Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 28

Thread: To be a bridesmaid - or not

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    4,460

    To be a bridesmaid - or not

    A good friend of mine is getting married (to my former boss) mid-Sept. This will be her third marriage and his second. We have been friends since 7th grade and I was her Maid of Honor at her first very very elaborate wedding when we were around 18. I did all the stuff a Maid of Honor traditionally does (and hated it all!) and also had the dreaded ugly dress, along with the huge flower covered floppy hat, with enough bows, ribbons, and poofs to make Scarlett O'Hara proud. Her second wedding was just a simple beach wedding in Hawaii and a big reception at home afterwards. This third (and please God, final) wedding will once again be a huge elaborate affair held at a country club. Her 18 year old daughter will be the Maid Of Honor but she has asked me to be a Brides Maid. She will be doing all those pre-wedding brides maids and girlfriends things like many parties, Vegas trips, spa weekends, etc... As a Brides Maid I would be expected to not only go to all those things, but help plan them and also contribute to the costs to pay for them as well as for myself, for the dress and all of that. Not only that, but I didn't even plan to go to the wedding as I had planned to be far away on a long road trip by then (just waiting for the plates and tags for the new vehicle before I can head out again). So now I need to decide to I want to support my friend and just bite the BM (i.e. Brides Maid - not the other :-)!) bullet or bow out graciously - of both being a BM and the wedding itself. Opinions?

  2. #2
    Low Tech grunt iris lily's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    4,942
    How is this even remotely your style? I mean, I can understand making an exception for exceptional situations, but this is not that. You've been there and done that (1st wedding.) Piling on costs to do it all again--really?

    Bow out in a graceful way, that's what I would do.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Gardenarian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    SF Bay Area
    Posts
    4,255
    If it were me, I wouldn't do it. That's not an invitation, that's like being drafted for crying out loud.

  4. #4
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Posts
    3,743
    Uggg, third wedding and they want a big affair? I bet she is doing it because the 18 year old daughter has convinced her. I would bow out.

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Phoenix
    Posts
    2,777
    You have a great excuse in your already planned trip

  6. #6
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2014
    Posts
    221
    Yes, definitely bow out this time. You have a good excuse in that you already have a planned trip.

    I can't imagine such a big deal for a 3rd wedding!

  7. #7
    Senior Member awakenedsoul's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    2,633
    I wouldn't do it, either. It sounds way too expensive for my budget. I'd probably give them a card and a box of truffles from Trader Joe's...

  8. #8
    Senior Member Jilly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Midwest, USA
    Posts
    1,084
    I think that if you can afford a big and lavish wedding for your third trip to the altar, then you can afford to pay for everything, all the expenses for the bride's maids, and hire a whole bunch of people to do the party planning, the stupid trips and all the rest, so that no one has to spend for all that stuff for the third time. Lordy.

    I have no idea what kind of person she is, but all of that sounds particularly selfish. Just saying.
    It is well, when judging a friend, to remember that he is judging you with the same godlike and superior impartiality. Arnold Bennett

  9. #9
    Senior Member Yossarian's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Chicago
    Posts
    883
    I would ignore what you think about the proceedings and bite the BM. If she is still a good friend then I would do whatever makes my friend happy on events like this. Yes there are limits, but you are not talking about anything crazy.

    If she is not really a friend anymore then take a pass.

    What is the value of friendship?

  10. #10
    Senior Member rosarugosa's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2010
    Location
    Eastern Massachusetts
    Posts
    8,226
    I would bow out, and I probably wouldn't even be all that gracious about it, but that's just me. Or send Yossarian in my place

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •