Why do women get so bitchy when in a group?

[Songbird]

Mean and crass people come in all sizes and fitness levels. Be careful not to lump everyone into the same group. Judgement and stereotyping is never a good thing. Base one's opinion on an individual's behavior, in my opinion...

[awakenedsoul]

I just reread the original post. I don't see anything lumping people together in a group. I actually had a couple of people at the gym make a huge deal about my weight on Sun. One was an older man in the pool. I always see him there, so I said hi and asked how he was doing. "Geez, we've got to get some weight on you! You're so thin!" he exclaimed. After that, a woman in the jacuzzi who is in her fifties started making a fuss about how thin I was. I just wish people would keep those comments to themselves. I think it's rude to talk about people's weight and appearance and point it out in public. I have a very lean body because of all the ballet and yoga. It just makes me feel self conscious when people make such a scene.

I didn't mean to judge or attack any group of people. I'm sorry if it sounded that way.

[Spartana]

I think the problem was with the title. It comes across somewhat inflammatory and stereotyping because it seems to lump ALL women in ALL groups together as being bitchy rather than just your personal experience. Maybe using the word "some" women and "some" groups (or "my" groups) would have been less inflammatory. However, since I've read enough of your posts to know you are a kind-hearted person, I got what you meant. In my personal experience I have never been in a group of women (or men or mixed group) where everyone was bitchy or snotty or rude or pissy. Some people in the group have been that way (men and women both) but never all at once - and even rare for one or two people in a group to be nasty or mean spirited.

[awakenedsoul]

Spartana, Oh thanks. I didn't realize that. I didn't mean all women. I just feel like group dynamics do something weird. People who are nice and friendly one on one can sometimes turn in a group. Some sort of weird chemistry thing. Maybe it is just my personal experience.

[Spartana]

Spartana, Oh thanks. I didn't realize that. I didn't mean all women. I just feel like group dynamics do something weird. People who are nice and friendly one on one can sometimes turn in a group. Some sort of weird chemistry thing. Maybe it is just my personal experience.

I do think that people can change when they interact with a bunch of people. Maybe one person dislikes another (and they would never be friends outside the group activity) or maybe they have different ideas of how things should be or whatever. Person A and Person B may get along great, but as soon as person C comes along things may change.

[awakenedsoul]

Yes. You described it exactly. I'm taking the advice of some of the people on this thread. I don't go to that knitting group anymore.

I saw the older man again today at the pool. I was swimming as he walked in and put down his bag. He glanced at me and yelled at the top of his lungs, YOU'RE TOO THIN!!!"

[Lainey]

Yes. You described it exactly. I'm taking the advice of some of the people on this thread. I don't go to that knitting group anymore.

I saw the older man again today at the pool. I was swimming as he walked in and put down his bag. He glanced at me and yelled at the top of his lungs, YOU'RE TOO THIN!!!"

wow, I think this has crossed over into harassment. Do you think he would stop if you were able to politely ask him to? I'd give him the benefit of the doubt til then, but if you specifically ask him to stop commenting on your weight and he continues to do so, then it's time to ask management to get involved.

[awakenedsoul]

Thanks Lainey. Last time I saw him I lowered my voice and said, "You shouldn't comment on people's weight, you don't know why they're thin." I thought that would tactfully give him the message. Someone might be terminally ill, have arthritis, whatever...

This time, i just ignored him. He looks to be elderly, and I think is kind of cranky and unpredictable. I switched lanes so that he could walk in the side lane. (where I was swimming.) He said "thank you" in a quiet voice. After the last two incidents, I just avoid him. I have kind of a body builder type body, but in miniature. (no bulk.) For some reason, it freaks some people out...my brothers are built the same way. (less than 2% body fat.) They're also very athletic and very disciplined.

[awakenedsoul]

I just reread all the posts. I didn't realize how negative I'd gotten. I think when someone is verbally abusive I start to list all of their flaws on a mental judgement list. It's some kind of weird defense. It just makes things worse. Something to work on...

[Lainey]

However, I think women can be slow to protect their boundaries, both physical and emotional. We are so conditioned to "be nice" that we sometimes hesitate too long on calling someone out on their behavior.

Maybe it's just normal to start to think ill of people and judge them when they act out, but I've come to realize that if it helps protect you, then a little internal judging is not a bad thing.