybe that is a strong sign that they are not the group for you. Hope you can find another one. Maybe closer to Boulder? I haven't heard from my friend P for a long time, but I can ask her if she has any suggestions.

Thanks Lhamo, yeah we are not above anything really! I did write the teacher a nice email, I think his intentions were at least partially good. I also shared that I was concerned that there were others feeling lost and told him it was okay to give them my email. I did address that our community was more than recovering addicts, and met a need for many people who didn't feel that comfortable other places.
I also went to a meditation center on Saturday where the owner knows me. They have a variety of classes in all different traditions. I went to the Saturday am PJ meditation. That just means come casual. It was very nice and I will go back there. AND THEY JUST STARTED A CROCHET GROUP okay that was a little excited. My friend from the old group also came so we will still see each other sometimes. I really want to do one of the monthly long sits, I need to get off work early to do it. It is either 1, 2 or 3 hours depending on how long you want to stay.

I will probably go back to that other group sometimes because my teacher comes from Colorado Springs once a month to teach. This teacher is not the only person there after all,