When will I find it

[ctg492]

For close to a year I had gotten up each morning and read the daily verse and a few other start your day on a positive thought apps. I needed to find something in my crazytrain year. When mom passed I tried to continue with this, then I found it was not what I needed. I felt bad, like I must not be getting it.
I am searching for the Spirituality that would fit with me and my needs and thoughts/feelings. I have visited so many websites with so many views. Nothing it hitting me with the aah ha moment. I am almost embarrassed to say this. I assume if I keep searching it will find me? I admit I over analyze everything which is not always the best thing to do.
Currently I get up and read comics of day, how empty is that? But always a smile.

[catherine]

I know what you mean… I have felt the same way. I have come to the conclusion that what I was seeking was not going to be found in the readings--maybe through the readings but not from the readings. The readings are tool or a signpost, but I think what we're looking for is beyond words. It's like the Buddhist saying, "The finger pointing to the moon is not the moon."

Do you meditate? If not, are you open to trying it? There are a lot of ways to learn--Buddhist-based like Thich Nhat Hahn or John Kabat-Zinn, or Christian-based, like Richard Foster, Richard Rohr, or classics from Teresa of Avila, although learning really nothing more than learning the "set-up" for just silencing yourself and listening "with the ear of your heart." A good "mainstream" easy to read but very insightful book I would recommend is Caroline Myss's Entering the Castle

When someone asked Derrick Jensen, the environmentalist, how he decides what to do next, he says he goes out into nature and asks a tree, and he always gets the answer.

I hear what you're saying. As a reader, I love soaking up all kinds of spirituality books and online prayers and often use them as a crutch. But my meditation & centering prayer practice has helped my addiction to words.

[kib]

i just watched Patch Adams last night. Not the world's best movie but something about it was very uplifting. (I was amused at the critics who panned the plot, this was based on a true story.)

Even though mainstream media is by and large shallow, formulaic and not Spiritual at all, I find that observing someone else's experience with transformation and hope can soothe and inspire me. Maybe it's time to give yourself a little break from struggling and just let someone else be your light for an evening? If you google "inspirational movies", maybe you will spot something that resonates with you.

[iris lilies]

OP, isn't this one of those times that you have to go through the motions even though it seems to you that nothing is actually reaching you emotionally?

I've read enough biographies of people in religious life to know that their spiritual involvement ebbs and flows. There are times when they feel that the well of support from God is dry, and that is the time when their spiritual advisers tell them to continue the practices of the religion because the routine actions will keep them on the path of receiving the next enlightenment.

I guess it's like marriage and being with a spouse for a lifetime--sometimes you (the general you) feel a strong connection, then that ebbs, then it comes back. But in between, you still act lovingly toward one another.

I realize that you are out there searching for just the right message, but I wonder if that isn't part of the problem--that you are looking for it to hit you in the face when really, it will sneak into your heart and into your emotions when you are sitting quietly, ready to receive "it." Since I'm not sure what "it" really is, I wish you luck in finding it.

I guess that if I were searching like you, I'd pick a spiritual practice and stick with it, even if it does seems empty.

[nswef]

You know CTG a smile every morning is very positive, no matter how it comes about. Maybe humor is your spiritual method. I've found keeping with something that appeals to me for several months is helpful. Maybe reading comics is your way. I don't think there is just one way .

[pinkytoe]

I find the most meaningful idea to me lately is a constant sense of amazement at being here on this earth right now. Mysteries abound. I stopped reading spiritual books since it felt like endless circles. In other words, I DID just let go and this is where I am right now. I don't need an explanation - it just IS and that's enough.

[nswef]

Hey pinkytoe, I've been trying to do that, too. It is empowering and uplifting.

[Xmac]

I assume if I keep searching it will find me?

Love that.

The reason I love it is because it is a great spiritual paradox. Certain Zen masters promote the searching to such a great extent that the student finally can't search anymore, only to find out that what they longed for was always with them: recognition of the True Self or Nature. Like realizing the sun is still there on a cloudy day because there is still daylight to see.

What's happening, apparently, is that the ego/mind (thoughts) when attached to, creates lack and says, "I need to get _____", and the ego itself IS lack, which creates a conundrum. So, when one finally sees that the "I" or ego can't do anything about ego, it disappears and only our natural radiance is left. Life is fantasized (images and concepts of past and future) until it is REALized (now, no-other-when).

This is a quote that says it another way:
"Since it is all too clear, it takes time to grasp it. When you understand that it is foolish to look for fire with fire, the meal is already cooked."

Or:
"When you get there, there isn't any there there."

Or:
"At the end of all our exploring will be to arrive at where we started and know the place for the first time."

I admit I over analyze everything which is not always the best thing to do.
Currently I get up and read comics of day, how empty is that? But always a smile.

When you smile at comics, do you analyze them or your smile?

"Empty" and "nothing" tend to be seen as negative. Nothing is a condition in which all is connected. If every thing is connected to every other thing, then there can't be any things: no-thing.

Emptiness means not having any independent existence or no inherent separateness: connected. Emptiness as void, is a human construct, as are all concepts, and cannot be found in nature. Even the "emptiness" one feels when they're lonely or sad is actually resistance to what is.

So yes, reading comics is empty. Woohoo

[Gardenarian]

Have you tried "Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy" by Sarah Ban Breathnach? You can "look inside" on this link to Amazon. I thought it was quite good. I have the Simple Abundance workbook, too.

[Tussiemussies]

Love your post xmac!