Revelation here, and only because of the stupid breakdown.
I have been trying to learn and focus on what I need to improve/fix in myself. This last 6 months I have made mistakes honestly. When I even try for an extended time my head just hurts. More like my mind hurts. Same thing with setting goals beyond just to be a decent person and do a good job.
Well duh, I am getting fixing myself with caring for myself. I pretty much got this with other people, if I start fixing I tend to catch it quickly. However I have not been caring for myself, I have not been in a place where it was easy or possible to care for myself, but I need to care more than fix.