back to bad again, in 2 days

Damn, well I can't relax here I think. I had meetings today and then my supervisor wanted to talk to me. His supervisor was there as well. Guess what! A write up for not sending an email to an employee about her performance. I had the deadline of this Monday, you know the horrible day, and I sent it Tuesday because I was so upset about my supervisor saying programs were cancelled. I felt I could not be professional in my tone while I was so stressed about my programs. But you know he said Monday and if it is Tuesday they have every right to do a write up. For the first time ever I am writing a response, it says that I should not be late except for extenuating circumstances and I think casually saying he is gong to cancel my programs is a highly stressful experience that is extenuating. I am not sure what else I want to write in the letter however.

Then they talked to me about a nice list of things, half of it was wrong. One was about time sheets for December camp days not being signed by staff. Well I asked the payroll person ahead of time about that since I would need to move my printer to the camp site I was at for 2 days and then bring it back. She said it wasn't necessary. I went over every time sheet with each staff so they saw the hours I was submitting. That was actually thinking AHEAD, not making a mistake. In fact everything camp related I have been well ahead of the game and teaching other people what to do.

Another was in doing a program with a brand new provider, which again I have never done before. They had that 'in trouble' tone with me over this. Apparently it is not a good idea to advertise and register for a class until the provider has finished all the paperwork because sometimes there are issues. Well that is something I wish someone (my supervisor) had told me when I first started to hire this company, I had no idea. So that is a failure in his training and support not in my work.

Yes I make mistakes, and in the last 2 weeks we have put out advertising for 26 after school clubs, responded to over 110 responses in the google form with personal emails, hired and started to train a new staff, and ran a 4 day camp short staffed every day. Not one word about those things, but a very detailed list of anything that I even possibly got wrong.

I talked to one of my former supervisors privately today, we had a meeting planned about some training we are dong together and she saw how upset I was. She is willing to be a reference for me, and she was very wise. It just seems like the change in the department to one that focuses on detailed accountability is no longer a good fit. It can sound like a bunch of BS, I mean I should just get everything right and on time, I just started out working for a department that emphasized caring, students, families and each other. It is just time to go no matter what, and I am angry, and all my insecurities are coming up, and that is hard to apply for jobs when you feel that way. She supported that it may be time, to not be scared, and shared positive stories. Still I am going to be busting my rear to just do the basics of my job and barely get into the job application work. I saw they laid off over 40 people in our district yesterday, I was hoping to just appreciate my job and not worry so much.

I always worry about getting references from a current job, because I have never wanted word to get out that I am looking (as it did one time). It's great that you found someone you can trust to do this.

You have clearly told us all the rebuttal info but was it given to the people looking at you?

I would have been as blindsided and would probably need the time to even think about the stuff they were talking about since they did not have the courtesy of giving any preliminary warning.

I would probably add a fact filled addendum to the one about the extenuating circumstances to document all the specific things you did in that two week period and clearing up the background regarding all you did to cover the payroll issue. Remember to state the facts and the timeline.

This presents a positive response detailing what you are doing (not what you might not catch or miss).

Thanks, I am letting it gel over the weekend. I have some practice paragraphs and got some feedback from my assistant who has his degree in English. I did answer everything immediately, however I know certain things sound like crap so I didn't say them. There was a parent I didn't call when I should have and her account is a mess and it affects things. At that point there is no use talking about how I stop and talk to and respond to parent interruptions all day, every day. The one I missed was a problem.

Yppej, I doubt anyone would be surprised that I am looking right now. Even my own staff that I have not told much of the stories to would not be surprised.

Just worried about depression symptoms over the weekend honestly. I am concerned this could trigger a bad time on a long weekend. I wonder if there will be a place that will value my big vision or focus on supporting staff or building deep connections if they know I need support on detailed work.

Would be happier as an individual contributor rather than a supervisor worrying about things like other people's timesheets?

Could you work in grant writing? How is the mediation training going?

It sounds like in your current field you have to supervise to make decent money, and I know many people who don't want that headache.

Zoe, do you work out at all? I have found my swimming to be invaluable in dealing with the stress from work.

I don't mind some detail work, some supervision, but the volume of how much is on people. In my position just keeps growing. I have not gotten through a month getting it all right, without some correction that then i am accountable for getting right from then on.

Meanwhile i have really gotten into being clear with my staff, lots of feedback and coaching, and she has shown real improvement. That is where i feel great, and it takes a lot of time and energy.

I am going to a brunch of mindfulness teachers tomorrow, they may actually havea a job for me.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Tradd

Zoe, do you work out at all? I have found my swimming to be invaluable in dealing with the stress from work.

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I got the fit bit, mostly just walk at work though. On camp days between 13K to 17K a day.however i think exercise is valuable still and may go to the gym at my apartment tonight

ZG, you mentioned one very important point earlier that may be really helpful to the relationship with your sup. His ego appears to have been irritated and self-justification etc has set in. Don't respond in kind with defensiveness. It is about jointly aligning your thinking with the goals of the organization.
You mentioned something about if he helps and makes you succeed, he will look good.This is critical!
May I suggest that you include that concept somewhere in the communication whether written or verbal. You need his help and support as does he need yours for success in serving your organization benefiting the kids.

I did go to the gym at my apartment building last night, 20 minutes felt really good.

I remember that razz, making him look good or us both look good would be key in transforming this. I am not sure how much of that I can do. I know at my school I am awesome, I get lots of good feedback and have large programming. However these last couple glitches affect the main office staff, the people who sit close to each other every day and I am sure hear all about problems we create as PS's. I do really need to learn these things about parent paid and to increase programming,

The problem is that I have very little respect for him and as professional as I am I am sure this shows in some way.

On a positive note I am job shopping with a good paying job, with a much better idea of what I would love to do or what I can do well. I know that paperwork heavy and detail heavy jobs are draining for me. However jobs where there is a bit of ambiguity and thinking on your feet to creatively solve problems is wonderful. That also helps me see that my current mismatch with supervisor does not make him a bad person and then there is less negativity to manage.