weird, i wonder where he learned his elitism and judgemental attitude from....
weird, i wonder where he learned his elitism and judgemental attitude from....
I get it, I was at my brothers for Thanksgiving. We were talking about my daughters small attempt to grow a pot plant in the house and how I didn't know how to get rid of it since I was worried about working in schools. His answer was to throw it into a Mexican's back yard. I was too shocked to know what to say, but I think the silence was obvious since it stopped the conversation.
The thing about it, we were not raised like that at all. My parents never made rascist comments and pretty much kept us as kids away from people who did (in the 70's remember). So what happened? I don't know, he just lives in an environment that it is okay.
The harder thing is the result from the movie theater shooting, and the reason I don't participate in gun conversations. After it my kids all went more towards increased gun availability rather than towards more gun control. They are adults and my daughter was there, so they are entitled to their own opinion, but that was shocking to me.
I think sometimes our children's beliefs is the pendulum swinging in the the opposite direction as ours did...........philosophically speaking.
(Did that make any sense???) haha
What I'm trying to say is that it seems like some children take on their parent's beliefs, while others do the opposite. Maybe it becomes their way of being their own person??
Just continue loving DS2, yet gently bringing up the things about his behavior/beliefs that bother you.
A bit off topic, as to the plant, Zoe, I would just cut it up with scissors and put it into a compost bucket with a lot of other plants and water. We compost our food wastes and paper and coffee grounds and there is always a big disgusting slurry going and one more plant would be instantly indistinguishable.
Then plan something else in the pot and voila, you have no problem.
My brother is a right-wing Republican--I think a lot of active and former military are. It seems to go with the job.
We just have agreed to disagree on a lot of issues. We mostly talk about his adorable children (we agree on that, at least!), movies, tv, books, snow, and his lastest work on his PhD.
It's interesting, though. He used to have very, very strong views on people who took financial aid from the government. Then he had a child with disabilities and pretty much has had to use Medicaid to help fund the home nurses and wheelchairs and such. It was that, or divert every available resource to the care of one child--and he has three children. Even he could see that just wasn't fair to the other two kids. They would have had no "extras"--no books, no toys, no college fund, two working parents working multiple jobs. He has changed his mind about some matters and is slightly more understanding of why some people need more help than others.
There's a Facebook site I subscribe to. It's actually a wonderful site--very inspiring stories and messages about environmentalism, new economy, etc. (He's anti-capitalism, anti-money, you name it) I liked it so much I signed up for the newsletters he sends his "fans."
So his latest update was his whole story about why he hadn't written lately, and it had to do with moving out to CA to live in an apartment he inherited from his uncle. His parents are still in CA--in fact, his father was mayor of SF at one time. He has seriously rebelled against what his parents stand for in terms of money, class, aspirations, etc.
Apparently, this move did not work out because of the clash of ideals between his parents and him/wife. I admire some the way he thinks, but as I read between the lines, all I could think of was spoiled child syndrome. It was so easy for him to abjure money--he had a $100,000 degree that his father paid for. He had a great job for a while where he was able to put away some money but then he quit, because of the "evil corporation" and from that time he lived off of savings, and then he put his life on credit cards and maxed them out, all the while refusing to earn money because earning money is not the kind of relationship he wants to have with money. His parents have cut him off, and have limited his access to his inheritance, probably rightfully trying to protect their son.
Now he's desperate and trying to figure out how to get by in life, and I just want say, make it easy on yourself--get a job. Work for mom-and-pop place. Do something. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face. Until we get to Utopia we have to live in this world.
I see a lot of things wrong with his attitude--and it's almost the 180 degree image of your son, Glo. Same rigid thinking in different views. Rigid thinking can take many forms, and it is so frustrating to see it in action. However, the beauty of maturity when it comes about is it dissolves that kind of thinking, so just have patience and trust in that over time, his own life experiences, and the example you have set for him, will soften his heart.
"Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it--every, every minute?" Emily Webb, Our Town
www.silententry.wordpress.com
To keep the peace within our family on different viewpoints, we just avoid those topics. DH has some rigid thinking that drives me nuts and he knows it but has learned to cool it around me. I told him he should find a group of similar thinkers (old farts) cause I don't want to listen to it. There are so many modes of communication to sway people these days into belief systems that aren't doing anyone any good.
Circumstances do truly affect things. My brother really has been able to control things (except the house fire) so he does expect that. His way of raising kids is incredibly strict. It is hard to be the oldest and honestly a bit of a black sheep, and then not have my kids uphold a standard the family would appreciate. It is okay because my kids are from a divorced family, poor babies, so we have an excuse. My mom has not had a problem criticizing my home, my way of raising my children, my work (I was supposed to wait for a magic fairy because my kids 'needed me'). Sometimes she will comment about my brother's strictness but most of the time it seems the rest of the family is more comfortable with his style than mine. His style is to remove all toys from the bedroom when a child does not clean up, give them 5, then 10, and take them away if they do not clean up. I have family meetings and we write menus cooperatively, have feelings that can be expressed. But bottom line is that I have needed help and he hasn't, I have not proven the validity of my parenting style because my kids are not in college and instead working basic jobs.
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