Need Alone Time

[Aqua Blue]

I'm very much an introvert and like Marion it probably played into not having children. I'm ok with people and had a job that was very full of people, but to recharge I need alone time. I have just spent the day alone, just me, no phone calls, actually I haven't heard a human voice all day and it has been nice.

[fidgiegirl]

I think it's a basic human need, but one I'm just recognizing because I ain't getting it right now. Since little one has come along I am either with him or DH or both all.the.time. I'm very extroverted so I think I never noticed it before because I was getting enough alone time just driving to work and working at work. But now that I'm not getting it, whoo boy . . . look out. Someone upthread said it nicely, it turns familial interactions into a feeling of obligation rather than joy. I need to find a kind way to tell DH what I need. I've started by saying I need "mama time." He is supportive when I put it like that. That has been a better way to frame it for him than "alone time." He takes it very personally if I have said it that way in the past. Also, I find I have to leave the premises to truly get this time. If I stay home, just when my mind is immersed in something DH shows up and wants to chat. 95% of the time I am happy to chat about anything and everything, but in those 5% of moments I am not too happy to be interrupted!!

[jp1]

The other day I grabbed a book and went to one of the parks by one of the lakes and found a bench. I was hoping for a little alone time to read and drink my cucumber/lime infused water. Not one but three different fishermen stopped to chat and ask me about my book. Inside I was screaming "I'm trying to read...move along" the trout must of not been biting very well. I ended up in my car. Not what I had intended.

I read over what I wrote again and thought "that sounds really introverted" and I'm not. I pour a lot of energy into people and activities, I just really need my time too.

That doesn't sound introverted to me. It sounds more like you were being interrupted by people while you were trying to read a book.

But also keep in mind that being an introvert, at least a moderate introvert, doesn't necessarily mean that you don't enjoy people and activities. it only means that you find interaction with people to be energy consuming and alone time to be restorative to your energy levels. Extroverts are the opposite. Personally I'm a moderate introvert, yet I am thriving in a job role that involves lots of external meetings, giving presentations and such. I have, however, noticed that most weekends I now want to pretty much stay home, sit on our deck and read books. Before I took on this role at work we used to socialize a lot more on the weekends.

[pinkytoe]

Read an article just the other day which of course I can't find now about some psychologists' study on this topic. Their research showed that the proliferation of busyness and device attachment boils down to mostly one reason - many people in these times cannot stand to be alone with their thoughts. It literally made some of the study participants feel like they were going crazy.

[Karma]

How about just close a door and tell him you want to meditate? Or you could go outside with your tea. I would hate it if my husband wanted me to leave the house so he could be alone when I didn't want to.

[Gardenarian]

I do hear this more from women than men, tho that's not exactly scientific

I need lots of alone time. I need time to read, to create. I have my little writing office set up in our laundry room, which has a door.

I also feel that it is hard for me to get stuff done around the house unless I am alone. There is something very freeing and invigorating about having the house to yourself. When I'm working on projects - say, landscaping, hanging curtains, or repainting - Dh will continually offer comments and advice, which I find irritating.

Still, my room is the one everyone gravitates to - dd, the dogs, dh. That's nice, but it's also why I need to escape.

I have had a lot of alone time this summer and have never felt so creative. I'm deeply introverted, but I still need people in my life. The "two house" marriage sounds about right to me!

[ApatheticNoMore]

Read an article just the other day which of course I can't find now about some psychologists' study on this topic. Their research showed that the proliferation of busyness and device attachment boils down to mostly one reason - many people in these times cannot stand to be alone with their thoughts. It literally made some of the study participants feel like they were going crazy.

I literally feel like I'm going crazy IF I DON'T get time alone with my thoughts. Like at least a day a week.

[Rosemary]

I need a large amount of alone time. When everyone is home I can get it by working in my garden or going for a walk or bike ride. I maintain a very early waking schedule, which helps... I'm a lark and DH is a night owl, so we each get our quiet times at opposite ends of the clock. That time is essential for feeding my creativity and for helping me to process things. I feel very unsettled when I don't get enough of it. After a couple of hours with a group of people anywhere, I always need some time alone to recharge.